by Merry Farmer
Now Cody was the one to tremble. His manhood jumped at the thought of easing her passion.
“But…but that kind of fire burns everything in its path,” she went on. “It consumes me, tempts me, makes me do things…things that are wrong.” She took several slow steps back, lowering her eyes. “I…I don’t want to be that woman again.”
She moved as if she would cross her arms, but instead she brushed a hand across her breast, lowered it to whisk across her curls, fingers twitching as though she would satisfy herself if he didn’t do it. Whether she was aware of the gesture or not, it was all Cody could do to keep his feet glued to the floor and his hands at his sides instead of throwing her on the bed and putting them both out of their misery.
“I don’t want you to hate me for being that way,” she finished in a voice that was small and full of shame.
Blood pumped through him. Desire flared so hot it was painful. His heart cracked and pinched as though it would shatter. His mind was so hazed with lust that he couldn’t think straight. He knew he couldn’t think straight, couldn’t figure out what to do, what to say, how to make Miriam’s torment go away. The only thing he could do and still respect himself in the morning was to tuck himself back into his trousers, button them up, and turn away to retrieve the rest of his clothes and put them on.
“We need to talk about this,” he said as he picked up her robe and handed it to her without feasting on the sight of her naked body. His voice was so full of gravity that for a moment he sounded more like his father than he ever had in his life. “We need to talk about a lot of things. But not now. Later, when the blood settles down.”
He turned away to finish dressing.
“Cody.” His name was pleading on her lips this time, a prayer and a wish.
“It’s okay.” He turned back to her once his shirt was tucked in, his suspenders were in place, and his jacket as buttoned as high as it would go. “I don’t hate you. Not at all. Exactly the opposite.”
She’d put her robe back on, so he felt confident enough in his will-power to step over to her for a closed-lip kiss. “In fact, I think I love you, Miriam Long. And I know I want to marry you. But it strikes me that you have some stuff to sort out before you can decide if you want to be my bride. I want to help you sort those things, but only when you’re ready.”
“I’m so sorry,” she squeaked, her face contorting and her eyes filling with tears.
Cody smiled at her, heart beating with a whole new emotion. Yes, he wanted Miriam, but he wanted to protect her and shelter her more than he wanted to enjoy her and have her fawn all over him. Shoot, Travis would probably call this maturity.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about, sweetheart. We’ll talk later. We’ll sort this out.” His lips quirked into a grin. “Just as soon as there’s no danger of us jumping the gun and ending up horizontal.”
Miriam burst with something that might have been a laugh or could have been tears. She wiped her face as Cody stepped away, expression so forlorn that Cody had second and third and fourth thoughts about leaving her that way. But it had to be done. Some things were worth waiting for.
Heck, some things you had to wait for.
With a confidence that felt as new as the first buds of spring, Cody turned and left.
Chapter Seven
The shadow that had chased Miriam for years had never felt so close. After Cody left her, she did nothing but stand in place, clutching her robe around her, trembling at what she’d almost done. She’d almost let herself fall. She’d almost succumbed to the temptations of her past. She’d almost destroyed everything she and Cody could have together.
Almost.
The truth was difficult to swallow. She hadn’t resisted temptation on her own. If Cody had so much as crooked his finger, she would have flown to him, wrapped herself in ecstasy, and shown him just how seeped in shadows her life had been. The old urge to do what she’d had to do to survive so many years ago, what her first, crooked manager had encouraged her to do to pay the bills, had been as close to the surface as ever.
She needed to run. She needed to get as far away from Cody and Haskell and the promise of a different, settled life as she could.
But when she’d slipped down to the train station the next day, fate had other plans for her.
“I’m sorry, Miss Long.” Athos smiled sympathetically as Miriam begged him for a ticket on the first train out of town. “Seems there’s a spell of bad weather heading this way from the mountains. All trains have been held up until that blows through.”
“But…but what about trains from the other direction?” She gripped the edge of the counter in the train station’s stuffy office.
Athos shrugged. “I wish I could do something for you, but there’s a problem with the tracks around Everland, and it’ll be a day or two before they can fix that.”
Miriam sighed, then swallowed. “Thank you, Mr. Strong,” she murmured, turning to go.
She’d been forced to return to the hotel and preparations for the show. As she walked through the lobby to the restaurant, in serious need of strong tea—or perhaps whiskey—Madame Kopanari spotted her.
“It’s too late,” the old woman said, hobbling across the lobby to join Miriam just as Mr. Gunn met her in the doorway of the restaurant. “Your days of running are over, draga mea.”
Miriam jumped. “What? What do you mean?”
Madame Kopanari laughed.
“You’re just in time.” Mr. Gunn met them with a smile, clasping his hands in front of him. “Miles and the others just sat down for lunch. I took the liberty of leaving two empty places at the table, expecting you’d come along eventually.”
“Nais tuke, zhamutro,” Madame Kopanari said, grinning at Mr. Gunn and patting his arm before leading Miriam on into the restaurant.
Miriam dutifully followed, but nearly tripped over her feet when she saw Cody sitting at the large, round table at one end of the room. She hesitated, taking a step back.
“I can’t,” she whispered to Madame Kopanari.
“You have no choice,” Madame replied. “It is written in the stars. Here you stop running. But do not worry, the sun burns up the shadows as surely as day follows night.”
Miriam stared at the grinning old woman. She pursed her lips and planted her fists on her hips. “Easy for you to say.”
Madame Kopanari was right about one thing, though. It was too late to run. They’d already been noticed by the company at the table. Cody rose from his seat—next to one of the empty chairs, Miriam noted with a quiver in her gut—and gestured for her to join them. Miles rose to greet his mother as well, holding out her chair for her as they reached the table. The twins giggled and winked at Miriam as she joined them, letting Cody hold out her chair, then push it in for her. They still had their maps with them, spread out over their empty plates.
“You look as though you’ve gone for a walk,” Juan commented, his heavy-lidded grin knowing. He’d brought his guitar to the table and was strumming away, providing background music for the restaurant’s patrons, whether he’d been asked to or not.
“A short one.” Miriam smiled, taking up the napkin folded like a flower on her plate, shaking it open, and spreading it on her lap. She would not admit that she’d tried to run, not with Cody mere inches beside her. “The weather looks a bit troubling.” Weather was always a good topic of conversation when everything else was too desperate to mention.
Miles frowned. “Theophilus was saying the same thing earlier.”
Miriam’s brow flew up. “Theophilus?”
“Mr. Gunn,” Miles corrected. “He said when the sky looks that gray and heavy, it means a blizzard is blowing in.”
Miriam didn’t know which part of his statement alarmed her more. A blizzard spelled disaster for their show. If the skies opened up and dumped on them, how would the children and other residents of Haskell who lived on outlying ranches and farms make it into town? How would they sell enough tickets to pay for all of the p
reparations they’d made and to give them enough to keep moving on? But if Miles was calling Mr. Gunn by his first name, that meant the speculation Juan had shared with her last week—that Miles was thinking of leaving show business for the hotel business—could be true. They might not move on at all.
As if to confirm her fears, Juan strummed a chord and asked Cody, “What kind of work goes on at Paradise Ranch during a blizzard?” then added, “I should know these things if I am to take Howard up on his offer.”
No one at the table besides Miriam looked surprised. No one else looked panicked either.
“In a blizzard, the challenge is to keep the herd warm and alive,” Cody said. “Regular snowfall is one thing. Cattle are tough old creatures. But in a genuine blizzard, they can freeze on their feet before you have a chance to get them back to the barn.”
“And is Howard’s barn big enough to shelter the entire herd?” Juan asked on.
Cody shrugged. “It has been in the past, but you know Howard. He’s always trying to expand operations, take on more cattle, make things bigger. We sold a hefty chunk of the herd before the weather went bad, and the cows that we held back are expecting, but anything’s possible. It will be one heck of a mess in there once it’s over. We’ll need all the help we can get to muck the barn out.”
“But your guitar.” Miriam interrupted. “You couldn’t play your guitar if you became a ranch worker.”
The lazy smile Juan sent her would have set the heart of any other woman thundering. “Howard promised not to chop my hands off if I go to work for him, Chiquita. I can still play whenever the music moves me.”
“But…” Miriam pressed her lips shut. Everyone at the table was staring at her as if they could see right through her.
Miles especially looked downright pitying. “Nothing has been decided, Miriam,” he said in a quiet, soothing voice.
Madame Kopanari leaned closer to him and said something in Romani. Miles hummed and nodded in agreement, glancing up at Cody as he did. Cody pretended not to notice the attention, but Miriam was ready to burst out of her seat and run to the next town. She started to get up, but Cody clamped a hand on her leg, urging her to sit. She was almost afraid to look at him, to see what he thought of her.
“Lunch first,” he said quietly. “Then we’ll talk.”
“But—”
“Then you all have your show tonight,” he went on, addressing the table.
“If the weather holds,” Miles sighed.
The conversation had circled right back to where it had been when Miriam joined them. Juan and Cody went back to talking about ranches in the snow, Miles recounted the story of a particularly snowy winter in his childhood in the western Alps with such charisma that everyone sitting close to them turned to listen, the twins continued to study their maps, and Miriam’s stomach sank to the floor. By the time two members of the hotel staff arrived at the table with platters of steak and winter vegetables, she could barely hold her fork steady, let alone eat the sumptuous feast.
“I have to admit,” Cody said as they were all finishing their meal, “it’ll be great to have another hand on the ranch this summer. Travis left to take over the livery at a good time, but Franklin and Luke have been talking about how sorely an extra pair of hands will be needed once things pick up again.”
“And I’ll be equally happy to learn a new trade.” Juan smiled, cutting a last bite of steak. “Music is in my soul, and Miles and company have been very good to me, but my feet have long since stopped itching.”
Miles nodded and smiled at the comment. Miriam fought the sudden twist of loss in her heart as best she could.
“You never did tell me where in Mexico you were from,” Cody went on.
“Perhaps because I am not from Mexico at all. I was born in Cadiz, España.” He paused, shrugged, then said, “Although mis padres moved to Monterrey when I was barely nine. I kicked and screamed the whole way and begged them to take me home.”
“Why you not return Spain?” Meiying asked.
Juan laughed. “Because while my heart is Español, my pockets have become Americano.” He shrugged. “Perhaps I will return someday. Perhaps my heart will decide to claim another home.”
“Well, you wouldn’t be the first immigrant to decide to put down roots in Wyoming,” Cody said, setting down his knife and fork at last. “Plenty of folks from all over the world have settled out here in the West.”
“Yes, they have.” Miles winked, glancing to his mother.
“But you’re half American,” Miriam said. That she was able to participate in the conversation at all was a small victory.
“True,” Miles conceded.
“Why, I can think of folks from about ten different countries living within a day or two of Haskell.” Cody leaned back in his chair and began to count them off. “There’s Olga here at the hotel from Sweden, for one.” He held up a finger. “And Virginia’s got that Russian, Dmitri something-or-other working on her crew out at Paradise Ranch.” He held up another finger. “There’s Herman Synnestvedt from Norway who owns a ranch across the valley, Diego Garcia who is Mexican a little further south of here near the Colorado border.” He held up fingers three and four. “Bonneville has that crazy Italian, Giovanni working for him. And up about twenty miles northeast of here’s that huge spread Jasper Katz owns. He’s got that German fellow whose name I forget working for him, and he’s even got that Chinaman, Liu Chen, renting land from him to run some kind of chicken farm or something.”
Cody had opened his mouth to go on, but Meizhen and Meiying erupted into gasps so fast that Cody flinched.
“Liu?” the twins asked in unison.
“Chickens?” Meizhen followed on her own.
Cody blinked at them. “Yeah, I think so. I only met the guy once when he came down this way looking for a new market. He’s a friendly sort, though.”
“Where, where?” Meiying fumbled for the map that she’d put away when lunch was served. Meizhen pushed dishes aside with a clatter so that her sister could slap the map onto the table. “Where?”
Miriam’s heart raced a little faster—for something besides her own troubles for a change. She leaned closer to Cody as he craned his neck to study the map.
“I’m not really sure,” he admitted after staring at it for a few minutes. “Maybe right around here?” He pointed to a spot on the map.
Miriam knew next to nothing about the area. He could have been miles off the mark, for all she could tell.
“Travis would know,” Cody went on. “He knows a damn sight more about this area than I do.”
“Travis.” Meizhen nodded.
“Where is Travis?” Meiying asked.
“Down at the livery, I suppose.”
Before Cody could finish, both twins had leapt up from their seats. Their napkins and a fork fell to the floor. Without saying goodbye to the rest of them, they hurried out of the restaurant. Mr. Gunn was standing in his usual spot by the door, keeping an eagle-eye on things. When they brushed past, he glanced across the room to Miles with a questioning look. Miles shook his head and shrugged. That seemed to be enough of an answer for Mr. Gunn.
“They’ve been searching for their brother for months,” Miles told the rest of them at the table.
“That’s right,” Cody said. “I remember them telling me something about that a couple of weeks ago. Liu. That’s their family name, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” Miles glanced to the door in concern. “Do you think your brother Travis can help them?”
“Maybe.”
That was the end of the conversation and the end of lunch. With the twins off on their mission, the rest of them were reminded that there was work to be done.
“Whether the weather holds or not,” Miles said, pushing himself to his feet and helping his mother, “we need to make certain the stage is ready to go.”
Miriam leapt to her feet. “I’ll help you.”
Cody grabbed her hand. “In a minute. You and I need to have
a talk first.”
Fear swept over Miriam with such power that the corners of her vision went black. She plopped back into her seat, staring at the table to avoid everyone else’s gaze.
Juan picked up his guitar and strummed a chord. “Dios sea contigo, Chiquita,” he said, nodded to Cody, then headed slowly out of the room, singing softly as he went.
Miles was only slightly less subtle. He met Miriam’s eyes. “If you need to talk later, you know where to find me,” he said, almost too quietly to be heard, then escorted Madame Kopanari out of the restaurant. He nodded to Mr. Gunn as he went. Miriam searched frantically for a way to escape the inevitable, but all she saw was Mr. Gunn shaking his head at the waiter who moved to clean off their table and that waiter stopping in mid-step, turning, and finding something else to do.
“Now,” Cody said, shifting to the vacated chair furthest from the ears of the other patrons of the restaurant, taking Miriam with him. “We’re in a crowded room, we’ve just eaten a big meal, we’ve got Gunn the All-Knowing looking on to make sure we’re safe. It’s time we had a talk.”
“No, Cody, I can’t—”
Miriam tried to stand, but even without Cody holding her hand and keeping her in place, something inside of her felt as heavy as a boulder. She sat down, then leaned back in her chair. It was no use. She couldn’t keep running. Not when the thing she was running from was inside of her.
After the silence stretched between them for too long, Cody said, “Stay here in Haskell and marry me. But first, tell me why you won’t.”
That was it. And yet, that was so much more. Miriam slowly raised his eyes to meet Cody’s. He wasn’t the slick conversationalist who had flirted with her at the station the day she’d arrived. He wasn’t the handsome cowboy who had pushed his way into her life for the past two weeks. She suspected he wasn’t even the man who had sent to Hurst Home asking for a bride, then sent again asking for a better one. This was a whole new Cody. This was a Cody she could trust.
“I’m waiting.” He prompted her with a soft, teasing spark in his eyes.