by Lori Wick
room to find his own rest.
Three hours later Tanner returned to the bedroom to find
Stacy awake and partially sitting up. He strode confidently
into the room, but slowed somewhat when he saw the baby at
her breast. That Stacy planned to nurse the baby herself had
never occurred to him. He wasn't certain how he felt about
this. He loved his daughter, but he'd had the distinct impression
that when she was born, he could have his wife back.
Selfishness was beginning to rear its ugly head.
"Hello," Stacy greeted him and watched as Tanner came to
the bed, sat down, and leaned against the footboard
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine. Did you get some sleep?"
"Yes. I was just in with Drew. He wants to see you."
Stacy nodded "I asked Hettie to wait until I'd fed the
baby."
"Did you nurse Drew?"
"Yes," Stacy answered, and for the first time understood
the odd expression on Tanner's face. It was on the tip of
Stacy's tongue to ask Tanner if he objected, but she knew she
couldn't do that. She had already made up her mind.
"I'm sorry you don't care for the idea."
Tanner noticed that she did not offer to stop. "It's not that I
don't care for the idea as much as it takes a little getting used
to. I know I'm being selfish, but I thought I would be getting
my wife back."
"I think you will be getting me back, but I won't tell you
that she'll never interfere. We've created this child together,
and I think my care of her is important. It would be easier if
we'd been living together all these years, but in truth it isn't all
that much time to sacrifice. Drew stopped nursing before he
was nine months old. In fact, he tapered way off around six
months."
Tanner nodded. He was not overly upset and, in truth, the
idea was becoming easier all the time. He stared down at the
baby and then shifted to his stomach so he could watch her.
"I think she's done."
Stacy gently bounced her a few times, and she began to
suck again.
"She keeps falling asleep, so I have to give her little wake-up
calls."
"Does it hurt?"
"Not hurt exactly, but it will take some time for my skin to
toughen up and grow accustomed to the sucking."
Tanner was silent as he watched for the next few seconds.
When the baby seemed to be sleeping again, he asked, "What
are we going to call her?"
"I don't know. Have you any ideas?"
"Was your mother's name Alexa?"
"Yes. How did you know that?"
"While we were at Morgan I was studying her portrait.
Your grandfather's man--"
"Peters?"
"Yes, Peters. He came by and said it was your mother and
that her name had been Alexa Catherine."
"Alexa." Stacy tried the name on her tongue. "I don't think
I would have thought of it, but I like it."
"Alexa it is then. Alexa Anastasia Richardson."
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Stacy grinned in delight and felt amazed over how painless
it had been. She'd heard that people could go for weeks
with great struggles and quarrels over names, but this one was
so perfect.
Alexa was done eating, so Stacy shifted her to her shoulder,
covered herself, and gently rubbed the baby's back.
Tanner continued to watch her, and after a moment Stacy
asked if he wanted to hold Alexa.
Tanner sat against the headboard this time and carefully
took the baby. She was sound asleep and even though he
jostled her slightly, she never stirred. She was so tiny in his
hands. Her head was slightly pointed at the top, but Stacy had
assured Tanner this was from the birth and would change
with time. Alexa's lashes were long and dark and lay like tiny
fans against her cheeks. She was round and soft, and Tanner
couldn't decide which he enjoyed more, the feel of her soft
skin or her fragrance, which reminded him of a forest after the
rain.
After a few minutes he shifted Alexa around until she lay in
the crook of his arm. Stacy was silent as he stared down into
the baby's face. Suddenly Tanner turned to her, his voice low,
but almost fierce.
"If a man offered to make her his mistress, I'd call him
out--but that's exactly what I did to you."
Stacy said nothing, but the pain of those days when she
thought Tanner would never be hers and when he admitted
that he'd never wanted her for a wife, came flooding back.
"I should have been pilloried for such a thing."
"It's over now, Tanner." Stacy's voice was gentle.
"It might be over, but I've never told you how much I regret
my actions and words. I'm sorry, Stacy."
Stacy could hardly believe her ears as her husband apologized
for the first time in their relationship. She stared at him,
unable to frame any type of reply.
As it was she didn't have to. Tanner, still holding the baby,
leaned toward her. It was the most tender of kisses, and when
they parted Tanner looked into her eyes for a long time.
She didn't know what he was thinking and wasn't sure if
she should speak. For the moment they were content to be
silent in each other's company, a silence that lasted only
briefly as Drew was finally allowed to come and meet his baby
sister.
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"three months old today," Stacy whispered quietly to her
baby daughter. "What a big girl you are."
Just the sound of Stacy's voice was enough to send Alexa's
body into a tempest of leg kicks and arm swings. Her small,
round face was wreathed in smiles. She was a most delightful
baby, and Stacy grinned down at her as they sat before the fire
in the nursery. The warmer winter had made their cool spring
feel all the colder, but Stacy didn't mind being forced indoors
when the company was so delightful.
"Aunt Lucinda and Uncle Roddy will be here any time. Did
you know that?"
Alexa, who didn't understand a word of it, smiled and
kicked some more. Watching her, Stacy knew how amazed
Roddy and Lucinda would be. She had only been a month old,
still sleeping most of the time, when they'd last visited. Now
her world was expanding, and she was turning into a real
person. At the moment, however, her world was her mother's
face. Alexa's eyes followed Stacy's every move.
"Mum," Drew called from the doorway. "Is Alexa awake?"
"Yes, she is. Come in."
"Alexa," Drew said to her in a voice that sounded like a
growl as he bent over her and rubbed noses. Stacy watched.
The baby grinned as if on cue. This was Drew's latest voice
with his sister. The first month he always said her name in a
very high pitch. The next month he drew the name out in a
singsong way--Aaaalexaaa. Now he sounded like a bear. His
sister loved it.
Drew had turned four just a month back, and he was a
wonderful older brother. Already showing signs of being quite
responsible, Stacy
even allowed him to carry the baby at times.
He took this job very seriously, even though Hettie nearly
fainted whenever she watched him.
"When will Uncle Roddy be here?"
"Oh, soon, I expect. Which reminds me, I'd better feed
your sister now so we can go for a time without being interrupted"
Stacy came off the floor in an easy movement, and after
lifting Alexa into her arms, she took the rocking chair. Drew
stayed to visit with her, and when Alexa was more than
halfway through, Tanner also came into the baby's room. He
bent low to kiss Alexa's head, scooped Drew into his arms, and
then took a chair.
"I have to go to London at the beginning of next week."
Tanner's tone was regretful.
Stacy frowned slightly. They had only just began to enjoy
married life again, and right now they felt like honeymooners.
"How long will you be away?"
"Four or five days. A week at the most."
Stacy was not thrilled, but she was accepting. Tanner
watched her face and smiled inwardly. He would have said
something very intimate to his wife just then, but his children
were present. He hadn't wanted to be away from her for a
moment in the last few weeks, and her frown over his news
told him she felt the same way.
"May I go with you?" This came from Drew, and Tanner
looked down in surprise at the little person in his lap. His first
response was to say no, but when he took a moment to think
on it, he wondered if it might be a good idea.
"Let me talk it over with your mother," Tanner told him,
having already decided to take Drew along.
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"All right." Drew naturally took this as a good sign, and his
look became very hopeful. He was going to ask where they
were going to stay, but Reece came to the door at that moment
to announce Roddy and Luanda's presence.
Having gained permission, Drew joined Reece when he
went back downstairs. Stacy rang for Hettie. After the baby had
been taken to her room, Tanner stood up. Stacy did also and
caught his hand before he could move away.
"I really wish you would see her."
Tanner's eyes grew hard. Stacy was forgiving; Tanner was
not. When they had come a month after the baby was born,
Tanner refused to see Lucinda. He'd spent some time with
Roddy, but if Lucinda was in the room, Tanner was not.
"She is really sorry."
"You can't give Lucinda an inch, Stacy. Give her half a
chance, and she'll try to control your life again."
"I'm not going to let that happen."
"I don't see how you'll stop it."
"I take it you're planning to send me away again."
Tanner's arms were around her in an instant, and he
brought her hard up against him. His face was so close when
he spoke, she felt his breath on her cheek.
"You know I'm not."
"Then what are you worried about?"
Tanner had no answer, but as he stared into Stacy's eyes,
remembering the way Lucinda had kept them apart, he knew
he couldn't take it ever again.
"I think you like holding onto your anger," Stacy spoke
solemnly. "I know she was wrong, and Lucinda knows it too,
but I think you've made up your mind not to forgive her.
You're holding onto that bitterness for no good reason."
"Do not," Tanner's voice had grown very cold, "talk to me
as if I were Drew."
"Then stop acting Drew's age!" Stacy shot back at him and
stepped from his embrace. Her voice shook when she spoke,
but she did not look at him as she headed toward the door.
"You're angry and since your anger always scares me, I'm
leaving now."
She got no more than three feet away before Tanner was
pulling her back into his arms. He didn't kiss her but held her
tightly against his chest. Stacy lay agreeably in his arms, telling
herself not to apologize for speaking the truth. Tanner said
after some minutes, "I'll try to come down, but I make no
promises."
Stacy lifted her head to look at him. "Thank you, Tanner."
"You look marvelous," Lucinda exclaimed the moment
she saw Stacy. "I thought you would have the baby with you."
"Hettie is changing her, and then she'll bring her down."
"Oh, good. I brought her a little something, and I want to
see what she thinks."
"Something tells me she'll love it," Stacy's voice was dry,
and Lucinda laughed when she realized what she'd just said.
"Hello, Roddy."
Stacy finally turned to hug this man who was so dear to
her. After embracing, they stood for just an instant and stared
at each other. Things were so special now that he'd come to a
saving knowledge of Christ. He had always been a kind, gentle
man, but there was a warmth and peace about him now that
Stacy could not even begin to describe.
"How are you?" she asked.
"I'm fine. How about you?"
"I'm well."
"Is Tanner taking good care of you?"
Stacy's smile was tender, causing Roddy to reach out and
gently squeeze her hand. No words were needed.
Lucinda had sat down to hold Drew on her lap and called
to her husband.
"Come and sit beside me and see this little man."
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Roddy complied "You look more like your father
time I see you, Drew."
Drew smiled at Roddy, who was one of his favorite people, * but an odd expression came over Lucinda's face. When Drew
climbed from Lucinda's lap onto Roddy's, she said softly, "Will
he see me this time, Stacy?"
"I honestly don't know, Lucinda. I asked him if he would,
but I'm not sure what he will do."
"I've been telling Lucinda she must keep quiet, even if he
does make an appearance."
"Is he right, Stacy? Should I really not bring the subject
up?"
"Well," Stacy answered slowly, wanting to say the right
thing. "You did write him?"
Lucinda nodded.
"And in the letter you already apologized?"
Another nod.
"Then I think I would stay quiet about the Blackwells
unless the subject comes up. Tanner might be ready to put it
behind him, and if he is it will only irritate him to belabor the
point."
Lucinda was more than ready to comply with any suggestion.
The three of them spoke of it for a few minutes more, and
then Hettie appeared with Alexa. Lucinda and Roddy were
both captivated with her. Alexa sat on her mother's arm and
stared at the strangers with huge, dark eyes.
"She's adorable," Lucinda breathed.
"Would you look at those eyes," Roddy added
"Alexa," Drew growled, and a huge smile broke across the
baby's face.
If Roddy and Lucinda had found her cute before she smiled,
they now thought her enchanting. They watched as she kicked
her legs and smiled at her brother's antics. Lucinda came near
and Stacy passed Alexa to her. Alexa smiled engagingly
through the transition, even when she realized that she was
; no longer in her mother's arms.
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She then proceeded to charm the stockings off of her
Aunty Lucinda, She smiled and drooled with charm, before
sticking a finger in her eye and causing great tears of self-pity
to roll down her round, flushed cheeks. She was passed
to Stacy, who had only just calmed her down when Tanner
walked in and made her forget all about her eye.
Unless Alexa Richardson was eating, her father was her
favorite toy. She smiled as he neared, and the legs that had
been calm began to kick with delight. Tanner, his eyes alight
with amused pleasure, made straight for his wife and daughter.
He took Alexa into his arms, bussed her once on the cheek,
and then turned to his guests.
"Hello, Lucinda, Roddy. How was the trip out?"
"Not bad," Roddy answered. "The roads are a bit wet."
Tanner nodded, and Stacy prayed
"I'm headed out for a ride," Tanner continued "Would you
care to join me, Roddy?"
Roddy answered with a smile in his voice, "Your daughter
is stiff competition, but I could use some exercise."
Tanner chuckled and spoke to the baby in his arms. "Are
you working your wiles on your Uncle Roddy?"
He received a toothless grin for the attention, and Tanner
couldn't resist kissing her again.
"Papa?" Drew spoke. Tanner looked down to find him
standing at his feet and asking to hold the baby. He waited
until Drew was settled in a chair and placed Alexa in his small
arms.
Tanner seemed anxious to be on his way, so he and Roddy
left just after Drew took the baby. Lucinda brought out her
gifts for the children in the next few minutes, and as much as
Drew enjoyed his new sweater and hat, and Stacy, holding
Alexa, exclaimed over the new dress and shoes for her, the
younger woman could tell something was wrong.
Lucinda's features were oddly strained, but not until Hettie
had taken Alexa away and Drew had gone off with Mrs.
Maxwell did Stacy ask. Lucinda's reply was so surprising that
all Stacy could do was listen.
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"She would never have reacted that way if Tanner was a
stranger. Alexa's whole face lit up at the sight of him. All this
time I thought he had forced you back here, that you were
being treated like before.
"Tanner cares for you; he truly does! I thought he was just
like Aubrey, but he loves his children--I can see it in his face.
He was so tender with both Alexa and Drew.
"Oh, Stacy, all this time.. .What have I done?"