by Ann Wilson
16. Marriage
Cortin lay awake, listening to Odeon's soft breathing and thinking.The dream had been almost pure wish fulfillment, a wish she'd both hadand known was impossible since the day she'd met him. She'd never hadthe slightest interest in any of her schoolmates, or any marriageinterest in the Enforcement men she'd met after Mike . . . but SpecialOps men didn't marry, couldn't have children, so she'd settled for whatthey could have.
The dispensation helped, no doubt about that, but it wasn't enough!Even if they couldn't have children, they ought to be able to have somesort of stable relationship--and the only way she could see of givingit to them was to have her new family structure accepted. In fact,everything seemed to hinge on that, from maintaining socialstability--although in a new form--to the continued existence ofhumanity in the Systems. Good as it would be for the parents and theKingdoms as a whole, though, it would be best for the children--and forSpecial Ops troops, giving the trooper a real home and the family hemarried into a second father/husband--or in her case and Piety's,mother/wife--and provider. A mostly-male marriage might be a bit muchat times for the wife or wives, though, unless it did includetroopers . . .
Cortin felt briefly complacent at that; she could satisfy a shelterfull of troopers without a bit of strain! Mike was right that God hadbeen more than generous to her; even the attack had been only a preludeallowing her the increased pleasure men now gave her. It was too bad,in a way, that other women were limited to what she'd had before . . .but they couldn't know, any more than she had then, what they weremissing. And they had something she no longer did: the hope, at least,of children. She couldn't help envying them that, the joys of home andfamily she'd never know. Still, she told herself sternly, she'daccepted that fact months ago, and without the consolations God hadgranted her since.
She thought about those consolations, frowning. There were a lot oftroopers who'd been hurt as badly as she, some maimed far worse,without any corresponding compensations. Maybe Mike was right aboutthat too, and God did have some kind of purpose for her--which was afrightening thought. If He had a purpose for anyone on Team Azrael, itshould be Mike; he was the most devout, a natural priest, and he'd beenraised by religious. Even though she was making a conscientiouseffort, at Mike's urging, to dedicate her entire life rather than justher pain to God, she didn't believe she could be called truly devout.Or, much as she enjoyed the exaltation of saying Mass, that she was anatural priest. Yes, Mike was far more suited to serving a divinepurpose than she was.
And he was waking; this would be as good a time as any to bring up thepart of her vision she was most frightened by. And maybe the partshe'd liked best . . . When he started to sit up, she spoke. "I needto talk to you, Mike. Got a few minutes, or do you need to get upright away?"
"I've got all the time you want," Odeon said, settling back. "What'sthe problem?"
Cortin moved toward him. "I . . . didn't tell everything about what Isaw when I was under. Part because it was too frightening, partbecause it was too . . . personal. I'm not even sure I can tell you."
Odeon took her in his arms. "Okay. The frightening part first."
"I . . . believe Sis now. Shannon is Shayan, or under his directcontrol." Cortin shivered. "I was in a prewar bio-lab--you know, thekind we've all seen pictures of?" When he nodded, she went on. "Itwas a Brothers of Freedom lab. I know that, somehow, even though therewere no symbols and no one heard of the Brothers for another fiftyyears. Shannon was there, looking exactly like he does today, and hewas engineering the worst of the plague strains. Working with hismind, the equipment was there just for show. And he was proud ofhimself; he'd just persuaded the ruler of one of those tiny asteroidcolonies that if they used his plagues they could take over St. Monicawithout bloodshed. Mike, the Final War was no accident, or innocentmistake, or even a human horror--it was Shayan, turned loose!"
Odeon stroked her back, trying to comfort her. "The Bible does sayhe'd be set free for a hundred years before the Protector beginsworking against him." And that fit too; history said work on theplagues had started in 2464, and she'd graduated--begun work againsthim and his Brotherhood--in 2564. "So the Protector's here, andworking--just not openly yet."
"But why not?"
Odeon shrugged. "I'm only human; you can't expect me to know why Goddoes what He does. All we can do is trust Him, try to help in whateverways we can."
"That's not terribly comforting." Cortin snuggled closer. "I'd feel alot better if I knew who the Protector is, at least. Are you him?"
"No." Odeon didn't dare elaborate; she was too likely to pick up onthe smallest mistake. Instead he decided to change the subject, hopingto distract her. "What's the personal thing--if you can talk about it?"
Cortin was silent for a moment, then she sighed. "I guess I wouldn'thave brought it up if I hadn't intended to tell you, even though it's alittle embarrassing--I don't think of you as a child!" After anotherbrief hesitation, she went on. "It was pure wish fulfillment, I'mafraid--the part with you, at least." She moved slightly away, justenough that she could bring his hand to her breast. "You and Sis werenursing, and I was actually able to give you milk. It felt soincredibly good, especially you even though it wasn't exactly sexual. . . I can't describe it, not really. You can't believe how much I wishI could do it again, and not in a dream!"
Odeon cupped her breast, feeling the nipple harden as he stroked itwith his thumb. It stood to reason, given the additions he and theother "staff" had developed since being sealed to her, that shecould--though possibly, to protect her secret from herself, not untilshe was sealed to the true Protector. "Maybe you can, Joanie. I'm notthe Protector, but while you were under, Sis and I were empowered tocarry out some of those functions." He grinned. "The main one is theSealing--and its purpose, of course, is protection from sin for thosewilling to give up that option."
"You and Sis?" Cortin was a little disappointed that she hadn't beenincluded, but admitted to herself that the two of them did make moresense. "Mike, you know I've been doing my best to do His will; can yougive me that protection?"
"Gladly!" Odeon thought for a moment, then got out of bed. "Here, thecommon-room, or the chapel?"
Her bedroom didn't feel like a proper place for a religious ritual,Cortin thought, and she wasn't sure it would be polite to carry out oneof the Protector's rituals in a chapel belonging to Jeshua, even thoughthey were Aspects of the same God. "The common-room, I think," shesaid, getting up. "Do we need icons or symbols, anything like that?"
That hadn't occurred to Odeon, and he said so. "I like the idea,though," he continued. "We can't have icons yet, with the Protectornot wanting to be identified, but we should be able to manage somethingwith symbols. For Justice and Life, do you think?"
"Those are supposed to be His main concerns," Cortin agreed. "Scalesor a sword for Justice--probably a sword, since we all have those withour dress uniforms. What for Life, though?"
Something sexual, was Odeon's first reaction, because that was thelife-creating act--but the Sealing itself wasn't, not really. "The OneWho empowered Sis and me mentioned flowers; how about those?"
"Sounds good," Cortin said. "If you'll get the sword, I'll see if Ican improvise an altar."
Not long afterward, they had done so. A small table she'd covered witha white silk sheet held Odeon's dress sword and a vase of Peace roses,plus a chalice of milk and a piece of bread he promised she'dunderstand soon. It was improvised, true, and not even consecrated,but Cortin found herself deeply affected by it.
"What do you think?" Odeon asked.
"I like it, very much," Cortin said. "It feels right--a simple altar,no fancy vestments--" She looked at herself, then at him, and smiled."None at all, in fact. Is this how He wants it, do you think? Anintimate kind of worship, maybe just family and close friends, with thesenior spouses as celebrants?"
"Sounds reasonable to me," Odeon said. It was an odd feeling, havingher ask his opinion on the p
roper way to worship the Protector; afterall, if it felt right to her, acting in that capacity, who was he tosay otherwise?
"To me, also."
Cortin turned, not really surprised to see Sis and the rest of thosewho'd been at the airborne conference. Under normal conditions shewould have been astonished, and probably suspicious as well--but thesewere hardly normal conditions, with Shayan on the loose, the Protectormanifesting to Mike and Sis, and herself having visions. It wasnormality, now, that would have surprised her. "You and Mike willcelebrate it for us?"
"And each other, yes." The nun smiled. "Neither altar nor ceremonialis truly necessary for the Sealing or its celebration, but since weexpect both, they add to the pleasure. Unfortunately we have not yetdevised a ceremony, so we will have to content ourselves with informalprayers." She approached the altar, embracing Odeon as Cortin and therest knelt.
As she'd said, the prayers were brief and informal, praising God in HisAspect of the Protector, asking His blessings on those who were worthyof and wanted Sealing but couldn't be given it until the Protector cameinto the open, offering the milk and bread on the altar in their behalfuntil they could partake of the true Milk or Seed of Life.
That reference puzzled Cortin, until the two celebrants asked that Godmake use of them to do the Protector's work, and were accepted.Something seemed to twist inside her, then she felt the exaltation ofConsecration taking hold and she was praying for the new salvation thecelebrants offered, not just from the effects of sin but from sinitself. As at Mass, the celebrants took the new Communion first,drinking from each other. The physical actions were little differentfrom some of the things that went on at a shelter party--but thefeeling wasn't sexual, it was like her dream of both of them feedingfrom her: reverent joy.
Then the celebrants were finished, inviting those who hadn't yetpartaken and wished to place themselves under the Protector's care tocome forward. Almost as if Odeon were pulling her, Cortin approachedhim and knelt. Except that it was Mike only in form; he had becomeGod, in the same way bread and wine became God at the Consecrationduring Mass. "I surrender myself to Thee," she said. "I ask for Thyprotection and guidance, that I might serve Thee to the best of myability."
"They are thine, Daughter." Hands on her head guided her to thewhiteness welling from him. "Drink thy fill of the Seed of Life, thatthou mayst be Sealed to thy Protector."
Cortin obeyed. The droplets were sweet, not the slightly bitter tasteshe remembered. Taste was minor, though, next to the exaltation thatwashed through her. His thick sweet fluid was a generous feast,filling her with His love and life. It was forever and no time at allthat she finished, reveling in His glorious bounty so freely given.
When He raised her to her feet, the exaltation faded as it did afterCommunion--not completely, but to a far lesser intensity. She steppedback; Princess Ursula took her place, while the Prince went to Chang.
It was beautiful, Cortin thought, in large part because it was realrather than hidden by symbols. She didn't object to such concealmentin its proper place, such as the Mass--letting flesh and blood appearto be bread and wine was easier on celebrant and communicants both!Milk and seed, though, could be given not only without pain but withobvious pleasure; Mike and Sis were both positively radiant. Somepeople, she knew, would think this obscene, be uncomfortable or worseat taking such nourishment directly from its source instead of fromchalice or plate. She knew, but she didn't understand. Breasts weremade to give milk, testes to give seed; given and taken in theProtector's Holy Name, how could it be other than beautiful?
The royal couple was done; they returned to kneel with Cortin. ThePrincess was the last woman in the group, so Odeon waited, relaxed,while Chang fed the rest. Her last communicant was Pritchett--andunlike the others, he had a visible response when he drank.
Cortin found that a good sign, as well as being enjoyable to watch.Chang very much wanted a baby, preferably Pritchett's, though thatwould take a miracle. It'd be an even better sign to those who hadn'tbeen here if they were granted one today; it'd have to be seen as anobvious indication that this was God's Will. Chang stroked him brieflywhen he raised his head, then she turned to Odeon and they faced thegroup for a final prayer.
For Shannon/Shayan's reaction: 16a. Shayan