by Justin Lloyd
The hospice nurse came and went, and we all went to sleep. My mom checked on Jim throughout the night. Jim wasn’t talking much, but he did manage at one point to ask my mother if the window was open by his bed. She told him it was. Hours later, as we all slept, Jim passed on. My mother tried to make sense of his question about the window in the days that followed, and she wondered if he was preparing his spirit to depart the house.
About 100 people attended Jim’s funeral in Lexington; many were close friends and family members. Country singer Vern Gosdin came up from Tennessee and sang “Amazing Grace” during the service. Jim’s cousin Ed McChord spoke eloquently about his memories of Jim. He closed by saying, “Jim ran too fast and got there too soon.”
A public memorial was held for Jim at the War Memorial Auditorium in Nashville on February 16, 2000. Many of his close friends and family, including myself, also gathered there to share stories and listen to touching performances of some of his favorite songs such as “The Old Rugged Cross.” One of the people who spoke that day was Dan Butler, a good friend of Jim’s and a longtime Ernest writer. It is perhaps Butler’s speech, more than anything, that has inspired and challenged me to do the best job possible in writing this biography. The speech was as moving as it was funny. I have watched it many times in the videotape I made that day. Here are selected excerpts:
• • •
“I was one of the guys who wrote for Jim, and I went on the State Fair Circuit with him, and late one night, eight years ago, in a room at the Ramada Inn in Springfield, Ill., Jim made me swear that whichever one of us was still standing – survivor – would publicly, at the other one’s funeral, confess that together, Jim and I, on movie sets, out on location, plotted the murders of several caterers (much applause). Whew … it was us. It was us.
“… I just want to give you snapshots of one day on the road with Jim Varney at a state fair. Number one, you’re on the airplane, and the stewardess said, ‘No, you can’t be that Ernest guy. He’s real stupid.’ I saw 20 different comebacks going through Jim’s face, and he finally just said, ‘Yeah, you’re right.’
“We get to the airport in Minneapolis, and a 60-year-old African American shoeshine guy screams out from across the airport, ‘Ernest! My man! Get over here!’ Now Jim looked more un-Ernest than I had ever seen him look. He had an earring, long suede coat and an Armani suit, and this guy recognized him and had to talk to Jim and get his autograph. And we’re just to the airport, right.
“Now we’re in a parade in Minneapolis-St. Paul. Jim’s sitting up in the back of this convertible, and I’m sitting down front, and a woman breaks through the barricade and runs up to the car with a baby outstretched and says, ‘Ernest, kiss my baby!’ … He takes the baby, looks down at me and said, ‘I’m kissin’ her baby. What a wonderful way of tellin’ her how much I love her.’ And, uh, we ain’t halfway through the day yet. And then another woman ran up and said, ‘Ernest, Ernest, I’m 42 and I’m just divorced; will you marry me?’ Jim said, ‘I’m not havin’ her baby.’ After the show Jim sits there, and he signs probably 600 autographs and takes like 600 photos. It was amazing; I was just wore out.
“And we go back to this Ramada Inn and the phone rings in my room, and it’s Jim and he’s had about 2 pounds of chocolate and some coffee and he wants to work on his sequel to Hamlet. Now, first thing I said to Jim was, ‘In Hamlet everybody died, buddy.’ And he said, ‘Nooo Mr. Butler, there was an antidote.’ And I mean, in that Ramada Inn room this guy had written the most beautiful soliloquies and did them, and it was unbelievable, and it went on all night.
“Then there was a day in my life, I don’t know about you, but if you can remember one day in your life where you laughed more than any other, and I can tell you to the minute (it was) sitting in the conference room at Carden & Cherry … before the movie, I think it was ‘Scared Stupid,’ sitting with John Cherry and Jim. Somehow, Botswana came up, as it will in conversation, and Jim, he just, he went off, and the next thing I knew Jim was the only lumberjack in Botswana. And we were just laughing until we cried. And he was just going off. After 45 minutes you think Botswana is gonna get a little old, right? And I went to the rest room and I came back, and I said, ‘All right, I’m not going to laugh anymore. You know, I got work to do.’ And I went back in there, and he said, ‘Man, there ain’t no trees in Botswana!! I should know, I’m the only lumberjack in Botswana, and I haven’t worked in 32 years!’ Then he starts off on the popsicles. ‘We don’t have the little wooden sticks for the popsicles; we have little steel rods ‘cause they ain’t no trees … and the children’s tongues adhere to the little steel rods ‘cause they’re so cold!’ My head hurt. It went on for five hours. He taught me to say ‘area rug’ without closing my mouth. He taught me all sorts of stuff.
“But I tell you the one day that came back to me, and that was 16 years ago. I got to sit in on maybe two Ernest writing sessions; I was the junior member of Glenn, Leasure and Gil (Ernest writers for Carden & Cherry), and I’d been in, like, two sessions, and I hadn’t written squat. I had contributed one phrase that I stole from my father-in-law in Oklahoma, which was ‘Golly Bob Howdy’… and I had met Jim one time on the Ernest set. I had greatly embellished my role to my family and my in-laws. … I was big time, I was a writer for Ernest. Well, two weeks later, my family goes out to Oklahoma City to visit my mother and father-in-law, who always said ‘Golly Bob Howdy’ to me when I told him how much I paid for something. ‘Golly Bob Howdy!’ And there he was, and he said, ‘I want you to introduce me to your ol’ buddy Ernest,’ and I said, ‘Oh, no problem, next time you come to Nashville I’ll introduce you.’ He said, ‘No, in two hours he’s gonna be down here at Braum’s doin’ a personal appearance.’ And I said, ‘Really? Right here in Oklahoma City? I didn’t know he was coming to town.’ And man, I’m sweatin’ bullets for two hours thinkin’ gosh, man, he isn’t gonna know me. He didn’t even know who I was when I met him on the set. And, ah, oh man, I was dyin’. So we get in the car and we go down, and there was 500 people at this Braum’s, and the line is going all the way out to the street, and I said, ‘Ah, it’s too crowded, I’ll get you an autograph back in Nashville.’ He said, ‘No, no, I’m meeting Ernest buddy, c’mon, he’ll recognize you, and we’ll get through this line in no time.’ And we get in that line and we’re way back in the back, and (producer) Lynn Johnston sees me and Jim sees me, and she whispers in Jim’s ear. Jim gets up and yells, ‘Mr. Butler, what are you doin’ in Oklahoma City? Get your butt up here!’ And he brings me up there with my son and my father-in-law, and I said, ‘Hey man, this is the guy that said “Golly Bob Howdy,” ’ and Jim said, ‘Man, that’s my favorite phrase, and Ernest is always gonna say that and you’re the guy!’ My father-in-law just glowed, and he talked about that day till the day he died, and Jim saved my ass that day. He didn’t just save my ass, buddy, he made me think I was something special. Next thing I knew he was telling my father-in-law, this was 1984, ‘Oh yeah, Butler here’s gonna write movies for Disney, and we’re gonna be big Hollywood stars!’ And (before that) my father-in-law (had) thought I was a bum, but not after that day. I saw Jim do that, make people feel special; it didn’t matter if they were a plumber, a truck driver or a Purity driver. He had that ability, man, to make you think you were something.
“He made me laugh more than any other person in my whole life, and I was the one that was supposed to be writing funny stuff for him. And I know God prepared a room for Jim, and I’ll betcha it’s got a real fine area rug.” (Author’s note: Here, Butler said “area rug” without closing his mouth).
Jim’s attorney, Hoot Gibson, also spoke at the memorial. Gibson mentioned their recent trip to the “Toy Story 2” premiere in Hollywood. He described how they had made their way through the crowds into the theater and how Jim was greeted by celebrities and big names in the industry, including Disney CEO Michael Eisner.
The two eventually found their seats. As the lights dimmed, and the curtains were about t
o go up, Jim leaned over to Gibson. “Hoot,” Jim said, “it’s been a great adventure.”
Jim Varney, June 15, 1949 – Feb. 10, 2000
http://youtu.be/ZQQkIkDXEiA
Notes
Author’s note: Many Web sites are continuously changing, updating and evolving their databases. A handful of the Web-site links below are no longer working (and I was unable to access substitutions), however, I have provided them as verification of my original research
– J.L.
Chapter One: Shotgun Wedding
Two young bridesmaids … Description of McChord family film “Shotgun Wedding” (1956).
Chapter Two: The Beginning
Andrew Varney’s first cousin … Ancestry.com.
Jim’s sister Jake vividly remembers … Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
That day finally came in the summer of 1934 … Postcard belonging to Louise Varney.
Opened in 1938 … From newspaper article: “Bluegrass Park and Aspendale 100 percent occupied since opening in 1938,” Lexington Herald-Leader (Dec. 29, 1940).
Dr. A. J. Whitehouse … Jim Varney’s birth records.
Sandy swears that Jim … Author interview with Sandra Varney Spoonamore.
From Despite the extra … to … dulcimer he purchased: Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
Years later, Jim credited Sonny … Skip Press, “Hey Vern, It’s Varney,” Boys’ Life (September 1992).
The absurdity of Jim’s character … “Hey Vern, It’s My Family Album” television special (1983).
From In addition … to … punish him: Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
Chapter Three: Watching TV
As an adult, Jim referred to comedian … Jerry Morse, “Lexington’s Own Jim Varney,” Views of Lexington (March 1995).
From After the family … to … was growing up: Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
Chapter Four: Discovering the Theater
Sandy remembers Jim surprising … Author interview with Sandra Varney Spoonamore.
In no time Jim was consistently … Jim Varney resume.
From She was a high … to … of actors onstage: Author interview with Mary Polites.
From Jack Pattie … to … to recite it: Author interview with Jack Pattie.
Even though the neighboring … Author interview with Sandra Varney Spoonamore.
Even at a young age … Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
From Soon after moving … to … from their door: Author interview with Sandra Varney Spoonamore.
Chapter Five: Anne, Her Mother and the Finer Things
When Jim was around 13 … Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
Anne Lambert remembers Jim … Author interview with Anne Lambert.
Along with stories … Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
Anne Lambert and Jim dated … “E! True Hollywood Story Ernest Goes to Hollywood: Jim Varney” television special (2000).
From Jim also loved … to “… Hall Of Fame”: Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
Jim was deeply concerned … Author interview with Mary Polites.
From Jake once asked … to … of his personality: Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
Chapter Six: The Varney Parkers
From To bring in … to … larger than life: Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
Ed would later recall … Author interview with Ed McChord.
Chapter Seven: High School Years
Her long tenure … Jennifer Hewlitt, “Thelma Beeler, teacher for 70 years, dies at 91,” Lexington Herald Leader (January 03, 1996).
One such episode … Cynthia DeMarcus, “Hey Vern! Looka There!” Bluegrass Magazine
(December 1988).
Jim later recalled … Merlene Davis, “Lessons in life teacher instills self-confidence in her students,” Lexington Herald-Leader (May 29, 1988).
The University of Kentucky’s Centennial Players’ Summer Theatre … “Shakespearean Comedy Is Set for Friday Opening,” Lexington Herald-Leader (July 24, 1966).
The play’s director went through … Author interview with Mary Polites.
He later confessed … Skip Press, “Hey Vern, It’s Varney,” Boys’ Life (September 1992).
One of the professional actors in the play … “Shakespearean Comedy Is Set for Friday Opening,” Lexington Herald-Leader (July 24, 1966).
Critic Mary Agnes Barnes … Mary Agnes Barnes, “ ‘Shakespeare’s Dream’ Takes Honors at UK,” Lexington Herald-Leader (July 30, 1966).
But when Jim’s parents … Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
He later joked … Ronni Lundy, “Ernest Goes to Camp,” The Courier-Journal (Oct. 26, 1986).
Jim’s thirst for performing … Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
Much of this material … Lafayette Marquis (1968 Yearbook).
Another local performer … Jerry Morse, “Lexington’s Own Jim Varney,” Views of Lexington (March 1995).
One of his favorite accessories … Cynthia DeMarcus, “Hey Vern! Looka There!” Bluegrass Magazine (December 1988).
His father and Ford … Author interview with Mary Polites.
He could see what he later called … Cynthia DeMarcus, “Hey Vern! Looka There!” Bluegrass Magazine (December 1988).
It was no different with Jim … Linda Miller, “Jim Varney’s Loud Mouth Turns Him Into Celebrity,” The Daily Oklahoman (Feb. 26, 1984).
Once, Jim even posed as a student … Cynthia DeMarcus, “Hey Vern! Looka There!” Bluegrass Magazine (December 1988).
Along with cutting up in class … Don Edwards, “This Harlequin Was Never Taken Seriously,” Lexington Herald-Leader (Feb. 17, 2000).
One of the few extracurricular … Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
Ford had seen signs … Author interview with Mary Polites.
From During this time … to … large silver bowl: Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
At the state drama festival … Western Kentucky University’s Web site, http://www.wku.edu/pcal/festival-awards (Accessed May 15, 2010).
During research for this book … Author interview with Kathy Jansen.
From Watkins did not … to … gold convertible Corvette: Author interview Clay Watkins.
From Watkins took Jim … to … a few jobs: Author interview with Joe Liles.
Chapter Eight: Leaving Lexington
Liles remembers Big Jim … Author interview with Joe Liles.
Oldest sister Jo Gail admitted … Jim Warren, “He’s A Star – Know Whut Uh Mean?” Lexington Herald-Leader (Feb. 6, 1984).
As Jim’s final year at Lafayette … Author interview with Clay Watkins.
He knew of Barter’s excellent reputation … Author interview with Mary Polites.
From Out of the 370 … to “… must be developed”: “Varney to Act in Summer Stock”
The Lafayette Times (high school newspaper) (May 14, 1968).
Jim’s mother was angry … Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
The Barter Theatre … Barter Theatre’s Web site, http://www.bartertheatre.com/about/history.php (Accessed March 17, 2013).
When Jim arrived in the spring of 1968 … Mal Vincent, “ ‘Hey Vern! I’m in Jail’ ” The Virginian-Pilot (April 11, 1990).
“The Company” was the roster … Author interview with Walter Williamson.
Jim regularly sent letters home … Jim Varney letter to his parents (1968).
Along with acting … Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
Actor Walter Williamson … Chris Willman, “The Importance of Being Ernest,” Los Angeles Times (Nov. 16, 1993).
He has since written … Walter Williamson bio on Internet Movie Database, http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0932174/bio (Accessed Oct. 31, 2011).
From Jim made an … to “… guarded art inside”: Author interview with Walter Williamson.
Walter also spoke … Chris Willman, “The Importance of Being Ernest,” Los Angeles Times (Nov. 16, 1993).
Watkins let Jim stay … Author interview with Clay Watkins.
He later referred to the auditioning experience … Jim Warren, “He’s A Star – Know Whut I Mean?” Lexington Herald-Leader (Feb. 6, 1984).
From One of Jim’s… to … his mother: Author interview with Ed McChord.
Despite X-rays … Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
From By the summer … to … “Bye, Bye Birdie.”: Author interview with Julieanne Pogue.
The director of “Birdie”… Author interview with Jim Hazlett.
Jim broke his contract … Author interview with Julieanne Pogue.
Jim’s cousin Ed McChord … Author interview with Ed McChord.
Unfortunately, Jim didn’t get … Carole Kass, “Hey Vern! Ernest P.’s a Film Star,” Richmond Times-Dispatch (May 24, 1987).
From During Jim’s short … to … remaining good friends: Author interview with Julieanne Pogue.
Meanwhile, Jim found time … Author interview with Jake McIntyre.
Jim received rave reviews … Mary Agnes Barnes, “Studio Players Production Lauded By Reviewer,” Lexington Herald-Leader (December 1969).
Another local critic … Richard Schwein, “Studio Players Celebrates Anniversary with 2 Plays,” Lexington Herald Leader (December 1969).
In the summer of 1970 … “ ‘Boeing, Boeing!’ Lands At Playhouse Wednesday,” Lexington Herald-Leader (June 1970).
At the time … Robert Cooper, “‘Fire on Mountain’ at 3rd Masque is a Hilarious Hillbilly Musical,” Chattanooga Times (Sept. 23, 1970).
There he starred in … Harlan Daily Enterprise (May 24, 1970).
Although actors such as … “E! True Hollywood Story Ernest Goes to Hollywood: Jim Varney” television special (2000).