by B. M. Hardin
I made sure to throw that part in there just in case.
“What video?”
“The one that Eddie told you that I saw.”
Polo looked confused.
“What did you see?”
“The tape.”
“What tape?”
Okay.
Was he serious?
Or was he just playing dumb?
“The tape where Eddie said that he would kill me if he found out that I was having an affair. And then he asked you if you could do it. Like you did last time, ” I bellowed.
Polo just looked at me.
“Eddie didn’t tell me anything about a tape. We talked. We always talk. Once he got over being mad, we talked it out and came to an agreement, so what are you talking about?”
“Eddie told me that he told you what I saw.”
“Again what did you see and where?”
“I just told you.”
I was so confused.
“You’re playing with my head right now aren’t you? You and Eddie must be up to something huh?”
“I can assure you that we aren’t Sassi. What, are you offended it by our relationship? I told you that it wouldn’t change.”
“But why is the question? Why?
“Why would it?”
“You know something on him don’t you? No, obviously he knows something on you right?”
Polo looked at me.
“You want to know a secret Sassi?”
“What is it? Tell me.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t.”
“Tell me Polo,” I begged and touched his chest.
“Girl, don’t be touching on me like that. Unless I can touch you,” Polo flirted.
“Polo, please. What’s the secret?”
“Okay. I will tell you. But you gotta give me something too.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I’m not giving you any ass Polo.”
“Okay. Give me a kiss then.”
“Why?”
“You give me something. I’ll give you something. Kiss me.”
Polo came so close to me that I felt like I was about to melt from the warmth of his breath.
It’s just a little kiss. Kissing ain’t ever hurt nobody.
The problem was that I didn’t know if Polo was really going to tell me something after I kissed him.
Polo moved in for a kiss and I allowed his lips to touch mine. And I regretted it as soon as they did. The way that he kissed me sent chills up my spine and it had me wondering where he’d been all of my life. Though he’d always been there, his kiss seemed to make me feel alive.
Complete.
Rejuvenated
And hornier than a mother---
“Okay,” I said pulling away from him.
“You felt it too didn’t you? I told you. We were meant to be together Sassi. I just know it.”
I shook my head.
“Now keep your end of the deal Polo. What secret?”
Polo took a deep breath.
“Look Sassi, Eddie and I are as close as brothers.”
“Duh, tell me something I don’t know. I was married to him for the last decade. Don’t you think I know that?”
“No. You still don’t get it.”
Polo looked at me.
“Eddie saved my life once. I was only about eight. One day, we were in his parent’s backyard. In the pool. Well, Eddie would swim but I was always scared to get in the water. No one ever taught me how to swim so I would only put my feet in or get in if there was an adult present. Eddie had gone into the house to get us a snack and I dropped my ball in the water. I could have waited for him to come back out and get it but I tried to get it out instead. Accidentally, I fell in. I thought it was over for me. I was flapping my arms and trying to stay above the water, but it wasn’t working. Finally I gave up. I have no idea where Eddie came from, but just as I was blacking out, I felt someone tugging me. I opened my eyes to him beating on my chest. When he saw me looking at him he smiled and told me that I almost drowned.”
“Oh my goodness!”
“Yeah. But strangely, he didn’t seem scared at all. It was as though it wasn’t a big deal to him. Instead, he handed me my snack and then he said let’s keep my accident to ourselves otherwise we wouldn’t be able to play near the pool anymore. That was the first secret we ever agreed to keep just between the two of us. The secret of Eddie saving my life.”
How touching! So, that’s why Polo cared about Eddie the way that he did. Eddie had saved his life. Who knew!
“But there’s something else. No one knows this. Not even our parents know that Eddie and I know this.”
My heart started beating faster and faster.
Please don’t let him say what I thought that he was going to say.
“My mother slept with Eddie’s father. There was never any blood test or anything done, but I heard my mother say that it was a strong possibility.”
“What? There’s a possibility that you and Eddie could really be brothers?”
Polo nodded.
What the hell! Instantly I hoped that they weren’t real blood brothers. If that was the case, I would definitely be considered a slut.
“When my mother found out that she was pregnant, she hurriedly married the man that I called Dad until the day that he died, but the truth is she didn’t know if he was really my father at all. For all she knew, I could have been the product of Eddie’s father’s infidelity. She could have had a baby by a married man.”
“What? What the hell are you talking about Polo?”
He stared at me intensely.
“This doesn’t leave this room. I’ve said too much already. Eddie would die if he knew that I told you this because we usually keep our secrets just between the two of us. But I’m trying to make a point. My mother used to keep me in the house all the time. I would watch everyone from the window. The other kids playing and all of that other stuff. I think that’s why I’m so obsessed with looking and watching people to this day. Even when she worked, she had a sitter that would come and watch me, but I couldn’t go outside. I would just watch from the window. Anyway, my parents ended up getting divorced and my mother just became different. As if she didn’t care about being found out anymore. That’s when I finally started playing with Eddie and the rest is history. Though I didn’t discover her secret until years later. And whether or not Eddie’s father knows the truth about me or not is still up in the air. Of course we’ve never asked. They don’t even know that we know.”
I tried to make sure that I understood him correctly.
“So what you are saying is that you and Eddie really are brothers?”
“Maybe. Maybe not. We secretly just like to think that we are. And there’s no point in knowing the truth now. We found out and kept the secret between the two of us. But trust me, there are plenty of more secrets that we share.”
“How? How did you find out?”
“Well, Eddie and I used to have this thing were we liked to sneak and listen on the other end of the telephone. One day I picked up the phone and heard a discussion between my mother and my aunt. I heard her confess everything. I heard her say that her neighbor’s husband could be my real father. She filled her in on their affair all of those years ago and how she’d blamed her pregnancy on my “dad” so that she wouldn’t have to go through the shame of being someone’s pregnant mistress, if I really had been Eddie’s father’s son. She didn’t know whether I was or not, but from what she’d said, they had been screwing, Eddie’s father and my mother, only a month or so since she’d moved in beside them. The house that I grew up in had been passed down to her from my grandmother. I’m not sure how long Eddie’s family had been in the house next door. Anyway, I kept what I’d heard to myself until I was about twelve and then I told Eddie. At that moment we weren’t just best friends anymore. We became brothers. And we didn’t want our families feuding, fussing and fighting, to tear us apart from each other, so we just said nothin
g. And we never found out the truth.”
I couldn’t even reply.
“So as I said, we are closer than you could ever imagine. Every bad thing. Every tear. Every disappointment. And every secret, we share and know about each other. We were there for each other. When we have no one, we’ve always had each other. He’s the only person that I can truly depend on and I just about messed it up. He’s the only person that has ever really given a damn about me. And that’s for real. That’s my brother right there. He’s all that I have. So talking about it know, I gotta get my feelings in check and my dick in check. I crossed the line and I know I did. I can’t take it back. And between me and you, I don’t wish that I could because he knew you were supposed to be mine. I saw you first. I wanted you first. But that’s neither here nor there. We talked about it as brothers and the best thing for us both to do is to back off. It’s best for both of us to just stop loving you. He left you. I have to live with never having you. We settled it. But we both still love you.”
I was flabbergasted with all that he’d revealed so I didn’t say anything.
“But Eddie didn’t mention anything about a tape. What tape? My tape? How do you know about my tapes? How did you find them? What exactly did you hear?”
Still overwhelmed, I answered him.
“Under your bed Polo; the video tapes that you had on your camcorder. You lied to me. You recorded us having sex and a conversation that you had with Eddie where it almost sounded like he implied that you did something crazy or hurt someone before. I’m not sure if it was for him or on his behalf, or if he just knew about something that you did, but I know what I heard. But I deleted them. All of them.”
I was so confused about everything that my head was starting to hurt. Polo had said a mouth full and obviously Eddie hadn't said enough. They were closer than I’d ever imagine and at that moment, I realized that I had been right about Eddie all along.
If he ever had to choose, it wouldn’t be me. It would be Polo. And his choice was clearer than ever.
“I let you in, so do me a favor and keep your mouth close. Some secrets are meant to stay hidden.”
“Funny, Eddie said the same thing.”
“Because it’s the truth Sassi. Not everybody can handle the truth. About others. Or about themselves. Sometimes pretending something never happened is the only way. But what’s also true is that we both love you. In different ways; nevertheless, but we do. I tried not to feel anything for you for years. I’ll take the blame. I messed up. But love is crazy ain’t it? Sometimes it just does what it wants and you can’t always control it. My love for Eddie overpowered what I felt for you for years, and somehow, not too long ago, my feelings got the best of me and I started giving in to them. I could blame Eddie. I could blame myself for not approaching you. But the only things I’ll blame is love.”
Love didn’t have a thing to do with all of this.
“Run away with me.”
“What?”
Polo smirked at me in a devilish kind of way, but I rolled my eyes at him as I opened the front door.
But just as I started to walk away, Polo mumbled.
“Oh and you forgot to check in the other boxes under the sink in my bathroom. I always make copies,” he laughed and slammed the door behind me.
Ugh! Pervert!
~***~
“Eddie can we talk?”
I was debating whether or not to keep what Polo told me from Eddie, but it was clear that Eddie would always side with Polo. After all, hell, they might be brothers.
I couldn’t help but feel like he should have told me something like that, but of course he hadn't. And he’d never planned to.
But this whole agreeing for both of them to leave me alone crap just didn’t work for me. I wanted my life with Eddie back. I was sure that I could probably start dating, and meet someone new, but I didn’t want to. I just wanted to fix it. I just wanted Eddie.
“What?”
Eddie seemed so annoyed with me but with what Polo told me, maybe it was all an act. Maybe he did still love me and just didn’t want to show it because of their little agreement. Maybe he was just pretending.
Before I spoke again I tried to find the right words.
“I know you are tired of hearing this, but I just have to say this. I have to try to get through to you and tell you how I feel. The least that I can do is try.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning I was wrong Eddie. I know I used to complain about so much but I was wrong. You were all that I’d ever needed and I messed it all up. You weren’t the wrong husband at all. I just couldn’t see it.”
I started to cry. Sure his sex sucked, unless he took a pill. Sure he wasn’t exciting anymore or spontaneous, but now it just seemed like those things should have been easy fixes. And he’d tried to fix them, but for some reason for me his attempts hadn't been good enough but they should have been. Had I not done any of this, everything would be fine. None of the extra stuff would have happened. We would have been okay.
So what if I was still horny and sometimes bored?
Being horny and bored was better than this situation any day. There were other options. Options that didn’t involve being satisfied by another man.
Eddie just looked at me. He studied me for a while and then he shook his head.
“No Sassi, actually you were right. I’m not the man that you think I am. The truth is…” Eddie stopped.
Oh hell, what was he about to say?
“The truth is that I should have never pursued you. Yes I knew that Polo wanted you, but I came after you anyway.”
He waited for a response but I didn’t say anything.
“Not to say that I didn’t fall in love with you, I did. I loved you and still do love you very much. But back then, Polo seemed to get every woman, and everything. I wouldn’t say that I was jealous. I guess I just wanted to see if you would bite. That night after he told me you were the woman that he had been watching, and I do mean watching. Polo has an obsession problem with everything; cologne, people, recording, sex, women. Whatever interests him at the time. But you know that already. But after he told me and the more and more I looked at you, I wondered if boring, responsible me, could get someone like you. Someone that Polo had his eye on. I knew that I was no competition for Polo’s charm, so I took advantage of the situation. I knew that for some reason you made him nervous, so I made the first move. When I told him that we exchanged numbers even he couldn’t believe it. He was upset. He didn’t say it but I know him and I could tell. But I also thought that he would get over it as soon as he found someone else. And for a while he did. Well, at least I thought that he did. But I guess I was wrong. Obviously you had more of an effect on him than I thought that you did.”
In a way, I felt betrayed, or like a piece of meat, or a bet gone too far or something. It didn’t make what I’d done to Eddie right, but damn he’d only wanted me because Polo had wanted me first.
Bummer.
“So, I was just some contest to you?”
“No, well, maybe in a way at first. But I fell in love with you.”
“Before or after you screwed my best friend?” I asked him, referring to Patrice.
“Patrice was one woman that just happened. She had money, but not only was she unattractive, so was her personality. But that seemed to be the women that came my way. You were different. She and I were nothing more than sex. We slept together on the first night and never intended to be anything more; which is why we thought it was best just not to tell you about us. It meant nothing. She meant nothing.”
Maybe not to him, but Polo had reason to believe that maybe she’d felt that they should have been much more.
“Sassi, Polo and I have a lot of history. Most of it good but some of it wasn’t all that gravy. Every girl I’d ever wanted, he got to her first. Every woman that I’d ever dreamed would be mine; he would screw them and throw them away like trash. But I beat him to you. I got to you first. Maybe he would
have been different with you. Maybe you were the one woman that could have changed his ways. You seemed to be the only woman that he even somewhat looked at like a person and not just a piece of ass, but I didn’t care about that. I wanted you because he’d wanted you Sassi. So there you have it. So, maybe I deserved for you to cheat on me with him because of what I did. I should have never married you in the first place.”
I clutched my chest hoping that it would stop my heart from breaking. I didn’t care if he really felt that way, I would never accept that.
“Don’t say that.”
“But it’s true. I brought this on myself. I should have just left you alone, especially since I know how Polo can be. To be honest, I’m surprised he didn’t try to make his move on you years ago,” Eddie said.
“But I don’t care about all of that Eddie. I should have never slept with your best friend. So what if he’d wanted me first, I wanted you.”
“No you wanted who he told me to be. You wanted who I was pretending to be. Once I stopped pretending, you got bored. You fell in love with me when I was pretending to be a little like Polo.”
“That’s not true,” I lied.
Maybe he was right but now I was in a different place.
Now I knew that the grass wasn’t greener on the other side and I didn’t want to walk on anybody’s lawn but his.
“I wanted you Eddie. And I still do. Can we start over?”
Eddie shook his head.
Sure Polo said that they both agreed to leave me alone but despite everything, Eddie and I could just start over. I no longer even cared about the sex. I just wanted our life back.
“I don’t know Sassi. I really don’t know. Maybe we should just leave well enough alone.”
I walked closer to him. I laid my head on his chest and waited to see if he would hug me.
He did.
“If I could turn back the hands of time, I would have never done that to you.”
“And if I could turn back the hands of time, Sassi, I’m not sure that I would have ever married you.”
Ouch. That hurt.
Eddie held me for only a little while longer before he finally let me go.