by Dani René
Her body becomes pliable, molding to mine, and I swallow the whimpers from her, reveling in her taste. She’s more potent than any drug. She’s more intoxicating than any alcohol, and I’m addicted.
Our moment is broken when the waitress brings our food. Placing each of the plates on the table, she moves away and the hostess enters the private dining area.
“Mr. Hamilton, I apologize for the intrusion, but I have something for your guest.” She hands Ella a small silver envelope and box.
Once we’re alone, I’m intrigued as I watch a myriad of emotions flit over my girl’s face.
I watch Ella open it and pull out a single card, also silver, with a large white snowflake on the front. Her worried gaze darts to me, and there’s emotion stronger than fear running through them. There’s revulsion, horror, and panic.
“Is this your idea of a joke?” She tears the card, but all I can do is frown.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Ella. I didn’t send it.”
We stare at each other and I hope she can see the truth in my eyes, because I have no idea what that meant to her, but whatever it is, she’s got pure agony on her face. She rips the box open and inside there’s a small winter snow globe. I remember Kat used to have them as a girl. They were her favorite ornaments.
“It’s… The card… You didn’t…”
“No, I didn’t. What’s got you so worked up, baby?”
Shaking her head, she pushes up from the table and rushes toward the restroom. My body is vibrating with fear and confusion. Without thinking I follow her. As soon as I push the door open I find her huddled over in a corner. Her face is streaked with tears.
She’s fragile. Delicate. Broken. A flower about to lose its petals.
“Go away, please. Just leave me,” she begs me, but I can’t bring myself to walk out. Kneeling before her, I place a hand on her knee.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here for you. Talk to me, Ella.” Her tears flow freely and the well put together woman falling apart in front of me is a scared little girl and the only thing I want to do is hold her. “Can I touch you?”
She nods and I scoot closer, pulling her into my arms. I cocoon her body with mine.
“He’s here. I need to go home. He’s here.” Her words are ragged, as if she’s swallowed a cupful of sand and what it does to my heart is concerning. It’s never been an issue. I’ve kept it far away from affection, but with her, Ella Carmel, I want to give it all to her. She’s going to be my downfall, and I’d gladly take the leap.
“Who, baby? Who’s here?” Her gaze meets mine, glistening with emotion. Tears stream down her cheeks and she shakes her head.
“Him. He’s found me.”
Ella
Carter stares at me for so long I think he hasn’t heard me, but then he nods. Pulling me up, he wraps his arms around me and practically carries me out of the restroom. “Where are… where are we going?” My voice is croaky at best and he halts, staring at me.
“I’m taking you home and you’re going to tell me exactly what the hell is going on. No more secrets. No more lies.” His voice is adamant as we pass the hostess where he offers her a curt nod and we hasten our way down to the waiting car.
Cold settles heavily in my bones. “Carter, please,” I beg, but I don’t know what I’m asking for. He startles me when his eyes meet mine. There’s fear and concern floating in them.
“I’m taking you home. I need to make a quick appearance at my father’s event, but Bennett will stay with you while I’m gone. You’re not to be alone. Okay?”
I can’t argue with that. As Baines drives through London streets taking me home, I can’t help the sinking feeling that my past is catching up to me.
I’ve let down my guard. I’ve allowed a man inside my mind, and if I’m honest I like it. Carter gives me a sense of safety in his dominance, but also it’s as if he heals me. Like he’s taking every broken piece of the girl I once was and molding her into a woman. Where desire and need isn’t something to be feared but embraced.
“Come,” he murmurs and I realize I’ve lost time because we’re outside my apartment building. He helps me out of the car, my knees still wobbly from the shock and fear that wracked my body. When Carter’s gaze lands on mine, it’s as if he’s looking into my soul, finding all the ugly parts, dragging them to the surface, only to cleanse me. “You’re safe, baby. I swear to you,” he promises, scooping me up and carrying me bridal style into the lobby.
At the elevators, he leans in and I push the button.
Everything is done in silence. Wordless understanding.
There’s no need to vocalize anything because this man knows me. It should scare me, but I feel at ease. Our ride up to the seventh floor calms me somewhat and when we’re deposited in my hallway, I’m shocked to find Bennett dressed in a suit and tie, looking dashing leaning against my doorjamb.
“What took you two so long?” He smirks, his eyes darkened resembling a mossy field glistening with mischief, but the concern hangs around us like a flightless balloon.
“It was ten goddamn minutes, Bennett.”
All Carter gets is a chuckle, as I unlock the door and step inside. The apartment is quiet and dark. Flicking the switch beside the door, the living room illuminates with a dim light and we all shuffle into the open area. “Look, I’ll be okay. I really don’t—”
“You’re not staying alone, Ella. That’s final. No arguments.” Bennett’s not taking no for an answer, so I relent. I don’t want to fight or argue. All I need is my medication and sleep.
“You’ll be fine. I’ll be back as soon as I can,” Carter murmurs and I can’t help smiling at his affection.
My gaze flits to Bennett and I watch him shrug out of his jacket. His shoulders are broad, sexy, and I can tell there’s muscle under the crisp white material. How can I have two beautiful men wanting to dote on me like this? It doesn’t make sense.
“I’ll be right here, Cart,” he tells his best friend, then turns his green eyes to me. “I’m right here all night,” he assures me while getting comfortable on the sofa.
“Can I get you a drink or something?” I offer, and the salacious smile I’m met with tells me the and something caught his attention.
“Maybe later. Carter, I’ve got it.” Deep green meets sapphire and something passes between the men that I can’t read. Then Carter nods and cups my face in his hands.
“I won’t be long.” He plants a gentle kiss on my lips and leaves.
“I’m going to get changed. I’ll be back in a sec,” I tell my boss, who seems comfortable on my sofa.
Bennett nods and I can feel the heat of his gaze on me as I head into my bedroom. The memory of the card and snow globe assault me. I make quick work of changing into a pair of sweatpants and a baggy T-shirt. As soon as I’m back in the living room I allow the calm that Bennett offers to blanket me.
“Come here, honey. I don’t bite… Hard.” He chuckles playfully and I nestle in the crook of his arm.
“Isn’t this strange for you? I’m your employee,” I mumble into the spicy scent of his shirt. His arm tightens, as if he doesn’t want me far.
“No. It’s not strange. You’re under my protection, as long as you’re here, working for me. You know, Carter and I have grown to care for you,” he tells me, his arms tightening their hold. “We’d do anything to protect you.” His promise lifts the sadness and leaves a heavy fog of exhaustion that settles on my droopy eyelids and I allow sleep to come.
* * *
“Snowflake, come here.” He’s not drunk today. Maybe he won’t hurt me.
Stepping into the living room, I find him sitting at the dinner table with pages spread out in front of him. When I near him, I realize he’s got my diary pages which have been torn out of the book.
“What the fuck is this?” He points to my words and fear grips my neck, threatening to suffocate me.
“It’s nothing. I promise.” I can tell he’s livid by
the redness blotching his face. I can’t do this again. Last night was too much and now I’m terrified of what he might do. I spent the day with excruciating pain between my legs. The boy I used to like, Jeremy, said hello to me today, but I couldn’t even look at him. My fear has become unbearable and the thought of anyone touching me makes me retch.
“Nothing? You whoring yourself out to the boys at school?” The papers go flying in his fit of rage as he pushes up from the chair. It drops with a loud thud that makes me jump.
“No! I helped a classmate with homework.” Tears threaten, and as much as I don’t want him to see me cry, I can’t stop them from falling. He’s going to hurt me again. I wish I could leave, run away where nobody can find me.
“Bend over this fucking table now.” He points to the dinner table where I usually have my meals and the thought of what he’ll do to me on there makes me sick to my stomach. Fear knots in my belly and I look into his cold gray eyes. There’s no feeling in them, no emotion. Just the sick fascination with me. “Snowflake, if you don’t fucking do it, I’ll make you do it. Do you want me to make you do it?”
Shaking my head, I bend over the table, like he asked.
I pray that my mother will walk in. I pray, but no God can save me. There is no God because if there were, men like this wouldn’t exist. My school skirt gets lifted and my panties are ripped from my hips. The burn on my skin causes more tears to fall and I hate that I’m so weak.
If I were facing him, maybe I could claw at him, bite him, or something. A loud swat on my ass has me yelping, which is my first mistake.
“If you don’t shut up, you’ll get your filthy panties stuffed in your fucking mouth.”
I nod as he presses my face to the table.
“So you like being a whore? Don’t you know I fucking own your cunt? No man will ever want you because you’re broken. So I suggest you get the idea of love out of your fucking mind.”
Another swat on my bare skin has me crying out, which is my second mistake. I watch him take the pages from my diary and crumple them up, stuffing them into my mouth.
I can’t move as his body presses me down onto the hardwood.
“You make me feel good, Snowflake. You’re not so white and pure, though, are you?”
I can feel his erection pushing into my ass.
“You’re going to learn that you’re fucking worthless.”
The sound of his zipper echoes through the room.
I am strong. I am strong. I am strong.
Suddenly, pain I have never known before ignites and burns me from the inside out. My body feels as if it’s been ripped in half. Broken. I am broken. My screams are muffled by the pages of my diary. By the words that kept me safe. Now they’re the ones that torment me.
“That’s it. Take me. You’re so tight. I wanted this little ass for a long time.” He grunts as he ploughs into me. Driving deeper and harder and faster. My mind hides, my body aches, and my soul… that was lost a long time ago.
I know I’ll never be the same again.
“Ella…”
* * *
“Ella!”
Bolting up, I stare into Bennett’s eyes.
“What? Where am I?” Glancing around, I see the familiar bedroom. My bedroom. He must have brought me in here when I fell asleep.
“You’re in your apartment. I stayed because Carter is at the charity event.” Bennett’s expression is one of confusion. “You were screaming.” He slips onto the bed beside me.
It’s only when he reaches for me do I flinch. I know he won’t hurt me, but the nightmare is still vivid in my mind, rearing its ugly head, reminding me I’m a used little girl.
“What happened, Ella?” He’s staring at me and I know that look. There’s determination in his eyes and I know I’m going to have to try and explain.
“It’s a long—”
“Don’t give me a shit excuse, honey. I want the truth. There’s no way you’re fine after what I heard when you had that nightmare moments ago.”
I pull my legs up and wrap my arms around them. My heart thuds against my chest because this is the first time in my life that I’m about to tell someone what happened to me.
“Please, Ella, trust me.” His eyes hold nothing but sincerity. I haven’t known him for that long, but something about Bennett Ainsworth sets me at ease.
“Did Carter tell you about the box I got at dinner?”
He nods, waiting for me to continue.
“The snow globe is… it’s… was a gift.” Dropping my gaze to the sheet, I inhale deeply, needing to center my emotions. “My stepfather… I was sixteen and he bought me a snow globe.” Tears burn behind my eyelids and I have to swallow past the lump in my throat.
“Ella…”
“I was sixteen when he pushed it inside me, Bennett.” The words tumble out, and once they are, they hang like lead weights in the air. The room feels as if it’s a shoebox, but when I glance at Bennett I don’t find disgust but sadness. “He started abusing me…” Swiping my hand across my cheeks to wipe my tears that are now streaming down my face, I look away. Guilt. Shame. Fear. All these emotions fight and claw their way through me.
My body is shaking and I can’t continue. He places a hand on my knee, which causes me to start, but I can’t bring myself to look at him.
“I was… it was… two years before I left home.”
“Fuck, sweetheart.” He scoots closer, and I find myself relaxing into his embrace. “I’m right here. You’re safe now. Please don’t be scared of me. I would never hurt you.”
I nod, but I’m not sure he notices.
“He took everything from me, Bennett. My innocence. My confidence. I felt so fragile in the dark every night. He invaded my mind, my body, and he blackened my soul.” My voice cracks on the last word and that’s when I let go. I’ve been holding more than six years of pain inside. Keeping it locked in a neat little box in the back of my mind, but as this man holds me, stroking my hair, my box breaks and everything comes pouring out.
There’s nothing left for me to do but let go of years of pent-up emotion and let it all out.
“Shhh… I’m right here.”
My tears soak his shirt and I grip the material like it’s a lifeline keeping me afloat from the emotions that seem to want to pull me into the depths of despair and depression. I’ve just told him part of my past and he’s still here, still holding me.
“Bennett.” I pull back and stare at him. “I can’t tell Carter, please. You have to promise me.”
“Why? He cares for you, darling. I think you need to talk to him.”
Shaking my head, I stare out of the window, taking in the inky sky and the twinkling stars. There’s a sliver of the moon hanging in the darkness, not offering much light. “Bennett, you don’t understand. I can’t be with anyone. He wants something I can’t give him.”
“What if we both wanted you?”
His question jars me, stilling me on the spot. What?
“What do you mean?”
“Yes, Carter wants you, but so do I. I believe we can heal you, sweetheart. But we’ll never force you to do something you don’t want to. I’ve known Carter all my life and I trust him.” He moves me then, allowing me to face him. “Be with us?” His voice is determined and confident.
“I-I don’t know,” I confess quietly. “Can you just hold me for now?”
He tugs me into his arms again and a feeling of security blankets me. It’s the same feeling I get when I’m with Carter. “I’m here, love. I told you I’m not heading anywhere unless you ask me to.”
I take in his scent for a moment, allowing his words to wash over me once more.
Carter wants you, but so do I. Be with us.
“Can we go to the living room? It’s stuffy in here,” I mumble into his shirt.
He nods, pulling me up and walking me to the other room. As soon as I sit on the sofa, he joins me. He’s tentative when he reaches for my hand.
“So, the card and
box you got at the dinner with Carter, it was him? Your stepfather?” His grip on my hands tightens and his gaze bores a hole into me, leaving me exposed.
“Yes…” Meeting his stare, I continue, “I got spooked. It’s like he was there. I felt as if his eyes were leering at me like they used to. Before dinner, I walked into my bedroom and found the exact same snow globe in my bedroom. But, I haven’t taken my medication in a few days. I-I didn’t think.”
“Medication?”
“When I turned nineteen I finally went to a doctor. I thought I was losing my mind. Hearing him everywhere. They told me it’s auditory hallucinations from my trauma.”
“Ella, look at me.” His strong hands cup my face and I stare at him, waiting for him to tell me I’m crazy and my chest tightens. “I’m doing a background check. This has gone far enough. One call is all it will take. Don’t worry. You’ve got me and Cart.”
I nod. It’s only when Bennett’s thumbs swipe my cheeks do I realize I’m crying.
“Fuck, we need to tell Carter. He needs to know, Ella. Trust me. Look at me.”
I drag my gaze to his and find honesty, sincerity, and understanding.
“Okay.”
He pulls out his phone and hits dial. I can hear the ringing because he’s sitting so close to me. The warmth of him bathes me and I can’t help but shift closer. “Carter, get back here now.”
I can only hear Bennett’s side of the conversation. I can’t imagine what Carter is thinking.
“She woke up from a nightmare and she needs you, us. There’s something you need to know and it’s best that she tells you.”
When he hangs up, he plants a soft kiss on my forehead and I close my eyes. “Let me tell you about my best friend. He’s an arsehole most days, but when he wants someone he won’t stop until he gets them. Ella, I want to lean in right now and claim your lips, to make you forget everything.” His words have my eyes snapping up and I cock my head to the side with my brows creasing into a frown.
“What—” My words are stopped by his lips. Shock vibrates through me, but when I place my hands on his chest and push, he relents. “You can’t… I mean, I can’t…”