“No, no need to clarify. I understand completely.” He kept his gaze straight ahead so she wouldn’t see the pain of his heart being ripped in two. “When we arrive, I’ll begin the paperwork for the divorce.”
She was silent. “Thank you. But I don’t think you’re pathetic or desperate or any of those things.” She looked pained. That bothered him, even though he was hurting too. “My inability to stay married is because of me, Julian. Not you. I just can’t love anyone. I can’t allow myself that luxury. And you deserve to be loved.”
It was a curious statement from someone like her. “You think I deserve to be loved but you can’t be that person?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
“How is it you think I should be loved?”
“With the same passion and intensity that you love. With your entire being. With your whole self. I’ve only had a taste of that part of you, and I know that you give yourself completely. You put on this show that you’re the world’s biggest playboy, but when we’re together, I see a very different man.” Her eyes seemed to shimmer with liquid. Like she was on the verge of tears. An odd look for her, the woman who didn’t care enough to care at all.
And yet, she’d sussed him out.
She stared at the armrest between them. “I wish things were different. I really do. But I’m not the woman you want.”
“That’s for me to decide. You don’t get to tell me that what I want is wrong.” He smiled, a thin, tight-lipped bend of his mouth that barely expressed what was happening inside him. Unable to take any more, he got up, walked to the back of the plane and found a new seat.
With her elbows propped on her knees, Desdemona let out an exhausted sigh and rested her head in her hands. She’d screwed things up royally. She’d thought telling Julian the truth about how she was feeling would be for the best, but then she’d seen the hurt in his eyes and realized how wrong that decision had been.
Even worse, Julian wasn’t just playing at being married. He deeply, genuinely loved her. How that had happened, she wasn’t sure. She considered herself pretty unlovable. Strived for that. Did her best to be superficial and cool, shutting down any emotion that grew too strong or too true.
But Julian apparently had seen through that or had some kind of immunity to her pretense. Which, of course he did, because he was amazing in every other way, so why not that too?
She squeezed her eyes shut. What a mess she’d made of things. The pit of her stomach was in knots, and her heart, the thing she’d guarded so fiercely, ached at her own foolishness. Telling Julian the truth really wasn’t the problem.
Not telling him the whole truth was.
But she wasn’t going to do that. Couldn’t. Didn’t even want to think about it. The past should stay the past. It had to. It was the only way she could survive. She’d vowed that much after the man who’d tried to destroy her.
Alonso. The name slithered through her mind, causing her lip to curl in disgust. At least she knew he wasn’t her stalker—if he was still alive. He wouldn’t care enough to spend that kind of time and energy on her.
She shook herself, swallowing down the sour taste on her tongue. Dwelling on her past would kill her. Or turn her into a creature whose only thoughts were hatred and revenge, and that was no way to live.
And so she had to abide by the rule that made her life possible now. She would never allow herself to love again. The first time had almost cost her her life. She would never be that stupid a second time.
She twisted to peek through the space between the seats. Julian was sprawled on a couch on the right side of the aircraft, one arm bent over his face.
She doubted he was sleeping. Probably just didn’t want to talk to her anymore. But she really needed to talk to him. She turned back around and pressed her fingers to her temples for a long moment, working up some courage. Then she got up and made her way back to him, where she kneeled beside the couch. She put her hand lightly on his arm. “Are you sleeping?”
His answer came after a long sigh. “No.”
She took her hand away. “You don’t have to look at me. I just have to say a few things. I know I hurt you, Jules. I’m very sorry for that. It truly wasn’t my intention.”
He didn’t move for almost a minute, and she thought he’d decided to ignore her until he turned away. “Don’t worry about it.”
She frowned. How could she not? But he clearly didn’t want to talk about it. “Okay. Sorry.”
“It’s forgotten. Get some sleep.”
She stood. Sleep probably wasn’t going to be possible now. Just like there was no way he was going to forget what either of them had said.
This was going to be the longest six weeks of her life. Scratch that. The second longest. After what she’d endured at the hands of her ex, she would survive this just fine.
She walked back to her seat and settled in. She had lived through the impossible. These next few weeks would be a vacation. A crappy, miserable vacation, but still easily tolerated given the circumstances.
All she had to do was figure out how to become friends with Julian again while not making him think there was any chance for the future or making him feel like she was taking advantage of his kindness. Easy, right?
She grimaced. She knew going to Julian’s was the best way to stay safe and figure things out, but right now she couldn’t help but feel like she should have stayed in Vegas after all.
The growl of the jet’s landing gear descending woke Julian. He was a little surprised he’d slept, but then it had been nearly forty hours since his last shut-eye, so it was understandable. And being heartsick wasn’t worth staying awake for anyway.
He sat up and rubbed his eyes. Desi was still in her seat. Just seeing the back of her and those wild caramel and honey curls that he longed to run his fingers through made him hurt all over again.
He had to get past this, or the next month would be a downward spiral into darkness. How was he going to cohabitate with a woman he loved more than life but who didn’t reciprocate his feelings? And it seemed, never would?
There was always Elenora’s. But moving in with his grandmother, no matter how temporary, seemed like vacating the second level of hell for the ninth. No, that option had to be off the table. Unless something unbelievably worse occurred. And really, how was that even possible now? He loved a woman who’d just thanked him for offering to dissolve their marriage a few months early. They were clearly already at the bottom of the relationship barrel.
He could move in with either of his brothers, but being at Sebastian’s meant seeing his brother and Tessa in a sickeningly happy relationship. It also meant listening to wedding-planning talk. So, no.
Being at Hugh’s meant being subjected to a lot of the same happy couple business, but at least there he could spend time with his adorable nephew, George. But sadly, George now represented something Julian might never have. A family of his own.
He rolled his eyes, a little sick of how pathetic his life had become. No wonder Desi wasn’t interested. What woman would be? He had to snap out of this. Somehow. He sighed, steeled himself for whatever came next, and headed back to his seat for landing. He sat down, strapped in and offered Desi a quick smile, trying to find some level of normalcy between them again. “Did you sleep?”
She shrugged. “A little. Too keyed up, I guess. You?”
It seemed obvious that he had, but he said, “Yes, the same,” anyway. He left it at that. He searched for something else to say, but the tension that had been there before he’d fallen asleep remained. Didn’t feel like it was going away any time soon, either.
This wasn’t a genie that could be put back in the bottle.
Twilight bruised the sky purple as they landed, matching the way he felt. He was glad for the cover of darkness. Even with a vampire’s heightened senses, it gave him the sensation of being hidden. And if he’d had the choice, that’s what he would have done.
But he was VOD this evening, which meant getting Desi set
tled in, then leaving her alone. In his house. He didn’t care about her snooping—didn’t think she cared enough to bother. But it seemed odd to leave her there to judge his home without being able to defend it. Why he felt that way, he wasn’t sure. Maybe because she’d ended things so summarily. Like no aspect of his life would be given a chance to win her over. Not him, or his home.
He frowned at his own ridiculous thoughts. She probably didn’t care one way or the other where he lived or what the place looked like. Or how he was feeling. No doubt her thoughts were occupied with finding out who was after her and who’d hurt Sam.
He found enough empathy to offer her a genuine smile and some kind words. She was in a bad situation, after all. “You’ll be safe at my place. Promise.”
She nodded. “I’m sure you’re right. No one knows I’m here, after all.”
They landed and transferred the bags to his Maserati, which meant cramming some of her luggage into the backseat. More silence settled around them as he drove away from the airfield. She turned toward the window and leaned back. He thought she’d fallen asleep until they entered the town limits.
She lifted her head. “What kind of place is this?”
“Nocturne Falls is a tourist hotspot. The town celebrates Halloween year-round. There’s trick-or-treating throughout the business district every Friday and characters that walk around constantly interacting with visitors. Except they’re not really characters, they’re real supernaturals.”
She glanced at him. “Are you serious? How do humans not figure it out?”
“A very powerful witch, who works for my family, put a spell on the town’s water, which is almost impossible to avoid drinking. The spell prevents the truth from coming out. Tourists either forget what they’ve seen or think it’s all smoke and mirrors.”
“That’s amazing—wait, your family employs a powerful witch? That makes it sound like your family’s in charge.”
He shrugged. “My family turned the town into what it is today. Nocturne Falls exists because we wanted a place where we could live with some semblance of normalcy.”
She leaned back in her seat. “So your family is in charge.”
“To some extent.”
“How about that.”
He watched her out of the corner of his eye, wondering if this information would change anything. There was no way he would have been able to keep it a secret from her, not with her staying in his home. “It’s no big deal.”
“No, of course not. You just own a town, is all.” She laughed. “Julian, that’s pretty impressive. Even more so that this place has been specifically designed to give safe harbor to supernaturals.” She went back to looking out the window. “This town must be loaded with supes. What kinds live here?”
“All kinds.” Main Street was almost behind them now. The Excelsior wasn’t too much farther.
“And they all get along?”
“Pretty well, yes.”
“That’s amazing.”
“That’s Nocturne Falls.”
As Main Street disappeared behind them, she turned to him. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”
“I…” He shook his head. “We’ve never told each other much about ourselves.” Especially not their pasts. “And I didn’t want you to think I was using my involvement in this town to impress you.”
She tipped her head back and forth. “You’re right, we haven’t shared a lot. And I might have thought you were trying to impress me with this place. It is pretty impressive. But I might not have believed you, either.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Why not?”
She smirked. “Come on, Jules. You have to know the kind of vibe you give off.”
He turned into the Excelsior’s parking lot. “Enlighten me.”
“Rich playboy who doesn’t work, lives to party, loves pretty women and fancy things, and never had a care in his life.”
He parked, switched the car off, then faced her. “I guess that’s who I was to some extent. But I do work. Not as much as my family realizes or acknowledges, perhaps, but I’m very involved in this town.”
“What do you mean that’s who you were? Aren’t you still that person?”
“Not exactly.” Not since she’d shown up in his life. At least not when it came to loving pretty women. There was only one woman he wanted. The one who didn’t want him. He sighed. “Come on. Let’s get you settled.”
He unloaded her bags and set them on the pavement, then locked the car. She insisted on rolling one, plopping her duffel bag on top and starting for the lobby before he could argue.
He caught up to her and opened the door. Lou was on shift now. He nodded to the doorman. “Lou, this is my dear friend, Miss—” He glanced at Desi, unsure what to call her. Using Valentine might give her away.
“Clarke,” she supplied.
“Miss Clarke.” She’d answered so quickly, he wondered if it was an alias she used often. “She’s going to be staying with me for a while. Treat her like you would me. All privileges.”
Lou nodded back. “You got it, Mr. Ellingham.” Then he tipped his hat at Desi. “Nice to meet you, Miss Clarke. You need anything, just ask.”
“Thank you, I will.”
Julian got them on the penthouse elevator, which sat to the left of the main bank, but he waited until the doors closed before he spoke. “We should have figured out the alias thing ahead of time.”
“Clarke isn’t an alias. It was my birth name.” She laughed. “You didn’t think it was actually Valentine, did you?”
“No, but then, who knows with a vampire?”
She glanced at him. “What was your surname at birth?”
Was she really interested or just being polite? It was hard to know. “Ellingham. We never changed it, just moved around. Until we settled here.”
“Interesting. I feel like I’ve had a thousand names since I gave Clarke up.” Her gaze went to a distant place, memories taking her away from him for a moment.
The lift stopped and they got out.
“Home, sweet home. Well, the foyer, anyway.” He rolled her bags to the door, then left them to punch in the entry code to the penthouse.
“This is already nothing like what I imagined.” She looked around.
He tried to see it through her eyes. Mostly he wondered what she’d think of his cobalt blue glass statue of Diana, the Roman goddess of the hunt. Even during his apartment’s recent makeover, he’d kept that piece. Something about it just filled him with joy.
He knew his tastes were rather eclectic, but he’d already spent lifetimes living in the stuffy grandeur favored by many British nobility, and while that might be fine for the rest of his family, he was his own man. He liked modern things mixed with a few choice pieces from the past. “What were you expecting?”
Her gaze seemed fixed on the goddess. “Not this. Something a little more…traditional.”
“You mean boring.”
“No, I never thought you’d be boring. But many of our kind seem to surround themselves with things that remind them of their true youth. You know what I mean.”
He nodded. “I do. My brothers’ houses are very much like that.” He almost said something about his grandmother’s mansion, but caught himself. No need to spill everything. “Come inside, I’ll show you around.”
He let her go in first, then followed with the rest of the luggage. She hadn’t gone far. She was standing in the interior foyer, mouth open.
“What do you think?”
She shook her head slowly and just said, “Wow.”
Desi had imagined Julian’s home would have one of two styles. It would either be all dark wood, heavy leather, and pricey antiques, a nostalgic look favored by many older, wealthier vampires, or she guessed he might go in the other direction, very modern and sparse with lots of expensive contemporary art. A kind of forced look that she’d seen some vampires adopt as a way of hiding their true age. As if living in an environment like that counteracted how many centuri
es they’d actually existed.
And for Julian, either extreme would serve as a perfect bachelor pad with the ability to impress.
She’d never expected the sort of serene luxury before her now. It was neither modern nor traditional, but the most stunning mix of both. An enormous mercury glass mirror sat atop a blond wood sideboard. Cream and white floors and walls were accented with bronze fixtures and black accessories and trim. There were touches of marble, pale white-washed wood, gray velvet, and lots of surprising patterns like brocade and herringbone.
She stopped gawking to face him. “This place is completely lux. It’s gorgeous.”
“You seem surprised.”
“I am. And I feel like I owe you an apology for thinking it would be something so much more ordinary. You had an outstanding decorator.”
“I did it myself.”
She knew her face showed her disbelief. “For real?”
He nodded, looking pleased, which he had a right to. “Yes. I just redid it last year. Thought it was time for a change. I must confess, I was inspired by a few of the places I saw in Vegas.”
She snorted. “Vegas wishes it looked like this. Well done, Jules.”
“Thank you. I hope you like your room just as well.” He led her down the hall, rolling her bags in, then stepping aside. “Will this do?”
“Absolutely. This is beautiful.” And it was. It looked a lot like the rest of the penthouse that she’d seen, but the bedroom had a little more wood and a thick, tufted ivory rug that gave it a very cozy feeling despite its size. “I could live here.”
“Good, because you’re pretty much going to be.”
She nodded. “I guess so.” She took one of the rolling bags from him. “I should unpack and let you get on with your life.”
“About that.” He kept his hand on the handle of the second bag. “I have to work this evening.”
She laughed. “Good one.”
“No, I do. I’m the VOD tonight. The Vampire On Duty.” He checked his watch. “And I should get going. I’m already going to be a little late.”
The Vampire's Accidental Wife (Nocturne Falls Book 8) Page 4