"I'm still a little scared about all this," I admitted. "But as I told you before, it's already too late, and I couldn't go back to the old Nina anymore. My mind has evolved to accept you as you are, and I would still drink you even if you taste sour."
"Hmm...the last part sounds pretty sexual," she said with a wide grin. I bit my lips to keep from screaming at her.
Allecra's stare fixed on my blushed face. Then her eyes got suddenly intense for some reason. She leaned over to me.
"Once you're with me," she whispered, her voice dripped with lust. "All your lips are mine."
My body grew weak at her words. My nerve ends went prickling under that powerful stare. Allecra reached for my hands, lacing our fingers together. The act startled me and melted me at the same time. Our heads drew in towards each other. But as our lips began to meet, I paused with my hand on her shoulder, stopping us both.
"There is one thing I need to tell you, Allecra," I whispered, eyes gazing deep into those turquoise seas.
"Yes?" she asked softly back.
"I'm still a virgin."
"That I already know," she said and closed the space between our lips again and we kissed until my breath caught in my throat. I felt the same butterfly feeling.
This time, Allecra used less tongue and more of soft nipping and licking. Yet before I lost my mind completely to her hypnotizing kiss, I pulled my mouth away from hers again wetly. Allecra's eyes flared open. She scowled at the interruption the way a child was deprived of her favorite lolly.
"How did you know I'm a virgin?" I asked.
"Because you wouldn't have given me a sensation if you were not," she said.
"Is that an alien thing?" I frowned at her. Allecra sighed and leaned herself back. I was kind of disappointed, but I was too curious. Well, blame it on Hera.
"I was bred with a special DNA from Arzuria, my home planet," she told me. "My body is like radar constantly detecting genetic waves from humans whose genes are the most compatible with mine."
"Why is that?"
"Because in this way, I could find a potential one."
"A potential one?"
"It means you're a perfect match to my species." Allecra turned away from my gaze. She didn't seem to want to tell me more, so I asked again.
"A potential one for what?"
She looked back at me with an expression I couldn't read.
"Nina, you are a potential one for me," she said, looking right into my eyes before she added, "to breed with.”
CHAPTER 13
The air in the room shifted and grew heavy as my chest tightened. I could barely breathe or even remember to. My lips pressed together in a hard line. I was afraid I might puke the fancy food all over the table.
As I sat there staring at that seraphic face in front of me, it was like I had just snapped out of a coma or a trance. I realized now how servile and pathetic I was. My heart had been so besotted by Allecra Knight that I couldn't see her ostensible goal.
"Is that why you want me?" I said. My voice grew cold like ice. Her eyes never left mine, but for the first time, they seemed confused and alarmed by my reaction. Allecra hesitated — not the way someone was weighing words to see how she should deliver them. It was more like she felt conflicted with thoughts she couldn’t express.
"Answer me, Allecra," I demanded.
"Yes," she said at last. "But listen...Nina..."
I didn't want to hear any more of it. I was on my feet again. Allecra looked at me with a slight flash of shock in her turquoise eyes. The floor swayed for a tiny moment as my balance was still troubled by the push and pull of my heart
She reached for my hand, but I stepped away from her.
"What you just said," I started, trying to keep my voice from trembling, "it's not going to happen—not with me."
Then I turned on my heels and ran to the door.
"Nina!"
I got out into the hall of the busy restaurant again. A sea of unfamiliar faces turned like waves towards me. I ignored those curious patrons and weaved around the tables. Everything was like a funhouse-mirror, blurring through my tears, hot tears like napalm burning my face. But I couldn't stop my feet from running and taking me out of there, away from everything, away from Allecra. I blocked out the velvety honey-dripping voice calling me like a siren.
I had to run, or I could never escape her again.
"Nina!" Allecra cried. "Stop running!"
Even now she still thought she had the power over me. I gritted my teeth, weaving my way through the passing waiters and tables. Finally, I exited the depressing fancy place. Outside, I couldn't see anything else except the sidewalk and my sprinting legs.
My lungs felt like it had expanded and then shrunk inside my chest. I was choking with tears. The sound of whizzing cars and horn honking filled my ears. I must look crazy to the eyes of the passersby. A few of them even stopped to look at me with concern.
The cold night air hit my tear-stricken face. I ran until I couldn't run anymore. It was at the end of a block that I stopped on the sidewalk at the corner. My hand rested on the wall as I bended over to gasp for air.
"Hey girl, are you okay?" a man called out from the side.
I waved my hand over to reassure him. He gave a suspicious look before moving on. I turned the corner, but then she was right in front of me. I gasped when Allecra’s hands reached for me, holding me back against the wall. A burst of fury rushed through my veins, causing hot tears to stream down my cheeks.
"Let me go! Don't touch me!" I cried and tried to shrug her hands off, but she kept me still. I struggled harder against her hold, yet it was fruitless.
"Shh...Nina. It's alright... I'm not going to hurt you. Nina, please listen to me!" she said, rubbing my arms to calm me down. My loud panting breath was mixed with soft whimpering. I felt her gentle hand wiped the tears from my cheeks.
Allecra's eyes gleamed in the dark corner as they met mine again. She stared at me with a questioning frown, as if she didn't know what she had done.
My mind went back to our conversation at the restaurant.
"Tell me, Nina, what is wrong?" she whispered. She was looking at me with the same concerns etched on her perfect brows. Her tall figure towered over mine in a protective stance. Yet it also confined me from attempting to free myself from her.
"Let me tell you, Allecra, you're not going to get your deed done with me, and I'm not going to bear any child for you," I said in an acerbic voice. "Not now, not ever!"
Her mind was trying to comprehend the hidden distress and fear that ensnared me. She couldn't pinpoint the aspect that transpired my reaction. Allecra seemed genuinely curious and apparently worried and confused. Of course, she must be worried, because her potential baby-maker had just refused to breed with her. I felt my inside churn at the word again, and the urge to throw up bubbled in my stomach.
"Why?" Allecra's voice was gentle and rather helpless. Her jaw clenched as she gazed at me with her blazing intense eyes. If I wasn't mistaken, she almost looked hurt. But I scoffed at the idea since Allecra Knight was someone with grace and confidence and all the wonders of both worlds. She wouldn't get hurt over a loveless relationship with me, would she? I didn't know if what we had could even be called a 'relationship' anyway.
"Because I am not! You don't really care about me but what I could offer you from between my legs!" I said and looked away from the enthralling beauty of her face. I wouldn’t let it fool me again.
"I have warned you that I can't promise you any romance... " she said. "But for you, I can try."
"I don't want you to try!" I spat back.
"So, tell me what you want, Nina? Tell me!" she growled, pressing herself against my body, closing the space between us completely. I arched my back to push her away, but she didn't budge.
"Save your sympathy for someone else!" I said. "Maybe with another potential girl, who is better than me and more submissive...I'm not worth your try!"
But just like that, she grab
bed my face in her hands and merged our lips together. I tried to push her chest away, but she wrapped her strong arms around my body and pulled me to her even more. The sleek long tongue invaded my mouth, slithering like a vicious thing. Allecra kissed me fiercely and desperately with a faint hint of frustration. My blood turned cold, and I shivered in her tight embrace. Instead of the heat of passion, I felt the icy fear up my spine. My knees nearly gave way from under me. I thought my heart would pound to the point it might stop. Allecra was trying to make me surrender to her. I groaned from the hot white pain that burned through me. I wouldn't let her do this to me anymore. She had tortured my confused heart and enslaved my weakened mind enough.
I gripped her collar and summoned all my strength to wrench my lips away from hers. Allecra tried to reach for my mouth again, but I turned my head away.
"Stop it!" I cried and then broke into a heart-wrecking sob. Everything was silent for a long moment as our chests pounded.
"Nina..." Allecra's voice came out in a soft whisper.
"I hate you! I was enough before I met you! I was my own person until you showed up. You did this to me!" I glared at her again. "Now I feel stupid to believe there was still hope for us."
"Nina, I know I'm being selfish to you, but I have no choice," she said.
"But I do have a choice," I hissed. "Since I am nothing but a mean to your end, I can be convinced that I don't deserve to go through this. I have accepted what you are, but I will never do this to myself. Never!"
Allecra looked utterly shocked, but I didn't care. She wouldn't understand the hidden guilt and fear that pained me all my life. Nobody would.
At last, I pushed her away. She didn't stumble under the force, but she did step aside for me to slip out of her grasp.
I rushed to the sidewalk again and hailed a taxi. Allecra stood a few feet away, looking at me from the dark corner. A bright yellow cab pulled over. I walked towards it. A tiny clingy part of me wished she would do something to make me stay. But even if she did, I knew I would never accede to her will.
Once inside the car, I gave my address to the driver in a hurried voice. I was afraid that if I didn't get myself away from her now, I could never muster up the same courage again.
The car began to drive off.
As I leaned back, I glanced at stunned blonde through the window. I saw her still watching me. Her face looked conflicted. I turned my eyes away. Then the gripping sadness and loss overcame me, and I buried my face in my hands. Silent tears spilled from my closed eyelids as the car began to roll away.
CHAPTER 14
I spent most of my weekend learning math. Yes, I really did. It seemed like a self-punishment at first, but it turned out math made me feel better. There was no 'if' or 'but' or even a 'maybe.' Either I got it right or I didn't get it at all. I wished my life was so precise and well-defined like this, but sadly, life was the only equation that had some right answers and far too many wrong ones.
Since that night, I felt like I was living in a glass box. Everything was going on outside in the world around me, but I was not a part of it. I remembered making myself get up in the morning. I remembered brushing my teeth, getting dressed, and fixing meals for the twins, but it didn't feel like I was the one doing all these mundane things. Piper was home, but we never talked to each other. Aunt Vikki called to check up on us that Sunday night. She told us about her flight being delayed due to bad weather on the island.
My mind was still a complete wreck with my thoughts thrown about like debris in a storm. Then the dreaded Monday came. I lifted my head up to a cold morning air, but all I saw was a void in the world that was as empty as my chest.
I had written everything down about that night. I wrote in choppy fragments about the part of me that refused to let go. But I also promised myself not to reminisce a single detail of it again. It was for better or for worse — for better because I was not interested in starving, slashing, moping, or even crying anymore, and for worse because there was no reason for me to relish the prospect of living the days to come.
As I walked into school, I felt like a ghost of myself. I heard my feet in the corridors among others, walking but unfeeling.
This morning in Biology, I didn't meet anyone's eyes— not even Jordan's. By the look on her face, I knew she had never seen me like this. Today, we were supposed to learn about mitosis and mitochondria and other cell types. Jordan covered for me and did most of the pair work when the teacher walked by. I just sat there staring blankly at my hands like a statue.
"It will pass, Nina, whatever it is," she whispered in a low voice. Then she reached for my hand and I let her warm palm comfort me. Inside, I was holding onto a fragile thread of my sanity. I was too afraid that at any moment, I could lose that meager grip and everything would fall apart. Maybe that was why Allecra had warned me because she didn't feel the same way. I was nothing compared to her. Allecra was too handsome and perfect and beautiful for a girl like me. If I wasn't marked as her potential one, she would never have looked at me twice.
After class, Jordan walked me to the locker as if I needed an escort.
Then I saw her standing there. Allecra looked the same— always the epitome of grace and allure. My heart just stopped. She was talking to her 'sister' at the other end of the hallway. Triton stood with his back against the wall and his arms folded over his chest. I saw Xenon purposely turned around, but Allecra gripped her elbow and pulled her back. They looked like they were arguing over something. I watched them giving each other an intense look. Standing here now, it was hard to believe that I used to be a part of their world.
As if on cue, all three of them looked in my direction. I quickly turned away and hid my face behind the curtain of my hair.
"You have a problem with them?" Jordan noticed and her eyes held unnecessary concern.
"No," I lied. My voice croaked from being quiet for too long, but I could still feel their eyes on me.
"That girl you were talking to," Jordan said again, "...she's looking at you."
"Please don't look at her," I said. But my eyes drifted back to them. I didn't want to, yet I couldn't help it. The instant my eyes met those turquoise ones, I felt like my soul was being sucked out of my body. My bloodstream wobbled. My stomach twisted. I bit my lips from the overflowing emotions. It took every fiber of my being to not rush over and hurl myself at Allecra. I wanted to hear her voice saying my name again. I wanted to know how she had been for the past few days, and—
No, bad Nina!
I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head to dispel the thought.
"Nina," Jordan said in a suspicious tone and her frown deepened with worries. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I shook my head at her, not wanting to talk about it. I felt as if the world was spinning back and forth where I stood. I gave a surreptitious glance their way and realized Allecra and her siblings were gone.
"I'll see you again, Jordan," I said as I started to make my way to the opposite side of the building.
"I'm sorry if I'm intruding into your personal life, Nina," Jordan was saying, "I'm just worried about you."
I stopped to look at the girl standing beside me. It had crossed my mind a few times before, but I was just too blind to see it. Jordan was a nice person. She was a human being with no complications. She was a real girl with no extra parts. And most importantly, she wouldn't want to impregnate me. Why could I not forget about Allecra and go back to being normal? I could have a normal girlfriend like Jordan, and the thread of life would be less tangled and knotty.
"Jordan," I said, causing her to look at me again. "Would you like to have a drink with me after school?"
Her brows rose at the sudden question. Then slowly, she gave me a small nod and smiled.
"If you pay," she said.
It made me chuckle a little, and that surprised me. I could still be happy without Allecra Knight. Yes, that feeling was really something to hold on to.
"See you after school then," I said and
we bid each other goodbye.
At the end of lunch period, my life was still going on slowly, one minute at a time. I thought it couldn't get any better, but at least it didn't get worse. That was a sign that I had survived the first stage of heartbreak. It was a miracle that I had made it through the horrible Monday morning and was still able to plan to go out with Jordan.
I dreaded going to Language Arts, though it wasn't for long. I sat down at an empty desk all by myself. On the table was a yellow post-it note with a poem written on it.
Don't fall in love with a sailor boy,
He won't set your heart free,
Oh, don't fall in love with a sailor boy,
He'll take your heart to sea.
It was apropos to my old poem that I read to Allecra. My tears welled up in my eyes, but I fought to keep them from flowing. I had cried enough for her.
Not half an hour had passed and I was soon haunted by Allecra's face and her honey-coated voice. I could still picture her beautiful slender fingers scribbling away, the way she stood and how she looked at me, especially how she looked at me. No one had looked at me that way.
When the last school bell sounded, I waited for the hallway to be cleared of students. Then I received a text from Jordan. We had agreed that I would drive back to my aunt's house to leave my car there before riding in hers.
As I headed down the corridor to my locker again, I bumped into Jack, of all people.
"Nina!" he said when I turned away from him. "Nina, wait!"
He came to block me with his arms extended out.
"What do you want?" My voice was low like a growl of an animal ready to bite and tear.
"Look, Nina, I just want to apologize for what had happened," he said.
"Then you've found the wrong person," I said.
"You know Piper and I are not in a relationship anymore," he tried to explain and his face was pleading. "Piper has agreed to end it with me for real this time. I swear I will treat you better than anyone you've ever been with, girls or guys alike."
"I don't care about your relationship status, Jack," I said. "I don't like you. I don't want anything to do with you, and you better stop following me!"
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