It took him a second. “Uh, you realize calling Jagger hot isn't really the way to make me calm down.”
She laughed. “Quinton, I love you.”
He let it go.
After all, there were only so many wars he could win in his lifetime, and with this one, he was clearly ahead. His girl still loved him and wasn’t afraid to kiss him like that on some guy’s porch.
Score one for marriage.
“Let’s head out.”
He saluted her. “Yes, ma’am.”
* * * C a r t e r - G a i n e s * * *
The sun was already up when they came awake. Normally, Nate wouldn’t have slept this long, but it felt so damn good sharing a sleeping bag with Avalon.
Then there was that dream.
It was pretty intense.
When he opened his eyes, she was already awake and ‘watching’ him. Her empty gaze was settled on him as her hand moved up and down his chest. That rhythmic pattern was incredibly cathartic.
“Morning,” she said, offering Nate a gentle kiss. When she pulled away, Avalon rested her head on his shoulder. “I hope I didn't squish you all night long.”
He laughed. “You can squish me anytime. I slept so well, that I didn't mind being on the ground. That says a lot about my night.”
She didn't say anything.
“We shared a dream, didn't we?” he asked. “You were dream walking.”
“Yes.”
“It was pretty wild.”
“Yes, it was. Did you get the meaning?” she asked, stroking the tattoo on his chest with chilly fingers.
“Vaguely. Care to explain what you were trying to tell me?”
“You don’t have to treat me like glass. When you need to release some of that tension or anger you feel, you can come to me. I won’t break.”
“So, you’re talking about sex,” he offered. Nate thought back to how intense it felt with all the storms brewing around them. It was like making love in the eye of a hurricane.
“Yes. You don’t have to think I’m going to shatter if you share some of the burden.”
Now he got it.
Avalon, in her own way, was offering to be his sounding board.
He took a chance.
“I’m afraid.”
“Me too,” she reassured.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t, Nathaniel. I’ll always live in your heart and our dreams.”
Her words seemed so final. It only added to his brewing terror. Suddenly, his good mood was gone. In its place was an intense anger.
He slid out of the sleeping bag and began pacing on the rock face.
“Nate?”
“That’s what I’m talking about! Do you know how angry it makes me when you talk like you’re going to die? I want to throw something and lose my temper. I’m sick of it, Avalon. I want to believe that I’m not going to lose you, but I’m scared out of my mind. I don’t need you adding to my freak out by reminding me that you believe you’re going to die!”
She tracked his aura.
“I just found you! It’s not fair, and I hate that you believe that someone’s going to take you away from me! I hate that you won’t see the possibility that we can save you!”
It was time.
“Nathaniel, we promised truth, and I need to share more with you.”
He stopped himself from erratically pacing to stare at her. “What? What could you possibly add to this?”
“It’s not that I want to die, it’s just that the circumstances aren’t going to give me any other choice. Trust me. I want to be here with you, but I have to stop fighting so hard to live.”
He didn't understand.
It puzzled him.
He’d fight so hard to say with her, and Avalon was offering herself up to death. She was quitting.
Why?
How?
He couldn’t wrap his mind around it.
“Why won’t you save yourself, Avalon? Why the hell are you not willing to fight for me? For us? You told me you love me, so why won’t you say you won’t die? How come you can’t give me that?”
She opened her mouth, but then closed it. Anything after that point would break him, and she couldn’t do it. If he was going to be mad, it was better it was directed at her, not himself.
“I need you to not give up! I need to know that if it goes bad, you’re going to go balls to the wall and go to battle for me. We can overcome anything if you just stay with me!”
This was so damn hard.
“I love you, Nathaniel.”
“No! You don’t! If you did, you wouldn’t give up! You’d fight for us! It has to be more than words, Avalon. It has to be about willing to sacrifice everything else for us.”
His words hurt, but she swallowed them.
She was already sacrificing.
Her for him.
That wasn’t enough?
Her heart broke, and for the first time she understood what it felt to lose someone you loved. She could feel it coming. Nate was done.
Angrily, he dug through his backpack to find their water bottles. “I can’t deal with this right now. I’m going to go refill these. Here’s breakfast.”
He dropped the jerky in her hand before walking away. A part of him knew he shouldn’t leave her sitting there, but if he didn't, he’d act like an even bigger fool.
He was furious.
Confused.
Worried.
The last thing he wanted was to lose her. Now, she was slowly slipping away. The dream proved it. She was teaching him how to cope, and that meant as far as she was concerned, it was coming to an end. All he’d have were some memories in a dream, and that wasn’t good enough.
He wanted all. He demanded it.
From her.
From him.
From fate.
Nate needed to be angry with someone, and it appeared he’d found his target. This whole thing sucked. He’d handed her his heart, and he was going to lose it. This was exactly what he was afraid would happen, and now it was coming true. Inside, he wanted to rage against it.
Nate knew he needed to fight.
If she wouldn’t, he would. It was the only answer.
As he got to the side of the stream, he stared down into the water and could see his face. There were worry lines etched around his mouth and brow.
This was going to kill him.
There was no way he’d survive if he lost her.
Avalon had become his heart. She’d filled all the dark spaces and holes in his life, and now there was a chance that would be torn away from him.
Nate wanted to weep.
Then he felt guilty.
He’d left a blind woman alone as he went off to sulk. Not only did he do that, but he left someone’s prey out in the open. He was an ass. His temper tantrum was ill timed, that’s for sure.
Filling up the bottles, he dropped in the purification tablets and headed back up the hill.
Hopefully, when he got there, they could talk this out.
He didn't want her to be angry with him.
After all, he was mad enough for both of them.
Avalon heard the stomp of his angry footsteps as he walked away. She couldn’t stand the fact that he was so upset. Standing, she ran her hands over the side of rock formation. From her limited peripheral, she could see that there was a way to climb up. She wanted to get up to where the sun was shining.
At that moment, her whole body was chilly. Some of the iciness was from Nate’s anger, and some was from the lack of sunshine.
Moving slowly up the incline, Avalon finally reached the top. Instead of standing, she remained on her knees so she could feel around. Facing the east, the sun kissed her face, offering some peace. As she sat, blindly staring out at a world she’d never been blessed to see, Avalon let go.
And she wept.
When he got back, he was ready to apologize. Only, that wasn’t going to happen.
She was gone.
<
br /> He looked around, checking over the side of the hill to see if she’d fallen while he was gone. His heart pounded in his chest as his gut churned. If anything happened to her because of his stupidity, Nate would never forgive himself. It was his job to protect her, and he’d let her slip away.
He began calling to her.
No one replied. As he raced around the area, he found some tracks moving up the rocks. Surely she wouldn’t have tried to climb up without him. In his head he pictured her sliding to the bottom and to her death.
Now he wanted to be sick.
Scrambling up, he heard her before he saw her.
Avalon sat with her back to him as she softly wept. If possible, he now felt a million times worse. He’d left her alone, and now he’d made her cry.
He was batting a big fat zero on the woman front.
“Avalon?” he called, moving toward her.
She didn't stop crying when he approached. Kneeling, he was careful not to touch her. Honestly, Nate was new at this woman thing. Yes, he’d made some of them cry before, but mostly it was followed by them egging his car or sending him hate mail for being a dick.
Never once had he broken someone he loved.
“I’m sorry.”
She stared straight ahead. “I don’t want your apology.”
“Please tell me what to do to make this right,” he offered. “I didn't mean to hurt you.”
She kept her voice calm. “I want you to listen to me. What I’m doing has a purpose. You may not know or understand it, but one way or another, I have to do it.”
“Tell me why. Trust me to carry this with you. Wasn’t that the purpose of the dream?”
“Nathaniel.”
“Avalon, why are you willing to die and leave me? I need to know. Don’t you love me? Is that it?”
She couldn’t keep it from him anymore. To do it would be a disservice to their relationship. With what little time they had left, she didn't want to fight with him. This had the potential to be a wall between them, and that scared her.
“Do you want the truth?”
“Yes, please.”
“It’s going to come down to you or me, Nathaniel. One of us is going to die, and I can’t bear it to be you. I’d rather sacrifice myself to know you’ll live on and have a chance. Let’s face it. You can be free out there,” she said, motioning to the world she’d never know. “I can’t. So, I’m making the choice to offer me for you.”
Her words hit him like a punch to the solar plexus. It stole all the words right from his chest.
“When it comes down to it, fate wants one of us. I choose it to be me, not you. You have a family. You have people who love and will miss you. I don’t have any of that. If I disappear tomorrow, the world won’t mourn. If you’re gone, there will be sadness. I want to give this to you as a gift, not make you hate me in the process.”
He wanted to be sick.
Avalon was sacrificing herself for him.
Reality hit.
He was going to lose her—just not for the reasons he thought. Somehow, that was a zillion times worse.
CHAPTER Twenty
H is world was turned upside down. What did you do when the woman you loved told you that she was going to give up her life for you? After lecturing her for not caring enough, Nate now had to come face to face with the truth.
Avalon loved him to a depth he’d never thought possible. She was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for him, and Nate couldn’t handle it.
Moving closer to her side, he took her face in his hands. Even though she couldn’t see him, Nate stared into her eyes. He needed to do this to calm himself.
“Avalon.”
What did he say?
What they had was more than just sex. It was more than love. The ties that bound them were everything.
“You’re not going to die on me. I’m not going to die. We’ll both make that promise right now, and if what you’re saying is true, I’ll follow you. I’ll go down fighting for us, Avalon. No one is taking you from me. You were meant to be mine, and I don’t plan on giving up when the chips are down. That’s not the kind of man I am.”
Her hand found his face, and she mimicked his actions. As she gazed into his aura, she saw the truth of his words. Nate meant every word he was saying.
She could bet that if she went, he’d be on the other side waiting for her.
That scared the hell out of her.
After years of having no one, she had the ultimate gift. Nathaniel Carter loved her enough to promise he’d die for her.
“I’ve never loved before,” she whispered.
“Neither have I.”
“It’s scary.”
“Only if you let it be. I’m making you a promise, Avi. I’m going to be here for you, and I promise to do what it takes to save both of us.”
She moved into his body. He smelled musky and masculine with a faint kiss of some remaining cologne. It comforted her. She’d memorize this moment to use it when she was in that cold, lonely place.
“Promise me that you’ll trust me to do what’s right, and to protect what we have, Avalon.”
She held on to him. “I promise, Nathaniel.”
Lifting her chin, he lowered his mouth to hers. In the warmth of the sun, they sealed the vow with a kiss. She wouldn’t give up, and Nate wouldn’t let her go.
He hoped it was enough to keep them both alive.
“I love you, Nathaniel.”
In all honesty, what he felt for Avalon was so much more than just that emotion. It was like his heart recognized hers, and she was meant to complete him.
“You’re mine, Avi. We’ll grow old together. I promise.”
She sniffled.
Together they sat for a little longer as the morning blossomed before them. When Nate glanced down at his watch, he knew that it was time. Since no one came after them last night, it was safe to bet that Maura and Luke had handled the situation. They could take a slow trek to the new spot.
“I’m going to go down and grab our gear. You stay right here and don’t move. I don’t need you falling off the edge.”
She smiled at him. “I think I can manage, Nathaniel. You don’t have to worry.”
“I do because that’s what love is about. You find that one person, you worry about them, and you keep them safe.”
He kissed her again, just because he needed that connection. Reaching into his pocket, he handed her the jerky again, only this time it was done in love, not anger. “Eat up, sunshine. We’re going to have a long day ahead of us.”
Avalon did as he asked. When he was gone, she stopped chewing and reached inside herself to see if fate had altered their path.
She still saw it.
The fire.
The screams.
Her death.
No, they were still heading toward that final battle—the one where she’d go down, Nate would be left to fight his demons alone, and the evil would be victorious.
“Please,” she whispered, sending her words out into the universe. “I’ve never asked for anything. I’ve never wanted something for myself. Every day, I’ve accepted my duty. Let us live. Please give us a chance. I promise that if you give me this, I won’t waste my life. I’ll help others for as long as I live.”
There was no answer.
She fought the tears as she focused on the emptiness around her. Life wasn’t fair, and she’d come to accept that, but there was still a chance.
Miracles existed.
They would need one.
* * * C a r t e r - G a i n e s * * *
It had been a hell of a long night.
After taking care of that last foot soldier for the unknown enemy, they were a mess. As soon as they got to the vehicle, both Luke and Maura were spent.
They couldn’t manage to drive to the new location, so they found a pull off and crashed for the night.
Leaving the absconded vehicle, they found a secure area hidden in the trees. There, they cleaned
up and bedded down for the night.
What they needed was sleep, food, and to get to the other half of the team.
When she woke, Maura found Luke’s body practically covering hers. It was hard to tell if it was done out of protection, or if the man was just in the mood to cuddle with a bloody mess.
She was betting the first option.
“Babe,” she whispered, shaking his shoulder. “I need to look at your arm and then we have to get rolling.”
“Mom, I don’t want to play Rambo today. Can’t I sleep in until next week?”
She started laughing. “You’re such a smart ass.”
His baby blue eyes popped open, and they twinkled with humor. “You love my smart ass. I know you check it out all the time, baby.”
He had a very valid point.
“How do you feel?”
“Like we tracked five killers through the woods, they shot at us, and then we bathed in their blood in some Marine ritual.”
Maura winked at him. “So, basically a day in my life, huh?”
He went serious. “You scare me.”
Those were words she never wanted to hear from him. Of all people, Luke was the last one she wanted to fear the real her.
“I see,” she said, pulling away to sit up.
“Maura?”
“It’s okay,” she stated. “After seeing this, I’ll understand if you don’t want to marry me.”
He stared at her like she’d hit her head. “Why wouldn’t I want to get married?”
“Because what I’ve done is horrible and vile, and you deserve so much better. You should have a sweet woman who bakes you cookies and gives you kids. Not someone like…”
She couldn’t finish.
It was time to face the cold hard reality of all this. She was a killer. The second she was pulled for this job, assigned to Oracle with Luke, she knew this was coming.
“Maura, look at me.”
She glanced over her shoulder at him.
“I’m not afraid of you. I’m afraid for you. What you do is so very dangerous, and I’m scared shitless that you won’t come home to me. I understand that your job has some dark corners. Mine does too. I’m not ashamed of what we had to do last night. You’re not some horrible monster.”
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