Black Knight

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Black Knight Page 56

by Svetlana Ivanova


  The announcer called out my daughter's name through the microphone. She went up to receive her certificate and looked over to me and smiled, waving her little hand at me. I got tears in my eyes as I clapped proudly.

  Looking at her, I was in constant awe that my baby girl had grown so fast. She was just a bundle of joy in my arms the other day. I still remembered all those moments seeing her crawling for the first time, trying to get stuff from her mouth when she was teething, holding her when she took her first baby step. It was all the best times in my life.

  After the certificate-handing and photo-taking were done, El ran up to me. In that moment, I was awestruck once again at how she was like a mini replica of Allecra.

  "Mommy!" My daughter yelled in her lovely chiming voice. Her arms opened wide. That wild blonde hair bounced softly over her small frame. I welcomed her into my firm embrace then picked her up. She wrapped her little arms and legs around me, and we both giggled together. I noticed she had grown heavier too. My little one wasn't so little anymore.

  "Look who's just graduated here!" I said, kissing her cheek again and again. She smelled like strawberry and chocolate chip cookies they served in this event. "Congratulation, sweetheart! Sorry, I was a bit late."

  "'s okay," she said, beaming cutely back. "It's only a preschool graduation."

  "Why you don’t sound so excited?" I asked. Her turquoise eyes stared into mine as she considered her feelings.

  "Well, I'm just glad that it's over now," she said at last.

  I knew how hard it was for her blend in with other human kids. Being in school was just to make life easier for both of us. I had to work all day and couldn't look after her.

  My daughter was obviously different from other five-year-olds. She was ferociously intelligent. I remembered everyone was a bit concerned when she wouldn't start talking like other toddlers her age, but one day during dinner, Robert cheekily asked her, "Can you speak?" and she went, "Yes great-uncle, I can speak, why?", which surprised everyone. It was just her way of learning things. She wouldn't show it until she got it all right. She never started with trial and error.

  During her third year, I taught her both the English and Russian alphabets, and that was all it took from there for my daughter to excel in both languages. She spoke fluent Russian with my dad and Aunt Vikki. She even taught herself mathematics, which I found later to my amazement that she could already understand basic algebra.

  El also loved music. I had no idea where she got her musical side from. She only listened once and was able to play it on her baby keyboard. My aunt was thrilled that at last someone in the family shared her passion, and in fact, my own mother was also a music lover. Aunt Vikki bought a real piano she had always wanted then the two of them went through Mozart, Beethoven or Rachmaninov almost every weekend. Since then our house had never been livelier.

  My daughter also loved tinkering with complicated machinery. She enjoyed taking clocks or broken toys apart and fixing them.

  Now that we lived on our own, I had bought a complete collection of professional manual books about cars and plumbing and even household electronics, which I thought would come in handy. It turned out Elvira read them all and was able to tell me how to fix simple appliances without going to the repairer.

  I could not recall ever having had to force her to do anything or scold her for misbehaving. She would decide for herself what she had to do and then she would do it, flawlessly.

  Just like Allecra, I thought.

  "I know you struggle with boredom a little, sweetheart," I said and reached my hand to brush those sweaty blonde strands from her forehead, "But I can't let you be alone at home all day either. It makes me feel better knowing you're safe."

  Elvira nodded and hugged me.

  "If this makes you happy, it makes me happy too."

  I held her back and kissed her hair, wishing I could just squeeze her to my heart's content.

  "Mommy, you can put me down. I'm too heavy for you," El said after a while. I chuckled back and kissed her cheek hard.

  "You're always so considerate," I said. "Okay, let's go home."

  I put her down, and we walked happily hand in hand back to our car.

  During the drive, I asked her about her thought on the elementary school.

  "You know they have cool science class and art and music," I told her. "You can learn a lot of interesting things in elementary school."

  "I don't know about that yet, but preschool only taught me easy maths or spellingy games or punctuationy things," El said while her eyes wandering outside the window, "And to be honest, Mrs. Wilson is not my most favorite person on the planet of Earth. She said I have an attention span of a goldfish. I wondered if she ever taught a goldfish before. Doesn't she know goldfish sleep with their eyes open? How could she know if they don't pay attention in class?"

  "I'm pretty sure you just proved her point and honey, even she's not your favorite people on Earth, you're from Earth and she's your teacher, so you must respect her," I said. "I know you're too smart for the stuff they taught you, but I just thought you would make friends in school and have fun with other kids."

  "But mommy, I would rather know someone who can build a robot from tin cans than someone who can spell grapefruit."

  Even I disapproved with what she said, I had to laugh.

  "Okay," I said with a chuckle. "Let’s not talk about school now. How about we have some ice cream before we get home?"

  "Sounds great!"

  I smiled to myself. After all, my little girl was still a kid.

  When El was four years old, I decided to move out of my aunt's house. Aunt Vikki wouldn't hear of it at first. She said she would miss my daughter so terribly since everyone had gone to college, but I reassured her that it was about time I learned to stand on my own. Besides, we didn't move anywhere far, just the outskirt of the city. And we would visit her often.

  With all my saving over the years, working several odd jobs after graduation and a little help from my dad, who had put aside a small sum of money for me without Dominika knowing and my aunt's baby fund for us, I was able to buy a small house. It was old, but it was made of solid brick. The first time I saw the place, it gave me a sense of stability and warmth. It used to belong to an old English couple, but they had moved back to their homeland and had no children to live there, so they sold it at a reasonable price.

  The area was a lot quieter there since most people didn't want to be that far from all the exciting places in the city. Our neighbors were gentle people, mostly those who seek peace and quiet.

  Robert helped to hire people to fix the tiles on the roof and repainted the house anew. I also spent a quarter of a year refurbishing everything little by little. There was a lively front garden that bloomed in all corners and a backyard big enough to host a magnolia tree and a sugar maple and an ancient oak tree with a swing. And every morning always started with birdsongs.

  I was glad I had found a perfect house for my daughter and me.

  On the way home, we stopped at the local grocery store. El enjoyed shopping with me. She was very particular about what we bought and always helped to remind me what we really needed at home. And while saving a dollar here and there didn't seem like much, my daughter was the answer to our financial prayer. She would figure out how to buy everything in economical price, and although I didn't want her to worry about money, it seemed I could rely on her help sometimes.

  At the cashier counter, Ben, the store owner's son smiled at us.

  "And how much did you get?" He asked El.

  "$49.90," she answered smugly.

  Ben scanned the items, and El was right. It had become a tradition that he had to ask her, because one time his machine miscalculated our grocery's price, and my daughter had lost her trust since.

  "But that didn't include the discount yet," Ben said and handed her a 20% discount card. "You can use it until next month."

  "Ben, you don't have to do that," I said.

  "T
hat's no big deal at all. You are one of my favorite customers...I mean, our faithful customers," he said and smiled sheepishly at me. I smiled back and turned to my daughter.

  "El, say thank you to Uncle Ben," I said.

  "Thank you," she said, without looking up.

  In the car, El was a little quiet. Her strawberry-vanilla flavor ice cream was slowly melting the cup.

  "Your ice cream is melting. Need some help?"

  She mechanically scooped a spoonful of it and reached over to feed me.

  "Mmm...delicious," I said then I glanced sideways at her again. "Are you alright?"

  "Do you like Uncle Ben, mommy?" She asked me back. Her turquoise eyes looked at me imploringly. I was startled with her straightforward question.

  "What makes you ask me like that?"

  "He seems to like you, like in a special way," she said, "I just wonder if you like him, too."

  El was sensitive and observant sometimes. Something I would confidently say, she took after me.

  "I like him as a friend, honey," I told her, "He's a nice guy, isn't he?"

  "So you're not going to marry him one day or anything?"

  My eyes widened at her question. I didn't know how much a five-year-old knows about marriage and adult relationship already. On top of that, I never told her about my sexual orientation. I figured I didn't want El to be exposed to gender preference too early. But I guessed it wasn't too early to explain your children about it when they asked.

  "Sweetheart, there's something you need to know about me," I said. "I hope you don't find it so strange."

  "What's that?"

  "Well," I said and licked my lips before I went on, "the thing is your mommy doesn't like men...not in that 'special' way. So you don't have to worry about me marrying any man."

  "Not even a woman?" El said to my surprise.

  "Wait a minute...you do understand what you're asking me, don't you?"

  "O'course!" she said. "Beatrice has two moms, and she complains that every time she needs something, she often gets this reply, 'Go ask your mom' and she doesn't know which one."

  I was amazed how children these days seemed to accept the concept so easily.

  "Well...don't you worry, I don't think I would marry anyone in the future."

  "Phew, that's a relief!" She breathed and seemed to cheer up again.

  "Why is that?" I said in amusement at my daughter's reaction. Something seemed to flash in her bright eyes, but it lasted only for a moment before she smiled again and shrugged.

  "Because, mommy, I'm gonna marry you when I grow up!"

  I laughed and shook my head at her adorable declaration. Most little girls would only say that to their fathers, 'Daddy, I'm going to marry you when I grow up.' because when they grow older, they would look for a man that could treat them right like the way their father did. But that wasn't the case with my daughter. Even El might not understand it now; I kind of guessed who she might be attracted to in the future.

  ~*~

  "Time for a bath?"

  El smiled, knowing that it was a special occasion since I hardly had the time to do it like before. And though my daughter had learned to do a lot of things all by herself, we both still enjoyed spending quality time together whenever we could.

  "Okay!" She nodded and put her schoolbag down before we went to the bathroom together.

  While we waited for the water to fill the bathtub, I got my daughter out of her clothes. Her necklace gleamed brightly in the light. But when she turned around, I spotted a little pale spiral-shaped bruise on her left shoulder blade. It looked more like a birthmark than a bruise, but I remembered she wasn't born with any birthmark.

  It was very much similar to the Arzurian mark on Allecra's back. Looking at the darkening of the pigment, the mark would only grow more visible as my daughter grew older.

  There were times when I was contemplating about letting her know who she really was, but I was afraid it would be too soon, and she wasn't ready. Imagine being told who your other parent was...an alien. Life was hard enough as it was.

  "Mommy?" El turned around with a questioning look. "You okay?"

  I snapped out of my thought and smiled at her.

  "Yes, sweetheart, I'm alright," I said and held her hand as she got into the bathtub.

  After the bath, I dried her up with a towel and brushed the tangles of her sandy lock. I wrapped her in the towel and carried her out to get dressed.

  After we were done, we went to the kitchen. El helped me prepare for the cooking. Then the doorbell rang.

  "Can you see who's at the door for me?" I said while I was busy stir-frying broccoli with ground beef.

  El quickly went to the hallway. She would be now standing on the mini chair, looking out the front window to check who was ringing our doorbell. I heard my daughter's cute voice speaking.

  "Mommy!"

  "Yes, who is it?"

  "It's the delivery man," she replied.

  "Oh, wait a minute," I said and turned off the stove then wiped my hand on the apron before heading out to open the door.

  "Please sign here, miss," the man in a bright yellow jacket said. I did as I was told, and he handed a big box to me.

  "What's in the box?" My daughter asked.

  "A big surprise!" I said in a singsong voice.

  We set it on the table of our living area. I turned to El and smiled.

  "This is for you, honey," I said. "To celebrate your preschool graduation."

  "Wow, for me?"

  I nodded with a smile. "Open it."

  And she did. I knew she had been obsessed with learning about stars and galaxies. She was always telling me facts about this and that — do you know it rains diamonds in Jupiter? Or do you know we can see Venus from Earth? Or that the rings of Saturn are made up of millions of ice crystals as big as houses?!

  "Oh! It's a Galileo Telescope!" she cried with wide eyes. "Amazing!"

  "I knew you wanted it the last time you saw it at the mall."

  Then she turned to me.

  "It must've cost you a lot," she said, looking guilty. I shook my head and pulled her onto my lap.

  "You never asked me for anything, honey," I said and breathed in the shampoo smell in her hair. "This is just a small gift. I would give you the moon if I could."

  El turned around to hold my face in her small hands then kissed me on the lips.

  "Mommy, I love you!" she said.

  "I love you too, sweetie." I smiled.

  "Oh wait, I almost forgot. I also have something to give you," she said and then ran off to her room. She got back and handed me a piece of paper. It was a lovely drawing done in colorful crayons. I was taken aback at how wonderful and artistic the picture looked.

  "You drew this?" I asked. Elvira nodded with a grin. I stared at the landscape a bit longer and realized it wasn't one of the ordinary scenery. The trees had different shades of colors. What even unusual was there were fishes hovering in the sky. She didn't draw just one moon, but four of them in different phases with defined color and details. I felt like I was staring at a stranger version of Van Gogh's Starry Night.

  My eyes moved down and found three little human figures holding hand with the smallest one stood in the middle. It was indeed the picture of a loving family.

  "That's you and me," El explained, pointing with her tiny finger to the little one with blonde hair and the one with long brown hair.

  "But who is the other one?" I asked, eyeing the taller figure that seemed to resemble my own daughter.

  "That's Mamochka," she said casually.

  "Mamochka?" I said, looking up at her with tears started to glisten in my eyes. El nodded quietly.

  "I saw her in my dream last night," she said. "She told me she's coming to see us, and that I could call her, 'Mamochka'."

  Tears finally fell from my eyes. I pulled my daughter into my arms, and I wept as we held each other.

  The sky had been clouding up. A grumble of thunder sounded in a distance
. But all I could hear now was my own thought, telling me:

  She's coming home.

  ~*~

  Elvira's head lolled sleepily over my shoulder as I carried her to bed. The rain fell gently against the window. I tucked my daughter in and kissed her forehead like I had done every night.

  I came back to the living room again and tried to sit down in front of my typewriter and write, but no word came out of my mind. I was staring at the blank page for a long time before I decided to give up. My hand picked up El's drawing that lay on the table. I sat down and brushed my fingers over the picture then hovered on the one with blonde hair beside my daughter. My eyes turned misty again. I put down the drawing before I ruined it with my tears.

  Walking to the window, I looked out to the backyard and the swaying trees. The heavy rain came with a faintest promise in the atmosphere. Everywhere shifted with shadows and lightning.

  Somewhere in the house, the grandfather clock kept ticking away. I stood there, looking at the storm like a sailor's wife waiting for her lover to return from the sea.

  A bright flash of lightning illuminated the world, and I heard my breath hitched in my throat. I did not pause to think of reasons or logic or whether it was just the work of my own delusion.

  I ran out of the house and flung the backyard's door open. Facing the hill and the field of aspen trees, I cried out against the pounding rain. Then my feet tripped and I fell on my knees. My breathing turned ragged with sobs. I strained my eyes towards the darkness but saw no one. Nothing.

  Silly you and your imagination! I scolded myself.

  Raindrops washed away my tears, but I kept kneeling on the ground crying. Mud spattered on my nightgown.

  Then my body stiffened. The feeling came through the earth. A soft footstep one after another. Closer and clearer.

  "Nina?" a soft familiar voice spoke.

  My heart just stopped.

  For a moment, I thought I imagined that golden voice in my head.

  But when I raised my face to find its source, my mouth fell open in utter shock.

  Oh my goodness...

  My lips trembled as I tried to make a sound, any sound at all.

  But nothing came out.

  The person I thought I could only see in my dream and in every fragment of my thoughts was now right in front of me. Not even the slightest change had touched her. It was as if she had never left.

 

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