by B. M. Hardin
Mama looked at Polo.
“He disconnected that line that he would use to pretend sometimes. She found it online and got suspicious,” Polo spoke up.
What?
“Oh,. Yeah, you are so nosey. It’s like your mind always makes you believe you are some kind of private eye detective, or investigator or something. You have always, always thought that you could figure out any and everything,” Mama said.
What the hell was going on?
“Micki is all in your mind Sassi. Every conversation with her is in your head. Or a hallucination. Or even in your dreams. Sometimes you confuse them as reality. One doctor tried to classify you as schizophrenia, but I told him to shove it. You are just acting out because of the guilt from the incident. But yes, sometimes you get confused with what’s real.”
“Which is why we made you think that you were dreaming about Vanessa,” Polo spoke up again. “We knew either you wouldn’t remember or you wouldn’t be able to separate a dream from reality. But you did.”
Mama looked at Polo as though she hadn't approved of that part but she didn’t say anything.
Micki was all in my head?
Like an imaginary friend?
Huh?
“Look, okay, look.”
Mama stuck her hand in a purse that I hadn't even noticed that she had been carrying. She must have carried it to place the gun in it.
She handed me a piece of paper.
“It’s a copy of Patrice’s will. Seeing is believing.”
I looked at it. I was the only one listed as a beneficiary.
Micki’s name was nowhere to be found.
“This doesn’t make sense.”
“You’ve had this imaginary Micki for years. Everyone is aware of her. Even Patrice had issues but she knew that Micki wasn’t real. But we all loved you, so we made you comfortable. We’ve all just went along with it all this time.”
“I almost messed up at the grocery store. When you said that Micki was Vanessa’s sister. Your statement caught me off guard. Had you been paying attention, you would have caught on to it. Think Sassi,” Polo said.
“Sassi, your brother was killed and Micki doesn’t exist.”
“But Micki was the one who told Eddie that I was having an affair, and she told me that Eddie had fooled around with Patrice.”
“No. She didn’t. Eddie found out that you and Polo were creeping around on his own. And you remembered a conversation that you overheard from years ago between Eddie and Patrice. You forgot about it. You told me what you heard , the day before your wedding, but when I asked you about it on your wedding day, you had no idea what I was talking about. So I left it alone. Micki didn’t tell you anything. Your memory told you. You remember pieces of things but sometimes you remember them in a different way. You make up something or a story behind it. In that situation, you made it as though Micki told you. I’ll admit, sometimes we all use Micki to our benefit. To get you to understand something or even to hide something else. But she doesn’t exist, Sassi. Micki isn’t real.”
This was crazy! And apparently I was crazy too!
“Micki isn’t real.”
“No. She’s not baby,” Mama said.
“But I saw you with her Polo. On one of your video tapes.”
“No. You saw me with someone else and you saw what you wanted to see.”
“You hallucinate sometimes Sassi, that’s all it is baby. But whatever you remember, think, or anything concerning Micki is not real. It is all in your head. It is what you make yourself see. Micki is imaginary. Your imaginary friend. Nothing more.”
“But Patrice is real? Well, she was. She was my real friend.”
“Yes.”
“What about the cops? And everything?”
“That was real.”
“So she really didn’t die from a tumor? Someone really did kill her right?”
“Yes.”
“Who?”
Mama took a deep breath.
“You.”
What did she just say? Did she just say me?
“You killed her Sassi. The fact that you remembered and hearing her confess to the Eddie situation as well as all of the stuff with your father, I assume it made you snap or something.”
“How? No. I didn’t kill her.”
“Yes you did Sassi,” Polo said.
“I was watching you. I followed you late one night to Patrice’s. I’m not sure how you knew she was back in town but she was. Maybe you were just going over to mess up her house or something, no one knows, but you went into the house late in the middle of the night. When you came out, you left the front door wide open so I knew something was wrong. You drove away. And I went in behind you. Patrice was in bed with a pillow on her face. The medicine bottles beside her bed told me that she was probably good and drugged up on some of her meds, and you simply over powered her. If she tried to fight you back, she was probably so doped up that she was destined to lose that battle. You killed her. I called your mother, and I went to work making it look like she had a tumor. I did all of the paperwork, fake labels, medicine switch outs and everything while your mother got rid of anything you might have touched. That’s why she had Patrice’s necklace. You seemed to have ripped it off and threw it on the floor. Or maybe there was some kind of struggle between you two. No one will ever know. Unless you remember it.”
“No. I didn’t kill her. No. I didn’t kill my best friend.”
“Yes baby. You did. I was the one that acted as though I’d come to visit her and found her dead. Though I already knew she was, I played the part. I told the officers that I was like a mother figure to her because she was my daughter’s best friend and had lost her mother years ago. It wasn’t hard for them to believe it and of course her father cosigned on your friendship. I’m the one that “found” her and reported her dead.”
I shook my head and tried to understand.
“I told them that she’d told me that she was sick prior to, but that I hadn't known what was wrong with her. The findings of the tumor stuff made the statement look more believable and not to mention that she really had changed her will only two days before. It made it look like she was really expecting to die sometime soon. But I think that she really did change it out of guilt, and because that was the day that I’d talked to her.”
Poor Patrice.
“Maybe she felt guilty for all she’d done to both of us and decided to go up there and leave you all of that money, because now that we are being honest, I cussed her out from her to Mexico. I called her everything but a child of the most high God. I told her that she was a whore and that not only had she ruined my marriage but she’d also contributed to ruining yours. I knew I shouldn’t have said all of that to her because she had problems too, but I couldn’t help myself. And I hadn't even known the other stuff that you told me. I could have only imagined what I would have said then. So, maybe that’s why she changed her will. Or maybe she changed it because she was leaving town again, and for good that time, for real. I’d found print-outs of houses for her to buy in another country. I think that she had just come back to tie up loose ends. Either way, it just made the tumor story look a lot better. How did you know that she was even back in town Sassi?”
I shook my head.
“I don’t know. I don’t know. So, Micki didn’t go with me to the lawyer’s office? She isn’t the one that told me that Patrice had died?”
“Micki is only in your head Sassi. The lawyer was the one that told you that Patrice died from a tumor. I was standing in the back of the room the entire time. Watching you act as though Micki was there with you the whole time but she wasn’t. I was the one that told you to meet me there. When you got there, I tried to speak to you but you were having a whole conversation with yourself, with Micki, so I just followed you in. He was the one that had to break the news. He knew all about “Micki” because I told him. I’ve been seeing him for a while, Sassi. He is the man that I was married to before your father. He was m
y first husband. The man that I left to be with your dad. He forgave me and we’ve been trying to work things out for a while now. But because he cares for me, he went along with it. He didn’t have to, but for me he did. He even made up some little letter to Micki too as though it was in the will to make you feel better. But there was nothing there for Micki because she is only in your head.”
“So this isn’t a joke? I’m really crazy?”
“No. I don’t like to call it that. You have spells. You have an imagination. And a little memory loss. All of those years, you were harmless. It was simply the dreams, acting out here there, Micki, and other hallucinations for a long time. We didn’t know that you would kill until…”
“Until what?”
“Until you hit the woman, Katrina, that approached you in the store about us and the sex tapes,” Polo said.
“What?”
“That story I told you? The one about Micki hitting her and leaving the scene? It was you. It was you Sassi.”
No. Hell no.
“Think.”
I was trying.
“Bad news or something that makes you angry triggers it apparently. Whatever “it” is, we don’t know, but here lately it hasn’t been a good thing. The doctors wanted you institutionalized but me and Eddie promised to take care of you. He’s been sneaking medicine into your food and drink for years. Especially in those smoothies that he would make for you most mornings. That’s why I wanted you to stay in your marriage and around Eddie. And when he couldn’t, sometimes I would find a way to get them in you. Even Patrice would do it when Eddie would inform her that he needed to get some medicine in you. Whether we had to crunch the pills up or whatever, we all got them in you. And there would be sometimes that you would remember that you had some issues, and take them yourself. It just depends.”
Polo nodded.
“I wasn’t following her Sassi. I was following you. You followed her from the café after you got off of the phone with me. I was right outside. I watched you trial her and so I trialed you. She pulled up at home, and you sat there for hours and I sat right there with you. I wondered what you were doing. I thought maybe you thought that I was going to come over her house or something, and maybe you planned on confronting me or something. I wasn’t sure.”
I braced myself for what he was about to say next.
“When she came back out, a little while later, as it was getting dark you followed her. She turned down a small side street and it was like you instincts told you to take the opportunity, and you slammed your car into hers. You got out of your car to look at her. I don’t think that you meant to kill her. You even laughed aloud and then when you opened the door and saw that she was probably dead, you screamed. You got back into your car and then you drove off. I called Eddie. He confirmed when you got there that your car was wrecked. Your forehead was even bleeding but somehow you acting like nothing was wrong. He said you came straight into the house, knot on your head and all and sat at your laptop. Do you remember that night?”
I think I did. But I didn’t remember the accident.
“He told you to write for the rest of the night and we handled everything else. We went to work with covering everything up. I done everything that I told you that I did for Micki, except it was for you. I wiped the scene, picked up parts from your car. Eddie drove your car to a friend to have it crushed, and then I purchased you a brand new one, same year, make and color, the next morning, and had it sitting outside waiting for you before you woke up. We fixed it. Being rich has its perks and when everyone thought that I was wasting money, I was making connections. Plenty of them. With you and Eddie, I just never knew what I might need one day. Once you killed Patrice, I went back and stuck a few tiny things, here and there, at the scene that would have pointed towards her if the police ever really went looking, since Patrice was already dead. But they never did.”
I looked at Eddie’s body.
We were really just sitting there talking as though he wasn’t laying there dead. Why couldn’t he have told me everything that I was hearing now? Why hadn't he been honest with me?
“What was wrong with Eddie?”
“His mama, his real one messed him up years ago. Nothing more than anxiety and depression. And some acceptance issues. But that was pretty much it. He only had to go to the hospital because he was ordered to, when he “accidentally” killed Vanessa. He got off but considering that the judge could see the history of things that he’d been through, and medicines that he’d been prescribed, he thought that it would be beneficial for him to spend some time there, just to make sure that he didn’t flip out from depression or guilt or something. That’s where I actually saw you for the first time. You were laughing and joking around. I was visiting Eddie and we sat at the same table as you and Patrice. You were visiting Patrice. You weren’t admitted at the time, and you seemed normal until you were about to leave and you told “Micki” to come on, but no one was right there. I remember thinking, she might need to stay here for a little while herself, not knowing your issues.”
“Sometimes Patrice’s trips, weren’t always trips. Sometimes she was going away for issues. To get her mind back on track. But she figured out the more she traveled and saw the world, she felt better. She felt alive. It was being home that always brought back painful memories for her. That’s why she was always going away.”
“So DJ, my brother is dead?”
“Has been for years.”
“Who car did I drive to Polo’s that day then?”
“Your father’s. You had a spare key. I hadn't driven it in years. I came home and it was gone. Later on that night, you brought it back, got into your car, and drove home.”
“So he didn’t have a baby with Micki?”
“Micki doesn’t exist Sassi. Anything you have ever said about or in reference to Micki, anything you remember with Micki, you made it up. All of it. I don’t have any grandkids, but yours.”
“And everyone knew?”
“Yes. Everyone is aware of your problems. Even Eddie’s parents knew. They understood because of his issues.”
“And I met him in the hospital?”
“Initially. The next time I saw you, was at the gas station with Patrice. The time I told you about. The night at the bar was actually the third time. I was there with Eddie. You were there with Patrice. Just Patrice.”
I tried to remember.
“And you wanted me knowing that I was crazy?”
“You were still beautiful to me. I didn’t see you as crazy. Hell, I didn’t see Eddie as crazy. He had a good heart. Life just hadn't always been fair to him. But Eddie made his move on you. I guess he wanted to finally get the girl. He wanted to get the girl of my dreams since he could never seem to get his. And he did.”
I remembered him telling me that.
I looked at my dead husband still on the floor.
I couldn’t see the blood underneath him, but I knew that it was going to leave a terrible stain from him being there for so long.
Oh Eddie.
“We were trying to keep all of this from you. But you saw the tape and of course Eddie told me. That night, he’d asked me to come by. When I got there, that’s when he told me that you knew about Vanessa. He didn’t know that he’d had it wrong until afterwards. Once I watched the tape, I knew that you were talking about what you heard him say in regards to his real mother. Not Vanessa. But that wasn’t until after.”
“And Micki never came there that day? The day you caused me to pass out?”
“Micki isn’t real Sassi,” Mama answered as though she was trying to beat it into my head.
“It was just me.”
That was why her number wasn’t in my call log…right?
I’d thought that they’d erased it.
But I’d never been on the phone with her; at least not for real anyway. And anytime I thought I did, they had another line pretending? This was crazy!
“I made you pass out, got you to swallow t
he pill, covered up you taking the pregnancy test and we tried to make it look like Eddie had never said Vanessa’s name. You remembered little parts because you woke up Sassi. But you would blame it on Micki as if she told you. But it was your memory trying to tell you instead. It was almost as though Micki was just another form of who you wanted to be. She was the outspoken, loud, ride or die personality that we assume that maybe you wish that you were or would like to be. But we tried to cover it all up. I guess he was just nervous about you finding out the truth about him. He knew all of your truths. But he didn’t want you to know his.”
Damn you Eddie!
I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d really even been giving me my medicine since he obviously hadn't been taking his.
“And this is real?”
“Yes. Why do you think I was always watching? I was watching Eddie. I was watching you. I’ve always felt like I’ve owed Eddie my life. Literally. He cared about me just as much as I cared about him. So I always wanted to make sure that mentally, he was okay. He knew that I would do anything for him. That’s why he’d thought I killed his real mother. But I didn’t.”
“You didn’t?”
“No. I went by there but when I got there, the house was already on fire. I was going to tell her about Eddie’s mental state and beg her to understand that he needed her, but the house was in flames. I’m the one that made the 9-1-1 call. But the next day, when I went to see if Eddie had heard the news, he was better than ever. He was like, normal. Like her death had set him free. So, I let him be free. I still made sure he took his medicine, but since then, he had been fine. Until stress of his business started to get to him and especially after what we did to him.”
“You knew better,” Mama said. “We all knew how unstable you and Eddie were. Polo knew not to cross that line, which is why I was so nasty about it and tried to stop it before it got out of hand. I didn’t want any unnecessary mess or problems. I didn’t want things to get out of hand. But they did.”
“I’m sorry. I fought it for years. My feelings got the best of me. That day that he showed up with that gun, he really would have killed us both Sassi. He really would have.”