by Louisa Bacio
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Dedication
Special thanks to all my family and friends, who continue to support my passion of writing, and to those who believe in the power of love.
Chapter One
Nick stood inside the doorway, an imposing figure, his shoulders as wide of the doorframe, but Silver knew he wouldn’t do her any harm. Sounds of the evening bands roaring up for the evening in the French Quarter filtered in through the open window.
“You can’t leave me,” he told her. “I’m not ready for you to walk out that door tonight.”
“Nick, one way or another, I’m going. I’m sorry, but I need to find out who I am.”
“But you’re the only person who knows me. You knew me as a human…” His voice trailed off. “Sometimes I don’t remember half of it. I don’t know myself.”
It broke her heart to see him so vulnerable. As a man, he’d stood tall, muscular, and powerful. His Creole heritage came through his velvety caramel-toned skin and the golden hair he wore in dreads. As a vampire, his strong features became even more pronounced: angular cheekbones and full lips. So masculine, yet so beautiful—the big, bad vampire was more afraid of himself than anything else. She reached up, running her hand down his cheek, and her gut clenched. Leaving here and all she knew wouldn’t be easy, and he only made it harder.
“Just because you’re no longer human doesn’t mean you’ve lost your humanity.” Her hand moved to where his heart once beat. “In here, you’re still the same person. You’re still good.”
He grabbed hold of her wrist, tighter than comfortable. “You said we’d always be together. That you would always love me.”
“Oh, Nicky. I do love you. Listen, I don’t know what’s going to happen out there. All I know is I need to follow this lead. You are who you are, and this is what I am.”
She tried to find the words that would make him understand her decision. “It’s in my blood. I’m a member of a pack, and that pack is calling to me right now. I have to listen. I have to answer the call.”
He could never understand how her hormones raged, and how the older she got, the more time passed, and the more she couldn’t ignore the call of the wild. She had no idea what to pack for the adventure she was undertaking. She’d already shoved into her bag an extra pair of jeans, some long-sleeved tops, tanks, and a sweater. It wasn’t like she expected to go to any formal events. Plus, she had no idea how long she’d be gone. Either could be extremely well, or not so good.
“So that’s it? You’re walking out the door?” He let go of her arm, and she didn’t know what felt worse: his firm grip or nothing at all.
“It’s not over,” she explained. “I’ll be back. I just don’t know when.”
“And I’m supposed to wait for you?”
His question shocked her. The thought that maybe he’d move on or find someone else hadn’t dawned upon her. She shrugged her shoulders. “I can’t tell you what to do.”
“But Trevor?”
“My brother won’t stop me. He doesn’t want me to go, but more than anyone else, he should understand what I’m feeling right now, and what I need to explore.”
She crossed the room to be with Nick. Would things have been different between them if he had stayed human? She didn’t think so. The feelings she had went beyond humanity. And two years ago, when they’d first gotten together, she had no idea this moment would come.
He held his body stiff, not letting her hold onto him. She pushed her arms between his arms and his sides, taking in the solidness of his body, like a rock or anchor holding her in place. Her soft breasts pushed against his hardness, and she thought of all those tender moments they’d shared in bed. All the love, and all the passion.
Was she really going to give it up for the unknown? Some feeling that persisted, that haunted every waking minute, and her dreams?
He looked down at her, his dreads hanging over his face, and his cat-like eyes dancing with emotion.
“Kiss me,” she implored. “Let me feel your lips on mine.”
With a ravaged moan, he wrapped one arm around her waist, and dug the other hand through her own hair, tangling within her locks. He pressed his lips down onto hers, probing with his tongue, and taking everything she gave him, and demanding more.
Tongues twirling, lips crushing, then a sharp burst of pain and blood filled her mouth.
“Ouch,” she said, pulling back and bringing her palm up to her mouth. It came away bloodied. He’d extended his teeth, either accidentally or purposely, and bit her lip.
“Sorry,” he said, licking the extra blood from his lower lip.
She nodded, accepting his apology. “I’ve got to go.”
This time when she moved toward the door, he didn’t try to stop her. He simply stood by the bed that they’d shared and watched her walk out.
She zipped up her pack and stepped into the hallway, where her brother waited for her. Another ambush before her escape.
“How could you do this to Nick, after he gave up his life for you?” Trevor leaned against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.
Before she could answer, Nick pushed past them. She sighed. There wasn’t much she could do or say to make either of them feel better.
“What?” Silver asked. “He did no such thing. Nick died because of his own actions. It had nothing to do with me. He dragged me out to that abandoned amusement park, not the other way around. If anything, he decided to live for me.”
“And just like that, you’re going to write him off? You know he’s still adjusting to this new life. Sometimes I think he’s barely holding on by a thread, and the thread is you.”
She didn’t want to cause anyone else pain. Silver needed this time to find herself. Some might not understand it, but before she could move on with her life, she needed to find out where she came from, and that meant searching out her father. Her werewolf side came from his genes. He cursed her and her brother Trevor with this genetic defect, and then he’d taken off, leaving them to be raised as outcasts when their mom died.
Not everyone understood. She got that. And look at how Lily’s reunion with her father went—pure hell. He proved to be the worst-case scenario by far. Unless Silver took this time now, by herself, she’d always wonder. Leaving parts of her life unturned wasn’t going to work for her. At twenty, she realized that already.
“You did this journey, right?” Silver confronted her brother. “You went looking for Dad.”
A pained expression crossed his face. “Yeah, and it didn’t go all that well. Believe me, it’s not worth it. Because I did it, you don’t have to.”
“What if he’s different now? What if something about me is different? I gotta try.”
She’d come to live with her brother and his family almost two years ago, partially in search of that family connection. The living quarters they all shared above the bookstore Pages in the French Quarter tended to get insane. Five adults and a crossbreed child, all keeping bizarre hours. Silver and her brother Trevor lived as werewolves, able to shift on command, but also partially ruled by the laws of the full moon. Both of their partners, Lawrence and Nick, were vampires; and Lily was a witch with demon tendencies by birth. Then there was her sweet nephew Lowell, genetic offspring of Lily and Trevor, although they suspected he had a bit of vampire blood in him after Lily’s transfu
sion during delivery. Little Lowell wasn’t quite so little. Age-wise, in human counting, he should be eight months but he looked more like a three-year-old. So far, they’d figured, it was the normal growth rate for a hybrid. Maybe she could find out more from her father’s pack.
“You really think I’ll find him living out in the woods somewhere? Kisatchie National Forest?”
“That’s the most natural place for him to be.” Trevor unfolded his arms and moved away from the door. “He doesn’t live the way you and I do. He doesn’t live as a human. Yes, they have some crossover, some of the same necessities within life, but they don’t believe in the integration of the species. They’re a Wolfe Pack. They’re governed by different rules. The males are purely dominant. The women are not equal, and if a female is of breeding age, like you are, they are seen as an even more precious commodity. Sometimes to be shared.”
The meaning of Trevor’s final comment made Silver gulp. He lived in a true threesome, not for the best interests of a pack, but because of his love for Lawrence and Lily. The three of them balanced out the relationship quite well, and seeing them altogether had grown to be quite natural for Silver. Still, she couldn’t imagine herself in the same type of relationship, could she? With Nick? Hell no. He was purely heterosexual, that was for sure. Trev and Law had a thing going on long before Lily came into the picture.
“But I’m a half-breed. With Nick, a vampire as my only lover, I don’t even know if I can conceive, let alone birth a werewolf.”
Trev held up his hand. “I know you’re almost twenty-one, but I really don’t need to think about my little sister in the sack with a vampire, or anyone else, for that matter.”
Silver laughed, feeling the atmosphere lighten up.
“Plus, you know I’m going to miss you, right?” Trevor said, enveloping her within a hug.
“Oh, big brother, I’m going to miss you, too, but I promise I won’t be gone forever. Just as long as I need to be to get this done.”
He released her. “One more warning, if she’s still around, watch out for our father’s mate, Sheba. Something about her, I didn’t trust. She’s not that keen on him having another family, and I never got the full backstory on his relationship with Mom.”
“Got it.”
Trevor picked up the bag with the food supplies she’d packed earlier, and the two of them headed into the main living quarters where the rest of the family waited to say goodbye.
* * * *
Down the hall in the living quarters’ common room, Lawrence and Lily waited. Standing behind the back of the couch, she met Nick’s eyes. When she gave him a small smile, he looked away.
Her sister-in-law held Lowell on her lap. Although Silver had never seen Trevor at this age, she imagined her nephew to be his splitting image. She knelt on the ground and held her arms out. Without the slightest hesitation, he jumped from his mother’s lap and into Silver’s arms.
“Auntie Sil,” Lowell catapulted himself into her arms. “Mommy says you going? Why you go?”
Silver kissed the top of his head, taking in that baby smell, mixed with the little boy he was quickly becoming.
“I’m going on a little adventure,” she replied. “I’ll be back real soon. I promise.” She ruffled his almost white-blond curly hair, and did her best to suppress her own tears.
She stood up, continuing to hold his small hand, and turned to hug Lily. The woman Silver didn’t know five years ago had become her very best friend, her sister in every sense of the word.
“You call us if you need anything, you understand?” Lily said.
“I will.”
A jingle of stones caught Silver’s attention. Lily held her bag of runes. “One more reading before you go?” she asked.
Whatever was pulled, it wouldn’t affect Silver’s decision to leave. Her mind was made up, and she was headed out no matter what. Still, she humored Lily.
“Sure, and I know exactly what question I’d like to ask.” She thought about the journey ahead, and wondered if her future would hold promise. Silver reached in, searching around until one stone in particular held the attention of her fingers. The surface felt smoothed.
She laid it down on the coffee table. It had been reversed, of course. She tended to pull the stones in reverse order. She had no idea what it meant in the larger picture. A trend or a symbol of something larger.
“Gateway,” Lily said. “Reversed it represents a halting of action, and reflection of what’s taken place in the past, and an integration of the new.” Her voice took on a somber quality and she stole a glance at Nick.
“At this point, you should not make any hasty decisions because they may create more problems than good.”
“Well, that kind of sucks,” Silver joked. “I’d rather have gotten one that told me to seek out adventure, and that good will would come from my choices. Listen, this decision isn’t hasty. What if staying is causing my lack of growth?”
With a nod of her head, Lily pressed the runes into Silver’s hand. “Take these. Use the energy to guide you. They won’t tell you the right path, but sometimes, they act as a good sounding board. The answers lie within you.”
Silver fit them into the front pocket of her backpack. “Thanks.”
She shifted Lowell’s weight to her other hip. Next she had to say goodbye to Lawrence. As the oldest, more than one hundred and eighty years old, and Nick’s sire, Law was the leader in the household. He also always smelled like her lover.
Lawrence stood and gave her a firm hug. “You promise to take care of yourself, right?” he said.
“I promise,” she said, and added quickly. “Do you promise to look after my family, and Nick?” She knew she didn’t really need to ask, but it made her feel better to say it.
Nick’s audible sigh of discontent filled the room, but she didn’t look at him. It needed to be said.
“That I’ll do,” he said. “It won’t be easy on him, though. You know that.” His eyes held a knowledge Silver didn’t quite understand. It would be hard, in general, but was there more to her leaving than that? Would losing Silver cause Nick to turn toward his darker side, and go rogue?
“I know. But I still have to go.”
Finally, there was Trevor. The brother she’d never known as a child, but now, she couldn’t imagine life without him.
“I’m sorry I can’t go with you,” he said.
“Don’t be. You’ve found your place in life.” Silver glanced at the concerned faces around her. “It’s right here. Me? I need to find out who I am.”
“You may not like what you find out there,” Trevor added. “A lead on our father doesn’t mean you’re going to find him, and if you do … you may not like what he is.”
“Understood.”
She gave Lowell one last kiss on his warm cheek, and handed him back over to Lily.
“I won’t be gone for long, and I promise I’ll bring you back something special.”
“If you won’t be long, then why is Momma and everyone so sad?”
“Hush now,” Lily said, taking his hand, and bringing him back to her lap. “Let’s not bother Auntie Silver too much right now. She has a lot on her mind.”
“It’s all right, Lil,” Silver said. She knelt on the floor before Lowell. “Goodbyes are sad, but we’re going to say, ‘I’ll see you later.’”
A smile lit up his face, “Cool. I’ll see you later, Auntie Sil.”
Now it was time to look at her lover again. She’d waited until nighttime to leave so she could say goodbye to everyone, and because of Nick’s promise. “Are you still going to ride out with me for a bit?”
“That was the plan.”
Chapter Two
The crisp autumn air whipped around Silver, and she drew her jacket tighter around her body. They walked in silence to the parking lot where Nick stored his truck. He’d r
estored the interior and repainted the outside a springtime yellow, almost the color of daffodils. The contrast seemed so different than his personality, and nighttime life, but maybe that was why he’d chosen the color. Since he didn’t use it often, he’d let Silver take it for her excursion.
In silence, he held the driver’s door open for her, and handed over his keys, their hands briefly making contact. They headed out of the city, on Interstate 10 toward Baton Rouge. When she asked Nick to accompany her, she imagined some extra time together, alone. Instead, the pervading quiet brought her down. After a short distance, she stopped.
“I don’t want you to have to walk too far.”
He shrugged. “It’ll do me good. I can work out some of this aggression, and maybe if I’m lucky someone will jump me, or I’ll run into a rogue vampire.”
“Don’t do anything that’ll get you … hurt,” she said. “Don’t be careless or reckless because of me, because I’m leaving.”
He didn’t reply to her request. “Are you sure you don’t want company for a bit longer?”
The puppy-dog look in Nick’s eyes pained Silver even more. Saying goodbye already was hard enough.
She shook her head. “I need to do this by myself – same thing I told Trevor. You know I’ll carry you with me”—she placed her right fist over her heart—“here.”
He leaned forward, bridging the gap between them, and the magnetic pull danced from his body to hers. She surged with desire. With his lips mere inches away from hers, he paused, waiting for her to finish. One more time, she kissed him with everything she had, infusing a lifetime of love and longing. How long had she crushed on Nick before she got him, and now she was walking away from it?
He returned her passion tenfold, devouring her mouth, his tongue desperately seeking out a union with hers. She gave him what she had, and still he needed more. He curled his hands into the back of her hair, holding her close, letting her feel his passion.
Touch severed between them, and she ached for that loss.