by B. M. Hardin
Wait…no.
It wouldn’t be there because Eddie had come down the stairs with it in his hands. The box. I looked in the trash can for the empty box that the pregnancy test had come in. The one that I’d thrown away.
Huh?
It wasn’t there either.
Where is it?
I headed to check my top drawer.
I’d had the pregnancy test hidden under my bras and panties for a few days before taking it, hoping that I would get lucky and my period would finally show up, but it never did.
After throwing my underwear in every direction, finally, I came across the unopened box that contained the pregnancy test.
What?
I opened the box just to be sure that the pregnancy test was still inside. It was; still in the wrapper, untouched and unused.
So it was all a dream?
But it’d felt so real.
I touched the back of my neck and my shoulders. I didn’t feel sore from where I’d thought Polo had done something to cause me to pass out. Instinctively, I looked in the mirror to check for bruising or something just in case.
Nope. Nothing.
For some reason the smell of flowers seemed to follow me but other than that, all of the evidence pointed towards Eddie’s statement.
I’d had one hell of a bad dream!
Oh thank goodness!
Still feeling uneasy, I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. I looked towards my bedroom window and realized that it was a lot later than I remembered.
It was dark outside and glancing at the clock on the wall, I must have been asleep for hours. But for the life of me, I couldn’t remember falling asleep at all. I couldn’t seem to sort out my thoughts or even remember what I’d been doing before I’d dozed off.
When did I go to sleep?
The only thing I seemed to remember was my dream.
After sitting down for only a minute or so, I steadied my heartbeat, put my thoughts on stand-by and pulled myself together. The sound of the kids caused me to head in their direction. I inspected them, although I knew that they were fine.
I even quizzed the oldest, but he hadn't been much help.
He only said that he was hungry and asked if he was staying home or going back with Eddie.
A few minutes later, I headed back downstairs to Eddie, who was still sitting in the same spot as though he’d been waiting for me.
“Sorry about that. I must have fallen asleep waiting on you guys. I had a horrible dream.”
Eddie looked at me.
“Yeah. You were dreaming about Polo. You were saying his name when I walked in,” Eddie said disappointed.
“Trust me, it wasn’t a good thing. He was trying to kill me…I think,” I shook my head.
Surprisingly, Eddie chuckled.
“Um, well, it was definitely a dream then if he was “trying”.”
Huh?
Where the hell did that comment come from?
“What is that supposed to mean Eddie?”
He seemed to be surprised that he’d actually let the remark slip out of his mouth but he had. And he couldn’t take it back.
“Nothing. You know Polo is into all of those crime shows and stuff, I’m sure he could pull something off if he wanted too,” Eddie said, but I wasn’t buying it. That wasn’t what he’d meant by his comment, but I didn’t say anything.
Polo was into stuff like that, but Eddie was referring to something else. Something more.
“But speaking of Polo, I talked to him about bothering you.”
“And?”
“And I told him that you saw something that you weren’t supposed to see. And you heard something that you weren’t supposed to hear.”
I became uncomfortable and I put my guard up just in case my dream was about to come true.
“And?”
“And he said just what I’d thought that he would say. First he said that you were nosey, and then he said that he would back off. You know, people always say that eventually what’s done in the dark comes to the light, but the truth is, some secrets are meant to stay hidden Sassi. And some people are willing to do anything to make sure that things stay that way. Some things truly are better off not knowing.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning the problem is solved. Believe me, Polo won’t bother you again. I’m sure of it. Unless you want him to...do you?” Eddie asked.
I looked at him.
“Do I what?”
“Do you want Polo to keep bothering you? Are you telling me one thing but showing him another?”
“Well…”
There was that time that I’d given myself to Polo because I was angry at Eddie and the other time because I’d broken into his house and needed a cover-up, so I guess my actions didn’t exactly match my words a time or two.
But I knew what was in my heart and what was in my heart was more important than what happened in between my legs when I got near Polo these days.
Sex was good; but love and a life of contentment was better.
I realize that now. I realized that Eddie and my kids, our love and marriage was what was important. Even if I had to by a whole damn box of Polo’s little sex toys, my heart just wanted my life with Eddie back.
And that little dream that I’d just had definitely had my mind now on the bigger picture. That could have easily been my reality with all of the reckless things that I’d been doing lately.
But since it was just a dream, now I could get back to my plan of trying to win Eddie back.
“It would be too soon if I never saw him again,” I said to Eddie with reassurance.
Eddie eyed me for a second.
“Was I not good to you?”
“Yes you were.”
“Did I not love you enough? Was I doing something wrong?”
“No Eddie. It wasn’t you. Honestly. It was me. If I could take it all back, I would. I promise you. I really would.”
“Yeah, but you can’t.”
Eddie cleared his throat and then he stood up and appeared to be preparing to leave.
I still didn’t like how strange I felt inside. I couldn’t put my finger on it but something just didn’t feel right. Something made me feel like there was something that was right in front of my eyes, but I just couldn’t see it. Remembering parts of the dream, there was one thing that I thought that I could ask Eddie. Just to hear his response. Just to see his face.
“Eddie who is Vanessa?” I figured that it was no harm in asking, just to be sure.
“Who? I don’t know anyone named Vanessa. Why? Who is she?”
I studied is face. He didn’t seem uncomfortable or as if he was trying too hard to appear at ease. He seemed to be telling the truth. Well, at least I asked. I shook my head.
“Nothing.”
I took a deep breath.
Wait a minute…what’s that smell?
I sniffed the air. I hadn't noticed it before but I damn sure noticed it now.
The scent of Polo’s cologne was in the air; the only kind that he ever wore.
So wait, Polo had been here?
Eddie walked by me and my nose automatically recognized that the scent of Polo was on him.
“Why do you smell like Polo?”
“Do I?” Eddie sniffed his shirt.
“I was around him for a while today, maybe the scent rubbed off on me. The boys played with his kids while he and I talked about you. But like I said, he and I had a long conversation and he shouldn’t bother anymore.”
Well, I guess that was a good enough reason, and I personally knew it to be true. If you were close to Polo for only a few minutes, you were bond to leave his presence smelling like him. I sniffed my own shirt. I still smelled like flowers. I tried to think of which perfume it was, but I couldn’t recall any of them smelling like flowers.
“Anything else before I go?” Eddie asked.
“Eddie would you ever hurt me? I mean really hurt me?”
“What? No. Why
are you asking me that? For what you and Polo did to me, I should have and to be honest, I wanted to, especially when you called me his name during sex. Now that really pissed me off Sassi. But no matter how much I want to hate you, I can’t. You’re the mother of my kids. The only woman I’ve touched over in the last decade. And no matter what, I’ll always love you. So, no, I would never hurt you. Our boys need you. I know what you heard on the tape, but it was nothing. I didn’t mean it. I was upset. I was angry. I’m in a better place now, mentally and emotionally. It is what it is Sassi.”
I knew Eddie well enough to know that he was being sincere. And even if he wasn’t, I didn’t have a choice but to take his word for it. So, I had to shake away whatever it was that I was feeling and get focused.
It was all a dream.
I said that over and over again in my head a few times. The pregnancy test hadn't been taken or even opened. Looking at my phone call log, I hadn't even called Micki, at all that day, so I really must have been dreaming. So now, I was just going to stay far away from Polo and according to Eddie, he was going to stay away from me too. I was going to focus on Eddie, and not to mention the twenty million dollars that depended on us working things out. I definitely couldn’t forget about that.
“Eddie, stay for a little while.”
He looked at me.
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“If you must know, I have a date,” he said, half smiled and walked out the door.
Oh really? I headed to the door and screamed behind him.
“With who Eddie?”
“Now that Sassi, is none of your business,” he said.
Like hell it isn’t!
I slammed the door at the end of his remark. I stood by the window and watched Eddie get into the car.
Who told him that he could go out on a date? If I wasn’t dating, he sure as hell wasn’t dating either! Sure I’d messed up. But even I deserved a second chance, and some way, somehow, I was going to get Eddie give me one.
I wasn’t going to make him take me back; whether it was for the love and for the money.
“Date my ass, we will see about that mister,” I mumbled as I grabbed my purse and my keys from the living room table. I wasn’t going to let him move on without a fight.
“Kids! Come on! We got a date to ruin!” I yelled and waited impatiently for them to scurry down the stairs.
~***~
Being married to Eddie for all of those years sure came in handy. I knew exactly where he would take his date, and he was beyond furious when the kids and I showed up at the restaurant. I was as bold as ever, and I walked right up to their table and the kids and I took a seat. I introduced myself as his wife and made sure that the tiny woman understood that I was prepared to be the baby mama from hell if she even thought that she and Eddie were about to have something going on. If she wanted to date Eddie, then she was going to also be dating me too.
It’s safe to say that she wasn’t too fond of my approach, and that Eddie had a little too much baggage than she was willing to accept and more drama than she’d signed up for.
Before they even brought out her food, she was gone. I don’t think I have ever seen Eddie so mad, our entire marriage, than he was that night. Well, except for when he found out about the affair between Polo and I. He was so upset that it was almost funny.
He’d even kicked me and stepped on my toes a few times under the table before his date finally became uncomfortable and left. But I didn’t care. I’d gotten what I’d wanted out of the deal.
I’d ruined his date.
Boom!
But since that day, Eddie had been letting me have it. He was fussing and cussing, every chance that he could about my behavior. He was constantly reminding me that I was the cause of our divorce, but he didn’t have to remind me of that.
I knew that already. The point is that I was trying to fix it and make it right. But Eddie wasn’t planning on making it easy.
“Hey Eddie.”
“Hey Stupid,” Eddie said trying to start an argument, but I wasn’t falling for it this time. I was trying to get back on his good side.
“Okay, well can I be Mrs. Stupid and you be Mr. Stupid and we get stupid married, again, and live stupid-happily-ever after?” I tried to make a joke.
“Keep stupid-dreaming,” Eddie said dryly.
I tried to keep myself from laughing at his little attempt to be mad at me.
“Okay. So, what time are you coming to get the boys?”
I wanted to know how much time I had. I wanted to be done cooking Eddie’s favorite dinner so that he could have a chance to eat before taking the kids for the night. And I wanted to have time to get all dolled up so that I could remind him of what he was missing.
“I’ll be there.”
Eddie hung up without saying goodbye.
“Bastard!” I screamed at the phone before slamming it down. I couldn’t help but chuckle. Eddie trying to be mad was just a tad bit cute.
“Knock, Knock,” Micki chimed, walking in with her bad ass kids, my niece included.
I had been distant from her since having the dream. It wasn’t intentionally. But I’m sure she’d noticed.
“I’ve been calling you.”
“I know. I’ve been so busy. And I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately.”
“Um huh. You want to talk about it?”
“No. Not really. It isn’t important.”
“What is it? Oh no, you’re pregnant.”
“Girl no. I’m not pregnant.”
That’s right. I wasn’t pregnant. So I had definitely just been dreaming. I hadn’t even needed to take the pregnancy test. My period started later on that same night after fussing with Eddie for hours on end about my stunt at the restaurant. And to date, it was one of the worst periods that I’d ever had! I mean I was bleeding through my clothes and everything.
It had me wanting to sleep with my ass up in the air just so I didn’t mess up my sheets. That’s just how bad it was. I figured that it had been late due to stress and I could only assume that stress was playing a part with how heavy it was as well. But if it didn’t slow up soon, I was going to the hospital or something because it was becoming a bit much to handle.
Hell, I was just glad that I wasn’t pregnant.
“Well, that’s good. One less problem you have to worry about.”
“Yeah. I guess so.
“So, I met someone,” Micki chimed.
“He isn’t white is he?” I joked.
“Actually he is. How did you know that? Who told you?”
Wait…what?
Okay, now this was freaking me out!
Of course prior to having the “dream” or even that day, I had told Micki about my possibly pregnant status. She was my best friend. Of course she knew. But we hadn't talked, so I hadn't told her anything about my dream as of yet or that she’d said those exact words to me in it.
Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.
I stared at her.
“Why you looking at me like that? What’s wrong with you?” Micki questioned. “I know. I’ve always said that I wouldn’t date a white man but time is money…literally.”
Micki laughed and started messing with the things that I had on the counter. She was sneaking and tasting whatever she could.
She giggled, knowing that I was about to stop her.
Hmmm…
She seemed normal. Maybe I was thinking about it all too much. Maybe it was just a coincidence. It had to be because if I hadn’t been dreaming, I would be pregnant.
I wasn’t pregnant.
I was bleeding more than a patient having open heart surgery in between my legs and I’d never even taken the pregnancy test.
I shook my head.
“So what about this man?”
“What other than he’s a sexy, tall glass of milk? He’s older too. Like ten years or so. But I like his maturity. He’s divorced. Three kids. Professional. Smart. And from
the conversations that we’ve had, he seems to be a little on the freaky side too,” Micki proclaimed.
Okay, so this white man was different from the one that she’d explained to me in my dream.
Good.
“I need that money Sassi. For me and my babies. Hell, I need love too. But I would love twenty million dollars, you know. I gotta’ make him fall in love with me. So, for starters, I need you to teach me how to cook. I’m a little challenged in the kitchen as you know,” she laughed.
She was right.
If it wasn’t fried chicken or something simple, in a box or in a bag, Micki couldn’t cook it.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“You might as well. You have plenty of time to teach me now. I mean, you don’t have a husband or a man on the side anymore…right? And you’re unemployed. What else do you have to do?” Micki started to laugh hysterically and I punched her in the arm.
“Sorry. Too soon?”
“Yes. Way too soon,” I growled although she was absolutely right. I’d lost everything. But I was going to get it back. Just watch me.
We chatted for a while longer and then she headed out.
Just as she pulled off, Eddie pulled up. I checked myself in the mirror.
Damn it! I looked a mess. I wanted to be dressed before he came by.
“How are you going to catch a man, looking like a man?” I scowled my reflection, and threw off my scarf just before Eddie turned the knob.
“Hey,” I chimed.
Eddie walked in without speaking.
He smelled like Polo again.
So, what they were all buddy-buddy again, while I had to work for it? What kind of crap was that? If anything, he should have been equally mad at the both of us. I mean to me that made more sense.
They’d always been close but damn! You’d think that he would have been more concerned with trying to mend the relationship with the woman that he’d married and the mother of his kids, rather than mending his friendship with the man that was just as guilty. Hell if he wanted a best friend that bad, I could be his best friend, and his wife, and I was the one with that good stuff that had been making him cum in just two minutes for the last few years.
Humph. I’m just saying.
More than ever before, their friendship made me feel some kind of way. They’d always been too close for comfort, but at that moment I realized that maybe they’d been close in an unhealthy sort of way. It was more than just some “we grew up together” bull crap. They could tell that to someone else who might actually believe it because as of that very moment, I no longer did.