by Miranda Lee
With that, Fiona’s face crumpled and she burst into tears. Owen leapt to his feet and raced around to lead her over to the cosy two-seater which he kept for visiting brides and grooms. Fiona fell into it, still weeping. Owen perched on the coffee table in front of it and patted her knees.
‘There, there,’ he said soothingly. ‘Cry it out. You can probably do with a good cry. You don’t cry enough for a female. And when you’re finished, I’m going to tell you how it really is.’
Fiona didn’t quite take in Owen’s words for a minute or two as she blubbered uncontrollably. But gradually his last remark did sink in and her tear-stained face slowly lifted. She took the spotted handkerchief Owen was holding out to her and wiped her nose, then frowned up at him.
‘What do you mean? How it really is?’
‘Why do you think I told Philip what I did?’ He explained. ‘Because he was showing signs of real feelings towards you. And I’m not talking about sexual feelings. I’m talking deep emotional involvement, here. Believe me, I’ve been around enough couples in love to see the signs.’
Fiona’s whole insides tightened as she tried not to hope too much. ‘You...you think Philip’s in love with me?’ she asked.
‘Let’s just say I think he’s still emotionally involved with you.’
‘Why didn’t you say something?’ she burst out.
‘Hell, Fiona, why would I? I thought you felt Philip was as much an unwanted complication in your life as I did. The man was marrying someone else, for pity’s sake. It wasn’t my place to open my big bib and claim he hadn’t gotten over you.’
‘Are you sure about this, Owen? I mean...are you sure he still cares about me?’ She didn’t dare use the word ‘love.’ If she started believing Philip loved her, only to find out he didn’t, she would surely go mad!
Owen took her hands in his. ‘How can I be absolutely sure?’ he said. ‘He’s never actually said anything to me. I’m going on instinct. But you’re the one who spent the night with the man. If he loves you, there must have been some moments when he told you of that love. Maybe not in so many words, but in his actions.’
Fiona wished that had been the case. Oh, yes, he’d been tender a couple of times. Tender and gentle and complimentary. But he’d also been cynical and kinky, and even cruel at other times. Would a man in love deliberately get his beloved drunk, so he could have his wicked way with her?
‘I don’t think it’s love he feels for me,’ she said unhappily.
‘Why don’t you ask him?’ Owen suggested.
Fiona’s eyes blinked wide.
‘And, while you’re at it, why don’t you tell him you love him? And then tell him the truth about why you left him all those years ago. I’ll bet you never have.’
‘I... I...’
‘Time for the truth, dear friend,’ Owen said firmly. ‘You’ll never have a better chance, or a better reason.’
The truth...
Yes, she realised, even while the thought of exposing her soul brought nausea to her throat. Owen was right.
It was time for the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!
So help me God, she prayed.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
FIONA sat in her car by the side of the road outside the gates of Kathryn’s house, and watched the toing and froing of trucks as the marquee and everything which had been shipped in for the wedding was removed.
She felt sick with nerves. And sick with hope.
If only Owen was right...
But even if he was, that didn’t mean everything would turn out all right. Because Philip might not believe her about why she’d left him ten years ago, and about what she felt for him now. His opinion of her present-day character was awfully low.
Still, she had to try. Owen was right. She’d never have a better chance. If she left it, things would only get more complicated, and more confusing.
Gathering her courage, she turned on the engine, then drove in through the open gates and on up to the house. It was just on noon.
High Noon, she thought, her stomach churning.
The front door was wide open and a team of carpet cleaners were still busy, putting the living room carpets back in order after some inevitable spills and stains. Fiona had arranged for them to come in the morning after the wedding, as she’d arranged everything else.
She made her way through the house and finally found Kathryn and Philip sitting together at a table on the thankfully empty and restored back terrace. There were no workmen or cleaners hovering around to disturb or overhear what Fiona had to say.
Philip rose from his seat on seeing her, his expression surprised, whispering, ‘You’re early,’ as he held out a seat for her.
Kathryn, who was looking tired, gave her a wan smile. ‘I’m glad you’re here, Fiona,’ she said. ‘I wanted to thank you for what you did for Philip last night.’
Fiona’s eyes met Philip’s wry ones.
No sign of love there, she thought unhappily.
‘It saved everyone a lot of embarrassment,’ Kathryn went on. ‘You know, I still can’t get over Corinne’s abysmal behaviour. I have no problem with gay people, but what she did was quite wicked—pretending to love Philip and tricking him into marrying her just so she could have a legitimate child. I’m truly amazed you’ve taken it as well as you have, Philip.’
‘Fiona made me realise I had a lucky escape,’ he returned drily. ‘I might not have found out till after it was too late.’
‘I shudder to think about it!’ his mother exclaimed.
‘Speaking of finding out things,’ Fiona began, before her courage failed her.
Philip flashed her a puzzled glance, but Fiona didn’t look at him, knowing in her heart that it was now or never.
‘I have something to say to you, Kathryn, which Philip knows about but which we’ve kept from you.’
‘Fiona,’ Philip warned sharply.
‘No, Philip. I’ve decided I want your mother to know.’
‘Know what?’ Kathryn looked bewildered.
Fiona gave her a pleading smile. ‘Please don’t be angry with me, Kathryn. I...I really didn’t mean any harm. I can see now, however, that it was wrong of me not to tell you the truth up front, and I regret it sincerely.’
‘The truth? What truth?’
‘About my true identity.’ Fiona swallowed, then plunged on. ‘You see, ten years ago people didn’t know me as Fiona Kirby. Back then I was called Noni Stillman.’
Kathryn gasped while Philip groaned.
‘For pity’s sake, Fiona,’ he ground out. ‘Did you have to blurt it out like that?’
She turned surprisingly steady eyes his way. ‘There was no easy way, Philip. The truth, I’m beginning to understand, is never easy.’
Kathryn’s colour gradually came back to normal and her eyes washed disbehevingly over Fiona. ‘I would never have recognised you.’
‘Yes, I know.’
‘You’ve changed so much!’
‘Yes, she has,’ Philip bit out, and his mother twisted round to frown at her son.
‘But you recognised her?’
‘Of course,’ he said drily.
‘Yes,’ she murmured, nodding. ‘Yes, of course. Yes, I see.’
Her gaze swung back to Fiona, who was astonished to see the woman’s eyes fill with tears. And something else.
‘I do see,’ Kathryn told her softly, and Fiona suddenly recognised what that ‘something else’ was.
Sympathy, and understanding.
Emotion crashed through Fiona. Kathryn knew. She didn’t have to explain a word to her. Not a single word. Philip was the one who didn’t see, or understand. He was blind to her reasons for doing this. He just sat there, his face tight with fury and frustration that Fiona had chosen to go over his head and tell his mother who she was.
‘Happy now?’ he snapped. ‘Maybe you’d like to confess all, while you’re at it. Maybe you’d like to tell my mother where we spent last night and what we did most
of the night.’
When Fiona looked crushed, an amazingly unshocked Kathryn turned to her son again and just shook her head at him. ‘Oh, Philip, don’t,’ she reproached. ‘You don’t know what you’re doing to her.’
‘What I’m doing to her?’ He exploded onto his feet. ‘What about what she’s done to me? What she did ten years ago? What she’s been doing ever since she showed up in my life again? I’ve been in hell, I tell you. She’s the devil in disguise, pretending to be sweet and nice when all the while she takes men’s souls and destroys them. Well, she’s not going to destroy me a second time. This time it’s her who’s going to be destroyed. You liked last night, Fiona?’ he jeered nastily. ‘Well, savour the memories, honey, because it was our swansong. I won’t be seeing you again. Or touching you again. Ever!’
Kathryn was gaping up at him while Fiona desperately tried to cling on to the slim hope that the hatred blazing down at her was not really hatred but the other side of love.
She rose shakily to her feet and looked him straight in the eye. ‘But I love you, Philip,’ she said bravely. ‘And I loved you ten years ago.’
‘You’re a damned liar! You didn’t love me ten years ago. You told me you didn’t. And you showed me you didn’t. You left me, without a backward glance. Was that the action of someone in love?’
‘Yes!’ Kathryn pronounced, and stood up as well.
Fiona stared at her. And so did Philip.
‘Sit down, the pair of you!’ she ordered.
Startled, they did.
Kathryn sat down last, leaning over briefly to pat Fiona’s nearest arm before turning her attention to her son.
‘I never said anything to you about this before, Philip, because I didn’t see any point. On top of that, I didn’t know anything of this till just before your father died. But the situation’s changed now. Noni—I mean Fiona—has come back into your life and you have to know the truth about what happened that night ten years ago.’
Bewilderment held Fiona silent as Kathryn gave her a warmly apologetic glance.
‘This sweet child didn’t want to leave you. She loved you very, very much. But losing the baby had upset and depressed her a great deal, making her very susceptible to suggestion. When you were out of the house, your father took deliberate advantage of her emotional state to talk her into giving you up. For your sake, he insisted. And for her own, he pretended.’
‘No, just listen!’ Kathryn insisted when Philip went to open his mouth. ‘He told her you were too immature to know your own mind, that you’d fancied yourself in love many times before and that it was a common flaw in young men to confuse sex and love. He told her that one day you’d wake up and realise you weren’t in love with her, and then you’d hate her for trapping you into an unsuitable marriage. He played on her own vulnerability and insecurities, making her think she wasn’t good enough for you, that she’d drag you down and make you unhappy. And in this I bear a great amount of blame. I was very unkind in my criticism of you back then, Fiona. I didn’t realise till after you’d long gone how mean and snobbish I was. I’ve always wanted the opportunity to say how sorry I am.’
‘It’s all right, Kathryn,’ Fiona mumbled.
‘No, it’s not all right. What I did was very wrong. And what your father did, Philip, was very wrong too. And he knew it. It played on his conscience at the end, which is why he confessed his unhappy part in all this to me.’
‘It didn’t take him long to convince her, though, did it?’ Philip said sharply. ‘I was only gone half an hour.’
‘You know what a clever talker he was. A brilliant negotiator. He could make black seem white once he got going. Still, he had a great weapon to use. Fiona’s love for you. He made her believe she was doing the right thing, giving you up.’
‘But why?’ Philip cried, clearly anguished by this amazing revelation. ‘Why would he do such a thing? He knew how much I loved her. He knew!’
‘Oh, Philip, he was your father, and he wanted so much for you. Too much. He thought he was being cruel to be kind. He thought he was doing the right thing too.’
‘The right thing!’ Philip groaned. ‘Oh, God, if only he’d known what he put me through.’
‘He put Fiona through a lot as well, son,’ Kathryn reminded him gently.
Fiona watched, dry-mouthed, as Philip’s shocked eyes turned back to hers.
‘Is this true, what my mother’s saying?’ he asked her. ‘Is that the way it really happened?’
Fiona was in shock herself. She hadn’t realised how devious Philip’s father had been. She’d thought he was being kind and gentle with her that night, when all the while he’d...he’d...
Tears pricked her eyes as the reality of the man’s perfidy struck home.
‘Yes,’ she choked out.
Philip’s face struggled for composure. ‘Why didn’t you tell me all this when we met up again?’
‘How could I when you were marrying someone else?’
‘Yes, just nine years after you did,’ he said accusingly.
Fiona dashed away the threatening tears and tried to remain strong. ‘I should never have married Kevin. I admit it. I didn’t love him. But I was lonely and he was nice to me. At the time I needed... someone... something. I was very wrong to marry him. As soon as I realised that I set him free, and then set about relying on myself alone in the future. I didn’t want to hurt anyone else. And, yes, I didn’t want to be hurt myself. I grew hard. I can see that now. Hard and tough. And I did hurt people. Men who liked me. Maybe some of them even loved me. I’m not proud of that. When we met up again, I truly believed I was over you. Fiona was nothing like Noni, I told myself. She didn’t fall helplessly in love, certainly not with the same man.’
Fiona stiffened her spine for the ultimate confession. ‘But I have fallen helplessly in love with you again, Philip, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m yours... if you want me.’
He was speechless. But his eyes spoke volumes. Emotion melted their earlier hardness and love washed over her in warm, wonderful waves.
Kathryn cleared her throat and stood up. ‘I think it’s time I went to see about the carpet cleaners.’
‘It... it never occurred to me that you might have given me up for love,’ he said thickly.
‘Believe me, I regretted it later.’
‘I never forgot you,’ he told her, and reached for her hands across the table.
She took them, and her heart almost burst with happiness. ‘Nor I you.’
Their fingers entwined.
‘I used to go into every fish and chip shop I saw, thinking you might be there, behind the counter.’
‘I used to ring your phone number, just so I could hear your voice.’
‘I hated thinking of you with someone else’s child.’
‘I would never have had anyone else’s child. I only ever wanted yours, Philip,’ she said, and squeezed his hands even more tightly.
‘Will you try to have my child again, Fiona?’
‘If you want me to.’
‘If I want you to. My God, do you know how much I love you?’
Her smile was soft and warm. ‘You can tell me if you like.’
His mouth twisted wryly. ‘All I can think of are clichés, like how wide is the ocean, and how deep is the sea?’
Her smile widened. ‘They’ll do for now. I’ll let you show me in person later.’
‘You’re a wicked woman.’
‘If I am, then you’re entirely responsible. Till I met you, I didn’t even like sex. I thought it was highly overrated and very icky.’
He smiled. ‘I see you’ve gotten over your revulsion.’
‘Philip,’ she said, and he shot her a worried look.
‘What?’
‘I have only one thing to ask.’
‘Anything.’
‘Promise me you won’t ask me to marry you?’
‘Why ever not? I thought you loved me.’
‘I do. But...we haven’t been l
ucky with marriage and wedding days. Do you think we could leave marriage till after we’ve had a couple of babies?’
‘You want to have children first?’
‘Mmm, yes. Do you mind?’
‘Not at all. When do you want to start?’
He smiled at her, and she smiled back.
‘Do those wonderful smiles mean what I think they mean?’ his mother said as she rejoined them at the table. ‘Could we be planning another wedding soon?’
“Fraid not, Mother dearest. Fiona wants to make you a grandmother before she makes you a mother-in-law.’
Kathryn looked surprised, then smiled herself. ‘Really?’
‘I’m a little superstitious,’ Fiona explained sheepishly. ‘Philip’s been married twice already, and disasters come in threes.’
Kathryn nodded. ‘I understand perfectly. And a marriage certificate is unimportant, really, so long as you really, truly love each other.’
‘We really, truly love each other,’ Philip repeated, and stood up. ‘Which is why we’re leaving. I want to show my house to the future mother of my children. You did say you would like to live in Balmoral, didn’t you?’
‘I certainly did!’ Fiona jumped to her feet, hardly believing the joy she was feeling.
‘Bye, Kathryn.’
‘Bye, Fiona, dear. Bye, son. Drive carefully.’
‘Does this mean you want me to live with you?’ Fiona asked him as he ushered her through the house and out to his car.
‘But of course! Don’t you want to?’
Fiona reached up to kiss him on the cheek. ‘I want to more than anything else in the world.’
‘So that’s a yes?’
‘Yes.’
‘Great. We can start moving your things in today. Do you rent or own?’
‘I’m paying off a unit.’
‘Then sell it.’
‘No, I’ll rent it out,’ she said, and he scowled.
‘It’s a good investment, Philip,’ she insisted, then smiled. ‘And a good place to stay if you ever get sick of me.’
‘I’ll never get sick of you.’
‘You might. You don’t know the new me all that well.’