by Tanith Frost
I should feel ashamed of this. It’s a betrayal of vampire-kind. But I don’t care.
I don’t care about anything except the incredible feeling of getting laid, the aftershocks of pleasure that echo through my body with every thrust, the power I feel over him when he loses control, pushing harder into me, releasing a canine growl.
I’m glad he didn’t howl.
He leans over me, resting his arms against the back of the couch on either side of mine.
“I still don’t like vampires,” he says, and nuzzles the back of my neck. His lips tickle, and I shiver.
“I still don’t like assholes,” I tell him, and twine my fingers through his.
He squeezes them tight.
A few minutes later, I have my clothes gathered. The sky is beginning to grow lighter when I check outside the window. The wolves aren’t howling anymore. I have no idea when they stopped.
“I’m sorry I can’t offer you breakfast,” I tell him.
“Likewise.” He rubs his throat thoughtfully. “Thanks for not… you know.”
“I’m not a monster.”
“No more than I am, I guess.” He walks to the window, wrapping himself in the blanket as he goes, and checks the yard. “Looks like they’re gone.”
“Just like you said. You going home?”
He turns back. “You kicking me out?”
“Nah. You’re okay company, I guess.”
He doesn’t smile at that. “What will you do if I go?”
“I should sleep, I guess.” I glance at the window again. “I might push through, though.”
“Is it like they say?” He steps closer again. “When you sleep, you don’t sense anything?”
“Basically. Things kind of shut down, and I’m not aware of anything. A loud noise will wake me, but there’s a chance someone could attack before I heard them. I won’t chance it.” I look back at the corridor that leads to the door out to the garage. “They can’t get in, though. Right?”
He frowns. “No. But I am kind of tired. I might crash here for the day, if you don’t mind. Just on the couch or whatever, if you wanted to sleep.”
My chest tightens, but I can’t let this small kindness mean anything.
I place a hand on the back of his neck and pull his head down so I can place a soft kiss on his cheek. “No dogs on the furniture,” I whisper in his ear.
He swats my bare ass as I walk away.
I fish my keys out of my jacket pocket, then head to the showers to clean up. I’m glad he’s staying. Being alone here feels like a bad idea, silver bullets or no.
I return to the common room to collect the gun. Silas doesn’t seem surprised that I do, and I don’t bother to joke about it or explain that it’s not for him. I hope he knows that it’s not him I’m scared of.
I pause as I set the gun against the wall in my room and consider that. I’m not scared of him. It’s stupid. We fucked, we didn’t fall in love. He’s the same person he was the day he stole those keys, the day he threatened me. Every excuse he gave me for all of that could be a lie.
But I have to trust someone some time.
And as I stretch out under my sheets, relaxed and contented and completely exhausted, I decide that for today, it will be him.
Chapter Eighteen
I wake to the sound of growling outside my bedroom door. I lie still for a minute, listening. The sound is low. Soft.
Regular.
I head for the door, not bothering to dress or grab the gun from the corner. When I open the door, I find a big, fluffy wolf lying with his back against it. He lifts his head and looks up at me, yawning, then gets up and stretches.
“I was joking about the furniture,” I tell him. “You could have slept wherever you wanted.”
He nudges my hand with his nose.
“Do you know how to work the coffeemaker?” I ask, and he gives a slow nod. “Good. I’ll be out soon. Unless you want to leave like this.” Maybe it would be easier if he just went, if we didn’t talk about last night. Maybe that’s why he slept in this form, to avoid awkward conversation.
But he shakes his head and trots toward the common room.
I take my time dressing. I don’t want to walk in on him in the middle of his transformation. I slip into black yoga pants and a loose t-shirt, not bothering with anything underneath. I wouldn’t want him to think I’m trying to dress up and impress him.
Still, I slap a coat of mascara and lip gloss on after I wash my face.
God, I really am an idiot.
When the scent of coffee reaches me, I head down to the common room. Silas stands in the kitchenette area, completely naked, reaching up to take clean mugs down from the cupboard.
“I know it’s not sanitary,” he says without turning around, allowing me to continue enjoying the view without being caught. “But I still don’t have pants, and that blanket needs a wash.”
“I wasn’t complaining.” I sit at the table and watch as he pours two steaming cups of coffee. “Germs don’t bother with us much. They prefer the living.”
He sniffs at a box of dog biscuits he’s found at the back of a shelf and wrinkles his nose before chucking them in the garbage. “Good to know. I did mean to ask last night.” He gives me a teasing smile. “I mean, mother always used to tell me not to touch something if I don’t know where it’s been.”
I’d been waiting for him to say not to touch dead things. I’m glad he didn’t.
“You make a lot of stupid decisions like that?”
He shakes his head. “Honestly, I’ve always been careful. Or I was when I used to be able to go out to town between changes. I’ve hardly left the sanctuary since my pack split from Joseph’s a few years back.” He sets my coffee in front of me and smiles sheepishly. “It’s been rough. Everything was kind of conspiring against my better judgement last night.”
A feeling I know well. I’m not exactly wracked with guilt tonight, but as my own better judgement has returned, I’ve begun to understand what a horrible decision that was. I was joking when I mentioned bestiality, but really. He’s not my species, and he’s not human. And if the elders ever found out I’d crossed that line…
I force my mind away from those thoughts. They’ll never know. “Why did you leave his pack?”
He pauses with his coffee halfway to his mouth and sets it down again. “Because I’m bullheaded and like to do things my own way. No respect for authority. Too chicken-shit to challenge Joseph for his pack.” He shrugs. “Take your pick.”
“What’s the real reason?”
He doesn’t answer that.
Fair enough. There are questions that would be too personal for me to answer, too.
His stomach growls, and he sips his drink.
“I wish there was something here for you to eat.”
“It’s okay,” he says, a hint of regret in his voice. “I’m guessing your cooking skills have atrophied since death.”
“Big word for a young pup.”
He wrinkles his nose, and it’s inexplicably sexy. “I can’t be younger than you were when you died. And you’re not vampire enough to have been one of them that long.”
My fingers curl tighter around the handle of my mug. “Yeah.”
“Hey,” he says, and reaches for my hand. Just a gentle touch that makes me look at him. “I meant that as a compliment. You’re okay.”
That’s easy for him to say.
I force a smile. “You’re all werewolf, though, aren’t you?” My smile fades. “I don’t know what to do here. I’m not getting anywhere in my investigation. I don’t know who’s lying to me. I’m not doing anyone any good. I wanted to help, but it’s not going to work, is it?”
He tilts his head slightly to one side, considering. “What happens if you don’t figure this out?”
“I don’t know. Nothing good for any of you.” I hesitate. I shouldn’t be telling him this. He could tell the others. They might flee. But I’d want to know if I were him, especially if I
were as innocent as I almost believe he is. “I need to find the killer. Because the vampires don’t care who did this. For all they care, it could be all of you.”
“So if you can’t figure out who did it, we all take the blame?”
“Exactly.”
He lets out a long, slow breath and drums his fingers on the table. “I’m going to help you.”
“You mean you’re going to help yourself,” I counter, and he smiles.
“Both. I’m interested in protecting my pack. I’m certain that none of them are doing this behind my back, and I won’t see them hurt for it. Of course, Joseph would tell me I wasn’t deserving of my position if he knew I was rolling over and obeying the vampires.”
“It’s not submitting to us if you decide to investigate on your own,” I tell him. “I’m certainly not going to order you to do anything. But I’d appreciate whatever help I can get from an alpha who sees me as someone who’s also interested in preserving his pack.”
He chuckles and downs the rest of his coffee. “I’m surprised you didn’t kill me with that silver tongue last night, Aviva.”
The way he says my name sends a shiver down my back. So much warmer and fuller than the way it sounded the first time we spoke.
“You should see what else I can do with it.”
He bites his lower lip and slides his empty mug back and forth between his hands, catching it each time before it topples off the edge of the table. “I’ll let you know what I find out,” he says. His stomach groans again.
“Get out of here,” I tell him.
“One thing, first,” he says, and looks deep into my eyes. “Last night—those were Joseph’s wolves. Maybe not just his. I came late, didn’t see everyone. I’m telling you this because I want you to know so you can decide whether you want to avoid them. If there were females there, I didn’t see them. That doesn’t mean they stayed away.”
“Thank you. I know you’re not supposed to tell me that.”
“You’re welcome. But I also want to make sure you know that the attack last night probably had nothing to do with the killings.”
“It’s just that they hate me?”
He lifts an eyebrow in a miniature shrug. “They hate vampires. You’ve seen how it is. We’re not meant to live in close quarters like we do here at the sanctuary. Leaving you here alone… the vampires had to have known something would happen.”
Maybe they wanted it to. I shiver, far less pleasantly than I did a minute ago. Paul wasn’t wrong when he said that werewolves taking me out would justify their extermination, at least in the elders’ minds.
I suddenly feel the tiniest bit better about last night’s mistake.
“I appreciate your help in not letting it go too far. And I’ll keep that in mind. Now seriously, go eat something before you pass out.”
He leaves his mug in the sink and heads for the bathroom, and when he returns a few minutes later, it’s as a wolf. The change may be painful, but he’s obviously used to it. I let him out through the garage, which stinks of canine urine. The Jeep’s sides are dented as though some of them might have shifted and beat it with tools that now lie all over the floor. The passenger side window is smashed in, and the windshield is sporting a brand new spiderweb-shaped crack. I’ll have to take a look later to see whether the engine will still run.
Silas stalks cautiously out of the garage, and I close the big door behind him as he runs for the north fence. I have no doubt he’ll be fine out there on his own, especially once he gets back to his own pack. It’s impossible not to have confidence in him when he has so much in himself.
I also have no doubt that if I asked, he still wouldn’t show me how they get in. Some secrets are too big to give up. Besides, if I fixed it, they’d just find another way. At least I have an ally who knows.
My phone is buzzing on my dresser when I return to my room.
“Hello?”
“You need to pack your things. Soon.”
“Daniel?” My voice sounds natural. I’d worried I might give something away when I spoke to him, and I certainly didn’t expect it to happen this soon. But while I’ve done something most vampires would find repugnant, I know I haven’t betrayed Daniel. We’re not a thing, and never were. For all I know, he’s calling from someone else’s bed.
“We’re bringing you back to town,” he says. “They’re not sending more stock out to replace Jeff and Clara.”
“But Delvin is still—”
“Delvin headed for town early this morning. The elders decided that it’s time for him to join us, before his body gets older and can’t recover even after the change. He deserves to die at full strength.”
I press my lips together and close my eyes as I sink to sit on the edge of my bed. “So… but Paul is…”
“Also not returning.”
I let that sink in for a few seconds. “Meetings went that well, did they?”
I can almost see him frowning at me through the phone. I’m always so fucking difficult. “I sat in on them, and I listened to what Paul had to say. Things are only becoming more complicated. He told us how hard you’ve worked on Maelstrom’s behalf.” I wonder whether Paul phrased it that way, or if Daniel is trying to put a positive spin on it for me.
I feel like I should confess. Maybe he’ll stop feeling like he has to act like my trainer and protector. My maker.
I don’t, though. We both have enough to deal with right now.
“The wolves are dangerously close to exposing our world,” he continues, obviously thinking nothing of my silence. “We don’t know who might die next, and there’s no reason to think this is going to stop on its own. We don’t know who’s killing. They haven’t made any demands, they’re just murdering at will. The sanctuary is clearly a failed experiment.”
My eyes snap open. “It’s a flawed experiment, Daniel. Practically designed to fail. They shouldn’t be stuck here with three packs fighting for territory. They need more space. Away from people, if that makes us feel better, but… Daniel, so many of them aren’t causing trouble.”
“Paul mentioned that there’s one pack that seems to cause most of it. The one with the young male alpha.”
I bite my tongue hard to keep from defending Silas. Nothing I say to Daniel will make a difference, and I definitely don’t want to fuck things up more than I already have.
“I think the killings are a separate issue,” is all I say.
“It doesn’t matter now,” he says quietly. “The elders and the D.U.R. have made their decision. They’re sending some vampires to check things out in the next few days. They want you out before then. Leave quietly, as soon as possible. You’ve done good work there, Aviva, and Maelstrom appreciates your efforts to keep things under control. Your future is looking bright. They’ll find a good position for you here.”
The underlying message is clear. Shut up, get out, let the grown-ups handle this.
My body feels tight, tense to the point of trembling, but I keep my voice calm and even.
“I’m not sure the Jeep is in working order right now,” I tell him. “I might not be able to drive it out to town.”
“What happened?”
“Long story. Had a bit of an accident last night. I’m fine.” I look over the faint bruises on my forearm from the wolf’s teeth, already well on their way to healing. “Barely a scratch on me, but I’ll have to check the Jeep over.”
“See what you can do. You can wait and come back with the others if you have to, but you’re going to be without food until then.”
There’s more he wants to warn me about, I can tell. It’s not any perceptual gift on my part that gives it away, but something in his voice. A hesitation.
“You’ll want to get out now if you can,” he tells me. “Take care, Aviva. You know where to find me if you need me.”
“Yeah. Thanks, Daniel.”
We don’t say anything else. Of course. What else would there be?
I curl up on my side on the bed and c
onsider going back to sleep. I can’t stay without becoming a danger to the people of Bloody Bight myself. I’ve gone too long without feeding before, and I know there comes a point where my good intentions don’t matter anymore.
But I can’t leave. I don’t know what the vampires will do when they arrive. Hard interrogations are the most pleasant thing I can think of, and even that’s clearly off the table at this point. They want the wolves gone. They’ve probably been regretting the decision to let them live since the day the sanctuary opened, and one of these wolves has handed them the perfect excuse to shut the place down permanently.
It’s clear what I’m supposed to do. Pack up, leave. Don’t say a word to Silas, or Violet, or the others I’d so hate to see killed. Let the other vampires come in and do… whatever. Whether it’s a bloodbath or a gradual culling, there’s only one way this ends. The wolves die, and the supernatural world becomes a little more secure in the knowledge that they won’t expose us with their habits of mixing with living humans, breeding with them, and now killing them. I’ll be welcomed back. I’ve atoned for my previous errors, proved I’m able to handle myself out in the world. I’ll get a better job than this one. I never have to tell anyone what just happened with Silas, and I can put it all behind me.
And maybe in a few decades I’ll forgive myself for abandoning them.
I curl my hands into tight fists to feel the clarifying pain of my nails digging into my skin, bringing the world around me into sharp focus.
Fuck it. No. I made my decision, and I’m going to see it through. Not in a hundred years will I forgive myself if Silas’ easy laugh and Violet’s biting loyalty are erased from the world when I could have done something about it. No promise of a good future will overshadow that.
I change into jeans and head out to the garage to check the Jeep. It starts easily in spite of its beat-up appearance. I turn it off and disconnect the battery so that I’m not lying when I say it wouldn’t start. I’ll hook it up again if I need it.
Or rather, when I need it.
I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me.