“Thank you,” I whispered. “But I still killed people. It’s sickening either way.” But my biggest concern was Mycah. Did he feel the same way about it as Rydan? Mycah was their king, and I killed his people. If I were in his shoes, I’d be furious. He was responsible for every single one of them.
“Don’t thank me yet. This next part might be hard for you to hear. I’m not sure what you’re expecting when we go back there, but you need to prepare yourself. If you truly care about Mycah, then you need to plan now for more deaths. Which side do you choose those deaths to be on? Ours? Or whoever we’re fighting against at the time? Would you rather Ender die because you didn’t want to harm one of your people? You need to decide if it’s worth the pain. Is Ender’s life worth it? Is Naminé’s life worth it? People are going to get hurt, and I for one vote for it not to be any of us.”
I didn’t respond. He was right, even if I didn’t plan on returning to Luïnil, there would always be danger, one way or another. This was something I had been worrying over, but I didn’t want to dwell on it. I was afraid of turning back into that uncontrollable monster that was fueled by my blood, because the last thing I wanted was to have more deaths on my hands. I knew what losing a loved one was like. It made me sick to think I had taken loved ones away from wives, mothers, children. Taking someone’s life felt contrary to who I was as a Healer. But honestly, if it meant one of our lives, I needed to decide if it would be worth the pain it would cause to my soul.
And I already knew my answer.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Thump thump
Thump thump
Thump thump
Rydan’s heart thumped against my ear that lay against his chest. I had used it as my anchor to calm my nerves. After we finished our discussion, he had hummed his favorite tune into the top of my head, lulling me to sleep. His hum and his heart were the last things I had heard before I had drifted into a dreamless sleep, and his heart was the first thing I heard when I awoke.
The room grew brighter and brighter as the sun continued to make its appearance in the morning sky. Breathing was becoming harder to do. I wasn’t getting better. Mycah was right—I was getting worse. The sound of Rydan’s door opening sent tingling goosebumps running up and down my arms and legs.
“Oh, sorry, Anna said to come right in,” Desmond’s embarrassed Australian voice broke the silence. Rydan stayed sleeping. I pushed off of him to sit up in bed. What the heck were Liam and Des doing here? And there was another guy with them, the one I saw hugging Zaylie. He must be Lachlan. “Uh, what’re you guys doin’?
“I, uh, I couldn’t sleep,” I explained Rydan and my compromising position.
“Yeah, ‘cause that’s what it looks like.” Desmond wagged his eyebrows up and down, insinuating something more happened between Rydan and me. I buried my face in my hands.
“Desmond! Nothing happened. I was scared, so Rydan helped me sleep. That’s all,” I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. The last thing I needed were these darn boys thinking I was easy. I’d probably never hear the end of it knowing them and how they just loved to tease.
“Mhm, I gotcha, Sheila. Don’t be getting your knickers all in a knot over it or anything,” he continued to joke around. There was a slight smile drawing up on his mouth. His accent was just as awesome as I remembered it. Liam and the guy I assumed was Lachlan let out a chuckle from their spot behind Desmond at the door. I didn’t even know Lachlan and already he must think of me as a joke.
“Oh, very funny. Listen here, Dennis the Menace, there will be no nonsense out of you, got it?” I smiled along, letting out a little chuckle of my own. “I think I’m sick or something, so the last thing I need is your silly antics.”
“It’s Desmond,” he drawled slowly. “Desmond the Menace. Get it right, would ya, Sheila?”
I shook my head, rolling my eyes. At least I could always count on Desmond to keep my spirits up, no matter how bad the situation. To me, it felt like it was both only yesterday and ages ago since Desmond and Liam had me wrapped up in their arms at school. To them, they hadn’t seen Rydan or me in almost a year.
“It’s good to see you again, guys.” I tried to get up out of bed, but failed. I ached all over, and no matter how much I slept, I still felt I hadn’t gotten a wink in days. But I had missed them.
“Yeah, you too. I’d give you a hug, but damn. I don’t want whatever the hell you’ve got. You don’t look so good. You’re whiter than a ghost.” All three of them walked into the room. “Where’ve you been?”
After an earthly year of time passing, I could see Desmond maturing already. His previous surfer-blond hair was kind of darker, and it was shorter than how I last saw it. It still had some playful waves to it, but the shortness tamed it a lot. His face looked more masculine than boyish from before. Lachlan looked older than him and was slightly taller, but Desmond was still tall. Did everyone have to be taller than me?
“Um, you know, here and there.” I clutched onto the side of the mattress to keep steady and to force myself from falling back to a lying position. It was difficult sitting up.
“I can’t tell you how much we’ve all missed you,” he responded honestly. “Oh, this is my cousin Lachlan.” Desmond went to punch the poor guy in the stomach playfully as he introduced him, but Lachlan blocked it by slightly bending over with his arms covering his torso.
“Hey, I’m Nari,” I said as he stood upright again.
“Mhm, I gathered that.” Lachlan smirked just a bit. “It’s good to meet ya.” He looked a lot like Zaylie and Desmond, only he had almond-brown hair and soft green eyes. He had a bit of scruff growing on his face and appeared kind of disheveled. He had that rustic, boy-next-door kind of appeal to him, like a guy who enjoyed playing outside and getting his hands dirty.
“What’re you guys doing here?” Rydan mumbled into his pillow. I could barely make out what he had said. My hands trembled from the effort to keep straight. I didn’t want to look weak—it was making me feel silly, but I couldn’t help it. I had to lie down against the pillow again.
“Zaylie told us you guys were back. We came to see if it was really true,” Liam chuckled, punching Rydan in the shoulder.
“Yeah, and we’ve been practicing songs like crazy this past year. We still want you in our band, bro,” Des added. “We’ve got some good melodies going.”
“Hey, so is Zaylie here, too?” I asked from my place squished against Rydan on the bed. I had to wipe the new sweat from my brow. Ugh, I had never been sick before in my life. Were fevers always like this? It was frustrating and torturous. My bones literally ached, no matter what I did. It hurt to move, but it felt worse not squirming either. It was driving me crazy.
“Nah, she’s spending the day with Mum. Ya know, precious mother-daughter moments to make up for the lost time,” Des informed me. I nodded and made some small noise of acknowledgement, but truth be told, I didn’t actually know what that was like.
Rydan removed himself from the bed with his hair sticking up every which way. He pushed all the guys out of the room. “I’ll be right out, okay?”
He turned back to me once they were out the door. I tried to get up to go have fun with everyone, but I was too tired to move. He asked, “You gonna be okay here by yourself? Want me to stay?”
“No, of course not. Don’t be silly. Go have fun with them. You won’t have many other chances to before you might be outta this realm for good.” My heart shattered just at the mere mention of it. He came over and sat down on the edge of the mattress.
“What happened to you yesterday? Ender said you passed out right in front of him. And seriously, your eyes are creepy.” He kinda smiled, but kinda didn’t. It was a forced light expression, but I could tell underneath it he wasn’t buying my “everything’s okay” nonsense.
I let out a long sigh. “I don’t know what’s wrong. I feel like I’m slowly withering away. My body aches, my eyes sting. I feel like I haven’t slept in years. I know I sound like a
baby, but it’s scary not knowing what’s going on or how to fix it. Or if I even can fix it. I’m afraid I’ll get worse until one day, I won’t wake up.” I threw my arm over my eyes.
“What did Ender say about it?”
“I haven't told him”
“Why?”
“I dunno.”
“Okay, then what did Mycah say?”
“I should go back to Luïnil.”
“That’s it? Think you can hold out until then?”
“That’s the thing. I’m not going back.”
“What do you mean you’re not going back? Of course you are.”
“No, I’m not. I promised them I’d stay out of their hair and never go back. I’m dangerous for Mycah. My existence in that insane realm is only causing problems for everyone. I’ll either be a reason for your kingdom to reject their savior, or I’ll end up dead for being an abomination. I belong here in Kennebunkport.”
“For Pete’s sake, will you stop whining?”
“What?”
“Get over it already. You’re incredibly powerful. You’re not an abomination. Don’t let them treat you like that. Show them what you’re made of. You’re Nariella Ashwyn Woodlinn—Daughter of the Queen of Lassaira. You have a right to that throne, and I’ll be damned if anyone tries to hurt you over something petty as having two different races pumping in your veins.”
“You didn’t hear what they said to me. Besides, I should stay and finish High School. I mean, I’m now nineteen and don’t even have a diploma. How lame is that?”
“So the hell what? We need you to defeat Ohtar. You can’t wuss out on us now. I won’t let you. No matter what, you’re going back. I can’t be without you. It’s just not possible.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. I was left gaping like a fish. Brutally honest, much?
He got up again and ruffled my hair. “Rest. I’ll check on you later.”
And with that, he was out the door.
Of course he was right. I knew he was. But darn it, if it didn’t sting to hear the truth. My poor pride was stomped to a tiny pile of crumbs. I hadn't felt like I was whining. I mean, it was a literal case of death or death by going back. If I ignored their threats and returned anyway, then that meant there would be a fight—Me against both the Wood Elves and the Night Elves. Lives would be lost just so that I could live in Luïnil? I didn’t even like thinking about it.
What was unbearable and absolute torture was the idea of returning to Aselaira forced apart from Mycah. My heart throbbed from imagining my life without him in it. I didn’t want to believe Ender—I didn’t want to believe that I wasn’t part of Mycah’s destiny. That being with him could mean his death. I couldn’t be responsible for that, but how could I possibly keep myself from him after this intense connection was created? A connection that I felt so strongly, my soul yearned for his presence like a piece of it had been ripped away with every step he took further from me. My mind told me it was unnatural to feel this way, but my heart screamed that it was the only natural thing in the world. That it should be as natural as breathing. And it was. It truly was.
And I couldn’t live without breathing.
I tried not to worry about it anymore as my eyes grew heavy, beseeching me to surrender to sleep once again, and so I obeyed willingly.
It was another new day. I groaned, turning onto my side, completely hating feeling so dreadful no matter how much I slept. Rydan’s arm pulled out from underneath my neck unexpectedly as he stayed sleeping, causing my head to fall crashing back against the bed in a heap of messy hair.
I sat up on my elbow, pushing my hair out of my face and mouth while glaring at him. He continued to sleep soundlessly, not realizing the commotion he had just caused me. But he was so cute and innocent when he slept, I couldn’t stay mad at him.
His bed had been my place of residence for the past two days. They’d all been carrying on doing who knows what while I rested and “recovered,” but as the minutes ticked by, I grew worse instead. Rydan kept me in his room so that I wouldn’t have to be alone during the night in case I continued to have those nasty nightmares. Naminé could’ve shared a room with me, but I didn’t want to bother her. I wasn’t exactly comfortable with her as of yet, since I only met her a few weeks ago. We were still strangers.
My only option was Rydan since Mycah wasn’t here. He knew exactly how to handle my psycho-ness, and he was the only one I trusted besides Mycah to do it. I chewed on my thumb while I stared at the shimmering sunrays sifting through Rydan’s blinds.
A rainbow of colors glittered along the wall and ceiling from the sunbeams that hit something on Rydan’s instruments. He had guitars, like tons, sitting everywhere, along with a plethora of other types. I tried to name them all—Mandolin, violin; one, two, three, four, five different acoustic guitars, three different electric guitars, a harmonica, a cello…My word, the list went on, I just gave up and fell back against the mattress.
The room wasn’t too huge or anything, he just either had them hanging on the wall or clustered together in any empty space. His furniture was light, only the bed and one dresser, so it allowed room for his obsession. I knew he did that on purpose. He’d rather have tons of instruments in his room than other things, like a desk or even a laundry basket. He was a minimalist. Framed posters of his favorite bands took up the spaces a guitar wasn’t hanging.
Rydan’s arm lay across his stomach, so I fingered the knotted bracelet that hung around his wrist, twirling it in circles slowly. I reminisced about the days he used to play music for me. I’d lay sprawled out in the grass below our Weeping Willow, soaking up his enthralling melodies. My heart throbbed in pain, mourning the loss of our beautiful tree. This, I could cry about. It was an iconic monument, attesting to the love and friendship I developed with Rydan—My very first friend.
I honestly couldn’t imagine what my life would be like if I had never met him that day nine-years ago. Emotionally, I’d be a lot more messed up. The abuse Ray had put me through left nasty scars on my mental stability, but Rydan lessened how deep they ran. He soothed them, even just a tiny bit. I still had things to work on, yet I knew without a doubt I’d be so screwed up in every way if I didn’t have Rydan.
He was my savior. My rock.
I snuggled against his heated body, relishing this stolen moment I knew would be rare, if ever again. We had new people in our lives now. It saddened me to no end. Not that we had new people, but that what he and I had was coming to a close. A new chapter in our lives was beginning to start, whether that meant he’d be in Luïnil and I’d be left here by myself, or not. A lone tear managed to spill out, rolling down to Rydan’s shirt. I would miss this so very much. I’d miss him.
I flinched when I felt something flop on my head, but I realized it was just Rydan’s hand once he started massaging. It felt so incredibly good that I could’ve fallen back asleep in blissfulness.
“Penny for your thoughts?” he mumbled all sleepily and almost incoherently.
“Nothing, just missing the Weeping Willow already. I can’t believe it’s gone.” I left out the part about him and I separating.
“Mmm,” he acknowledged. I could hear his heart beat just a little faster. He stayed quiet a moment before murmuring, “Yeah. Me either.”
“I need to get outside today. I’m sick of this bed, and I’m craving a bath and clean clothes.” I changed the subject. I was tired of pondering so many sad things. Being locked in this room alone was depressing.
“Just ask my mom for something. She never throws things away. I bet she has something from twenty-years ago that’d fit you.”
“Twenty-years? I don’t wanna look lame, alright? I wanna look nice. Besides, I have my own clothes.” I tried to laugh through the pain, pinching his rib.
“Ow! Screw off.” He stopped massaging my head and shoved it away playfully, chuckling.
“Aw, did I hurt you? I’m sorry,” I mocked and kissed the spot I pinched.
“
Yeah, yeah. Snot.” He slid out from under me, leaving the bed. Running a hand back and forth over his head, his hair shuffled everywhere.
“Stop watching me,” he mumbled after a few moments without turning his eyes to mine or acting any different. He continued on, scratching his neck, trying to wake himself up.
I stuck my tongue out at him. His eyes slid to mine then, but one of his were closed and the other was squinted at me. I made a funny face at him, and he laughed.
“You’re so weird.” He shook his head, smiling.
“Yeah, yeah. Snot,” I repeated his words back. He stepped over and ruffled my hair.
“Jumping in the shower; be right back.” He kissed my head and then walked out. His smoky scent was left lingering around my nose.
Slowly, I forced my body to cooperate and got out of the dang bed. The air in my lungs grew stagnant as I held my breath from the difficulty of moving. Eventually, I made it down the stairs. Entering the kitchen, I tugged on the hem of my shirt nervously. Rydan was in the shower, and it felt a little awkward being in this house without him or someone else I was close to by my side for comfort.
“Good morning,” Anna greeted me once she saw I was awake. She sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee and scribbling on a notepad.
“Good morning,” I returned. I worked up the nerve to ask her about breakfast. “Um, Anna?”
“Mm, yes, sweetie?” She dropped her pen and lowered her eyeglasses, giving me her full attention as she took more sips of her morning brew.
“Mind if I get some cereal?”
The Sweet Series Box Set: Books 1-4 Page 83