The hard part about all this waiting was being around Mycah. He was in pain over the loss of his kingdom. It was apparent and hard to watch him pretend not to be. I wanted so badly to comfort him. This was when it was most torturous to be kept apart. And I couldn’t stop thinking about what it had been like when allowed to freely love him…and what it was now like not to be. It had only been two weeks, but it didn’t matter. A day could’ve easily been years. I wouldn’t have known the difference.
I remembered how it felt. How he felt. How the sensation of his kisses, of breathing him in, his arms wrapped around my waist, and the way his voice vibrated against my skin felt.
I looked at him as he leaned back on a tree—his eyes closed, holding his bottom lip between his fingers—and I bit the inside of my cheek to break the feel of those fingers placed lovingly on my neck.
I’d always remember how he felt.
He fought against something that was beyond him. I could always see the struggles he bore by the flex of his jaw and tic of the muscles in his arms.
He fought so hard to keep from losing it.
I fought so hard to keep from running to him. I wanted to ease his pain, but I was the cause of it to begin with. He’d still have his home if it weren’t for me. He’d be king and all would be right in his world…if it weren’t for me. I would always live with that guilt.
There was idle chit-chat from everyone that waited around our campsite. Even still, every atom in my body was attuned to Mycah’s presence. It was excruciating to be so far apart but still so close. I shouldn’t have been looking at him. It caused his focus to slide to my gaze and stop my heart. It was a look of heartache. Of longing. Of anger. With his heightened hearing, he would be able to hear me from here and above the crowd, so I softly said, “Please don’t look at me like that.”
“You think I don’t know what you’re feeling? I am in no need of reading your mind, Nariella. Your heart is betraying your façade ten-fold.” His eyes pierced my soul, obliterating my walls that I had been trying to build up with only a few sentences. How did he always manage to do that?
“How?” I growled. “Aren’t your powers still suppressed?”
“Not when it comes to you,” he pitched his voice low, and my heart stuttered. “You and I are connected in a way much deeper than any special gift I may possess. I can feel the truth in your heart.”
“That’s the point. It doesn’t matter what I want, Mycah. Of course this is all just a front that I’m giving off. It’s all I can do. But just because the whole world knows that I’m struggling doesn’t change the fact that we cannot be together.” I crossed my arms. This totally sucked. Normally when a couple breaks up, they have that grace period of separation. You know, where one or both members of the party get to spend weeks bawling their eyes out and mending their broken souls. The time of healing. The time where they don’t have to see each other twenty-four-seven in order to succeed through the whole “getting over you” stage.
But noooo. Not us. No, after Mycah and I break up, we're forced to spend every living, waking hour in each other’s faces, as if we weren’t tortured enough as it was by the bountiful amounts of evil in this realm. Okay, technically, it was my choice to stay. I could’ve left, but the Isil blood in me needed that revenge on Ohtar.
“As you wish,” he mumbled. But this time my favorite words didn’t feel so great to hear. “And I’m sorry about yesterday…with Rydan. I shouldn’t have behaved so childishly. Please forgive me.”
As usual, Ender’s voice knocked me out of my thoughts and interrupted our conversation before I could respond. “Enough of this loitering about. Whilst we bide our time until your gifts return, I believe we should make the most of it.”
“And what do you suggest?” Mycah murmured half-heartedly.
“We take a ride through the woods.” He handed Mycah a water canteen. “You can bond further with your Fëa. It is understandable given the recent events that you are hesitant to bring him out of hiding for long, however, I believe we can find a more secure location where you needn't worry of him being spotted.”
I couldn’t help asking, “Ender, how in the world are we going to find Ohtar? Even if—I mean when they get their abilities back, where do we even start to look? Or are we just going to wait and see if he tries sneaking back into the castle?”
“I will find him. Once everyone is at their full strength, we shall seek out his scent. Do not doubt that I shall find a way.” He gazed around the camp.
Naminé whispered to Rydan and me, “How Ender is to accomplish it, I do not know. I am quite determined to discover his method. As he said, I would not doubt that he has a plan. If only he would divulge it to us ahead of time for once.”
“Yeah, you’re telling me. This guy is notorious for keeping details to himself until after the fact. I now understand where Mycah gets it.” I shot a glance in his direction. He had his face down with his head settled onto the tips of his fingers. “Not that he could actually inherit the trait genetically, but I just meant, ya know, because Ender trained him and all.”
“Um, I think we were able to understand what you were saying, Nari.” Rydan snickered as he rumpled my hair playfully. “It wasn’t too complicated of a statement.”
“I know, you’re right. I’m just tense and overstressed. Sorry.” I blew the wispy hairs away that had fallen over my eyes. “Which means I could totally use that ride through the forest. I’m totally down for it. Let’s go!”
Ender disagreed, “Nariella, perhaps it best if you stay here.”
“She’s coming, Ender,” Mycah stated in all his dominating, kingly attitude. “And Rydan. We need now more than ever to stay together. If separated even for a moment, we give a chance for Ohtar to take advantage.”
“Ohtar is off in La La Land doing who knows what right now. How would he know if we’re separated?” Rydan questioned with alarm. “Do you think he’s watching us or something? Because if so, then I don’t think any of us should be leaving.”
“No, no. Do not be ridiculous. Remycah is talking nonsense. We would know if we were being watched,” Ender countered. “And Ohtar is suffering from his curse. He will not come out of hiding, I guarantee it.”
“We’re still weak, too. You really think it’s a good idea to be traipsing through a perilous forest when Ohtar is still out there on the loose, weakened or not? Our priority should be to avoid drawing undue attention to ourselves. The last thing we need is to be noticed by any Isil watchmen, or worse, stumble into some kind of danger out there when we don’t have our powers back. Not to mention having Mycah’s Fëa so close to the castle is risky in and of itself. Too close for my comfort,” Rydan spouted off in a tangent with a low voice.
Ender shook his head. “I know these forests inside and out. We can easily remain undetected.” He placed a hand on Rydan’s shoulder. “Trust me. It will be good to do this.”
“Yeah, Ry. Even if we run into danger, we can handle it. And Ohtar isn’t going to attack us, otherwise he would’ve already. He would’ve done it when we were at our weakest. For all he knows, you and Mycah have access to your gifts again.”
“This is true. Perhaps you are to make a wise queen yet.” Ender smiled at me.
“Uh, thanks? I think…” There was a compliment in there somewhere, I was pretty sure. “Anyway, as long as everyone who stays here will be safe on their own in the meantime…right?”
“I believe your guard can handle most of the foul creatures that walk amongst us in these parts. And should it be any from Aselaira, it is Remycah who they are looking for and will be drawn to. Worry not, my child. They will be quite safe without Remycah being with them, I can also guarantee that.”
I really wasn’t sure that made me feel any better, but I nodded anyway. Once Rydan finally agreed, we set off to find a good location for Mycah to bond with his Fëa. I also suspected it was Ender’s way to help brighten Mycah up. If he could spend time with Dúlin, I was willing to bet Ender hoped it would
spark life back into Mycah’s former plan of redeeming his throne.
I grabbed the back of Lissë’s neck where her shoulder blades were and hoisted myself up onto her. There were a few horses that had been brought with the guard that followed us from the battle, and they allowed Mycah, Ender, and Rydan to use them. Naminé chose to remain with her family, tending to Cathar’s wounds.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I asked Ender in a low voice. We took what I had hoped to be a beautiful, relaxing ride into the deeper parts of the forest, but instead, it was anything but. The putrid darkness had grown heavier than I had ever felt it. And now that we were out here, alone, with Dúlin, I started to worry. “What if Rydan is right and we get ambushed? It’s just the four of us out here.”
“I am most certain. I do believe it is needed and worth the risk, for Remycah’s sake. For our kingdom’s sake. Fear not, Nariella. If we are to be attacked, remember we have the most powerful elda on our side.” He nodded his head toward Mycah. “Truthfully, I have my secret reasons for this little excursion.”
“Mhm, I knew it. Spill.”
“You are quite perceptive.” He paused, as if in thought. He stared out and watched his Óre’Dae with his Fëa. Mycah had his hands on the dragon’s head, as if relishing the moment. “The heart is a peculiar entity. In literal terms, it is but an organ and nothing more. However, the figurative heart is much more ambiguous.”
“Ender, what are you talking about?”
“If motivated just so, the figurative heart can inspire us to perform untold actions. Do remarkable things we would not otherwise have done. I suppose it was an unlikely chance, but I had to try it nonetheless. I had hoped if Remycah could reconnect his heart with the dying land around him that it would rekindle the fervor he once had for his kingdom.”
“I knew it was something like that.” I stroked Lissë’s back as we talked, loving the feel of her smooth skin.
“Kingship is fading from him, Nariella. The royal crest is disappearing from his neck.” My eyes flew to Mycah in disbelief. How had I not noticed before? “We must inspire him to take back his throne. We must reignite his desire to be king before it is too late.”
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Mycah’s neck, hoping to catch a glimpse of the fading emblem. “I’m doing the best that I can…”
Ender sighed. “I know you are, my dear. I know.”
After some time had passed, I asked, “I didn’t get to see their first reunion after Rydan and I revived Dúlin. Tell me about it?”
“It was a precious sight to see, indeed,” he mused. “Remycah had suddenly awoken, and not seconds later, Dúlin was roaring above our heads. The pure awe, astonishment, and appreciation on Remycah’s face will be something I shall never forget. They took to flight together for quite some time, and then as they returned, so likewise did you and Rydan.”
“I wish I could’ve seen it,” I said softly. Ender nodded, but didn’t do more than that. We both knew there was nothing he could say to make me feel better.
A few minutes later, they decided to do a little bit of sparring to keep their skills sharp. I admired from afar as Mycah and Rydan trained together before jumping up to get my own practice in. We might've just gotten out of war, but the more we worked on our fighting skills, the better chance we had going against Ohtar.
Hours later, it was time to return to camp before it got too dark. My focus was stuck on Dúlin circling majestically above, and I couldn’t help smiling. Mycah followed my gaze, and from the corner of my eyes, I noticed that he smiled as well.
Ender allowed Mycah a few minutes with his Fëa before he had to go into hiding. It was heartwarming to see them together again. I brushed the hair from my neck and held it up high, letting the breeze cool me down. The heat of our fabricated battles was slowly dissipating, but still there nonetheless.
Mycah glanced at me then. “What the bloody hell is that on your neck?”
“What?” I asked automatically without thinking, my fingers jumping to feel the skin where his eyes pierced so strongly. “Oh, that? That’s nothing. Just…you know…I might happen to be, I don’t know, queen of Lassaira or something. No big deal.”
“Why haven’t you told me sooner?” He extended his fingers to touch the emblem that represented the Tavas’Elda, and I closed my eyes in anticipation for it.
“Remycah, we must move on. It is almost nightfall and we are much too close to Edhel-N’dor,” Ender interrupted our moment of stolen intimacy. As usual.
We grudgingly turned from each other and followed the bossy elf with a thick blanket of tension between us. Dúlin took off into concealment as Rydan followed behind with Lómë ever at his side.
“I would give anything to touch you once more,” Mycah whispered softly from my left. He pretended as if the words hadn’t even come out of his mouth. He kept on walking in his jolly way, Ender right in front of us no less.
I wrapped my arms around my torso and tightened my hands into fists. I had to ignore him. I had to be a stone wall to his charms. But my soul indisputably mourned his touch and the feel of his skin on mine. My body implored me to disentangle my twisted limbs that I held so tightly to my stomach and capture his waiting hand in mine. Just so it could feel the soft caress of his thumb over my knuckles and the kiss between our wrists when our fingers were intertwined together.
I felt my resolve wavering, and without thinking, I skipped ahead and grabbed onto my father’s arm instead, saving me from myself. Lissë trotted up to stay next to me.
“Hey,” I said like a robot, not even hearing my voice. I was stuck solely on the night elf left to himself right behind me.
“You did very well with your training, Nariella. You have improved greatly,” I think I heard Ender say. His voice was distant. I was too focused on other things to pay attention. I might've nodded in reply, but I couldn’t be sure.
Once we reached the horses, we set off toward our temporary “home” where everyone else waited. The blanket of night descended on us fast, and sparsely through the branches of trees above me I’d get a glance of the glittering sky. Stars could be seen by the billions. I longed to be in an open space where I could lie on my back and stare undisturbed.
The memory of seeing a shooting star with Mycah back in Kennebunkport played over in my mind, and my heart throbbed in agony. Such a simpler time back then, even though it had felt so complicated when in the moment. I could laugh at the naïve version of myself out of spite.
Then suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by the world starting to warp. I almost jumped right off Lissë once the trees above began to bend backward, as if repelling one another. Creaking and snapping twigs echoed in the distance as leaves showered the ground.
“Damn,” Rydan muttered, but clearly not scared like I was.
I was left speechless as the star-brimmed sky filled my vision. What just happened? I was too stunned to ask. But more than that…it was utterly gorgeous.
“My abilities have returned,” Mycah announced quietly. I realized instantly by his off-handed tone that he had done that whole tree thing for me.
“You did that? Just so that I could see the stars?” My voice shook. I cursed myself for being so unforgivably weak. And my heart—my stupid heart that wouldn’t stop racing in my chest.
“Look.” He jerked his head up toward the heavens, and I immediately obeyed without even a thought to it.
A shooting star.
Tears managed to weasel their way into my eyes. “You know, this whole trickery thing you’ve got going on…it isn’t fair.”
“Who said anything about being fair?” Mycah retorted slyly. He didn’t dare draw a glance back at me or at anywhere in my direction. He kept his eyes straight ahead as if what he had done was the most normal thing in the whole world.
But it wasn’t normal. Nothing about Mycah was normal. And it pained me to no end. “It’s pretty normal to play things fairly, Mycah. You should try it for once,” I suggested for the heck of i
t.
“Mmm, I see. And what’s so great about normal, Nariella?” He finally looked at me then, his irises swirling with those ever-changing hues of blue like a violent sea-storm on a hunt to engulf me.
He held my gaze for far too long. Way longer than I should’ve allowed and most definitely shouldn’t have given in to. But the measure of passion set alight in my soul by the mere look in his piercing eyes could have burst the surrounding forest into flames right then and there.
I teetered dangerously on the edge of losing not just this battle against Mycah’s unwavering love, but also my mind. I didn’t possess the strength needed to look away or even respond to him. And so I was left to drown there in my own miserable resistance.
Because to answer his question—nothing. There was nothing great about normal.
Chapter Seventeen
~Naminé~
A few of the guards were kind enough to fetch water to clean Cathar’s injury. They also brought with them food, and my mother immediately began putting together a meal for us all.
I lifted the cloth off Cathar’s back and dipped a clean one in the water before dabbing the wound gently. I felt his eyes on my face, studying me carefully. “What is it?” I asked.
“You fancy him,” he stated deadpan.
“I have not the slightest idea what you mean.” My cheeks felt heated. “Whom do you speak of?”
“Do not play coy with me, dear sister. You know of whom I speak.” Cathar pinched my arm. “Prince Rydan.”
“Shhh,” I demanded, my gaze roving for eavesdroppers, namely my parents, who would certainly have my head for such a thing.
“I knew it!” he exclaimed.
“What? Knew what? You did not,” I rushed my words. “Because there is nothing to know. Now keep quiet or you’ll have something more to fear than infection.”
“Ow!” he yelped, for I pressed a bit too hard on his nearly closed wound.
“You deserve a little rough handling after that nonsense. Do not pretend you don’t,” I scolded with a smile.
The Sweet Series Box Set: Books 1-4 Page 109