by J. Nathan
I dodged her eyes. “First of all, she’s not Flip’s girl.”
“Ah, ha! I knew it.”
My eyes cut back to her.
“You totally bagged yourself,” she said.
I shook my head. “I don’t know what I’m feeling. She keeps turning up. And now she’s all grown up…”
“And no longer off limits?” Sabrina asked.
I dragged in a breath, considering her question. Was that what was happening? Was I confused because I no longer needed to keep our relationship platonic? Or did I just hate seeing her with Flip? “I have no idea.”
“There’s only one way to figure it out.”
“Yeah? What’s that?”
Emery
There was a knock on my door Monday night. I crawled off my bed, gladly ditching the essay I’d been typing all evening. Raquel had taken off for the showers a while ago. She probably forgot the code again. I opened the door, surprised to see Jordan standing there. He donned a ball cap pulled down low on his head, a white T-shirt stretched across his chest, and basketball shorts low on his hips. Yum.
“Hey.” His lips tugged up in one corner, obviously noticing my surprised appraisal.
“How’d you know where I lived?”
“I’ve got connections.”
“So, you use your spot on the football team to assist with your stalker tendencies?”
He snickered and I caught yet another a glimpse of the boy I once knew. Those glimpses were becoming more frequent the more time I spent with him.
I moved forward, blocking the doorway in case he tried to come in. “What are you doing here?”
He peeked over my shoulder into my room. “It dawned on me that I’ve never seen your room.”
“Why do you need to see my room?”
“Who do we have here?” Raquel asked, stepping up behind Jordan.
He turned around. I could only imagine his delight at finding her standing there in nothing but flip-flops and a towel, her wet hair in a knot on top of her head. He moved out of the way so she could step into our room.
“Oh, you’re that football player,” Raquel said.
A smirk slipped across his lips. “Which football player?”
My heart drummed faster. What did she plan to say? Was she going to tell him what I’d told her about him?
“The hot one who made all those blocks so Flipster could throw the ball.”
“That’s me,” Jordan gloated. “And I like your nickname for the fool.”
She laughed.
“Sorry, Em.” Jordan’s eyes cut to mine. “I know he’s your guy.”
“He’s not my guy,” I said matter-of-factly.
“It does seem like he is,” Raquel added as she pulled open her drawer and removed a pink thong, obviously for Jordan’s benefit.
“I don’t care how it seems. We’re friends,” I assured them.
“Woah, no need to get defensive,” Jordan said, which just made me more defensive. “No one faults you if you like him.”
“I don’t like him,” I huffed.
“You spend an awful lot of time with someone you don’t like,” Raquel said as she stepped into her thong and pulled it up her legs and under her towel.
Did she have no shame?
“You hang out with him too,” I said to her before glaring at Jordan. “And why are you even here?”
“Just wanted to hang out with my best friend.”
I tipped my head to the side. “Doing what?”
“We could do what we used to do.” His eyes slid to my bed and his mouth pulled up in one corner.
“And what’s that?” Raquel asked.
“Playing football. Swimming in the creek. You know. Kids’ stuff,” I explained.
“Or we could watch a movie,” Jordan said, stifling a smile.
I stood there, pondering his motives. Did he really believe we could go back to being best friends that easily?
“If you won’t, I will,” Raquel said to me.
I glanced to her. Was she trying to help? Or would she really watch a movie with him with me right there? I looked back to Jordan. “Fine.”
“Oh, shoot. I just remembered I promised to help Kate with something down the hall,” Raquel said.
I suppressed a smile knowing she didn’t know a Kate down the hall.
She tugged open a few drawers and grabbed some clothes, clutching them to her stomach as she moved to the door. “I’ll change there.” And with that she slipped out of the room, closing us off to the outside world.
Suddenly, the room felt tight. Any way I moved, Jordan was in my space. His just-showered scent quickly replaced the scent of Raquel’s shampoo. And I had no idea what to do with myself. I lowered myself down onto the edge of my bed and waited for him to say something.
“Well, this is awkward.”
Nervous laughter burst out of me. “No more awkward than Raquel getting dressed in front of you.”
“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” he said.
My lips formed a tight line as I tried to ignore the hollow in my chest.
“I haven’t seen her like that,” he explained. “I just meant. You know what I meant.”
I nodded, though I couldn’t stop the bout of sadness from washing over me. It wasn’t like I thought he’d stay a virgin forever. I just hated the thought of him in bed with anyone but me. That was our thing—the closeness I always felt in his arms. I knew it was foolish after all this time, but I wanted that reserved solely for me. I glanced down at my cutoffs and T-shirt. “Don’t get any ideas. I’m not changing.”
“Good. You look perfect.”
I refrained from sighing because I was pretty sure he had an arsenal of lines like that for whichever girl would listen. “What do you wanna watch?”
“I’m guessing porn is outta the question?”
I rolled my eyes.
“How about a good horror movie so you need me to protect you?”
“Are you ever serious?”
“Why do I need to be serious?”
I shrugged. “It just seems like you’ve got an answer for everything.”
“I do.”
He’d changed. I guess I should’ve expected that to happen in four years. But it made me wonder. Was that what happened when guys grew older? Or did it have something to do with me leaving? Would he have changed had I not left?
I grabbed some throw pillows from my bed and tossed them to the floor. My stuffed panda, which had been tucked between the pillows, tumbled into view on my bed. Shit.
“Is that?”
I scooped it up and placed it on my desk. “Yup.”
“You kept it?”
“Of course.” A stretch of silence passed as I sat down on the small area rug, pushing the pillows against the side of my bed and resting my back against them. I looked up at Jordan. “You gonna sit?”
He quirked a brow. “Don’t trust yourself with me on the bed, huh?”
“Why wouldn’t I trust myself? We’re friends.”
He sat down beside me, his body pressing to my side and his scent filling each and every one of my breaths. “Just saying.”
“You’re actually not saying anything,” I said.
He lifted his hat and turned it backward on his head. “Just saying, the last time we were in the same bed things got a little…intense.”
The memory of our one and only kiss had carried me through some very dark days. And the fact that he remembered—that he remembered so many important moments—solidified for me that what we had back then had been real. It might have only been friendship, but it had meant something important to both of us. “Intense?” I dared to ask.
“What would you have called it?”
“A nice moment between friends,” I said, trying to be nonchalant, though the memory was as fresh as the night it happened.
“If that’s how you treat all your friends, count me in.” He crept toward me, his lips pursed and aiming for mine.
I shoved
him off. “Jordan.”
He laughed. “I’m just teasing you. Tell me you still know how to be teased.”
“Of course I can be teased. I just don’t know where those lips have been over the last four years.” I said it jokingly, but the thought had plagued my mind for four long years.
He laughed.
“Have you had many girlfriends?” I asked nonchalantly, though my heart began to pound away in my chest as I braced for his response.
Jordan’s body went ridged beside me. It was the exact opposite of the reaction I expected from him. “A couple. No one special.”
“Why not?”
He shrugged. “They were good girls. Just not right for me.”
I bumped him with my shoulder. “You too high maintenance or something?”
“Nah. Just not feeling it.”
I nodded, his admission easing my unwarranted jealousy.
“How about you?”
“I’m not high maintenance,” I teased.
This time he bumped me with his shoulder. “You have many boyfriends?”
I shook my head.
“Just one or two?” he persisted.
I shook my head, hoping he dropped it.
“More?”
I closed my eyes, and my embarrassment slowed the shaking of my head.
“This mime-game you’ve got goin’ ain’t working for me, Em. You’ve actually gotta speak.”
I opened my eyes, steeled my features, and admitted my truth. “I’ve never had a boyfriend.”
Jordan’s head shot back. “But you’re so hot.”
My breath caught in my throat.
Noticing my surprise, he quickly amended his words. “I mean, you must’ve had guys lined up for you.”
For as long as I lived, I’d never forget him calling me hot.
“No one special,” I admitted. I’d dated. Gone to parties and dances. But none of those guys lived up to my feelings for Jordan.
He nodded like he understood. But did he really understand why I hadn’t had a boyfriend? Why no one would ever be enough?
“I guess we’ve got to lower our standards,” I joked. “At this rate, no one’s ever gonna be right.” My gaze dropped to his lips. Not for a single second had I forgotten how they tasted and felt against mine.
“What about Flip?” he asked.
“What about him?”
“He’s not right?”
My eyes lifted to his. I hadn’t forgotten how pretty they were when they were looking at me. “You know he’s not.”
“How would I know that?”
“Because...I—”
The door handle rattled and the door swung open. Raquel walked in. “Sorry to interrupt.”
I sat back, distancing myself from Jordan’s penetrating gaze. “You’re not interrupting,” I said to Raquel, though my heartbeat pulsed like a ticking time bomb.
I could’ve sworn Jordan huffed beside me.
Raquel hurried to her desk and grabbed her laptop. “Just remembered I needed this.” She hurried back to the door and was gone before we could respond.
I pushed myself to my feet and walked to my own desk, needing the distance to bring me back down to the here and now. I grabbed my laptop.
“You were about to say something when your friend came in,” Jordan reminded me.
I played dumb as I turned around with my laptop in my hands. “I was?”
“I thought so.”
I shrugged as I sat down beside him and called up some movies to stream. I skimmed through the horror movies, thankful we’d been interrupted. My mouth was getting ahead of itself. And in no way was I ready for that type of rejection.
Jordan pointed to a movie I never would’ve watched alone. “I hear it’s really scary.”
“Oh great,” I laughed.
“Don’t worry. I’m right here.”
I clicked on the movie and the eerie intro music filtered through the speakers and the credits flashed onto the screen.
“You sure you don’t want to watch it on your bed?” he asked. “You know, get a little more comfortable.”
I nodded, knowing I’d never be able to concentrate on the movie with Jordan Grady in my bed. “I’m sure.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Emery
“So, you’re telling me nothing happened?” Raquel asked, her mouth filled with blueberry muffin.
I sipped my iced coffee. “Nothing happened.”
“But why? You two are so stinking cute together.”
“We’re not together.” My gaze wandered around the crowded dining hall. “We never were.”
“That doesn’t mean things can’t change.”
I picked up my raisin bagel and tore off a piece. I’d always wanted Jordan. Plain and simple. So why wouldn’t I let myself admit that to her? Or him for that matter? Was I that terrified of being rejected? He’d teased me about wanting to kiss me or lay in bed with me, but that didn’t necessarily translate to him wanting a relationship with me.
Raquel stared at something behind me. “Speak of the devil.”
I glanced over my shoulder. A group of football players filed into the dining room with Jordan leading the pack. He didn’t see me as he pulled out a chair and flipped it around so he sat backward at a table with his friends. I looked back to Raquel. “How about you and the kicker?”
“Eh.” She shrugged. “He’s a kicker and not a QB for a reason.”
“Am I supposed to understand what that means?”
“It means he’s not aggressive. I had to do all the work.”
“Ohhh,” I said, hoping that spared me the dirty details.
“Oh, what?” Jordan was suddenly there, slipping into the seat beside me.
“Hey, football player,” Raquel cooed.
I was beginning to realize she wasn’t flirting. It was just the way she talked to all guys. “Raquel was just talking about your kicker,” I explained.
“You and Jonesy?” Jordan asked her.
“I think our time together has run its course,” she explained.
“Well, let me know. There are a lot of other guys who might be more your speed.”
“So, you’re a matchmaker now?” I asked him.
He leaned into me and whispered into my ear. “I’m a lot of things.”
The tenor of his voice sent goosebumps scampering up my arms. “Oh, yeah?”
Raquel laughed, probably hearing the fear in my voice.
Jordan grinned. “Listen, Em. I have a serious question for you.”
My brows shot up.
“My mom’s birthday’s Wednesday. I’m heading home and thought maybe you’d like to come.”
“Oh, I…” Thoughts of going back to a place I both hated and loved sent my body on edge. Was it safe? Would anyone see me? Could Wayne still be lurking around? “I probably shouldn’t.”
“My parents would love to see you.”
“It’s not that…”
“Well, what is it?”
How could I tell him I still lived in fear of my ex-stepfather? I wanted him to see me as strong and confident. “I’ve got class.”
“Bio,” Raquel said. “And I’m in the class. You can get the notes from me.”
I cocked my head, needing her to have my back. She clearly didn’t get the memo. But then again, why would she? I hadn’t opened up to her about my past.
“Come on, Em. I’m not opposed to begging,” Jordan continued.
I pulled in a breath and let all the reasons it was a bad idea flee my mind as I stared into the beautiful blue eyes I’d dreamt about for the last four years. “Fine.”
Jordan smiled as he pushed his chair back and stood. “Great. I’ll pick you up Wednesday morning.” He didn’t wait for a response, probably because he knew me. And the longer he gave me to think about it, the more apt I’d be to back out.
“He wants you,” Raquel said as he made his way across the crowded room, waving to people and bumping fists.
“I’m scared t
o let myself believe it,” I admitted.
She tilted her head, her eyes assessing me sadly. “In life, you’ve gotta take risks.”
“Says who?”
“Says anyone who’s gone after what they’ve wanted and gotten it.”
“Easier said than done.”
“Maybe. But that guy.” She lifted her chin in Jordan’s direction. “I’m thinking he’s worth the risk.”
I glanced over my shoulder at him. He was laughing with his friends. I used to be the friend he laughed with. And though I still wanted to be the one he laughed with, I knew down deep I wanted to be the one he did more with.
So much more.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Emery
I’d woken up late and was struggling to brush on some makeup when there was a knock on my door. Shit.
“Want me to get it?” Raquel asked from her bed where she hadn’t bothered to get up yet, even though she promised to take notes in our class that began in two minutes.
“No, it’s fine. You’ve got a class to get to,” I reminded her.
She groaned and threw her covers over her head.
With a deep exhalation, I grabbed the doorknob and pulled open the door.
Jordan stood there with a ball cap on backward. Just looking at him sent goosebumps scrambling up my arms. “Ready?” he asked.
I glanced down at my skinny jeans and Alabama T-shirt. “I overslept and am kind of a mess.”
“You’re beautiful,” he said.
My eyes flew up at the same time Raquel sighed.
“Can I have you?” she asked him, her head suddenly out from under her blankets. “Unless you’re already taken, of course.”
He gazed at me. The look in his eyes held questions—lots of unspoken questions. “Nope. It’d take a special girl to handle this much man.”
I grabbed a sweatshirt from my closet before glancing to Raquel. “Still want him?”
“I don’t mind a little cheese with my muscles,” she said.
I pegged her with my eyes. “Take good notes.”
She rolled her eyes.
Jordan and I walked outside and toward the cars parked in front of my dorm.
I looked for his old red truck, so the souped-up black one that beeped when he pushed the button caught me off guard. “New truck?” I asked, reaching for the handle.