“Yes, I am.” As he said it, Darcy recalled the day he had told Theo never to call him by that baby name again and to stop following him everywhere. There had been a flash of pain in Theo’s eyes before he turned away. Why had he been so harsh with his little brother? He knew the answer full well; it was because every time he saw Theo’s dark eyes looking up at him, it brought back all those terrible memories of Seb’s dead body. It had been easier to ignore Theo than to face those visions, and he had justified it by telling himself Seb’s death was Theo’s fault. “It is me. I am Fish, just grown up now.” He could not believe he had said that.
His brother looked at him again, then shook his head briefly. “No,” he said, sounding disappointed. “Fish is not so….” He waved his hand in the air vaguely, then closed his eyes again.
Fish was not so… what? Old? Severe? Stern? Disapproving? Theo was right. Darcy was no longer his trusted childhood friend, but a distant, judgmental man who had ignored Theo and poured all his affection into the innocent Georgiana… then failed to protect her from danger. What had happened to him? He and Theo had been constant companions, two knights defending Pemberley from invading armies of marsh grass, lopping off the top of the stalks and comparing how many enemy heads they had collected. Theo had followed him everywhere, and Darcy had taught him to climb trees, to skip stones in the pond… and how to dive off the rocks, when Theo had been no older than Sebastian was that dreadful day. Theo might have been the one to teach Seb the stunt that led to his death, but Darcy had forged the path for it.
Darcy dropped into the chair and buried his face in his hands. He was the guilty one, not Theo. He had not tried to stop Theo from teaching Sebastian, even though he was old enough to know better. Seb had been begging Theo to show him how to dive, and Darcy was already jealous enough of Sebastian’s preference for Theo’s company that he had not wished to drive a bigger wedge between himself and Seb by forbidding him from diving. What a fool he had been! He had failed both his younger brothers, who looked to him for safety and wisdom.
Even at the time, he had recognized his own failure in forbidding the activity, so he had thrown himself into the task of becoming always responsible, always in charge, never softened by the desire to please someone he cared for. It could not bring Seb back. As their mother faded away and died after losing her youngest son, Darcy had responded by blaming Theo for everything, pushing him away and threatening to thrash him if he ever heard him say Fish again. The boy Fish was dead, replaced by the man Fitzwilliam. And he had ignored Theo’s loneliness—sociable and friendly Theo who had effectively lost both his brothers on one terrible day.
Was it any wonder Theo had turned to George Wickham for companionship? Darcy had also left George behind when he turned his back on his childhood, then scorned Theo for his boyish pranks with his former friend. When Theo had finally listened and stopped calling him Fish, the childhood nickname was replaced by Prince William and His Highness, and Darcy had been glad of it because it set him apart from them. He had loftily ignored all Theo’s attempts to get his attention, all the nights he had asked pointedly whether there would be Fish for dinner, the days when he would insist in midwinter that it was a fine day to catch Fish in the pond. He was Prince William, after all, trustworthy, responsible, and above boyish games and teasing.
No wonder Theo disliked him so. Darcy had made himself humorless and distant, and despised everyone who was not—at least until Elizabeth Bennet had come along. She had teased him and played with him, refusing to give up on him, no matter how serious he remained. And how her playfulness attracted him! Somehow she had managed to reach the innocent boy who had not yet been maimed by the loss of Sebastian and Theo, and touched the part of him that was still able to love.
He almost smiled at the thought until he remembered how she had received him at the parsonage. For once, he allowed himself to look the truth in the eye. She might tease him and flirt with him, but she had never given a sign of liking him, not the way she seemed to like Theo, who still knew how to play and find joy in life. He had told Bingley that Jane Bennet, no matter how happily she received his attentions, did not seem to care about him, and was no doubt only acting on her mother’s orders. It was not true. Jane Bennet’s eyes had lit up when she saw Bingley. It was Elizabeth who would tease and flirt with no evidence of affection in her eyes. He would have been the one risking a loveless marriage, not Bingley, and so he had stolen Bingley’s chance of happiness along with Miss Bennet’s. And Elizabeth seemed to know it. Now she had even more reason to dislike him.
“Seb, no! Stop!” Theo moaned, sweat dripping down his face. Mechanically, Darcy dipped the washcloth in the cool water, wrung it out, and wiped his brother’s forehead—taking care of him, the way an older brother should, not by dismissing him and scorning him, but by being there when Theo needed him.
The cool washcloth awoke Theo, who looked at him questioningly. “What are you doing here?”
At least he recognized him this time. “Theo,” Darcy said tentatively, half expecting his brother to turn away. “You are ill, but I will not let anything happen to you.”
His brother looked dubious, but shrugged and closed his eyes again. Darcy could hardly blame him for his doubts. He had given Theo no reason to think he would care if he lived or died.
He had hardly even acknowledged his existence. Elizabeth had been surprised to discover he even had a brother. She had known of Georgiana’s existence since he spoke of her often in Hertfordshire. Had he never so much as mentioned Theo? He knew he had not. He had preferred to forget about Theo when he could. He had not even wanted to bring Theo to Rosings; he had only done so because it was his responsibility to keep an eye on his brother, and he always did his duty, no matter how unpleasant.
But he had brought him to Rosings, and now Theo was as taken with Elizabeth Bennet as he was himself. It would not matter in the long run, since Theo could not afford to marry her, and Elizabeth could not afford to refuse a proposal from a man of Darcy’s standing regardless of her feelings for him. Elizabeth might prefer Theo’s company, but it would not affect the final outcome. Should he choose to make her an offer, Elizabeth would be his, regardless of her wishes or Theo’s—if he could live with himself.
No. He had wronged Theo enough. If his brother developed strong feelings for Elizabeth, he still could not marry her, but neither could Darcy. He could not force his little brother to watch his happiness with her. It was a stark truth, but also one precisely calculated to make Darcy understand his own desires. But he had ignored Theo’s needs for too many years now, and he would not do so again. If only God would spare Theo’s life, Darcy would somehow find a way to live without Elizabeth Bennet.
“Theo?” he said tentatively, but this time his brother did not respond.
*****
Georgiana glanced up at the clock on the mantel. Three hours since she had sent her message with a servant. Three hours without a reply. She froze at the sound of a knock on the front door, and held her breath until she heard a familiar voice.
Past caring about propriety, she hurried out into the front hall. “I am so glad you have come!” She threw her arms around her cousin Richard, who swung her in a circle just as he had when she was a little girl.
“Georgie!” His voice was a reassuring warm baritone.
When he set her down again, she stepped back and put her hands on her hips. “What has taken you so long? I was starting to think perhaps you had gone by way of Pemberley!”
The Colonel laughed. “My, but you are impatient! Now that I am here, tell me what could possibly be so urgent?”
“You must take me to Rosings immediately. How soon can we leave?”
Fitzwilliam put up his hands. “Whoa, little one! Slow down! Your brother has already asked me to escort you to Rosings later in the week, but now you want me to drop everything, give up my tickets to the opera tonight, not to mention my evening with…well, never mind. You want me to take you to Rosings today? What is
so urgent it cannot wait a day?”
Georgiana, who had been practicing emulating her eldest brother’s icy stare, the one he used when things were not going as planned, leveled that look now upon her cousin.
“What is the urgency?” Fitzwilliam repeated.
“I think you know very well what has happened, and you are all conspiring to keep it from me. Theo is my brother, and I must go to him!”
“Something has happened to Theo?” Fitzwilliam’s brows knitted together.
If he was feigning ignorance, he was certainly very convincing. Georgiana was in danger of tearing up and told herself she simply would not have it! She would not turn into another one of those silly girls who cried at everything. Taking a deep breath, she replied evenly, “Do not pretend you do not know.”
Fitzwilliam put his hands out palms up. “Pretend? I have no idea what you are talking about!”
“William received a letter saying Theo was thrown from his horse. His shoulder is injured, and he…he…” Finally, it was all too much, and despite her best efforts, a sob that sounded something like a hiccup escaped.
Fitzwilliam pulled her close, his large hand stroking her back. “Hush now. It cannot be as bad as all that.”
“He has hit his head!” she said into his coat.
“He what?” Fitzwilliam held her away slightly by the shoulders and looked into her eyes.
“As soon as William read the letter, he called for his horse and left for Kent,” she said.
“When was this?”
“The letter came this morning.”
“What else did he say about the injury? How did it happen?”
Georgiana looked down at the floor. Now she had worked herself into a corner. She would most certainly be in trouble for reading the letter, but that would have to be far less than the worry of not knowing if Theo would recover.
“Georgiana? How did you learn of this?”
She hesitated. Now she would have to confess she had been in her brother’s study and read a letter intended for his eyes only. “I might have been looking for something in William’s study and seen a letter there and…” she trailed off.
“Georgie?” Fitzwilliam raised a brow.
“Yes, I know I shall be in trouble with William, but I would do it again. Why does everyone always try to protect me? I am no longer a child!”
“Your brother made me promise to watch over you and bring you to Rosings later this week. I knew nothing about an accident.” He pulled out his handkerchief so she could wipe her tears. “Let me see the letter.”
Georgiana led Fitzwilliam to her brother’s study where she retrieved the crumpled paper from his desk.
Her cousin’s brow wrinkled in concern as he read.
“Please take me to Rosings, Richard. If something happens to Theo…I… must see him.”
When Fitzwilliam finished, he looked up. “How soon can you be ready to travel?”
*****
When Darcy wiped a cool cloth over his brother’s face, Theo looked up, his eyes somewhat unfocused.
“Still here?” Theo mumbled.
“Of course,” Darcy said.
“Why?” Theo asked, and then he closed his eyes and slept again.
Theo’s question opened a fresh wound in Darcy’s heart. Did his brother truly think so little of him? Did Theo believe Darcy would desert him just when he was most needed? Darcy ran a hand through his hair, which was wild and unruly from the day’s exertions. Theo had to get well so he could try to make up for all the harsh, judgmental words he had said over the years. And if it meant giving Elizabeth up to him, Darcy would do that, too, just to have his brother back. He would help Theo more, make it possible for him to marry. Whatever it took.
When Lady Catherine appeared to check on Theo, she insisted Darcy come down to supper. After trying all of her tricks to bully him into submission, she finally gave up and had one of the maids bring a tray for him. Just as he was finishing his meal, Mrs. Shafton, the housekeeper, appeared with another dose of Anne’s medicine for Theo. When Darcy would not allow her to give it to Theo, she lingered to ensure it was administered.
“I will wait until he stirs and then give it to him. You may go now,” Darcy told her.
At first she hesitated, as if she was uncertain whether it was better to defy her mistress or Darcy, but she finally relented after he promised a second time that he would see Theo took the medicine.
The minute Theo moved, Darcy propped his brother’s limp body up against some pillows and held the glass to his lips.
Theo wrinkled his nose and looked at him fearfully through bleary eyes. Then he whispered something. Leaning down, Darcy put an ear closer to his brother’s lips.
“Please…no.” Theo’s voice was barely audible.
“Lady Catherine says this will strengthen you. Anne drinks it twice a day,” Darcy told him as he continued to press the glass to his mouth.
Theo raised his eyebrows as if to say, ‘See how much it has helped Anne,’ and kept his lips firmly closed against the liquid. Again he shook his head.
“Stop fighting me! You will spill it,” Darcy reprimanded him.
Theo turned his head away and mumbled, “Feel…worse. No…please.”
Darcy took the glass away and set it on the table beside the bed. “What are you trying to tell me?”
“Not good,” Theo said with a little more strength in his voice this time. “Makes me feel…strange.”
Darcy looked at his brother and then at the glass. Picking it up, he sniffed the liquid. “I see what you mean. This is vile.”
Setting the glass on the table again, he dipped a cloth in cool water and wiped Theo’s face. Suddenly, he felt his brother’s hand on his arm and a look passed between them.
“Thank you,” Theo said.
“Surely, it cannot be so bad.” Darcy picked up the glass, looked at it again, and took another sniff. “What is in this?”
“Something like laudanum, but stronger. Too much…fatal,” Theo told him.
“Very well. I will not make you drink it.”
“Pour it out. Please.”
“But Lady Catherine would hardly give Anne something that was harmful to her.”
Theo raised an eyebrow again. “Perhaps she does not know.”
“It must be that dreadful doctor of hers!” Darcy said. “I have never completely trusted him.”
Theo shrugged.
“I have sent to London for our family physician. He should be here tomorrow. The man who attends Lady Catherine and Anne will not touch you. I promise.”
Theo mouthed a “thank you” but was already drifting off to sleep again.
CHAPTER 6
On the way to Rosings, Georgiana tried to distract herself by looking out the window of the carriage. The fear came in waves and with each swell she balled her hand into a fist in her skirts as if to hang on until she could get control again. When she realized what she was doing, she made a conscious effort to open her hand and relax it. Fitzwilliam must have seen her struggling as he arranged to exchange places with Mrs. Annesley, settled in next to Georgiana, and put an arm around her.
“Lean against me,” he said. “All will be well.” He kissed the top of her head.
“You and my brothers always say that even when you do not know if it is true.”
“We cannot help but protect the ones we love.”
Georgiana smiled weakly and looked out the window again. “I did not realize we were leaving so late. It will be dark before we reach Rosings.”
“We are fortunate. The sky should be clear and the moon bright so it is a good night to travel.”
Finally, exhausted with the strain of worry, Georgiana laid her head on her cousin’s shoulder and fell into a restless sleep, awaking some time later with a start. Confused, she looked around. “How long was I asleep?”
“We are almost there,” Fitzwilliam assured her.
Up until that time, she had been so focused on getting to Theo
she had not considered what she would say to William. How could she explain her presence when she should not even have known about the accident?
Fitzwilliam must have sensed her concerns. “I think the best strategy might be to simply say we decided to come to Rosings sooner than planned.”
“Yesterday, I would have agreed with you in order to avoid conflict with William, but this has shown me I cannot allow him to treat me as a child, to shut me out of important things. Perhaps if I am honest about what happened, he will recognize I have grown up and can take responsibility for my actions.”
“I promise you I did not know about the accident.”
“How typical! He thinks he has to shoulder every burden, solve every problem all by himself. I must show him it does not have to be that way,” she told him.
Fitzwilliam pulled her against him in a quick hug. “You, my sweet, have become wise beyond your years.”
“If something has happened to Theo, William will never recover. I must be there for both of them.”
*****
When Colonel Fitzwilliam and Georgiana arrived at Rosings, Hastings, Lady Catherine’s ancient butler, opened the door to them.
“Where is he?” Georgiana demanded immediately.
“We were not expecting you, Miss Darcy, Colonel Fitzwilliam,” the butler intoned. “I shall announce you to Lady Catherine.”
“No, I wish to see my brother first. Where is Theo?” Georgiana asked impatiently.
Hastings exchanged a look with the Colonel before he responded. “He is in the Blue Guest Room. May I have someone take you to him?”
“I know the way. Richard, will you make my excuses to Lady Catherine, please? If I wait for her, I could be delayed for hours.” Turning to Mrs. Annesley, who had been standing just behind her, Georgiana said, “Please see to my things and rest yourself. I will not require your assistance until later.”
Before Mrs. Annesley could protest, Georgiana turned to her cousin, who gave her a nod, and she set off for the stairs.
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