Both Barrels of Monster Hunter Legends (Legends of the Monster Hunter Book 1)

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Both Barrels of Monster Hunter Legends (Legends of the Monster Hunter Book 1) Page 31

by Josh Reynolds


  “You’re my cowardice,” Nadya said.

  The double laughed again. “Just cuz I try to warn you about doing potentially lethal things to yourself does not make me a coward.”

  “Whatever,” Nadya grumbled, lowering her gun and moving down the hall. She might have been losing it, but she still had a mission to complete.

  “See? There,” the double said. “All the time, you’re just focused on your mission. Whatever the mission happens to be. Your devotion to killing shit is admirable but did you ever think that maybe there comes a time when you can set the gun aside and just live life for a bit?”

  “This is my life,” Nadya replied. “I’m living it. And, pesky hallucinations aside, I have to say it’s going pretty damn good at the moment. Hell, thanks to me, this entire orphanage is gonna stop sucking major cock. If I just walked away now, what would happen? More innocent children would die.”

  “Oh, come on,” the double laughed. “You really think this place has changed? I bet you every single one of those kids is just as foul-mouthed and rotten as the ones who were here before. Children, sure. Innocent, not fucking likely.”

  “Is that what this is about?” Nadya asked, glancing back to the double. She needed a nickname or something. Subconscious Nadya or Annoying Cunt or Hallucination X. The X made her think of her sister, Xenia, which would only make her loathe the doppelganger more. Works for me. X, it is. “You’re still pissed off about getting the shit beat out of you all those years ago?”

  “Not me,” X said. “Us. We’re the same being, Nadezhda. Just two separate voices. So, deep down, you’re still pissed about it. There’s a part of you that’d like to see this place burn. And piss all over Pavel’s good eye as you watch.”

  Nadya rounded a corner, trying to stay as alert as she could, all things considered. “So you’re encouraging me to mass murder children and piss on a cripple. I thought you were trying to get me to be a better person?”

  “When the hell did I say that?” X asked. “Anyway, that’s not what I’m telling you to do. I’m just saying there’s a part of you that’d like to. No, given the choice between the two, your current actions are way more productive.”

  “So what’s your fucking problem then?” Nadya hissed, stopping and turning to face X full on. “Since I apparently can’t kill you maybe I can just hear what it is you’ve got to say so that I can get back to ignoring your annoying ass and kill some fucking demons.”

  “How’s Ulbrecht?” X asked.

  Nadya felt like she’d been kicked in the gut. The mention of Ulbrecht had been unexpected. She felt inner wounds that hadn’t healed nearly long enough split back open. “What the fuck does he have to do with anything?”

  X shrugged. “Have you checked up on him at all since you got out of the M.A.D. complex?”

  “If you’re part of me, then you already know the answer to that,” Nadya snarled through clenched teeth. “And why I can’t do that. Ever.”

  “Right, cuz if the cure didn’t stick then you’d be forced to kill him,” X nodded, clearly not buying the excuse.

  “Correct,” Nadya said, contemplating shooting her again to see if it worked any better the second time.

  “Again, that’s total bullshit,” X responded. “You’re letting your devotion to this job—to Vlad—override any other life you could be leading.”

  “I owe him—” she started.

  “A lot,” X finished for her. “But you don’t owe him your life.”

  “Like fuck!” Nadya cut in.

  “And even if you do,” X continued. “You don’t think he would understand if you wanted to quit? If you wanted to shack up with a werewolf?”

  “Yea,” Nadya let out a humorless laugh. “He’d totally understand. Shit, why didn’t I think of that before? Wow, I’ve really been fucking things up, haven’t I? Yea, you’re right. Fuck these kids. Let em kill these demons themselves. I’ve got a werewolf to go fuck. Then I can go all furry, too. Shit, maybe we can even raise ourselves a litter of werewolf pups. Thank you, so much, for materializing here and now to let me know how fucking wrong I’ve been.”

  Nadya’s voice grew louder and shakier during her rant. It wasn’t until she stopped that she realized how close to tears she was. She sucked in a breath and held it, working the knot in her throat back down. Once it was sufficiently settled back in her stomach, she leveled a deadly glare on X. “Why don’t you jump back down into whatever hole you crawled out of? Where the fuck did you even come from? If I’m not insane, how am I seeing you like this?”

  X looked guilty. When she spoke again, her voice was softer. “Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe it’s a side effect of what Xenia did to us.”

  “Just another thing I’ll have to send a Thank You card for,” Nadya muttered. She wiped at the moisture that had accumulated under her eyes. When she blinked them clear, she no longer saw X.

  “Look, you’re right,” her disembodied voice called. “This really isn’t the time or the place. You are doing something good for these children. I’ll leave you to it.” There was silence and Nadya thought the doppelganger was finally gone.

  “But we will have a talk later. A real sympathetic, heart-to-heart one that will involve much crying and the eating of chocolate chip ice cream. Maybe while we watch Scrooged.”

  Then X was gone. Or at least quiet for the time being.

  Sighing, Nadya started down the hall again. “Happy birthday to us,” she muttered.

  V. Snegurochka

  Nadya pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed the number for the phone she’d given Oksana. It barely had a chance to ring before the woman answered.

  “What’s happened?” she asked, sounding a bit panicked. “We heard a gunshot.”

  “Oh,” Nadya said. “Sorry, that was a misfire.” Actually, it was me going even more insane than I already am, but you don’t need to know that, she thought. “How about on your end? Everything alright?”

  “Yes,” Oksana said. “We haven’t seen anything. Has Pavel checked in with you yet?”

  A little ball of dread formed in Nadya’s gut. “Why would Pavel check in with me?” she asked, already knowing the answer but hoping she was wrong.

  “Because,” Oksana replied. “He went to check the second floor.”

  “Mother fuck!” Nadya cursed, ending the call and shoving the phone back in her pocket. Gripping her gun, she ran for the stairs. “Guilt-ridden, double-crossing, deformed-ass, one-eyed, fucking idiot!”

  It didn’t take long for Nadya to find the guilt-ridden, one-eyed idiot. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw he was still alive. Just standing in the intersection at the end of the hall. She started towards him, intending to add to his scar collection.

  “There you are,” she snarled. “What the hell did I tell you? I said stay in the damn cafeteria. What’s the matter, has the food here gotten progressively shittier since I left?”

  Pavel’s only response was to stumble forward down the hall and out of her view. “Hey, goddammit!” she yelled, picking up the pace. As she neared the corner, she stopped.

  A familiar song filled the air. Cold fear flowed through her. Although she had no hard evidence to back it up, she knew in her heart it had to be the Granddaughter. Snegurochka. And the old man was Ded Moroz. Father Frost, himself. The time frame when they showed up. Their physical appearances.

  Hell, the bitch even handed out a toy, for all the good it’d do its frozen giftee.

  If it really was them, how long had this been going on? Surely longer than Nikolaevna’s had been around. Was this simply the latest place on their list of haunts or did they traverse Russia? Shit, did they traverse the world?

  The song tickled her ears and danced through her head. It called at her from around the corner. There were words to the song, but they were muddled. Distant. If only she stepped around the corner, it would be much clearer.

  Nadya caught herself about to follow after Pavel in an equally zombified state. She pres
sed her hand against the wall to steady herself and to dig her fingers into the plaster if the song started to do its voodoo on her again.

  She realized she was holding her breath and stopped. If she planned on taking out two ancient demons, she’d need oxygen. If that’s even what they are, she thought.

  Maybe it wasn’t really them. Maybe they were just a couple run-of-the-mill bad guys with a few tricks who’d decided it’d be fun to fuck with the childhood of poor Ruskie children. The thought helped to fight back the fear.

  Yea, that’s all they are. A couple hacks who couldn’t make a name for themselves so they decided to steal someone else’s. She pushed away from the wall and prepared to turn the corner. She’d save Pavel’s ass once again. Here’s hoping he doesn’t double cross me this time.

  At least the hypnotizing song had come to an end.

  Nadya’s eyes widened. “Ah, fuck!”

  She spun around the corner and brought her gun up. There was Snegurochka, front and center. And there was Pavel, with his big, dumb, deformed head right in the damn way of her shot. “Pavel!” she yelled at him. “Goddammit! Stop, drop and get the fuck outta the way of the Frost Bitch!”

  Said Frost Bitch tilted her head to the side to look at her over Pavel’s shoulder. She cracked an evil smile then leaned in towards her mesmerized victim.

  “No!” Nadya yelled, rushing down the hall, gun still at the ready.

  Events moved in slow motion as she ran to get a decent shot at Snegurochka or whoever the hell she was. The demon’s lips touched against Pavel’s. Nadya saw the bright flash signifying Pavel’s demise ignite from the point of contact. Her gun was trained but Pavel’s head was still in the way. She knew that as soon as the flash engulfed the hall, Snegurochka would be gone. Perhaps for another year.

  “Son of a…” Nadya muttered as she squeezed the trigger. The gun jumped in her hands and the flash of light abruptly cut off. There was the sound of ice shattering and as Nadya blinked the black dots out of her eyes, she came to a sudden, shocked halt.

  Pavel’s frozen body was breaking apart into large chunks. Beyond him was Snegurochka. Or, more specifically, what was left of her. Her mouth gaped open and she let out a high-pitched shriek of agony. Nadya didn’t blame her.

  Everything above her top lip was gone. But instead of the usual gore and brain matter, Snegurochka was nothing but ice through and through. Her hands came up and clutched at the shattered top of her head, feeling over the jagged ice shards for the missing upper half. She dropped to her knees and let out loud, pitiful sobs.

  Nadya moved closer and saw that the woman’s entire body was made of ice. Before the kiss, she’d looked like a regular woman, albeit incredibly pale. It seemed that interrupting the transference of life or whatever it was she sucked out of her victims caused some pretty terrible shit to happen.

  Nadya wasn’t going to complain.

  She leveled her gun on the ice woman’s impressive chest with stiff icicle nipples protruding against her sheer gown. “Have fun thawing out in Hell, bitch,” she growled before pulling the trigger. The bullet blasted through Snegurochka’s chest, sending cracks spidering throughout her body. She screamed again, even higher than before, as she crumbled apart.

  Nadya looked down at the chunks of melting ice. It was hard to tell which bits belonged to Pavel and which belonged to Snegurochka. After a moment, she decided it didn’t matter. She felt no sense of loss or guilt for Pavel. She didn’t feel any satisfaction either.

  “Told you to stay in the cafeteria,” she said to the pile of ice. “See what happens when you don’t fucking listen to me?”

  She turned just in time to see Father Frost swinging his gnarled stick at her head. “Fuckhole!” she yelled, jumping back.

  Her foot came down on a chunk of ice and she slipped backwards. She was grateful for the slip as the stick came within an inch of her nose. A powerfully cold blast of air washed over her. Ice crystals formed along her face and as the stick brushed against a few strands of her hair, they froze solid and cracked free.

  Committing herself to the backwards fall, Nadya rolled as she hit the ground and came up into a crouch with her gun ready.

  “Meddlesome whore!” the being that may or may not have been Ded Moroz screeched at her.

  “Guilty,” Nadya deadpanned then emptied her clip into the spectral ice-demon. She watched the holes open up in him and almost instantly seal back up. Ded Moroz growled at her and lifted his staff into striking position. “Oh, mother fucker…” she muttered before ejecting her clip and turning away, rushing down the hall.

  If the asshole wants meat-popsicle Nadezhda Valentina, he’s gonna have to work for it.

  VI. Ded Moroz

  She’d gotten lucky with Snegurochka. Nadya knew that.

  Just the right bullet in just the right spot at just the right time had taken the frosty bitch down for the count. In the end, Pavel hadn’t been completely useless. Maybe she’d tell Oksana to etch his name into something once things settled down.

  For that to happen, she had a whole other demon to take out. If that’s what they actually were. Hell, if not, it was as good a title as anything else.

  Slipping her handgun into its holster, Nadya darted down the hall. She’d refreshed her memory on Nikolaevna’s layout before the sun had gone down. She’d also set up a few treats for herself along the way. Having no background on what exactly Ded Moroz was, she was going to have to improvise.

  Shit, baby, it’s what I do best, she thought as she spotted an aerosol can resting on a windowsill. Snatching it up, she popped the top off it and started shaking the can for all it was worth. With her free hand, she reached in her jacket pocket and snagged her Zippo.

  “Hey!” she yelled. “Father Fuckstick! You gonna pussyfoot around all damn night? I seriously have better shit to do than this. It’s my goddamn birthday, after all.”

  She heard a snarl and turned to see Ded Moroz right on her. He thrust his staff at her face. She ducked to the side, letting it pass by.

  “My turn!” she responded, flicking her lighter open. She lifted it and the spray can up to aim at the old man. She flicked the Zippo, igniting the flame. “You look like you need to warm up a bit, fucker.” Nadya smirked and pressed down on the spray nozzle.

  The aerosol did its job splendidly, catching fire and spraying right into Ded Moroz’s face. He fell back, screaming and trying to pat out his flaming beard. Nadya watched his face start to blister and peel and advanced on him, keeping the fire going. She didn’t notice Ded Moroz’s staff until it was too late. It struck the aerosol can and Nadya felt it freeze in her hand. “Fuck!” she cursed, instinctively shoving the can away from her, saving her hand in the process.

  As the aerosol can left her grip it exploded. The force knocked her and Ded Moroz in opposite directions and dropped them to the floor. Nadya shook her head in an attempt to clear out the ringing in her ears.

  It didn’t work.

  The front of her shirt was scorched and burned through in places and by the feel of it she had more than a few pieces of shrapnel from the can embedded in her flesh.

  Since her head was still attached and her entrails weren’t spilling out of her, she decided she wasn’t dead yet. Unfortunately, the same could also be said for Ded Moroz, who was extinguishing the last of the flames. His face was badly burned and his long beard had been reduced to ash, but the fucker wasn’t down.

  “Son of a bitch!” Nadya snarled as she flipped to her feet. She drew her gun and emptied the full clip in rapid succession, putting fifteen rounds of silver through Ded Moroz’s head. The wounds were healing before the gunshots ended. With a frustrated scream, Nadya hurled the empty gun at the tenacious phantom and took off running.

  The ringing in her ears started to fade and her chest was not so slowly starting to throb painfully. She looked down and saw blood soaking into the fabric of her shirt. No massive geysers, though, so she probably wasn’t about to bleed to death.

  Always a
good thing to know.

  The fire had hurt him. That was also a good thing to know. Now she just had to douse the fucker in kerosene and light him up. She wondered if the orphanage had any kerosene.

  No way. If they did, someone would’ve set this whole shitty place on fire by now.

  Nadya gritted her teeth as she reached the room where she’d left her big case full of toys. She pulled the door open and went inside, locking the door behind her. She wasn’t confident it would keep Ded Moroz out, but it might slow him down.

  Wait a minute, a familiar voice in her head spoke up. It was X again.

  “Not now!” she yelled in response, throwing the case open and grabbing a shotgun out of it. She slid shells into the weapon. She looked up as the doppelganger hallucination returned in all her glory. Shit, least the bitch could do is mimic my injuries.

  In front of her, there was a shimmer and then X was just as injured as she was. “Happy now?”

  “No,” Nadya replied, pumping the shotgun to chamber a shell. “I thought you were fucking off for a bit until I had this guy taken care of?”

  “I’m trying to help!” X said, her voice rising in volume.

  “Like fuck you are!” Nadya yelled back. “I bet your grand master plan involves me throwing down my weapons, opening my arms and offering him a goddamn hug. A nice, big, icy hug!”

  “Would you stop being such a bitch and listen for two seconds?”

  “Two seconds. Go!” She slung the shotgun over her shoulder and pulled her katana out of the case. She wasn’t sure if it’d hold up against the freezing effect of Ded Moroz’s staff but it was worth a try.

  “There’s one part of this place you haven’t checked out,” X told her.

  “Little late to go on the full tour,” Nadya shot back. “Thanks for letting me know, though. I’ll be sure to ask Oksana for it as soon as I’m finished NOT becoming a fucking icicle.”

  X crossed the room and slapped Nadya across the face. It wasn’t the pain of it that left her speechless so much as the fact that it had actually happened. She stared wide-eyed at X for several long moments. “What the shit?” she finally said in an astonished whisper.

 

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