Love's Labour's Lost
Page 10
The ladies unmask
PRINCESS Twenty adieus, my frozen Muscovites.
Are these the breed of wits so wondered at?
BOYET Tapers they are, with285 your sweet breaths puffed out.
ROSALINE Well-liking wits they have: gross286, gross, fat, fat.
PRINCESS O, poverty in wit, kingly-poor flout287!
Will they not, think you, hang themselves tonight?
Or ever, but in vizards, show their faces?
This pert Berowne was out of countenance quite290.
ROSALINE They were all in lamentable cases291.
The king was weeping-ripe292 for a good word.
PRINCESS Berowne did swear himself out of all suit293.
MARIA Dumaine was at my service, and his sword.
‘No point’, quoth I: my servant straight295 was mute.
KATHERINE Lord Longaville said I came o’er296 his heart:
And trow you297 what he called me?
PRINCESS Qualm298, perhaps.
KATHERINE Yes, in good faith.
PRINCESS Go, sickness as thou art!
ROSALINE Well, better wits have worn plain statute-caps301.
But will you hear? The king is my love sworn.
PRINCESS And quick303 Berowne hath plighted faith to me.
KATHERINE And Longaville was for my service born.
MARIA Dumaine is mine as sure as bark on tree.
BOYET Madam, and pretty mistresses, give ear306:
Immediately they will again be here
In their own shapes308, for it can never be
They will digest309 this harsh indignity.
PRINCESS Will they return?
BOYET They will, they will, God knows,
And leap for joy, though they are lame with blows:
Therefore change favours, and, when they repair313,
Blow314 like sweet roses in this summer air.
PRINCESS How blow? How blow? Speak to be understood.
BOYET Fair ladies masked are roses in their bud:
Dismasked, their damask sweet commixture317 shown,
Are angels vailing318 clouds, or roses blown.
PRINCESS Avaunt, perplexity319! What shall we do
If they return in their own shapes to woo?
ROSALINE Good madam, if by me you’ll be advised
Let’s mock them still, as well known as disguised322.
Let us complain to them what fools were here,
Disguised like Muscovites, in shapeless gear324:
And wonder what they were and to what end325
Their shallow shows and prologue vilely penned,
And their rough carriage327 so ridiculous,
Should be presented at our tent to us.
BOYET Ladies, withdraw. The gallants are at hand.
PRINCESS Whip to our tents, as roes330 runs o’er land.
Exeunt [the Princess, Rosaline, Katherine and Maria]
Enter the King and the rest [Berowne, Longaville and Dumaine, as themselves]
KING Fair sir, God save you! Where’s the princess?
BOYET Gone to her tent. Please it your majesty
Command me any service to her?
KING That she vouchsafe me audience for one word.
BOYET I will, and so will she, I know, my lord.
Exit
BEROWNE This fellow pecks up wit as pigeons peas
And utters337 it again when Jove doth please.
He is wit’s pedlar and retails his wares
At wakes and wassails339, meetings, markets, fairs.
And we that sell by gross340, the Lord doth know,
Have not the grace to grace it with such show.
This gallant pins the wenches on his sleeve342.
Had he been Adam, he had tempted Eve343.
He can carve too, and lisp344. Why, this is he
That kissed away his hand in courtesy345.
This is the ape of form, Monsieur the Nice346,
That when he plays at tables347 chides the dice
In honourable348 terms. Nay, he can sing
A mean most meanly, and in ushering349
Mend350 him who can. The ladies call him sweet.
The stairs, as he treads on them, kiss his feet.
This is the flower that smiles on everyone,
To show his teeth as white as whale’s bone
And consciences that will not die in debt
Pay him the due of honey-tongued Boyet.
KING A blister on his sweet tongue, with my heart,
That put Armado’s page out of his part357!
Enter the Ladies [the Princess, Rosaline, Maria and Katherine, with Boyet]
BEROWNE See where it comes! Behaviour358, what wert thou
Till this madman359 showed thee? And what art thou now?
KING All hail, sweet madam, and fair time of day!
PRINCESS ‘Fair’ in ‘all hail’ is foul361, as I conceive.
KING Construe361 my speeches better, if you may.
PRINCESS Then wish me better, I will give you leave363.
KING We came to visit you and purpose now
To lead you to our court. Vouchsafe it then.
PRINCESS This field shall hold me, and so hold366 your vow.
Nor367 God nor I delights in perjured men.
KING Rebuke me not for that which you provoke.
The virtue of your eye must break my oath.
PRINCESS You nickname370 virtue: ‘vice’ you should have spoke,
For virtue’s office371 never breaks men’s troth.
Now, by my maiden honour, yet372 as pure
As the unsullied lily, I protest373,
A world of torments though I should endure,
I would not yield to be your house’s guest,
So much I hate a breaking cause to be376
Of heavenly oaths, vowed with integrity.
KING O, you have lived in desolation378 here,
Unseen, unvisited, much to our shame.
PRINCESS Not so, my lord. It is not so, I swear.
We have had pastimes here and pleasant game:
A mess of Russians left us but of late382.
KING How, madam? Russians?
PRINCESS Ay, in truth, my lord.
Trim gallants, full of courtship and of state385.
ROSALINE Madam, speak true. It is not so, my lord.
My lady, to the manner of the days387,
In courtesy gives undeserving388 praise.
We four indeed confronted were with four
In Russian habit. Here they stayed an hour,
And talked apace391; and in that hour, my lord,
They did not bless us with one happy392 word.
I dare not call them fools; but this I think,
When they are thirsty, fools would fain have drink394.
BEROWNE This jest is dry395 to me. Fair gentle sweet,
Your wits makes wise things foolish. When we greet,396
With eyes best seeing, heaven’s fiery eye,
By light we lose light. Your capacity398
Is of that nature that to399 your huge store
Wise things seem foolish and rich things but poor.
ROSALINE This proves you wise and rich, for in my eye401—
BEROWNE I am a fool, and full of poverty.
ROSALINE But that you take what doth to you belong,
It were a fault to snatch words from my tongue.
BEROWNE O, I am yours, and all that I possess!
ROSALINE All the fool mine?
BEROWNE I cannot give you less.
ROSALINE Which of the vizards was it that you wore?
BEROWNE Where? When? What vizard? Why demand you this?
ROSALINE There, then, that vizard; that superfluous case410
That hid the worse and showed the better face.
Aside
KING We are descried412; they’ll mock us now downright.
Aside
DUMAINE Let us confess and turn it to
a jest.
PRINCESS Amazed414, my lord? Why looks your highness sad?
ROSALINE Help, hold his brows415! He’ll swoon! Why look you pale?
Sea-sick, I think, coming from Muscovy416.
BEROWNE Thus pour the stars down plagues for perjury.
Can any face of brass418 hold longer out?
Here stand I lady, dart thy skill419 at me;
Bruise me with scorn, confound me with a flout420,
Thrust thy sharp wit quite through my ignorance,
Cut me to pieces with thy keen conceit422,
And I will wish423 thee never more to dance,
Nor never more in Russian habit wait424.
O, never will I trust to speeches penned,
Nor to the motion426 of a schoolboy’s tongue,
Nor never come in vizard to my friend427,
Nor woo in rhyme, like a blind harper’s428 song!
Taffeta phrases, silken terms precise429,
Three-piled430 hyperboles, spruce affectation,
Figures pedantical431; these summer-flies
Have blown432 me full of maggot ostentation.
I do forswear them; and I here protest,
By this white glove — how white the hand, God knows! —
Henceforth my wooing mind shall be expressed
In russet yeas and honest kersey436 noes.
And, to begin, wench — so God help me, law437! —
My love to thee is sound, sans438 crack or flaw.
ROSALINE Sans ‘sans’439, I pray you.
BEROWNE Yet I have a trick440
Of the old rage441. Bear with me, I am sick.
I’ll leave it by degrees442. Soft, let us see:
Write, ‘Lord have mercy on us’443 on those three.
They are infected, in their hearts it lies:
They have the plague, and caught it of445 your eyes.
These lords are visited, you are not free446,
For the Lord’s tokens447 on you do I see.
PRINCESS No, they are free448 that gave these tokens to us.
BEROWNE Our states449 are forfeit. Seek not to undo us.
ROSALINE It is not so, for how can this be true,
That you stand forfeit, being those that sue451?
BEROWNE Peace! For I will not have to do452 with you.
ROSALINE Nor shall not, if I do as I intend.
To the Lords
BEROWNE Speak for yourselves. My wit is at an end.
KING Teach us, sweet madam, for our rude transgression
Some fair excuse.
PRINCESS The fairest is confession.
Were you not here but even458 now disguised?
KING Madam, I was.
PRINCESS And were you well advised460?
KING I was, fair madam.
PRINCESS When you then were here,
What did you whisper in your lady’s ear?
KING That more than all the world I did respect464 her.
PRINCESS When she shall challenge465 this, you will reject her.
KING Upon mine honour, no.
PRINCESS Peace, peace, forbear467.
Your oath once broke, you force not to forswear468.
KING Despise me when I break this oath of mine.
PRINCESS I will: and therefore keep it.— Rosaline,
What did the Russian whisper in your ear?
ROSALINE Madam, he swore that he did hold me dear
As precious eyesight, and did value me
Above this world: adding thereto moreover
That he would wed me or else die my lover.
PRINCESS God give thee joy of him. The noble lord
Most honourably doth uphold his word.
KING What mean you, madam? By my life, my troth,
I never swore this lady such an oath.
ROSALINE By heaven, you did; and to confirm it plain,
You gave me this. But take it, sir, again.
Shows the Princess’ favor
KING My faith and this the princess I did give.
I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve.
PRINCESS Pardon me, sir, this jewel did she wear,
And Lord Berowne, I thank him, is my dear.—
To Berowne as she shows Rosaline’s favor
What, will you have me or your pearl again?
BEROWNE Neither of either, I remit487 both twain.
I see the trick on’t. Here was a consent488,
Knowing aforehand of our merriment,
To dash it like a Christmas comedy490.
Some carry-tale, some please-man, some slight zany491,
Some mumble-news, some trencher-knight, some Dick492
That smiles his cheek in years and knows the trick493
To make my lady laugh when she’s disposed494,
Told our intents before, which once disclosed,
The ladies did change favours and then we,
Following the signs, wooed but the sign of she497.
Now, to our perjury to add more terror,
We are again forsworn in will and error.
To Boyet
Much upon this ’tis500.— And might not you
Forestall our sport, to make us thus untrue?
Do not you know my lady’s foot by th’squier502,
And laugh upon the apple503 of her eye?
And stand between her back, sir, and the fire504,
Holding a trencher505, jesting merrily?
You put our page out: go, you are allowed.
Die when you will, a smock shall be your shroud.507
You leer508 upon me, do you? There’s an eye
Wounds like a leaden sword509.
BOYET Full merrily hath this brave manage, this career510, been run.
BEROWNE Lo, he is tilting straight511! Peace! I have done.
Enter Clown [Costard]
Welcome, pure wit! Thou partest a fair fray512.
COSTARD O lord, sir, they would513 know
Whether the three Worthies shall come in or no.
BEROWNE What, are there but three?
COSTARD No, sir, but it is vara516 fine,
For every one pursents517 three.
BEROWNE And three times thrice is nine.
COSTARD Not so, sir — under correction, sir — I hope it is not so.
You cannot beg us520, sir, I can assure you, sir, we know what we know.
I hope, sir, three times thrice, sir—
BEROWNE Is not nine?
COSTARD Under correction, sir, we know whereuntil523 it doth
amount.
BEROWNE By Jove, I always took three threes for nine.
COSTARD O lord, sir, it were pity you should get526 your living by
reckoning527, sir.
BEROWNE How much is it?
COSTARD O lord, sir, the parties themselves, the actors, sir,
will show whereuntil it doth amount. For mine own part, I
am, as they say, but to perfect531 one man in one poor man:
Pompion532 the Great, sir.
BEROWNE Art thou one of the Worthies?
COSTARD It pleased them to think me worthy of Pompey the
Great. For mine own part, I know not the degree535 of the
Worthy, but I am to stand for536 him.
BEROWNE Go, bid them prepare.
COSTARD We will turn it finely off538, sir, we will take some
care.
Exit
KING Berowne, they will shame us: let them not approach.
BEROWNE We are shame-proof, my lord, and ’tis some policy541
To have one show worse than the king’s and his company.
KING I say they shall not come.
PRINCESS Nay, my good lord, let me o’errule you now.
That sport best pleases that doth least know how:
Where zeal strives to content and the contents546
Dies in the zeal of that which it presents547,
There form confounded makes most form in mirth548
&nb
sp; When great things labouring perish in their birth.
To the King
BEROWNE A right description of our sport, my lord.
Enter Braggart [Armado]
Armado and the King talk apart
ARMADO Anointed, I implore so much expense551 of thy royal
sweet breath as will utter a brace552 of words.
PRINCESS Doth this man serve God?
BEROWNE Why ask you?
PRINCESS He speaks not like a man of God’s making.
ARMADO That’s all one556, my fair, sweet, honey monarch, for, I
protest, the schoolmaster is exceeding fantastical, too too
vain, too too vain. But we will put it, as
Gives him a paper, which the King looks over
they say, to fortuna de la guerra559. I wish
you the peace of mind, most royal couplement560!
[Exit]
KING Here is like to be a good presence561 of Worthies. He
presents Hector of Troy, the swain Pompey the Great, the
parish curate Alexander, Armado’s page Hercules, the
pedant564 Judas Maccabaeus.
‘And if these four Worthies in their first show thrive,
Reads
These four will change habits566 and present the other five.’
BEROWNE There is five in the first show.
KING You are deceived, ’tis not so.
BEROWNE The pedant, the braggart, the hedge-priest569, the fool and the boy.
Abate throw at novum570, and the whole world again
Cannot prick out five such, take each one in’s vein571.
KING The ship is under sail and here she comes amain572.
Enter [Costard as] Pompey
COSTARD I Pompey am—
BEROWNE You lie, you are not he.
COSTARD I Pompey am—
BOYET With leopard’s head576 on knee.
BEROWNE Well said, old mocker, I must needs577 be friends with thee.
COSTARD I Pompey am, Pompey surnamed the Big—
DUMAINE The ‘Great’.
COSTARD It is ‘Great’, sir—
Pompey surnamed the Great,
That oft in field,
With targe583 and shield,
Did make my foe to sweat.
And travelling along this coast585, I here am come by chance,
And lay my arms586 before the legs of this sweet lass of France.—
If your ladyship would say, ‘Thanks Pompey’, I had done.
To the Princess
PRINCESS Great thanks, great Pompey.
COSTARD ’Tis not so much worth, but I hope I was perfect589. I