The Black Hawk lurched upwards, tilting to the left and the rope Ryan was still attached to jerked wildly.
“We have to pull out!” the pilot called out.
“No!” Monty shouted.
For the first time, Ryan caught a slip of panic in Monty’s calm demeanour. At that exact moment, a searing pain burned through Ryan’s shoulder. They were shooting at him!
“Sonofabitch,” he growled, his stomach rolling as pain engulfed his entire body.
Another burst of sharp agony hit his leg, and then another, until he lost count of how many bullets were slamming into him. His grip slackened on the rope.
“Kendall!” he heard Monty roar from above.
Fuck. Time was running out. He needed off this rope before his entire team was shot down.
Ryan looked up, breathing hard as he met Monty’s eyes for a split second that stretched for an eternity.
“Don’t you fucking dare let go!” came a furious growl right in his ear.
“Jake?” he whispered.
His grip slackened further as the edges of his vision began to blur. He could feel the blood pumping out of his body. It was seeping through his clothes and dripping down his arms and legs.
“We have to get out of here!” the pilot screamed.
“Damn you, Kendall,” came a deep growl—Jake’s growl—in his ear. “Don’t you let go.”
With hands slick from sweat, Ryan slid further down the rope. His muscles burned and his mind screamed at him to hold on, but his body wouldn’t obey. “I can’t,” he gasped.
His body was weakening with every breath he drew in, and Ryan knew he couldn’t possibly survive this. He wouldn’t be going home—not alive. He would never see Fin again, never hold his son or daughter, and the agony had him crying out.
“I’m sorry, Fin.” Taking a deep breath, Ryan felt tears burn his eyes and he lost all focus. “I’m so sorry.”
Four hours later
Fremantle, Western Australia
Fin stood in the middle of the freshly painted nursery, eyeing the walls with satisfaction. The creamy lemon colour she’d chosen contrasted prettily with the white trim around the windows. She’d bought a set of sheer lace curtains that would sit over a set of white timber blinds. Fin could already see the window open, the lace billowing in the warm summer breeze.
“Alright. Time to leave and let the paint dry,” her dad ordered and began shooing her out of the room.
His efforts at getting her away from the thick, caustic fumes irritated the excitement right out of her. Wait for the paint to dry! Was he serious? She wanted to curl up on the floor—right in the middle of the room—and imagine Ryan was there with her. She could see him laughing at her as he worked at putting their baby’s cot together, or hanging blinds, his brow furrowing as he concentrated.
To her surprise, two deliveries had already arrived a couple of hours ago. The minute her dad and Rachael took off, she was going to start putting together as much as she could.
Fin winced when her belly twinged. It was a painful reminder that she wasn’t supposed to be doing anything except resting in bed. The maternity leave from her Government job started four weeks ago, but she hadn’t made the reason for her early departure public knowledge.
It hadn’t been long past the seventh month mark, just four weeks ago really, that her doctor sat her down and explained the problem.
“You have preeclampsia.”
Fin’s brows flew up. “Pre what?”
“Preeclampsia,” her doctor repeated.
“Uh, can you explain what that is?”
“It’s serious, Fin. If you hadn’t missed your last two appointments, we would have detected this earlier. You—”
“I didn’t mean to miss them,” she cut in, anxiety creeping into her voice. “It was work. They know I’m leaving and I swear they’ve loaded me under until I can’t breathe. How serious are we talking? Do I have to take a couple of days off?”
“Fin.” Her doctor arched a brow in stern disapproval. “You’re done with work. As of right now. You’re on strict rest until your baby arrives.”
“But …”
“Your blood pressure is extremely high.”
“It’s stress. I just feel so anxious all the time. I can’t relax. Not until Ryan’s home.”
“According to your urine test today, the high levels of protein are telling us it’s not just stress.”
“So if I just lie around for a bit, it’ll go away?”
Unfortunately it wasn’t that simple, and now the birthing plan she had mapped out—from the music, to the levels of pain relief, to who she wanted with her—was all moot. Her baby’s growth level was starting to drop off, and the twinges in her belly were becoming more frequent.
“We’re booking you in for a caesarean, Fin. Two weeks before your due date.”
Honestly? She felt robbed. Denied the right, and the experience, of a natural labour in favour of something so much more cold and clinical. It was something she would have to email Ryan about, but she’d been putting it off. In a previous email he’d mentioned he could be there on Skype during the labour, if she wanted him there, that was. She did, but it seemed her body had other plans.
“Dammit,” Fin muttered as she shuffled her way over to the couch and splayed herself out with more than a little effort.
Rachael followed behind, leaning down to wrap her in a hug. She squeezed a little before pulling back. “See you tomorrow.”
Fin’s brows drew together. “Tomorrow’s Monday.”
“Yeah, I know.” Rachael grinned. “But someone has to keep an eye on you.”
Fin didn’t relish the idea of being placed under a microscope. Still, it served her right, she supposed. All those mock labour pains done in jest to get her way were coming back to bite her. “Don’t you have deadlines or something?”
“Or something,” Rachael replied, quirking her brow. “Besides, Kyle’s always over here checking on you. I’m starting to worry I’m losing my bff status. Why else do you think I’d be spending my Sunday rolling paint all over your walls?”
“Oh, I see,” Fin muttered and snagged a cushion. Panting from the effort, she wedged it behind her head.
“What do you see?”
“It’s not really about me at all. You’re just worried Kyle’s going to get more time with the little baby in here.” Fin patted her huge belly for effect.
“I’m supposed to be the cool Aunt Rach.” Rachael picked up her bag off the coffee table and flung it over her shoulder. “He’s not coming in at the last stretch and stealing that baby away with all his ‘cool Uncle Kyle’ shit,” she air-quoted.
After Rachael plucked her keys from her bag, Fin reached out and snagged her hand. “Thank you.”
Rachael’s brows flew up as she looked at Fin. “For what? Being a jealous twat?”
Fin laughed. “No. For being the best friend a girl could ever ask for.”
Looking a little glassy-eyed, Rachael gave her hand a quick squeeze. “Just don’t expect it all the time.”
Her dad walked out of the laundry and Fin let go of Rachael.
“Well that’s the brushes and paint trays all clean,” he announced and leaned over the back of the couch to press a quick kiss to Fin’s forehead. “Your mum will be over in a couple of hours, love.”
Fin didn’t complain as she waved them out the door. She was suddenly exhausted and needed her mum. Her legs ached and her belly was cramping enough for her to gasp. Were they those ghosty pains they were talking about in birthing class? What were they called? Braxton Hicks. What the hell kind of a name was that anyway? Maybe it might be a good idea to call her doctor in the morning. With the decision made to do just that, Fin drifted off into a quiet doze.
An hour later she was startled awake by a knock at the door. Blinking, she called out, “Just a minute!”
Using the arm of the couch as a lever, she pushed herself to a standing position. One step towards the door and she fou
nd herself doubled over, her belly tightening with a pain that couldn’t be normal. Breathless, she wiped at her clammy brow as she moved towards the door.
“Oh God,” she moaned as another pain overtook her. “Mum if you’ve lost your key...” she flung the door wide open “...there’s going to be …”
Behind the screen door stood three men. They were all attired in official Australian Army uniform and wearing grave expressions.
Her heart lurched to her throat.
“Ma’am?” Fin focused her eyes on the man who spoke. “Finlay Louise Tanner?”
She nodded mutely as her entire body began trembling.
“I’m Officer Gavin Reed.” He indicated to the older man standing by his left. “This is Australian Army Chaplain Bryce Wethers.” Then he gestured towards Kyle. “And I believe you know Trooper Kyle Brooks.”
Fin searched Kyle’s pained hazel eyes before her gaze dropped to where he was turning a plain white envelope in his hands with care. She watched his fingers run along the edges of it before turning it over and repeating the process.
Her eyes flew back up to meet his. “No,” she whispered, her vision blurring as tears came thick and fast.
“Ma’am? May we come in?” asked Officer Reed.
Fin gritted her teeth as another sharp pain stole her breath.
“Fin? Sweetheart?” Without waiting for an invitation, Kyle grabbed the handle of the screen door and yanked it open.
“Can’t breathe,” she gasped when he took hold of her arms, holding her up when her knees gave out. “Everything hurts. Oh God, Kyle, it hurts.”
“Where?” Wild panic filled his eyes as he looked at her. “Where does it hurt?”
Feeling bile rise in her throat, Fin swallowed it down, but it wasn’t going anywhere. Leaning over, she coughed and blood filled her mouth. “Oh no,” she moaned, wiping at her face.
“Oh fuck,” Kyle breathed, his eyes going wide as they fell on the blood she couldn’t keep down. “Fin!” He turned to the men behind him. “Call a goddamn ambulance!”
“Finlay. Can you hear me? Miss Tanner?”
Fin tried responding to the urgent voice she could barely hear, but agony was crushing her. She was drowning in it, feeling it take her under, holding her there until she feared it would break her apart.
“Fin!”
Fin blinked her eyes open for a brief second. She was being wheeled inside an ambulance. Kyle had hold of her hand. His grip was firm and soothing. It kept her from being pulled beneath the surface.
“Are you the baby’s father?” she heard someone ask.
Kyle met her eyes for a brief flash.
“Don’t let go,” she whispered weakly.
He nodded at her as she was wheeled swiftly inside the open back doors.
“I am,” she heard him say.
“Get in,” he was told.
Relief swept through her until he let go of her hand. Unable to stay afloat without it, Fin gave in to the pull and began slipping under.
“Priority one!” someone yelled.
The loud wail of sirens filled her ears.
She didn’t want to live without Ryan by her side, but she couldn’t bear the thought of her baby dying too. Fighting oblivion, Fin reached out blindly for Kyle’s hand again and he took hold, his grip tight as he leaned in. “Don’t let my baby die.”
Kyle cupped the side of her face, his thumb stroking her cheek. “You’re both going to be fine,” he reassured her, but the fear in his eyes was obvious enough to tell her she wasn’t fine. Not at all.
“Kyle.” Fin licked her lips. “You …” She moaned and drew a sharp breath into her lungs. “You and Rachael … Godparents. Please, take care of our baby for us.”
Kyle choked down a sob. “Ryan—”
“Promise me,” she demanded furiously, cutting him off. Her trembling body felt ice cold, like being back in Antarctica, only a thousand times worse.
“Fin. You’re going to …” His voice trailed off as her vision greyed. Something was placed over her mouth and then blackness took her.
What felt like only moments later, Fin was blinking her eyes open. Ryan was standing in her field of vision. She turned her head, unable to see anything else but him. He was so beautiful it made her ache.
“Ryan.”
“I’m here, baby,” he said softly.
She ran her eyes over him. The bright light was hitting his dark eyes, turning them the colour of liquid scotch. He smiled. “I missed you. So much.”
Why was he standing so far away? “Come closer. Please.”
Ryan took a step towards her.
“I love you,” she told him.
His gaze on her softened. “I want to say I love you too, but it doesn’t seem enough.”
“Say it anyway,” she whispered.
Ryan took another step towards her, and her brows drew together. Something wasn’t right. “Ryan?”
“I love you, Fin. I won’t ever stop. I’ll love you longer than the stars that live in the sky.”
Light’s flickered above and she blinked. “Ryan. Why aren’t you—” She broke off at the crushing weight on her chest.
Ryan frowned, tilting his head as he watched her. “Are you okay, baby?”
“No!” she gasped, fighting desperately for air. He was walking towards her, but it was like he wasn’t moving at all. “Why aren’t you getting any closer?”
Confusion clouded his eyes and he looked down, watching the ground move beneath his feet. “Fin, I … I don’t understand.”
“You’re not real,” she whispered, cold chills snaking down her spine.
His head whipped up, hurt shadowing his eyes. “How could you say that?”
“You’re dead. You died!” she cried out. “You left me. You weren’t supposed to die, Ryan. I can’t live without you. I don’t want to. Please take me with you. Please,” she begged, tears spilling over and slipping down her cheeks.
Ryan held his hand out towards her and smiled. “I’m here, baby. I didn’t leave you. I’ll always be here. I won’t ever leave you.”
Fin reached for his hand, but no matter how far she stretched her arm towards him, he remained out of reach. “Ryan,” she gasped.
Ryan paused after taking another step and frowned. “Fin? Why can’t I …” He took another step, and another, but he wasn’t getting any closer.
She tried to stand but something inside was ripping her apart. Fear had her pulse racing when he started disappearing before her very eyes. “No!” she yelled.
Ryan looked around frantically as though he couldn’t see her anymore and suddenly he was gone.
“Don’t go!”
A warm hand circled hers, rough and calloused. It squeezed tight, soothing her fear. “I won’t go,” the voice said.
The bright light burned her eyes as she blinked them open and focused on the man hovering above her. “Kyle? Where did Ryan go? Please tell me he didn’t die. I can’t … I can’t …” Fin moaned.
“We’re losing her!” someone shouted.
You can’t lose me. I’m right here, she tried to say, but the words wouldn’t come out.
Ryan had been seventeen when Fin asked him about life after death. It was something he thought about all the time. After losing Kassidy, it was all he thought about. Was her soul still alive somewhere, or had she ceased to exist entirely? The memory of talking to Fin that day had stuck in his mind.
It had been just another hot Saturday spent at the beach. Ryan and Jake, along with five of their close mates, had been thundering through the dry sand on the beach, sweat pouring off them as they played a friendly game of rugby in the heat of the day. Friendly was really a loose term. They were all competitive; tackles came hard and fast, and swift elbows were planted in ribs as laughter rang out. Sure that shit hurt, but fuck, it was fun. Playing rugby—whether it was for his club or just on the beach—made him feel alive and free of the heavy weight he always carried with him.
Having Fin there m
ade the day that much brighter. Along with Rachael, they were both spread out on enormous beach towels wearing flimsy bikinis that no girl their age had any right to be wearing. Not that he minded running his eyes over every inch of Fin’s exposed skin—he just didn’t want anyone else to.
Every day it was getting harder to ignore her, especially when she was wearing next to nothing. That particular day he’d been so focused on her rather than playing rugby he found himself getting hard. He had to force the ball to go wide—right into the cold surf—so he could chase after it and cool off.
Ten minutes later, one of his mates and major flirt, Corey, kicked it right in Fin’s direction with impressive finesse. Ryan’s eyes narrowed to slits at the deliberate manoeuvre, even as he yelled, “Heads!”
Both girls squealed, arms flying up to cover their heads as Corey flew after the ball. Sand was kicked everywhere as he ploughed right through the middle of them to pick up the ball.
“Ladies.” Corey grinned as he stood and turned. Ryan stalked over, his eyes on Fin as she sat up and brushed at the sand Corey had flicked over them so carelessly.
Ignoring Corey, she looked up, her green eyes locking on Ryan as he reached the little group of three. His heart fluttered at her focus, making him frown irritably.
Hands on his hips, Ryan raised his brows at Corey. “You about done here?”
Corey gave him a mock salute, and after a casual, “Later, girls,” thrown over his shoulder with a wink, he headed back into the thick of the game. Satisfied no harm had come to Fin, Ryan followed.
“Ryan! Wait!” she called out.
Ryan paused and turned around.
Fin stood up, the movement not overly graceful as she stumbled in the sand.
He hid a quick grin and asked, “What’s up?”
Ryan was glad the words sounded casual because his pulse was racing as she tripped her way towards him, brushing sand off her ass as she did so. He swallowed a groan, fighting the urge to offer to do it for her.
Fin reached his side. “You okay?”
Ryan wiped the sweat from his brow with his forearm. “Yeah, sure. Why?”
“You just looked a bit funny for a minute, that’s all.”
Fighting Redemption Page 25