He broke the surface and couldn’t see her. She didn't surface, and he knew that he had to go back for her. Diving under the spray, he blindly felt around, trying to get to her. If he was this scared, she had to be terrified.
Just as he was about to go back up for air, he felt her floating in the dark water. Nate held onto her as he swam for shallow water.
At first, she was silent.
“Avi! Come on!” he begged.
Then she began sputtering and choking.
“Jesus! Honey! I’m sorry. I slipped!” he apologized, carrying her to the shoreline. His heart was pounding in his chest as they finally made it to the grass.
Avalon pushed her hair from her face. “Nathaniel, I’m okay. It’s not a big deal. You found me and now I’m safe.”
Her words resonated with him.
“Avalon!”
God!
He’d nearly lost her. In that quick moment, she nearly slipped from his world. It rattled him to his core.
“I’m okay,” she reassured.
“I’m not. I love you!” he blurted.
She stopped moving.
“What?”
“I love you, Avalon. I want you to know that.” The idea that he’d nearly lost her made him see how important it was to just say it. This was no time to let confusion or pride get the best of him.
He had to own it.
His heart was gone.
“Nathaniel, I’m safe. You don’t have to say that,” she stated, not wanting him to declare his love out of obligation. She gave him the words freely and wanted them the same way.
“I mean it. I love you.”
There was a weight lifted off his shoulders. Just by being honest, he could feel himself free from his bonds. While Avalon was the prisoner, he had been one too.
Love always eluded him until that very moment.
He was free.
Slowly, he lowered his mouth to hers. As their lips touched, there was peace. Her hands found his wet hair, and together, they enjoyed the moment.
The truth was out, and there’d be no hiding.
As she pulled away, she stared blindly into his face. “I was wrong. Now it’s the best day of my life.”
He held her close.
“It’s going to get better,” he promised. “Life, from here on out, is going to change, Avi. I swear it.”
His words churned her guts.
He didn't know how right he was.
After the dip in the water, Nate had more plans for her. They found a sunny spot to dry off and have their lunch. As they munched on PB&J, there was calm.
“Tell me about your life, Nathaniel. I want to know all about you,” she stated. “I’m sure there’s a file on me, so you’ve probably read it all.”
“I haven’t, actually.”
She didn't know what to say.
“I want to learn about Avalon Miller from the source. She’s pretty awesome.”
“I’ll tell you whatever it is you want to know, but you get to go first. Who is Director Nathaniel Carter?”
“I’m a workaholic who’s burning out. I like to read, drink beer, and hang out with my best friend. I used to run a satellite FBI office until I was offered this job. Now I’m so glad I took it.”
Avalon got a distant look on her face.
“Hey! Are you okay?”
“You live with the burden of what you see as the truth. You nearly got your sister killed, and you sat in her blood.”
Nate didn't speak.
What she was saying was absolute truth.
“When you nearly lost her, you threw yourself into work, women, and booze.”
Okay, that was a little embarrassing. He really didn't need her seeing his multiple one night stands.
“You wanted to be the one who died.”
“You’re right. A killer nearly took my sister’s life, and it was my job to keep her safe. I failed.”
Avalon knew this was going to be a problem. When her time came, he was going to carry this on his shoulders. It would break him.
Oh, her poor Nathaniel.
“Do you believe in fate?” she asked.
“Yes. I do.”
“Callista’s near brush with death wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t control it, Nathaniel. When death calls, it has a list of those it has to reap. You can bend fate marginally, but never really change it.”
He didn't want to believe that.
“You’re on this journey for a reason. You’ll have to see it out, and not let it hurt you.”
Nathaniel Carter wasn’t an idiot.
“You’re not leaving me. I’ll fight to the death to keep you with me, Avalon. I just found you, and I don’t plan on letting you go. We have years ahead of us.”
How she wished that was true.
They had days.
She could feel it.
“It’s not quantity. It’s quality. What you’ve given me in the last couple days is so much better than twenty five years’ worth of time. I wouldn’t trade what’s coming for what’s been.”
“Please. I can’t handle this,” he said, the strain beginning to show. He’d held up, trying to pretend it wasn’t the pink elephant in the room, but it was breaking him.
She touched his cheek.
“Promise me that you’ll stay with me,” he stated. “If I lose you, I can’t go on. You’re the only person in this world who gives me peace, Avalon. Before you, I couldn’t be at ease. Now, I’m calm. I’m finally happy.”
She ran her thumb over his lower lip. What was coming weighed on her. It was playing out exactly like she’d seen, minus a few little deviations. She never expected to fall into the water and get a declaration of love.
Life had some mysteries—even for her.
“Let’s not talk about this anymore,” he stated, closing himself off. This was what he feared.
This was why he didn't want to say the words.
Now, he had everything to lose. If she was right, he’d be broken and bleeding before their journey was done.
“I’m sorry, Nathaniel,” she offered. “Now you see why I’m locked away. I tend to ruin things. I told you. I’m a freak.”
He hated hearing that pain in her voice. She was withdrawing too. Nate could see it in her body language. He needed to stop it.
“It’s okay, Avi. I’m okay.”
He lied.
She saw his aura and knew.
“Can we head back?” she asked. “I’m cold.” There was no point in staying there. Avalon knew she’d ruined their time together.
“Don’t retreat,” he ordered, raising his voice for the first time with her. “I need you to not run. Stay. Fight. Don’t bail on me. Get mad if you have to, but don’t leave!”
She directed her empty gaze at him. “I don’t know how. Help me stay.”
“Tell me about you.”
Avalon sipped her water. “There’s not much to tell. You know my mother dumped me and my grandmother raised me.”
“Was she nice?”
Avalon laughed. “No.”
He didn't like the sound in her voice. He could hear the pain, and it physically made him ill.
“What happened?”
“She believed I was possessed by the devil. When I was small, I’d tell her when people were coming before they arrived. At first, it was amusing. The blind kid can hear really well.”
He took her hand in his.
“Then the things got bigger. I told maw-maw that my mother’s new husband was dead. Then she got the call.”
Nate kissed her knuckles.
“Well, as you can imagine, that started a storm of hysteria. My grandmother made me go to church as much as possible. She’d pray to God that he’d save me from the evil. There was so much pain at her hands. She was sadistic.”
He touched her cheek. “What did she do to you, Avalon? Tell me.”
“She’d torture me. There’d be subtle marks, and she’d made sure I suffered. There would be ice cold showers, s
he’d move the furniture around so I’d fall into it and get hurt, and when something broke, I’d be punished. For a while, she tried to beat the devil out of me.”
Nate wanted to hurt her.
No, he wanted to be sick.
“I learned it was best to say sorry and ask for forgiveness. If I did, she wouldn’t hurt me.”
“Avalon.”
“It’s okay. I got used to it.”
He wasn’t sure if she should go on.
“I have a half-brother and half-sister. When they would stop in to see maw-maw, they were royalty. I was nothing but the wasted breath brought to life.”
His heart ached.
“They were allowed to go to school, and I was called blind, dumb, and worthless. My one cousin would torment me nonstop. He’d drag me into the woods and leave me. He’d say that if God wanted me to find my way home, I would.”
“That’s hideous.”
She was well aware. “I had to survive. I couldn’t see, and I needed to adapt. I leaned to listen and fight to survive. When I told my grandmother about the president, she warned me they’d take me away.”
He understood.
“You thought you were getting free. You believed that anyplace would be better.”
She simply nodded.
“It wasn’t.”
Avalon laughed. “I guess it’s a matter of perspective, Nathaniel. No one abuses me here. I’m not called names, and I'm not physically hurt, but there are days when I wonder what my life would have been like. I really wonder what Maura would be like if she was my family. I didn't have someone who loved me, and I always thought it would be nice to have someone like that as part of me.”
Nate listened. “She’s part of my family. My sister is married to her brother Quinton.”
“Is it fun having a big family who loves you? I know that you’re important to your mother and father. I can feel it.”
He didn't know what to say. “I guess it is.”
“You’re lucky.”
Nate had to change the subject. He actually wanted to weep for her. “Where’s your father?”
“I don’t know. Before we met, I asked Elizabeth to find my family and figure out who I really am. I don’t know if there’s someone out there who is just like me, or will treat me just as badly as my grandmother and family.”
“I don’t blame you for wanting to know.”
She shrugged. “I just want to be seen,” she said. “At first, I hated being called Oracle. It took away from who I really am. It stripped me bare, not letting me be Avalon, but then I realized something.”
He brushed a drying hair from her face. “What did you learn, Avi?”
“Oracle isn't a burden. It’s a chance at a new life. When I was battered and broken, it allowed me to start over. I got to redefine myself. When I’m no longer here, I won’t be Avalon Miller, the blind girl who never got to go to school or be loved. I’ll be Oracle, the woman who gave to her country. This is my purpose, and it matters.”
He pulled her into his arms. “That’s not who you are either,” he stated.
“Who am I, Nathaniel? That seems to be the age old question.”
“You’re Avi, the woman who owns my heart. That’s more important than the rest because I won’t ever treat you like they did. I’ll cherish every second and let you be the woman I see before me. She’s sweet, gentle, and funny. That’s who you are, Avalon. You matter to me.”
Tears filled her eyes. “Oh, Nathaniel,” she whispered, right before the storm crashed around her. For the first time, since she was a child, Avalon Miller cried.
It wasn’t for her.
It was for him.
She’d found everything, and someone was going to steal it away.
Avalon was going to choose between him living and losing her own life.
It was a horrible choice to have to make.
This was the story of her life.
CHAPTER sixteen
E lizabeth wanted to meet face to face with the team before heading out. She needed to get back to FBI West before the day was done. There were other things on her plate, and she technically wasn’t supposed to be out in the field. As of that moment, she was still on maternity leave, only working a few hours to take the pressure off Ethan.
If her boss found out she was in the field, he was going to shit three tons of bricks.
She’d yet to requalify and that would get her in an ass load of trouble. That’s why Callen had really joined her. She was ‘backing’ him up.
Just as she sat down, her phone began ringing. Checking out the caller ID, she wanted to curse.
Could today get worse?
First, there was a dickhead sheriff who arrested her people, then her asking a Marine to burn down a building, and now Gabriel Rothschild was on the prowl.
She swore his walls had ears.
Well, it was time to proceed with the ass chewing.
“Hey, Gabe, how’s tricks?” she asked, answering the phone as cheerfully as she could.
“Shitty. I have POTUS on a tear, wondering if we’re keeping Oracle safe.”
“She’s good.”
“You know I need more than that, Elizabeth. I have to report back to him. Saying, ‘she’s good’, to the President of the United States, is like flipping him off. You have to give me something or my ass is going to roll. Right behind mine is yours and Ethan’s.”
She tensed. “Is that a threat, Gabe?” As of late, their relationship had been strained. Oracle was doing a number on her family.
He sighed. “No, it’s not. I’m just pointing out the obvious here. She’s like a nuclear warhead, and he knows there’s chatter about her being in danger.”
“Ahhh, so he heard about the two Escalades on the highway.”
“What? No! What the hell happened?”
She slapped herself in the forehead. Apparently, she did need to go back to recertification. Elizabeth Blackhawk was rusty as hell. It was that or the pregnancy hormones had done permanent damage. This was why she didn't want to have more kids. They were sucking out her brain.
“We had an incident. She’s safe now.”
“Spill it.”
While she didn't want to, Elizabeth had no choice. She’d outright lied to Gabe multiple times when it came to Avalon, but when POTUS asked, you didn't sling the shit. It would get you a one way ticket to Guantanamo—if you were lucky.
So, she told him everything.
“Holy shit!”
“Yeah, they’re upping their game. Is there any word on who hacked the FBI information?”
“No. There’s not even an electronic trail. As far as our tech team can tell, no one did it. They swear it’s not from our office.”
“Well, we both know that’s impossible. Someone got sensitive information and used it to hunt down Oracle. I know—I was one of the people trying to keep her alive for two months.”
“There’s nothing here, Lyzee. I give you my God’s honest word.”
She hated to point this out. “Then it has to be close to home. Someone’s betraying the FBI.”
“Who would do that, Elizabeth? No one has high enough clearance to find out anything about Oracle. You only got bumped when Nathaniel Carter accidentally fell into it. So, we have you, Ethan, Callen, and myself and that’s it. The other few people are in the field with her.”
She was well aware. “Well, someone knows.”
“Where is she?”
Elizabeth didn't want to tell. “Gabe, if it’s coming out of Quantico, maybe you shouldn’t be privy. You might need to step back on this one. You know…take a pass.”
“Are you accusing me of not upholding Quantico’s integrity, Elizabeth?” he asked.
“No, I’m telling you that they’re getting closer. We can’t stay ahead of them much longer. They want her dead, Gabe. They’ve already killed her grandmother, cousin, half-sister and brother.”
“I have to reassure the president. Please tell me you don’t think it was him.�
�
She wasn’t sure what she believed anymore.
“I need something.”
“She’s gone fishin’, okay?” Elizabeth stated, knowing he’d get the subtle hint. Since the cabin was his, and she’d absconded it without his permission, she might as well come clean.
“Oh, you mean where I like to go?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Thank you. I promise, this won’t get out.”
She prayed he wasn’t blowing smoke up her ass. This came down to four lives on the ground, and three in Fredricksville. Elizabeth Blackhawk may be many things, but she wasn’t one to throw her teams to the wolves.
Not on her watch.
“Are you sure we trust POTUS?” she asked.
Gabe laughed. “Christ, Lyzee! He’s the most powerful man in the free world. I think the president has a few other things that are a little more important.”
“Yeah, that’s my point. We have this power play, and all the sudden I have badass ex-military men kicking ass. Where do you think my suspicion is pointing?”
“You’re being paranoid. It’s going to be okay. The president wants her alive. He uses her when he is in a sticky predicament. The last thing he wants is for her to get hurt—or worse go missing. He’ll flip his shit.”
She hoped he was right.
“Well, keep everything close to your vest,” she stated. “Now, if you don’t mind, Gabe, I have to debrief Doctor Gaines and her husband. They’re out of jail.”
“What?” he shouted into the phone, caught completely off guard. He didn't know why he was shocked. His director liked to pull things like this to rile him up. “Elizabeth!”
She did the smartest thing.
Elizabeth hung up.
Heading into the diner, where she’d set up a plan to meet the three investigators, Elizabeth saw Jagger sitting at the back in a booth.
When she approached, he winked at her. “Look at you! There’s no baby on board.”
“Yeah, it’s me, and unluckily for you, I’m pissed off enough that I’ll pop you right in that smirky little grin.”
He started laughing and stood to shake her hand. “I missed you, Director. You made it interesting.”
Elizabeth motioned to the waitress for coffee. “Yeah, so many people tell me that.” When she sat, she needed to know. “Are we in the clear?”
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