by Kendall Ryan
Not to mention, during the first days of Alexa’s absence, Lily drove me up a fucking wall talking about Lexa nonstop. I hadn’t meant to lose my temper with her, but since I had, she hadn’t brought up the topic of Alexa again.
Thank fucking God.
It was just like I told Alexa—I knew from the beginning things would end this way, with a certain little girl wondering where she’d gone and my heart fucking crushed because of it.
There was no denying that meeting Alexa’s parents had changed things. After that exchange of words in the parking lot, we hadn’t talked at all. I’d almost broken down and called her half a dozen times, but was trying like hell to give her some distance. She had to see this thing between wasn’t going to work. I mean, what did she expect? Did she think I’d win over her parents and put a ring on her finger? Of course she deserved nothing less than finding a man who would give her the world. But the real world wasn’t like one of those goddamn fairytale stories of Lily’s. The real world was hard work and painful pasts and people who did manual labor and dabbled in porn to make a living. I wasn’t ashamed of what I had done, but Alexa’s parents would have a fit if they ever found out. Her Dad seemed okay, but Alexa’s mother was the coldest person I’d ever met. Now that Alexa was no longer in my life, and after ignoring several calls from Rick, I’d finally given in, deciding I do one more film. I told myself this was it—it would be my last one. With the pay check I’d receive, I’d be able to pay off Lily’s outstanding bills, plus my ER visit and be done with the whole thing.
I picked up my phone and dialed, knowing I only had a few minutes before Lily was due off the bus.
“I hope you’ve got good news for me.” Rick greeted after picking up after one ring.
With no emotion, I responded. “I’ll do it. When and where?”
I listened as he gave me the instructions. The shoot was happening tomorrow. I needed to shave in the morning and I was due on location at noon.
“See you then.” I ended the call, wanting to keep the conversation as short as possible. I hadn’t even asked who I’d be working with. At this stage, it didn’t matter because I just needed the money. I’d play a role, do what was expected of me and cash my paycheck. Simple, right? Then why was my stomach fucking knotted like this?
Once I met Lily off the bus and got her settled in with a snack and her favorite show, I grabbed a bottle of beer and took off for the garage, needing to blow off some steam by reorganizing my toolbox, or punching something. Take your pick.
It did little to relieve my tension, and ten minutes later I was stalking back inside to find an eerily quiet house.
“Lily?” I called, as I rounded the corner from the kitchen to the living room and stepped in something wet, and warm. What the—?
When I entered the living room, the reason for the damp carpeting became clear. Lily had maneuvered a large pot of water into the living room and dumped it onto the floor, based on the puddle I was standing in and the overturned pot in front of me.
“Lily, what in the world?” I grabbed the overturned pot, then reached down to wrench off my soaking wet socks.
Soft crying coming from the couch had me rushing toward Lily. “Baby doll what happened?”
She sniffed, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth. “I wanted to do a pedicure like me and Lexa did.”
That’s what the pot of water had been for? To soak her feet? I hugged her to my chest. “Shh. It’s okay. It’ll be okay.” Fuck. I had no training in how to deal with this. How would I handle when she started her period or wanted to go on a date? Dammit.
Breathe, Cade. A little spilled water isn’t the end of the world. Dealing with a sad and scared little girl? Much worse.
Just when I was starting to get on with my life and put the ache of missing Alexa behind me, life happened and landed a blow to my gut. My first instinct was to call Alexa, to beg her to come back, but instead I continued cleaning up the rest of the water, trying to talk myself out of it.
When I couldn’t hold off any longer, I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed her number. The line rang several times before her voicemail picked up. Damn. I hung up without leaving a message. What would I say? I’m an asshole, but can you put that aside and come back? Yeah, that wouldn’t work.
I dumped the wet rags into the sink as my cell phone rang. I pulled it from my pocket and the screen flashing Alexa’s name sent my heart jumping. “Cupcake?”
She laughed nervously, all warm and feminine. God, I’d needed to hear that laugh. My tense shoulders instantly eased and I sank down into a chair at the kitchen table.
“Cade?” her voice was guarded. “I saw you called.”
I hated hearing her so formal and down to business. “Yeah, it’s just…Lily…she’s been pretty torn up since you left.”
“Lily has?” she questioned, her voice tinged with a touch of sarcasm.
“Yeah,” I said, losing my nerve.
“Well, let’s clear something up. I didn’t leave, you pushed me away. There’s a big difference.”
“I know,” I said sheepishly.
She let out an exasperated sigh. “Now tell me what happened with Lily.”
I explained the upturned pot of water on my floor and the fact that Lily was currently camped out on the couch in one of my old T-shirts, eating a bowl of ice cream. Before dinner. Just to quiet her sobs about the spilled the water.
“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” Alexa said.
I sighed in relief. “Thank you, cupcake.”
“Let me clarify one thing,” she snapped, her voice laced with anger, “I’m coming for Lily. Not you.” And with that she hung up.
Damn.
Having Alexa on her way made everything feel lighter, feel right somehow. Even if she was only coming for Lily, the spilled water and the soaking wet carpeting, none of which bothered me anymore. I headed into my room to change my wet clothes and wait for Alexa to arrive.
Alexa’s arrival was met with squeals of excitement and Lily grabbing for her walker to race to greet her at the front door. I stood back and watched Alexa scoop her up in a hug. Alexa was positively glowing. She was more beautiful than my memory could have processed. Her hair was swept up into a loose ponytail, several tendrils escaping to frame her face and she was dressed casually in jeans and a fitted pink top. She looked good enough to eat. My very own cupcake.
But Alexa was all business, taking care of Lily and ignoring me completely. I’d never felt awkward in my own house, but I sure as shit did now. She lifted Lily to her hip, cradling and rocking her as Lily’s bottom lip wavered and fresh tears cascaded down her little cheeks. “Shh sweetie,” Alexa whispered. “I’m here.”
Hearing Lily ask her in between sobbing hiccups why she hasn’t been around tugged at my heart. They talked in quiet murmuring voices for a little while longer while I tried to make myself scarce.
Once Lily was calmed and quieted, Alexa strode into the kitchen, grabbed her purse from the kitchen table and started for the door.
I reached for her hand, but she shrugged herself free from my grasp.
“Please, Lex. Will you stay?”
Her eyes met mine, full of questions. “For you or for Lily?”
I swallowed my pride and gave her my truth. “For me.” I took her hand again, noticing that she no longer fought me, yet her hand remained limp in mine. I gave it a squeeze.
“I recall you saying—” Alexa started.
“I know what I said, but I’m an idiot, okay?”
“Yes, you are,” she agreed. I could hear the smile in her voice, even if her face remained impassive.
“So will you stay? I’ll even cook for you. It won’t be prime rib, but…”
She chuckled as she placed her purse back on the kitchen table. “I suppose I could eat.”
Lily appeared in the kitchen doorway and smiled when she saw both of us.
“Are you staying for dinner Lexa?” Lily asked, hopefully.
“Yep. I’m
a little scared about your big brother cooking though. Is he a good cook?” Alexa teased.
“Hey, I’m standing right here.” I scoffed, and my heart sang as Alexa and Lily burst into giggles. I set Lily down on a chair at the table and glanced between her and Alexa. “How do scrambled eggs sound?”
“Eggs? For dinner?” Alexa questioned, her tone one of surprise.
“What do you have against eggs?”
“Nothing,” she back-peddled, smiling. “I’ve just never had scrambled eggs for dinner.”
“Hey, you try cooking to please the palate of both an eighty-year-old and a three-year-old. I’d like to see what you come up with.”
She placed her hand on my cheek and held my eyes with hers as if to acknowledge all I’d been through. I smiled at her gentle concern, and after a moment she dropped her hand and stepped aside to allow me room to work. I removed a carton of eggs and a package of shredded cheese from the fridge and got to work.
I hadn’t explained the whole story to her, and didn’t plan to. That year I lost my grandmother was hard enough—she’d basically raised me. But couple that with my parents dropping off Lily, still unable to walk at age three because they hadn’t invested the time or money into her care, and my grandfather’s failing health…and yeah, life had been hell that year.
The truth was, none of us liked my attempts at cooking that first year, but rather than starve, we made it work. And a carton of eggs was cheap. Of course, those had been the days when we were still surviving off my grandfather’s meager social security checks, before he passed away in his sleep one night and I gave up going to school and started working full time.
Gosh, it seemed like so long ago. Now I took care of myself and Lily almost on auto-pilot, but back then, it had literally seemed like an impossible feat.
After dinner, Alexa and I settled on Lily’s bed while she read us a story. Even though the story she’d selected was quite a bit above her reading level, I’d read it to her so many times she had it memorized nearly word for word. My eyes drifted along Alexa’s outstretched form, her arm thrown over Lily’s shoulders as they huddled together on the pillow, rosy cheeks and eyes glued to the book they read from. My gaze followed the length of Alexa’s lean, denim-clad legs down to her cotton-candy-pink polished toes. I ran my fingertips lightly over the arch of her bare foot and her eyes caught mine. I knew we were both anticipating being alone tonight. I also knew I had some groveling to do.
Once Lily was tucked in for the night, Alexa and I crept from the room. She started off down the hall, but my hands on her waist stopped her. I pulled her up against my chest. “I thought we’d go in my room tonight.”
Her eyes darted up to mine, trying to understand my meaning. She blinked up at me with blue eyes widening in surprise, trusting me, following me wherever I might lead her. My chest felt full with some unknown feeling.
I took her hand and led her inside my darkened bedroom. Not bothering to turn on a light—it’d only reveal a large messy bed, and a single dresser in the corner anyhow—I gently steered her toward my bed. When I felt the backs of her legs bump against the mattress, I gave her shoulders a gentle nudge and she fell backwards, giggling as she hit the bed and tugged me down on top of her.
My lips sought out hers in the darkness, my body needing to be close to her in every way possible. Our limbs were a tangled heap in the center of the bed, though I tried to keep my weight from crushing her. I couldn’t believe I’d been stupid enough to push her away. If by some small miracle this angel thought I was good enough for her, I was hers. Body and soul.
“Hey, I almost forgot. I got something for you.” I disentangled myself from her, felt my way to my dresser and located what I was looking for. “Where’s your purse?”
“You can give it to me.”
“Not right now. I’ll just tuck it inside your bag for later.”
“Okay. My purse is on the couch.”
“Be right back.” I jogged down the hallway, depositing the canister into her bag before rejoining her.
She’d tugged down the blankets and was resting in the center of the bed when I returned. Once I located her, she cuddled against my chest, her head tucked under my chin as if this spot was designed solely for her. Hell, maybe it was.
She reached one hand under my T-shirt and soothed me with gentle caresses I didn’t deserve. Her fingers worked away all the tension in my neck and shoulders. “It’s all going to be okay with Lily, you know. You’re doing an amazing job with her,” she whispered.
Hearing her approval of my efforts with Lily was a shock to my system. It was something I never heard from anyone, least of all myself. There was always more to do, more to worry about, more I should have been doing.
Alexa’s presence in our lives was proof of that. But then again, she was filling a void I couldn’t. Providing a woman’s touch. And seeing the joy she brought to Lily, I wasn’t about to rob Lily of that. But having Alexa acknowledge my efforts, working to calm my fears, set off something inside me and my heart squeezed in my chest. I knew I didn’t deserve a woman this pure and perfect, but damn if I didn’t want to keep her.
“Thank you,” I said, simply.
“I hated how we left things,” she breathed against my skin.
“Shh.” I kissed away her fears, brushing her hair back from her face. “That was my fault. Will you forgive me?”
“Hmm. That’d be too easy. You might need to remind me of how good we are together.”
I pressed a kiss to her forehead, her sweet scent rushing over me. “I know I’m not the type you take home to Mommy and Daddy, and that never bothered me before now, but dammit Alexa. I’m sorry…” Even if I got to be the first one inside her, the first to fuck her, would it even be enough? Would I be okay with the fact that sooner or later some prick with a nice car and an office job would come along and put a ring on her finger? Fuck, I couldn’t think like that. It was what she deserved. But I’d take every second I could get with her until then.
She pushed against my chest, wanting space and I rolled off of her. In the moonlight, I could just make out her silhouette as she sat back on her heels and lifted her shirt off over her head, thrusting her tits out. All the blood rushed to my groin and I bit back a groan. I swallowed, and pulled in a ragged breath. She was fucking perfection.
She pressed a few soft kisses on my throat and my chest, and rocked her hips against mine. Everything felt different with her. Sure, I was horny as hell, but it was more than that, too. There was nothing meaningless about this. With each soft cry I elicited from her, each time her gaze met mine, I was falling deeper and deeper. But I hadn’t asked her to be part of my life because I knew it wasn’t realistic. I’d been around the block, seen how things worked and wouldn’t put Lily through that. Because sooner or later things between us would run their course. I closed my eyes and tried to just enjoy the time I had with her.
I reached behind her and unclasped her bra, needing to taste her. Hell, I’d give my left nut for a taste. I planted several openmouthed kisses on each bare breast. She thrust her chest out, angling herself closer to my mouth. “Don’t tease me, cupcake. Not if you’re not ready for this…” My voice was coarse, and my tone more menacing than I intended, but Alexa rose on her knees in the center of the bed and began unbuttoning her jeans, slowly sliding them down her hips, wiggling her fine little ass.
“Panties too,” I growled.
She slid her fingers under the elastic and tugged the panties down her legs, sending them over the side of the bed along with her jeans.
Once she was completely undressed, I tugged off my own T-shirt and yanked down my jeans, tossing them to the floor. “Come here.” I eased her down onto her back, and spread her knees until her legs fell apart as wide as they would go, before leaning forward to taste her.
When my mouth met her flesh, her head dropped back against the pillow and she let out a low moan. I circled her clit with my tongue, teasing and sucking the delicate flesh into my
mouth while she writhed underneath me. Her hips wouldn’t remain still, lifting to meet my mouth as if they had a mind of their own, and I had to grip her waist to keep hold her steady. I could do this all day, but it wasn’t long before she was balling the comforter in her fists and panting out my name as her release crashed over her.
I crawled up her body and held her against my chest, where she promptly nestled herself in again. “Am I forgiven yet?” I whispered into her hair.
She sighed contentedly and patted my back. “Mm-hmm.”
I chuckled.
Tossing aside the fact that I had a throbbing erection, I would have lain there all night just holding her, doing my best to win her over. But after a few minutes Alexa’s breathing had returned to normal and she climbed on top of me, straddling my lap. The feel of her wet heat pressed against my erection sent my pulse skyrocketing. I wanted her. Fuck, I needed her.
“You can’t keep sliding that sweet pussy along my cock, sweetheart, unless you’re ready for me to bury it deep inside you.”
She let out a soft whimper.
I gripped her upper arms, hard enough so she knew I was serious but not hard enough to hurt, and hauled her off me. “I’m not going to be able to control myself with you cupcake, and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Cade, please. I want you…” she whispered.
Aw hell, hearing her beg for it just about undid me. Did she know what she was asking me? “Are you sure? Your first time should be with someone important, sweetheart.”
Her answer was determined. “I know.”
My heart spasmed again. I wanted to make her mine. “You sure you’re ready for this?”
“Yes,” she breathed, her voice raspy with need.
I planted a soft kiss on her mouth, and felt her shudder when my erection pressed against her hip. I blindly reached over to my nightstand, unwilling to break the kiss and found the foil packet I was looking for. Within seconds I had rolled on the condom, and once the familiar scent of latex hung in the air, my dick had a mind of its own, nudging against Alexa’s belly as if it was seeking entrance. I knew I needed to slow myself down, but her tiny whimpers and the way she rocked her hips against mine were wearing at my patience.