Maxi had done her best to reassure him, but her words fell on deaf ears. He’d rushed right past her into the room where the paramedics had started to examine Lily.
The tears streaming down Nick’s face as he looked at his daughter for the first time brought a lump to Maxi’s throat. With a quiet click, she closed the door to give the family some privacy and let the paramedics handle the aftermath.
She leaned against a wall in the hallway and took in a few deep breaths to steady herself. The band of tension across her shoulders released and sagged like over-stretched elastic. Her head floated somewhere up near the ceiling as if detached from her body. Helping that tiny body emerge from its safe cocoon, hearing the first breath enter her lungs, followed by a loud wail—the whole thing had seemed like a miracle.
Maxi pushed away from the wall and headed down the stairs to the main level, wondering where Jason had gone. She and Lily owed him a huge debt of gratitude. Without his presence, things may not have turned out so well for the Logans. Maxi would definitely want him around whenever she gave birth.
The thought gave her a jolt so hard that she stopped dead at the end of the stairs and gripped the ornate newel post. She’d never given much consideration to having children. She assumed that once she found the right man, the decision would become self-evident.
But now Maxi’s throat felt like sandpaper as a sudden realization broke through her consciousness like rays of sun breaking through the clouds. Sharing this ordeal together, right on the heels of almost dying in the fire, had brought things into sharp focus for her. She knew with absolute certainty that her long-standing crush on Jason had morphed into something a lot more serious.
Something that bordered on real love.
She pushed the idea away as soon as it formed. She could not deal with her feelings for Jason now. First things first. She needed a cold drink, and she needed to find Jason.
Armed with a glass of iced tea, she found him a few minutes later on the front porch, sitting alone on the top stair, staring out at the night. For a moment, she hesitated, wondering if she should leave him be. But instinct told her to go to him, that he felt as overwhelmed as she did by the birth.
Quietly, she pushed through the screen door and onto the porch. Without a word, she sat down on the step beside him, their shoulders almost touching. He didn’t move or acknowledge her in any way. In the dim light of the moon, she saw traces of moisture on his cheeks.
Her heart squeezed with some untold emotion. She wanted to reach out and hug him, yet something held her back. “You were amazing in there, Jace. I couldn’t have handled it without you.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Ditto.”
She stretched out a hand, longing to touch him, to feel the strength of a physical connection. At the last second, she pulled it back. “You’re going to make a terrific fireman. If you ever need any testimonials, I’d be happy to give one.” She wanted to tease him out of this grave mood, lighten him up. After all, they should be celebrating. They’d just been part of a miracle, bringing a new life into the world.
“You know, I’ve seen a lot of things,” he said at last, his voice quiet. “Been involved in a few serious fires. Seen some horrific accidents. But that was the scariest thing I’ve ever been through. How do women do that?”
Maxi shook her head. “I don’t know. I only hope I’ll be as brave as Lily one day when it’s my turn.”
Jason rocketed up from the stairs as if someone had poked him with a giant needle. He leapt onto the grass below and ran his fingers through his already messy hair. When he looked over at her, raw fear shone in his eyes. Her mouth gaped open. What had spooked him so badly?
“If everyone’s OK in there, I have to get going.” He slapped his pants pocket and then pulled out his keys.
She set her glass on the step and rose. “Are you sure you’re OK to drive, because I can give you a ride—”
“No, thanks. I’m fine.” He was already halfway across the lawn. “Tell Lily and Nick I’ll see them tomorrow.”
With a heavy heart, Maxi watched him leave, his truck pealing out of the driveway, realization dawning as to the source of his panic. The mere mention of her becoming a mother one day had been enough to send Jason packing. Had he maybe pictured the same thing she had? The two of them sharing the birth of their own child one day? It would explain how freaked out he might be—knowing how he felt about becoming a parent.
She sank onto the top step of the porch and blew her damp bangs off her forehead. She swallowed to contain the threat of tears that seemed so near the surface tonight.
Thank goodness she hadn’t, in a rare moment of camaraderie, blurted out anything about her feelings. They would have to stay locked away for good. If she hadn’t believed it before, Jason’s reaction tonight had made his position crystal clear. He would never be ready for marriage or a family.
She straightened her spine against the porch post. This was exactly what she needed. One more reminder that her future awaited her in New York—far away from Rainbow Falls, white picket fences, and Jason Hanley.
12
A nagging feeling of worry shadowed Maxi the next day, dampening her usual good spirits. When she arrived at the Kingsville Hospital to pick up her mother and visit Lily and Annabelle, who’d been taken in by ambulance the night before, she was determined to keep an upbeat attitude.
Maxi hadn’t seen Jason since he left Nick and Lily’s in such a rush. When she got home, his truck hadn’t been in the driveway, and though she’d barely slept all night, she never heard him come in. There had been no sign of him this morning. She left a couple of messages on his cell phone, but he hadn’t returned her call. She left word with Peg to call her as soon as she heard from him.
Lily, Nick, and the baby were all huddled in the one tiny hospital bed when she arrived. Maxi hesitated in the doorway, feeling like an intruder, until their faces brightened when they saw her.
“Come on in, Aunt Maxi,” Lily said, beaming. “We were hoping you’d come by.”
Maxi brought in the gift bag and balloons and set them on the side table. Little Annabelle’s pink face, topped with a mop of dark hair, peeked out from her blanket.
Nick got off the bed and came over to wrap Maxi in his arms. “How can I ever thank you and Jason for what you did last night?” Emotion roughened his voice.
“By being the best dad ever. Be kind and supportive, no matter what Annabelle does.” She cleared her throat and pulled away from him.
“Come and hold your honorary niece.” Lily held out the tiny bundle to her.
Nerves made Maxi’s hands unsteady as she took the precious bundle in her arms. The smell of talcum powder and newborn baby drifted up to her. Little Annabelle squirmed once and then settled in with a sigh. Maxi thought she had never seen a more wondrous sight as that tiny face, with bow lips puckered to match the slight frown between her almost invisible eyebrows.
“She’s so…perfect.”
“I know.” Lily beamed at Nick. “Definitely worth all the pain.”
Maxi handed the baby to Lily, who looked up with a question in her eyes. “I have a favor to ask you.”
“Sure thing.”
“If you have some free time, could you pop in to the shelter?”
“The shelter? Why?”
“The women there really appreciate another female to talk to. And there’s a new girl, Dora Lee Cooper. She’s only nineteen with a two-year old boy, and she mentioned that she’d always wanted to be a hairdresser. I thought if you didn’t mind, you could talk to her about it.”
Maxi could tell by Lily’s enthusiasm how much this meant to her. “No problem. I can do that.”
“Good.” Lily’s smile brightened the room. “You could be a real inspiration to her.”
Maxi snorted. She’d never considered herself a role model. But for Lily’s sake, she’d give it a try.
“Hey, where’s Jason?” Nick asked. “I was hoping he’d come by so we could thank h
im in person.”
A niggle of unease surfaced again. “I don’t know. I assumed he went to work.”
Nick frowned. “No. He wasn’t at the house this morning. Maybe he’s at the fire hall.”
Maxi shrugged, trying not to let worry get the best of her, but failing. She knew in her gut something had upset Jason on a deep level last night.
The question remained. Where on earth was he now?
****
The dumpster situated below Maxi’s bedroom window was filling up quickly with all the debris. Jason had almost finished throwing out the pieces of ceiling and drywall that had collapsed into the room. Even with a mask covering his nose and mouth, he found breathing a chore. The rancid odor of burned wood and drywall made it even worse. Particles of dust, along with remnants of ash, managed to get behind the mask. He knew his face and clothes were covered in soot. But he didn’t care. He needed this house repaired—and Maxi out of his home—as soon as possible.
He ripped the ruined linens off the bed and tossed them out the window into the dumpster, followed by the soggy mattress. No point in trying to save them. He’d moved most of the furniture out of the room. Now he had to dismantle the bedframe and tear out the waterlogged carpeting. The clothing he would leave for Maxi to deal with.
He paused to wipe the sweat out of his eyes, already blurry from lack of sleep. He’d spent the night at the fire station in Kingsville, but sleep had eluded him. Lying on the narrow metal cot, he replayed the evening’s events over and over again. The fear that he could have done something wrong and lost both Lily and the baby overwhelmed him. Most terrifying of all was the thought of Maxi ever going through a similar experience. He could never stand to see her in that kind of pain.
Ever.
“Do you realize half of Rainbow Falls is looking for you?”
Jason jumped and banged his knee hard on the metal bed frame. Maxi stood scowling in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest like a shield, her face a thundercloud.
“Do you always have to sneak up on a person like that?” He lifted his hardhat, tore off his mask and bent to rub the injury. He stood and shoved the hardhat back onto his head.
“I thought you had to wait until the investigation was over before you could start this?”
He could tell by her tone she was mightily ticked off at him.
“I checked with the chief this morning. Since the fire started in the barn, Steve said it’s OK to start cleaning in here.”
With the pain in his knee subsiding somewhat, he hobbled across to his tool chest, pulled out a screwdriver, and attacked one of the bedposts with a vengeance.
“Here, let me hold that for you.” Maxi had moved into the room and grabbed hold of the frame. Her icy tone did not invoke a trusting attitude.
“I’m sure you have better things to do. Isn’t your mother getting released today?” He could feel the waves of anger rolling off her. Her nearness was as jarring to his system as the clang of metal on metal.
“She’s already settled in your guest room taking a nap.”
“So what are you doing here?”
She reached over and banged down on his helmet. “Are you kidding me? Peg is worried sick about you. You never came home last night and never even called to say where you were.” Maxi’s gaze could’ve bored holes right through his chest.
Guilt washed over him. He’d been so busy stressing and avoiding Maxi, he’d forgotten to let his mother know he was OK. “Sorry. I’ll call her in a minute.”
Maxi grabbed the screwdriver out of his hand. “You and I need to talk, Hanley. I want to know what crawled under your skin last night on Lily’s porch. Something made you take off like a swarm of angry bees were after you.”
He yanked the tool back, avoiding her eyes. “I was a little overwhelmed by the whole birth thing. Can’t a guy have some space?” The frown on his face felt like permanent grooves had formed.
“You’re lying.”
Ripe anger burned in his chest. He banged the screwdriver against the metal, and a zing raced along his arm. “Don’t tell me how I feel. You have no idea.”
“I have a very good idea. You’re scared, Jason Hanley. Scared to death.”
In a flash, he dropped the tool and lifted her off her feet. Adrenaline surged as he carried her to the hallway and set her down with a loud thud, feeling the reverberation through both arms. “Go home. Before I lose my temper completely.”
She stared at him, the combination of anger and anguish riveting. “I have no home at the moment, remember?”
The air crackled with tension. He should apologize, but he couldn’t seem to get a civilized word out of his mouth. Which only made his mood worse.
She crossed her arms. “Anyway, I’m meeting the insurance agent here in fifteen minutes, so you’re stuck with me.”
Great. Just great.
“Well, keep out of my way. And quit trying to psychoanalyze me.” He slammed the door shut and stalked back to the bed.
The door flew open so hard it hit the wall inside the room.
“You are an insensitive, overgrown boar, you know that?” Maxi stomped away.
Jason gaped at her retreating back, anger pumping through him. He raced after her, but seconds later, he stopped dead in his tracks as the awareness of what he wanted to do when he caught her hit him.
He wanted to kiss her senseless again.
Bracing his hands on the doorframe, he breathed heavily, trying to slow his heart rate back to near normal.
Count to ten, Hanley. Get a grip on yourself.
How did Maxi always manage to push every one of his buttons? Make him so mad he could combust.
Because you’re in love with her, you dope.
The truth hit him like a load of drywall falling on his head. His legs buckled, and he slid down the wall to the floor. His uneven breathing rasped in his lungs. Suddenly, everything about their relationship began to make sense. He finally understood why no other girl could keep his interest. Why he felt half-dead without Maxi around. Why her cold shoulder over the past two years had hurt almost as much as his father’s desertion.
He scrubbed his hands over his face. The last thing he wanted was to fall in love. The last thing he needed was this terrible knowledge. How would he face her again and keep her from guessing his feelings when she always managed to see right through him?
He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. He’d have to find some way to keep his emotions to himself. Because there was no way in heaven he was going to act on them. He knew Maxi well enough to realize that when she fell in love, she would want the whole package—the ring on her finger, the husband, the home, and of course, children. Which brought him right back to thinking about Maxi, in labor, having their child.
A wave of nausea gripped his stomach. No matter what he felt for Maxi, he could never trust himself to be a reliable husband and father. Could never risk turning out exactly like his deadbeat father. He’d never risk hurting Maxi that way.
Ever.
13
The next day, Maxi followed up on her promise to Lily and went out to Logan House to see Dora Lee Cooper. She rang the bell and waited on the doorstep, half-hoping no one would answer. What did you say to an abused woman anyway?
“Who’s there?” The hesitant female voice seemed to echo out of the brickwork.
Maxi noticed the intercom and pressed the button to answer. “It’s Maxi North. A friend of Lily and Nick. I’m here to see Dora Lee.”
She sensed the hesitation on the other side of the massive wooden door, but a few seconds later, it opened a crack. A dark-skinned woman with multiple cuts and bruises on her face peered out.
“Hello.” Maxi smiled, trying to appear trustworthy. The woman seemed to make a decision and opened the door wider.
“Come in. I’ll get Dora Lee.” The timid woman stared at the floor while she closed and locked the door. Then she hurried up the main staircase.
Annoyance flared in Maxi’s c
hest at whomever or whatever had robbed this woman of her self-confidence.
While she waited, Maxi wandered into the tasteful living room, admiring it anew. Painted in a soothing shade of sage green, the room exuded a relaxed, homey atmosphere, somewhat reminiscent of her favorite room in the farmhouse. Comfy sofas faced the brick fireplace. One corner of the room hosted a television and a play area for young children. Maxi picked up a discarded stuffed lamb and placed it in the toy bin.
Her mind turned to the disconcerting events of the previous day, the fight with Jason and the meeting with the insurance agent. Maxi had been so incensed by Jason’s abnormal behavior she’d barely been able to concentrate on what the adjuster said. The insurance settlement would take some time to come through, pending a decision on what caused the fire. An unspoken implication remained that if the verdict was arson and if they did not find the culprit, there would be no settlement. Maxi couldn’t think about that yet. For the time being, the repairs to the barn would have to wait, unless she could come up with the money some other way.
Her anger and frustration turned back to Jason. What was the matter with him anyway? The miracle they’d shared helping deliver Lily’s baby was cause for celebration, not for acting like an ill-tempered adolescent.
Men. She would never understand them.
“Sorry about the wait. Robbie didn’t want to close his eyes today.”
Maxi turned to see a tall, blonde woman standing in the entrance to the living room. Her untidy hair had escaped its pins and hair ties. Large wet patches stained her baggy, blue T-shirt, presumably from a struggle with her son. Her worn out appearance tugged at Maxi’s instinct to fix people.
She smiled. “You must be Dora Lee. I’m Maxi North.”
The girl came forward to shake Maxi’s hand. “Nice to meet you. Lily’s told me a lot about you.”
“Nothing bad I hope.” Maxi hoped a joke would put her at ease.
“Only glowing reports about what a brilliant hair stylist you are.”
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