My mind drifted elsewhere as they spoke, and I lost the rest of their conversation. I remained silent as my thoughts whirled in a painful rush. I did not wish to disappoint my family, and the more I felt assured that I would, my heart sunk further to the pits of my stomach as I dwelled on leaving them. For I knew in my heart that it was not them I would follow anywhere.
It was Rydan.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
~Nari~
My mind remained stuck on thoughts of Zaylie as we made our way toward the Nura’ringul Mountains, only hours ago having said good-bye to her. But then I thought of something. Something very, very important. Weren’t we venturing awfully close to that creepo-shadowy-raven-guy? What was his name? “Uh, hey…Ender?”
“Yes?” he answered from several places in front of me.
“You know that sinister raven elf who attacked Mycah and Rydan a couple weeks ago? Aren’t we like…near his sleazy lair or something? What if he attacks us again?” Already my heart kicked up a notch from voicing my concerns out loud. Thankfully I wasn’t on the verge of death anymore like I had been during that time, but still. He was incredibly powerful. “Oh, my god. Wait…what if we’re like…walking into a trap right now?”
“Nariella, there may come an instance when you realize that your circumstances, whether dire or pleasurable, are out of your control, and there is absolutely no use troubling yourself with worriment over them. If we were to again encounter the Shadow Wind, which is highly possible, then we would only have one option before us. And that is to fight.” He paused for a moment. “Oh, and yes, it is most certainly a trap, my dear.”
“What! How can you say that so casually?”
“What are you talking about?” Rydan said at the same time as me.
“Ender, you know this?” Naminé, too, was suddenly worried. At least I wasn’t the only one.
Mycah took over Ender’s hot seat with, “Do not be naïve enough to think Ohtar is sitting alone in a cave somewhere nearby, just waiting for us to waltz in and carry out justice upon him. Ohtar wants my head. And my brother’s. He will not be deterred just because you brought war to his doorstep and he is weakened by the Hunter Moon’s curse. He is luring us to the one place he knows I will struggle with survival.”
“What do you mean by that? We’re being lured? And why would you go so easily then?” None of this made sense. I was tempted to stop Lissë that second and turn around the other way. What were these guys on, LSD?…PCP?…were they drunk?
“Oh, love. You are so cute when you get riled up,” Mycah quipped. I made a face, gritting my teeth. “I will not voice his name, so pay attention. The Shadow Wind has disowned his kingdom. He was once a High Elf of Aselaira, long, long ago. The lifeblood of our land no longer runs in his veins. He is a rogue elf in subjection to no one but himself. And because of this, my powers are not ineffective against him, unlike the way they are against the rest of my kin.”
“Ah, that makes a lot of sense,” Rydan added. My gaze jerked to his. He had me curious on how he could so easily comprehend all of this and I didn’t. He was so much better at being an elf than I was. It wasn’t fair.
“Well, it’s not all lollipops and gumdrops, either. He needed to come up with a different way to protect himself from his enemies, who happened to be our father’s highly trained hunters. He has been residing in a cave soaked in Isil-repellent, so to speak. In other words, if I enter his domain, I will be weakened.”
“Then why the heck are we going there?” Was I the only sane one present?
“We’ll be killing two birds with one stone. Neither will be able to resist a fight should we entice them into one. And since we have Tavas warriors with us, they could easily slip inside the rat infested hole without being weakened. They’ll be forced to come after me then.”
“Oh. I guess…” My eyebrows scrunched together. “What’s this guy’s story, anyway? Why is he so bent out of shape over you?”
“Like my grandfather, his son was lost in the first gruesome war ever waged by my father against Lassaira. The boy was much too young to join the army, but was ordered to do so by my father nevertheless. Every able-bodied elda was used in the service of the king, especially when it came to battles. It was a war the Shadow Wind refused to partake in, and ever since the death of his son, he withdrew from his lofty position, fled Aselaira, and made a place for himself deep in the Nura’ringul Mountains—a place no one dare venture needlessly. After centuries, his own blood has become an outcast to the land of Aselaira.”
“Poor guy. I feel kinda sorry for him.”
“You should. It is a sad tale. One I wish could be rectified differently. But he will never surrender his revenge. He has vowed to take my life in payment for my father’s debt.” Mycah shoved a hand into his hair. “And so I shall take his life instead.”
“What about Ohtar? How is he not affected by the cave?” Rydan inquired.
“That I cannot tell you,” Ender admitted. “As for the moon’s curse, I would suspect Ohtar has found a way to strengthen himself against it, for I am certain he took precautions once he realized I had escaped from his capture. It would not surprise me if he had everything planned should he fail to kill Remycah at the rise of the Hunter’s Moon. That could be the only explanation as to why he did not pursue Remycah after we fled.”
“Okay, but again…why hide in an Isil-weakening cave? Why weaken yourself?” I couldn’t help asking. I just couldn’t seem to understand.
“Perhaps he believes the Shadow Wind will have our heads even before we can get to him,” Mycah mumbled, seemingly to himself, but we all heard him.
A silence fell over everyone after that. So much had happened in one day that we stayed mulling over our thoughts until we reached the foot of the mountain, which didn’t take long to get to. After locating a safe hiding place, we’d wait out the rest of the night and attack at first light.
Something felt off about it, but I knew Mycah and Ender would never let Ohtar continue hiding like this. They were going to confront him, whether it killed them or not. And that worried me like crazy.
In the meantime, I slid off Lissë and stood at the bottom of the colossal mountain. The spiked rocks pierced so far into the sky, I couldn’t see the top. Misty clouds dipped in, out, and between the carved stone with ominous force. Blankets of white clean snow spread over the surfaces like frosting. I trembled just envisioning the cold and rubbed my hands over my arms for warmth. Lissë had stayed at my side, so I snuggled into her and smiled. She was worried over our impending fight with Ohtar, but more than that, she felt something bad was going to happen soon, too. She was uneasy and anxious at this location—the home of the evil Shadow Wind Shape-shifter. I didn’t blame her. I remembered his name was Dae’Sûl, and he was scary as heck. I prayed incessantly that he was out on vacation or something. If we only had Ohtar to deal with, things would go down a lot easier.
A touch on the back of my arm sent me lurching into the air, a small scream escaping me. I whirled around to find Mycah holding back a smirk. “Forgive me.”
My heart pounded erratically, but now it had more than just fear giving it a reason to. I stammered on the one word, “Yes?”
“Look, I don’t know what’s going to happen after this. I don’t know if I’m going to live through today, or how long past it, or what will happen to any of us. So before we go launch into a new battle with Ohtar, I need to clear the air with you. I just need you to know…” he hesitated.
“Know what? Tell me.” I probably shouldn’t have asked, but my curiosity was killing me in that one second it took for him to say those words.
“Not here.” He motioned for us to leave. “I’ll behave. I promise.”
Apprehensively, I let him lead me to a more private spot. Once he stopped walking, I leaned back on a tree and waited for him to speak again. All the while I focused on calming my traitorous heart. I didn’t want to be nervous at what he was going to say, but there was a feeling of foreboding I co
uldn’t escape. After our last conversation, I believed I had let Mycah go. For real that time. But it hadn't felt like he had let me go, despite his words. Which was why I had tried to leave. But this…this already felt different. More real. The hard part was that I was supposed to be fully on board with Mycah letting me go if it meant saving his kingdom. It suddenly felt worse coming from him than when I had done it…and I dreaded what he was about to say.
“I gave much thought to our discussion last night. I walked for many miles dwelling on those things that were said.” He paused, then continued, “I suppose it was selfish of me to pursue you the way I was when I could feel you were against it. But you must know that it guts me, Nariella, every moment you hold to this determination of yours. You want to let me go for the sake of the greater good. I understand your reasons. But I do not believe you understand mine.”
“Your reasons for what exactly?”
“My reasons for not letting you go.”
“Mycah, we barely know each other. We only just met some months ago…well, technically a year ago according to Earthly time. But you know what I mean. It can’t be okay to put ourselves above an entire kingdom of people in need of their king—who are suffering and dying every day because of your absence—when we’ve only just met!” The excuses tumbled out of me like rehearsed lines. For a moment my heart betrayed my resolve and liked that he still fought me on this. I tried to ignore it and spoke more genuinely, “And I can’t stand this suffering anymore. I’ve felt the sorrow in the land and it makes me sick. I won’t be responsible for its downfall. Because maybe it was Ohtar who started it, but in the end it would be on my shoulders. If I were to let you abandon it, that is. It wouldn’t just be on you, Mycah. We’d both have a part in its desolation, and I can’t have that.”
“As I said, I understand how you feel already. I can feel that you don’t want to be with me. I can feel all too well that you do not wish for me to love you or to chase after you. And so I won’t. You win.”
“Mycah…” The pain in his voice choked me. I couldn’t say another word. My body slid down the gritty bark of the tree until I crashed into a useless, speechless pile of grief.
“Don’t, Nariella.” He turned his back on me. “To see you sad and suffering, I cannot bear it. You are a part of Aselaira. I will do what I must for my kingdom, and for you. I will be the king they need me to be, and I will do my duty well. I wasn’t ready before and didn’t mean the things I said when we parted. But now I understand. I will let you go and make you proud.”
I sniffed back the oncoming tears I had building in my chest. What was wrong with me? This was what I wanted. What Ender wanted. But it still hurt so damn much.
He stretched his arms out at his sides, palms down toward the ground. “I can feel the suffering in the land as well. I am connected to it in a way no one else can comprehend. My blood runs with its magic; it flows through me generously and unselfishly. I do not wish to give it up to anyone—it would break me if I were to abandon it to Rydan. But you must know, I would have done it to be with you, if you had let me. I would have given up my right as king and all the power that accompanies it, for you. And that makes me a bad king, perhaps. But that is because in my heart, I am only a king second. First and foremost, I am yours. It will always be that way.”
“I don’t—I mean, I can’t,” my mouth opened and closed with words I wasn’t even sure were what I had intended to say in the first place. I was trying to bury my vast love for the one person who brought me true sanctuary from all my demons the way you’d try filling in the oceans. It couldn’t be done. And yet I kept trying to.
He turned to leave, but stopped himself. With long strides, he was suddenly in front of me, lifting me up off the ground. He bound me to the tree at my back, his lips left inches from mine as he rasped, “And you’re wrong, by the way. I do know you. I know everything about you, Nariella Ashwyn Woodlinn. I know you better than anyone else in the world, because I have been able to feel the deepest parts of you since the moment I fell into your bright violet eyes.”
I could see through the reflection in his own eyes that mine were now black. They were no longer that vibrant, purple color he spoke of. But through the mirrored image, the swirling onyx danced with the sapphire blue of his, along with the ribbons of purple and specks of jade, as if together, we created galaxies in outer-space.
And that was where I felt he had just taken me. Time had stopped, and we were light years away from the rest of the world. The hum of his voice stilled my breath and surged through my bones, “Only I know when you’re trying to act outgoing and different from the shy person you have living inside of you. You refuse to be that timid person you grew up being. Especially in front of your friends, when on the inside it takes all of your courage to say just one sentence, one thought of yours, out loud. And then how it makes you cringe to have attention put on you for doing so. But all the while you ignore it and pretend you are not bothered at all. Or how when you’re nervous you tuck your hair behind your ear.” He lifted his hand to the side of my head and did just that—his soft fingers slid behind my ear, strands of hair going with them.
“How anxious you are every time I touch you or come near you.” My heart bloomed and I closed my eyes to fight against the shiver I had crawling down my spine. “How you secretly hate it when guys throw their arms over your shoulders because of the distrust in men that you’ve learned. Or how much you truly love having a girl for a best friend—how long you’ve wished for it to happen and it finally came true. The way your soul lights up when you’re consumed by your art. Or the true guilt that eats away at your soul over the death of your foster mother Elizabeth.”
He pulled away only slightly then. His arm remained at the side of my head, holding his body up against the tree. “Nariella, I not only feel the burdens you hold so deep inside of you, I share them as well. I know what your favorite colors are, your favorite food, songs, clothes—I know all of your favorites because I can feel the passion inside of you any time you have contact with any of those things. So do not say that we barely know each other, my love. I may even know you better than you know yourself.”
Mycah lifted off the bark completely and did a full circle in the other direction—opposite of the spot I remained astounded in. As he faded from my view, a gasping sob shuddered through my lungs. The pent-up emotions finally broke from my body and rocked me to my core. My soul grieved the loss of its other parts—strings that were now severed and burned were left limp and frayed inside my heart. It was done. Mycah could finally be what he was destined for—the savior of his kingdom. I was no longer standing in his way.
And it was torture letting it happen.
A sinister laugh that echoed in my head had me sitting up straight as a board. I was broken from a deep sleep. We had chosen to rest through the darkness, then attack at dawn to give the wood elves an advantage and Ohtar the disadvantage. But now I regretted that.
My focus was drawn to Mycah. His limbs flailed in the air as Dae’Sûl crushed his throat with his bare hands, completely out in the open and in front of everyone, though they remained asleep. I screamed my head off for him to stop, but also hoping it’d wake the guards, Ender, and Rydan.
It didn’t.
My feet already pounded in the dirt, carrying me in the direction of where my heart wanted me to go. The crisp, coolness of the atmosphere filtered into my lungs, and I used it as coal to the fire I had burning in my chest. I coiled my arm backward like a spring waiting to be released and threw all my strength into a hit to Dae’Sûl’s jaw. “Let him go!”
I fell into a heap on the ground like I had just punched my arm through a shadow instead of a person. What the heck happened? I turned around.
No one was there.
No Mycah. No Dae’Sûl.
“Nariella?” Mycah called my name from his place on the other side of where I sat, with high concern exuding from his voice. The type of concern one would have staring at a certified psychoti
c person sitting next to them on a bus.
“Yeah?” I squeaked through gulps of air, trying to catch my breath from the major sprint and jump I happened to just pull off.
“What are you doing, love?” he questioned, and again his tone dripped with uncertainty.
“Nothing?” I asked, but more to myself than to him. What was I doing? “No, wait. Mycah…I swear I just saw Dae’Sûl killing you.”
“Don’t say that name—”
Too late. That same sinister laugh I had heard in my head carved a big chuck out of my heart. He was here.
Mycah stood up and signaled to the guards that had been keeping watch to join him at his side. He kicked his brother in the ribs. “Rydan.”
“Dude,” he mumbled back in his sleep. “Get someone else to go hold your hand as you potty. It’s not that scary out there.”
“You bloody idiot, get up.” Mycah kicked him again. I face-palmed and shook my head.
It was quiet. Way too quiet to be normal. Dae’Sûl’s laughter sounded again, and I shivered from a frosty wind that whipped through the strands of my hair at the same time.
I gasped when the two elven guards stabbed each other with their swords. My knees wobbled and I braced a tree to keep upright.
One had died instantly, the other exclaimed, “What is this? He…He was something else for a moment. I…I thought he was…”
He toppled to the ground, his final breath expelling from his lungs.
“Mycah?” I cried, horrified and not understanding. Rydan was finally awake and pulling me into him for protection, the Guardian in him recognizing my distress.
“What’s going on?” he asked, his voice scratchy from sleep.
“Dae’Sûl is playing mind games. These two saw each other as skultors and then reacted on instinct. Nariella had an hallucination as well,” Mycah explained for his sleepy younger brother. Thank goodness, because I was left speechless. I didn’t think I could talk over the pounding of my heart, anyway.
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