by Charity Rose
I let my mom know of today’s plans before I pick up my keys and head out the door. I park in front of Keith’s house feeling awkward as hell, after checking my appearance in the rear-view mirror for like the fifth time; I decide to ring the doorbell. Emma opens the door with a smile on her face, “Vidya, I’m so glad to see you,” she says, hugging me.
“It’s nice to see you too Emma,” we walk into the hallway, “So where’s the birthday boy?” I ask, and I see her smile fade.
She suddenly looks uncomfortable, “He’s in his room,” she answers slowly, “Oh, ok,” I begin to walk up the stairs but I feel the fabric of my dress goes taught. I turn to find Emma tugging on the hem of my dress, I step back down to face her, “What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Vidya, before you go up to see him, there’s something I need to tell you,” she says as she leads me into the living room. She takes a seat on the worn sofa, and I sit opposite her in the armchair usually reserved for Gram,
“Vidya, I know Keith has told you about the incident…that happened from his former school,” I only nod. “But I know he didn’t tell you this, because it’s hard for him,” I prepare myself for what’s to come. Is it bad? What else did Keith do? “But I think you need to know. The night it happened was on Keith’s fifteenth birthday, he was celebrating with his friends,” Keith had told me it was at a senior party, not that it was his birthday party. “He hasn’t been the same boy ever since that day,” tears start rolling down her face, and I stand up to sit next to her.
“He blamed himself every day, over and over again,” she is crying now. I rub circles on her back, doing my best to calm her, “It was so horrible to see your son be physically present but so emotionally and mentally gone. He couldn’t get over what he had done and to his own girlfriend—” after saying the word girlfriend I zoned out of the conversation. He said he never wanted to hurt me the way he had hurt his girlfriend. Did he mean sexually or emotionally or is there more to this story?
I stand up, by now I don’t know what else Emma has said, but she notices the change on my face. “Vidya, I saw today coming. I thought that since he’d found you, that he wouldn’t wallow in his room,” Wallow in his room? Does he do this every year? I stop listening to Emma as I run upstairs to Keith’s room. I hear his mother call for me in the background. I don’t listen. I try opening the door, but it’s locked. I start banging on the door, “Keith!” I call out. “Keith, open the door!” I keep yelling and banging. “Keith, open the door!” I’m frantic by now. “Keith!”
“Go away,” I finally hear his voice from the other side of the door.
“Keith!”
“Go home, Vee. I don’t want to see you,” he yells back.
“Keith, I swear if you don’t open this freaking door right now—” Emma reaches for my hand and drags me back down the stairs.
“Vidya, I’m so sorry for all of this. I honestly thought he was getting better, better for you,” her cheeks are tear-stained. “But honey I think the best thing you could do for him right now is leave.” I am both astonished and hurt by her words. “His birthday has always been the hardest for him.” She adds.
“No, I could talk to him. Help him,” I can feel tears running down my face as well.
Emma takes hold of my shoulders, “I know you do sweetie, but he won’t listen. I’ve been through this with him—”
“No,” I brush her off. “I’m not leaving, he is my boyfriend, and I love him,” the worlds fly out of my mouth so fast that I don’t even have time to process what I just said. Her eyes go wide with surprise. I slip past her and run once again upstairs. I try the door again, but it won’t budge. That’s when I bring out my secret talent. I pull out a bobby pin from my hair and begin with my handy work, hoping Emma doesn’t try to stop me again. Once I hear the click. I push the door wide open to reveal Keith curled up like a ball in front of his dresser.
I don’t say anything; I just walk to him and drop down to the floor beside him. Should I hug him, should I say something, what should I do? I scoot closer, ignoring that my dress is getting dirty. And wrapping my arms around him, I rest my head on his and whisper, “I love you, Keith,” I’m not sure if he heard me, so I whisper again and again. I sit back as he lifts his head, and my heart practically breaks from the sight of him. He looks worse than I’ve ever seen him before. His eyes are red and swollen, and his hair is dishevelled. It doesn’t even seem like he’s showered much less change his clothes in a few days.
“What did you say?” I know he must be confused as hell.
“I said, I love you. I love you, Keith, “I take hold of his face, so his eyes are looking to mine. “Stop beating yourself up about something that was out of your control, you will not hurt me. I am not her,” his eyes filled with sorrow, and I can’t take it anymore. I bring my lips to his. I wish I could erase all of his pain, all of his past, every single bit of it.
“I love you too, Vee,” Keith catches me off guard. I never expected him to say it back. We sit in silence for what feels like ages. Finally, when I think Keith’s about to say something, he just lays himself back, his gaze now looking towards to ceiling, I copy his same action. I don’t care that we're both laying on the cold floor. The silence feels peaceful. Why is it that our past has such a stronghold over us? Keith and I, our two paths crossed, like stars in tangent, when we both elected to go to the same school having run from a haunted past. Those ghosts have followed us here. They will always follow us. They don’t go away. The memories will forever remain, but we can choose not to let them harm us.
He takes a breath, “Have you heard about all that bullshit about soul mates?” he asks. His voice cracking the silence like a whip. I know I wanted him to talk, but I have no idea where this conversation is going to go.
Chapter 23
“That everyone has a soul mate, someone they are meant to meet and be with forever. It’s like when we’re born our soul is split into two or something. One half belongs to you, and the other…it goes to someone else. And you spend your whole lives trying to find each other,” he says. I nod, “But sometimes, you find your soul mate only you don’t know it. Because you didn’t get the chance to really know for sure,”
He stays silent for a moment before continuing, “I always thought that was stupid. Not entirely stupid,” he corrects himself. “But I just believed in the whole, things happen for a reason mantra, and we learn to grow from our mistakes. It wasn’t until everything with her happened, and my mind just switched,” he says.
I’m silent for a long moment, “What was her name?” I ask him. He stares at the ceiling, and I watch as he lifts his hand into the air and spreads his fingers, as if reaching for something, or someone, he can’t touch.
“Athena,” he answers. “Her name was Athena. After the goddess of wisdom. Vee, I want to tell you about her, and although I’m not completely ready. I can’t keep her a secret from you anymore,” I don’t respond to his words, mainly because I don’t know what to say. I’ve waited so long to hear more, but I’m also terrified of finding out. He curls his hand into a fist and brings it back down onto his chest, over his heart.
“She was my everything, Vee. I loved her more than anything. We met during freshman year it wasn’t until a few months later that we started dating. We were your typical cliché couple from all those cheesy romantic comedies,” he smiles and chuckles just a little. I laugh with him, it’s sweet really.
“It all happened at my fifteenth birthday party. Afterwards, Athena hated me even though she knew it wasn’t my fault. She still blamed in some small way. She wouldn’t even look at me. She told me she would never love me again; she couldn’t even be a friend,” he let his arm fall off his chest, his balled-up fist landed with a thump on the floor. Like it was re-enacting the death of his heart.
“I broke. I mean, of course, she went to her parents. The police came. They asked questions, the whole works. I transferred to another school, and we moved out here. I couldn’t be there seein
g Athena everyday knowing what I did, and I wouldn’t be able to look at my old friends without wanting to punch every single one of them for not having stopped me,” Keith’s voice starts to crack, and I glance over to his tears running down the side of his face, the salty wetness melting into the hair at his temples.
“Emotionally I’m a wreck, add my childhood with that incident, and you get a fucked-up Keith, who curls up in the foetal position every time his birth month comes around. A man who gets easily triggered by certain topics, a man’s whose anxiety skyrockets through the roof for no particular reason at all,” I reach out my hand to him, and he takes it in his. I don’t want to interrupt him, he's so vulnerable right now, and I need him to finish what he needs to say.
“I was sure that I’d never, ever love anyone ever again,” he continues, “After meeting you though, my thoughts started to change. That day you played Truth or Dare, you were filled with such bold fire. It was like putting a match to a dead flame, something in me sparked up, and the next thing you know I was fanning the flames. Athena was never the one who was meant to be in my life. It was you, Vee,” he turns his body towards me, “You are the one who makes me whole.”
I sit up and look down at Keith, “I’m sorry that all of that happened to you, but I am so happy that you put your trust in me.” I say, “I love you, Keith. Don’t ever push me away, no matter what happens, we’ll face it together,” I say and smile at him.
“I love you, Vee,” he says, and our lips connect. There’s no fire to the kiss, none of the furious passion we usually feel. Not the lust of two kids who desperately want to feel each other’s bodies. No, it’s sweet yearning to love and be loved. I sign of hope and promise.
The kind of love you can’t find twice in one lifetime.
I pull away from Keith and vault down the stairs when I return, I’m holding the gift I had brought him. “Is this from you?” he asks. I nod, “Can I open it?”
“No, not yet,” I answer. Thinking about it, I’m embarrassed for him to see what I got him. I know he’ll like it, but it’s kind of stupid. He managed to get me such a perfect gift for me on Christmas, I feel bad for not being creative enough; the school has had me trapped.
“Alright then, I’m going to take a shower,” I nod. After a few minutes, I hear the sound of water running and the noises of his scrubbing his body.
I open the door to Keith’s bathroom, “Hello? Vee is that you?” he asks through the shower door. The fog of the steam makes it wear he can’t see me, and I can’t quite see him.
“Yes, it’s me,” he peaks his head out the door and blinks the water out of his eyes. I must look ridiculous standing right there in the middle of his bathroom. I know I’ve talked about that intimidating look he gives me from time to time, this is one of those moments, and suddenly I feel like I’m back at Walmart. He closes the door, and I hear the shower turn off.
I came in here not precisely sure what I was going to do, Keith pokes out a hand to grab for his towel.
I watch as the sliding door is completely opened, revealing a half-naked Keith. His towel wrapped firmly around his waist. I’ve only ever seen him once without a shirt on, and that day ended in disaster. He’s got a profound smirk on his face. “Come here,” he says to me. I walk closer to him as he steps out of the shower. He takes my hand and places it on his firm abdomen. I gasp. His mouth presses lightly onto my ear as he murmurs, “What are you doing in here?”
I can’t even process why I’m in here. I came waltzing into the bathroom because you want to have sex with him. As much as I find it hard to believe what my subconscious is saying. In reality, it is true even if it freaks me out to admit it.
“I-came-here,” my voice comes out shaky, and he notices, a broad smile across his face. Why do I feel so embarrassed?
“Go on,” he states, dragging my hand with his further up his body to trace his pectoral muscles, gliding over his nipples and up to trace his collar bone.
I let out a breath of air and finally say the words that have been circling in my mouth. Instead of answering him explicitly, I go for a softer approach, “I just wanted to touch you,” I say quietly.
“Then do it,” he whispers, and my body ignites.
I don’t give it much thought. I do what my mind and body have always wanted to do since the first day I laid eyes on him. I wrap one of my legs around his waist and connect my lips to his. He brings his hands to the small of my back, I take my other leg and move to do the same as with the first one, Keith notices and picks me up. Both of my legs now fully wrapped around his torso. His body now pressed against the wall, and my hands remain clasped behind his neck.
Our lips move steadily in sync with each other. My body burns with each kiss. There is no going back in this moment I am his, and he is mine. I jump out of Keith’s grasp, with my feet planted now firmly on the ground. I make a move to remove the towel from around his waist. He stops me before I do so, “Vee,” he says. I look up at him, tilting my head to one side and smile. I want this so badly. I lean into his chest, pressing my lips along his collar bone and take it with kisses.
“I want to,” I whisper against his skin. He bites on his lower lip. I can tell he wants to just as much as I do, the towel is getting tighter around his waist.
“Vee, it’s just that it’s—” I press my lips to his to silence whatever it was he was about to say to ruin the moment, “Hey,” I press my palm against his cheek. “This is not the same scenario not at even close. You are not going to hurt me, Keith. Please stop beating yourself about it.”
His hands move to my shirt, unclasping the buttons one by one. He’s going so damn slow, it’s taking an eternity. “Keith,” I plead. He stops, placing his hands on each of my shoulders and pushing me back, arms-length, away from him.
“I can’t Vee, not like this. I want it to be special. Can you understand that?” he says, not looking at me. His face is burning red, and I can feel the heat coming off his body. I smile and nod slowly, “Yeah. It’s okay,” I say, and pushing his hands away from my shoulders, I step into his arms and embrace him, “You’re worth waiting for.”
A slow smile crosses his face, “This doesn’t mean we can’t do some other things though,” he says, his voice lowering again and he winks at me. I smile back and nod, “Oh, really? Like what?” I ask, my body growing as he lifts me up into the air, somehow managing to keep his towel on, and carries me to the bed, “I’ll show you,” he smiles. And he did.
Chapter 24
As school comes to an end, I feel like I’m just now starting to breathe. This semester has kept me busy, like, insanely busy. Everywhere you looked there was homework to be done or a presentation that needed to be given, and since I took AP classes this year, I had homework that was twice as difficult and included a dozen or so additional writings. I was lucky enough to land a slot in AP English and so this class, along with my Creative writing elective, has kept me majorly busy.
It’s lunch break, and I walk to my car. I need to drop by Miller High School today to collect some paper that wasn’t correctly transferred but, I also decide to eat out today before I go there. I can’t decide if I’m in the mood for a burger and fries or if I’ve got enough time to hit the local pizza place that’s popular with all the locals here, “Care for a lunch date?” I jump with joy from the familiar guy leaning against my car. “Wow, my girl sure looks stunning,” I lace my arms behind his neck. “I’ve missed you so much,” he inhales the smell of my hair.
“I ditched to come and see you,” he says. I frown at him. “Now, don’t look at me with that face. I wanted to see my girl.”
“Are you asking me to ditch class with you?” I ask innocently.
“Yes, would it help if I promised to sleep over tonight?” He points towards the cars.
“Yes, a thousand times yes, let’s go,” we each step into our own cars. I can’t just leave my car here at the school, it’d probably end up getting towed.
We left my car in the driveway of
my house and, after a quick lunch, head together in Keith’s car to Miller High. As we leave the main office, paperwork in my bag, I hear the bell ring, and I hope I don’t run into Kassie. But then, I realise that I do want to run into her that way I could face her for the first time in my life because I finally know what I want to say to her.
As if the unknown has heard me, there she is. Kassie’s sitting on a hallway bench and she notices Keith and me immediately. She stands and makes her way straight towards us, “Yes?” I say indifferently. She stops in front of me, arms crossed and taps her foot, waving a hand at me she asks, “Wasn’t your humiliation enough Vee, I thought you moved?”
“As a matter a fact it was Kassie, are you happy? Did you humiliate me enough? Are you satisfied now? I’m gone. You got what you wanted.”
“No, actually I’m not. Apparently, I can’t keep you away because here you are now.”
“Oh, getting back at me for giving Michael a blow job three years ago, didn’t turn out how you wanted?” her eyes grow wide as I say it loud enough that students pause and whisper. I smile, “Yeah, I said it and don’t worry, I’m only here to finalise my transfer. Still, my question is, what did you get out of any of this?”
“Vee, you really don’t get it?”
“Get what?” I ask.
“All this that I’ve done is to prove a point. To prove that you’re not as innocent as people think you are—”
“Why does that matter so damn much? Why are you so obsessed with the past? Look, Kassidy, I’m done with all of your bullshit. Grow up, I’m done with all of this and frankly glad that I no longer go here,” I stand up to leave.