by Amy Vansant
Emily eyeballed her friend.
“You look like a ninja,” she said. “A thrift store ninja.”
“We’re spying. It just felt right.”
“You keep clothes in your car?”
“I’m always filthy when I get off work and I don’t always have time to go home before I have to be somewhere civilized.”
“Fair enough, Darth,” said Emily. “Let’s do this.”
Emily and Kady drove to Camden Yards; home of the Baltimore Orioles. After several tragic attempts to find parking, they lucked into a spot for thirty dollars. The girls hustled to the field and found they were still able to get tickets. The Orioles were having a poor season and demand was not high.
They rushed through security and bolted into the stadium, where they both stopped dead and surveyed the sea of people milling before them.
“There are thousands of people here,” said Kady.
“I don’t suppose you asked Joe where he sits at games?”
“Nope. That little nugget never came up.”
Emily took a deep breath, taking in the gravity of the situation. “That probably would have been helpful information.”
They fell silent, gazes sweeping the crowd.
“I kinda thought it would be like a movie...” said Kady.
“Where we arrived just in time to spot Joe and Greta on a Megatron kissing?”
“Yes,” said Kady, turning to Emily and slapping her lightly on the arm. “Exactly. It always happens that way.”
“Always,” agreed Emily. “I thought so, too.”
Emily knew spotting Joe would be impossible. Part of her was glad.
“This is probably for the best,” she said. “It’s not like I was looking forward to confirming Joe is a cheat.”
“Well, I am looking forward to confirming Joe’s a cheat,” said Kady. “I need to know. Don’t you quit on me now. Leave no man behind.”
“What, we’re Marines now?”
“Don’t you want to know if Greta is cheating on Sebastian or if she wants him back?”
“I don’t know if those two things are mutually exclusive. She could be cheating on him and still want to keep him for backup.”
“Mmm. Hey, can I see your phone?”
Emily fished in her purse for her phone. “Why?”
Kady grunted, concentrating on Emily’s phone and tapping the screen a few times.
“I think you have a better camera than me. Maybe I can use the zoom...”
Kady pointed to the far wall of the stadium. “Hey, there’s a bathroom over there. I’ll be right back.”
Kady speed-walked to the bathroom.
Emily watched her go. She strolled a few feet left, twirled and walked back again, searching the crowd for any sign of Joe. She was ready to go home. She didn’t want to see Greta. She didn’t want to see Joe cheating on Kady. The whole idea of coming to the stadium was poorly conceived at best.
Emily’s thoughts drifted to the Rover. How could she keep playing darts with Sebastian there? She pouted. Not only was she losing a potential boyfriend, she was losing her new hobby. Now she really wanted to go home.
Emily heard a whooping noise behind her and felt a slap on her shoulder. Kady appeared at her side, grinning.
“What?” Emily asked. She looked toward the field, assuming she had missed an amazing play.
Kady dug into her purse and pulled out her phone and Emily’s. She handed Emily’s back to her.
“Joe sent me a photo,” said Kady. “A photo of the field from his angle. I texted him and asked him for a picture of the game.”
“Brilliant! I can’t believe he sent it. Did he ask why you wanted it?”
“Nope. He sent it right away, probably to prove he really was at the game and not off, oh I don’t know...cheating or anything.”
“Oh, the irony,” said Emily.
Kady flipped through her own phone, found the photo and held up the screen so they could compare the image to the field. They compared. Phone. Field. Phone. Field...
“This is like those games where you have to spot the differences in two photos,” said Kady. “I hate those games.”
“He’s got to be over there,” Emily said, pointing to right field.
Kady agreed. “I was just about to say that.”
Using the photo as their guide, Emily and Kady made their way to the matching section. They walked down the stairs, comparing the height of their view to that on the phone.
Half way down, Kady grabbed Emily’s arm.
“That’s him!” Kady hissed, pointing to the back of a man’s head a few rows away. “He wore that same shirt.”
They froze and stared at the back of Joe’s head. There was a large, iron-haired older woman sitting to Joe’s right; an empty seat to his left.
“Could Max be a sixty-five-year-old woman?” asked Emily.
“Somebody has to be in the empty chair,” said Kady. “We just have to wait for them to come back.”
Emily felt a bump against her shoulder. A woman swept past them and down the stairs. The collision nearly knocked Emily forward, and Kady, still holding Emily’s arm, helped steady her.
People can be so rude.
Emily looked up and saw the dark-haired woman who bumped her didn’t stop to apologize. Piqued, Emily opened her mouth to say something. She was in no mood.
Emily shut her mouth.
The woman’s hair looked familiar...
Kady gasped.
The woman heard Kady’s gasp, stopped, and turned. Her eyes met Emily’s.
She was very familiar.
“Greta,” said Emily through gritted teeth.
Kady cupped her hands around her mouth to create a makeshift megaphone.
“I see you, Joe,” she screamed.
Joe turned and spotted Kady, who waved at him with a stiff, angry gesture. He appeared surprised, until he realized Greta stood between his seat and his girlfriend. His eyes grew wide with panic.
Joe scrambled from his seat and made his way up the stairs.
“I got you now, asshole,” said Kady, leaning forward. Now it was Emily’s turn to hold Kady’s arm, preventing her from moving another step toward Joe.
“Kady...” began Joe, climbing towards her.
“Not here,” begged Emily, straining to hold Kady back.
“Don’t even,” snapped Kady. Her words spat like bullets in Joe’s direction. “I have one word for you, mister: Mexican restaurant parking lot!”
“That’s, like, four words,” Emily said, shifting her hip in front of her friend to better restrain her.
“Whatever! How about five words? Sex in a Mexican restaurant parking lot!”
Joe went white as a sheet. Greta, too, seemed shocked.
“Aaaand that’s seven,” mumbled Emily.
“How about one word,” Kady said, flashing Emily an irritated glance. She climbed over Emily’s shoulder to be sure Joe could see her face.
“Cheater!” she shrieked.
“Bingo,” said Emily putting a free hand over the ear Kady had just pierced with her scream.
“Cheater?” said Greta turning to look at Joe. “She means you?”
Joe stopped climbing, one stair away from Greta. He stared at her, speechless.
Greta turned back to Kady.
“You’re his girlfriend?” she asked.
Kady nodded. “Was. Wait. You didn’t know he had a girlfriend?”
Greta turned to Joe.
“No,” she said.
“We live together!” said Kady. “Though he’s officially homeless as of now. Maybe he can move in with you when Sebastian moves out.”
Greta’s head swiveled so violently in Kady’s direction Emily thought her neck would snap.
“Who’s Sebastian?” asked Joe.
Kady glared at Joe. “Seriously? You’re jealous?”
“Oh my god,” said Emily. “Joe didn’t know about Sebastian, either. Is everyone cheating on everyone?”
Emily suddenly felt exhausted. She daydreamed about slipping into her bed, going to sleep and letting this whole ordeal slip into darkness.
“Sebastian’s the guy she was talking to that first night Emily went to darts,” Kady said to Joe.
Emily remembered the evening well. She recalled watching Joe and Kady’s heads pop around the corner to peer at Sebastian.
Such simple times.
As soon as Kady finished her sentence, her eyes grew wild.
“And then you ran out of the bar because your mistress was in the same bar as your girlfriend!” she screamed to Joe.
“You said he was a client,” said Joe to Greta.
“Will you assholes sit your asses down?” called someone from a few rows behind the group.
“I don’t have to stand here and listen to this,” said Greta. She moved to start back up the stairs, but Kady shifted to block her path.
Standing directly behind Greta, Joe snatched the orange purse from Greta’s hand. She whirled on him.
“Hey!”
“Shuuuuut uuuup and sit down!” came another call from the stands. A partially filled popcorn container dropped from the sky and landed at Greta’s feet.
“I’m returning this,” said Joe, holding the purse triumphantly.
“You bought her that stupid purse?” screeched Kady. “That super expensive purse?”
A cup of soda hit an upper step, splashing the backs of Emily and Kady’s legs with cold, sticky liquid. They both flinched. Emily surveyed the crowd. Hundreds of irate glares stared back at her.
“Uh, Kady,” she said, clamping on Kady’s arm.
Kady continued to stare angry holes through Joe.
“Give it back!” yelled Greta, trying to tug her handbag away from Joe. “Sebastian and I broke up!”
“Not that long ago,” said Kady. “You’ve been going to games with Max for six months!” Kady made exaggerated air-italics with both hands as she said Max. Emily had never seen such sarcastic air-italics.
Joe tugged the purse with renewed verve.
“And Sebastian broke up with her,” said Kady. “You idiot!”
A buzz filled the air. Emily looked back at the crowd. People were beginning to stand. The voices screaming for the four of them to find a seat grew louder.
“Hey Kady,” said Emily again. “We should maybe... uh...”
“Get your shit out of the house tonight!” screamed Kady at Joe.
Kady whirled and pounded up the stairs. Emily moved with her, eager to leave. Half a hot dog flew through the air towards Kady’s head and she ducked as Emily watched the trajectory of the hot dog. The bun smacked Greta on the side of her cheek, a large mustard blob finding a perch on the side of her nose.
Joe took his eyes off the purse long enough to watch the retreating Kady.
“Kady!” he called.
Joe pulled once more in his tug of war with Greta, and then screamed “Fine!”
He released the purse.
Unready to have the handbag give way, Greta stumbled backwards on the steps. Scrambling to catch herself, she released the purse, flinging the bag over her head as she fell. It flew through the air, lipsticks and other paraphernalia soaring into the stands as it spun. The crowd erupted into cheers. A woman snatched a compact from the air and dropped it into her own purse.
Emily shook her head. Now that’s just not nice.
Kady picked up her pace. Joe called to her again, and pushed past Emily in pursuit.
Emily looked back at Greta, sprawled on the cement steps, her mouth hanging open in horror. She scrambled to her feet and scanned the crowd, knowing the contents of her bag lay scattered among the seats. When her gaze met Emily’s, she stared.
Was this going to be a catfight?
Emily had always secretly wanted to have a catfight, but in her dreams, someone swung at her in a bar and she calmly used her attacker’s own momentum against her so she fell to the floor. Then Emily said something cool like “You don’t know me,” or, “I’ve always been lucky when it comes to killin’ folk,” and then everyone in the bar cheered and bought her drinks.
In the dream, she was never rolling down the stairs of a baseball stadium. Emily had a very narrow vision of how her catfight ought to occur and she really didn’t want Greta to ruin it for her.
“Stealing one boyfriend wasn’t enough?” said Greta.
“I didn’t steal Sebastian,” said Emily. “You two were already broken up.”
“He would have come back. He always did before he met you.”
Greta opened her mouth to continue, looked past Emily, and froze.
“Hey!” she screamed.
Emily followed Greta’s gaze and saw the orange purse flying from person to person in the crowd, like a beach ball at a concert.
Greta pushed past Emily and ran up the stairs, periodically crouching to snatch makeup and other items that had rained from her purse.
Emily held her shoulder where both Greta and Joe had smacked it when passing.
“This is going to bruise,” she mumbled.
Emily walked up the stairs. She passed Greta; she was on her knees prying her new, orange wallet from between the feet of a man wearing an Orioles’ jersey. He laughed as she slapped at his calves. Emily thought she heard a sob in Greta’s frantic voice.
The orange purse landed in the lap of a woman directly to Emily’s right. The woman squealed and picked it up, ready to toss it back into the crowd.
“Wait,” said Emily, putting her hand on the handbag. The woman looked at her.
“Come on,” said Emily. “Don’t be mean.”
The woman’s grin dissipated. She handed Emily the purse. A portion of the crowd booed their disapproval.
Emily took the purse and held it tightly to her chest, worried someone else might make a grab for it. Greta stood behind her, eyes red from crying, her wallet clutched in her hand.
Emily handed her the purse.
“Thanks,” muttered Greta, taking it from her.
Emily nodded and headed to the top of the stairs.
A few feet into the mezzanine, Emily spotted Kady talking to a tall man.
It was Sebastian.
Emily tilted back her head and closed her eyes.
Will this day never end?
Kady and Sebastian walked to her.
“Emily?” said Sebastian.
Emily sighed and opened her eyes.
“What are you doing here?’ she asked.
“I called him when I stole your phone,” said Kady. “Just now he saw me screaming at Joe and came over. Joe left. I think he thought Sebastian would kill him when he found out about him and Greta.”
“You called him?” asked Emily, horrified. “Why would you do that?”
“I thought he might like to know what Greta was up to, and you said yourself that you couldn’t be the one to tell him. I’m sorry. It was sort of meddle-y. If that’s a word.”
“It was really meddle-y.” She scowled. Kady shrugged.
Emily looked at Sebastian. “How did you find us?”
“I knew this is where Greta had her season ticket seats,” he said. “I figured if Kady was right about Greta and Joe, they’d be here.”
“Oh jeez,” said Kady. “I could have asked you for her seat. Duh.”
“So you came all the way here to prove she was cheating?” Emily asked.
“No. I don’t care about that. I—”
Sebastian’s attention shifted to somewhere behind Emily. Emily turned and saw Greta standing at the top of the stairs. Greta stared at them for a moment, and then turned and walked in the opposite direction.
“Shouldn’t you go after her?” asked Emily.
“No,” said Sebastian. “Why would I do that? I came here for you.”
“Not to find out if Greta had been cheating?”
“No.” He paused. “I mean, I can’t believe she was with Kady’s boyfriend...”
Emily looked at him. She felt a pain in her heart.
<
br /> “Wait,” said Sebastian. “I didn’t mean it like I was worried about her cheating, I mean the odds—”
Emily could feel her tears building. She didn’t want to cry in front of Sebastian. She gave Kady’s sleeve a tug as she began to walk.
“Let’s go,” she said, and strode quickly toward the exit.
“Emily!” she heard Sebastian call.
She kept walking.
Chapter Thirty-One
“I’m free!” yelped Kady as they drove back to Emily’s house.
“Me too!” said Emily, trying to sound happy, but doing a terrible job. She’d sobbed in the car for several minutes before Kady caught up and hopped in. Sebastian hadn’t followed them. Emily told herself she was relieved.
Kady put her hand on Emily’s leg.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. This is so messed up. I’m super happy because I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, and you’re miserable because your man just said he wants to be with you.”
Emily chuckled.
“Can you forgive me for calling him? And can you forgive him for being confused?” asked Kady. “So it took him a while to get his head straight. So what?”
“It isn’t that. It’s that he didn’t want to commit until he knew Greta was cheating on him. If you hadn’t told him what happened, he’d be at her house for another month.”
“But they’ve been broken up. Even Greta said that.”
Emily shook her head. “I don’t want to be a consolation prize. I don’t want to be the last remaining option once the first has officially screwed the pooch.”
“Are you calling Joe a pooch?”
Her eyes still red from crying, Emily laughed, a bubble of snot appearing on her nose and popping.
“Oh that was attractive,” said Kady, reaching into her purse and finding Emily a tissue. “No wonder he couldn’t commit; you’re repulsive.”
Emily took the tissue.
“You’re such a jerk,” she said.
Emily pulled into her driveway.
“What’s that?” asked Kady, pointing to Emily’s front porch.