Wyatt angrily wiped the tears away and began trying to calm his breathing. He leaned against his living room wall and sank down to the ground. His head was in his hands as out of control thoughts whizzed through his mind. In his darkest hour his birth father’s voice continued to torment him. Who are you? What are you now? You’re nothing. Nothing.
He didn’t know how long he sat there on the floor, but the sudden ding of his doorbell roused him. Kaitlyn’s voice sounded through the door. There was a hint of alarm in her tone. Pushing himself off the hardwood floor, he came to a standing position and walked toward his front door. As anger pulsed through him, he yanked the door open.
Kaitlyn was standing there with a befuddled expression on her face. “Wyatt. What’s going on? You look awful.”
Leaving the door open he turned his back on her and walked back in the house. His fists were clenched at his side and he was trying his best not to lash out at her. She needed to leave him to his misery. He had a sudden feeling of déjà vu as his mind transported him back to that day in January when she’d first showed up at his house.
He heard the soft whoosh of her footsteps behind him. Whirling around he spit out, “Leave, Kaitlyn. It’s not a good time. Go home.”
“Did something happen?” Her voice was soft, tentative. It only served to fuel his anger. After all, she was the one who’d dangled hope in front of him like a carrot. She’d made him believe.
He let out a harsh laugh that seemed to echo off his walls. “Did something happen? Let’s see. I spent the last two months working to get my life back only to find out I’m back at square one.” His voice bristled with rage.
“W-what are you talking about?” Suddenly, recognition washed over her face. “Oh, no. Did you hear back from the team doctor?”
“Yeah. They won’t be needing me this season. I’m not ready according to the team docs.”
She rushed toward him, quickly swallowing up the space between them. “I’m so sorry, Wyatt.”
As soon as she came close he took a step backward. “Please. Don’t. I don’t want to be handled, Kaitlyn. This isn’t something you can fix.”
“I know,” she said softly. “But I can commiserate with you…and help you sort this out. This doesn’t mean the end. You can’t give up like this.”
“Give up? I’ve been fighting since last spring to get my life back. It’s not giving up when a door slams in your face after you’ve given it everything you’ve got to give.”
“I know how hard you’ve worked. I’m so sorry.” Tears slid down her face and she brushed them away. “This must be so painful for you.”
“Don’t pity me,” he seethed. “I don’t know what tomorrow is going to bring. For the first time in my adult life I don’t know where I’m going.”
“Wyatt, this doesn’t change you. Who you are. What you are. You’re not just a baseball player. You’re a son. A brother. You’re the man I love.” She tugged on his arm. “I love you, Wyatt.” Her voice had gone silky soft.
He pressed his eyes closed as he heard Kaitlyn profess her love to him. A few days ago her words would have meant the world to him. But now everything was jumbled up inside him. He didn’t know if he was coming or going. And he was so tired and angry and scared.
Kaitlyn was pushing every button in his system.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want you to love me.” He shook his head. “I just want to be left alone to try and pick up the pieces of my life. It’s over between us.”
She shook her head, her hair flowing around her shoulders. “You’re just lashing out. You don’t mean it.”
“So now you’re an expert on Wyatt Donahue? You don’t know me, Kaitlyn. Not really. You knew me back in high school and for the last few months. What’s that? Nothing.”
“I know you,” she said in a raised voice. “And I know you don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to play baseball in order to be happy. It’s enough just to be Wyatt Donahue. You’re enough, Wyatt. You are, whether you see it or not.”
He moved closer to her, then peered in her face. “Stop trying to rescue me, Kaitlyn. It’s getting old. That’s what you did back in high school. This is just another reboot.” He sucked his teeth. “I don’t need to be saved. Just back off and leave me be.”
Kaitlyn licked her lips. “Whatever this is, it isn’t you, Wyatt. We have a shot at this relationship. Don’t throw it all away due to pride and anger.”
He moved away from her, turning his back on her. “There is no we. There’s just me needing to get myself together without distractions. Without you.”
She let out a sob and covered her mouth. He heard the sound of her footsteps as she walked across his hardwood floor and out of his house. The minute he heard the front door closing his body crumpled and he let out a wounded cry.
Hurting Kaitlyn didn’t give him an ounce of pleasure, but he knew it was a necessary evil. His world was crumbling beneath him. He couldn’t count on anything…not baseball, not his once perfect physical condition...and not the woman who’d convinced him to try to get his career back. He sank down onto his kitchen stool and let out a deep sigh, knowing that he was lost in every way imaginable.
**
Kaitlyn sobbed all the way home. She cried for herself and Wyatt and what might have been. She sobbed for the little boy who’d been abandoned and mistreated and who still didn’t know his worth.
It had been stupid of her to wish for things that were way out of her reach. She should have stayed far away from Wyatt and his mesmerizing eyes and killer smile. The past should have taught her that girls like her didn’t end up with the golden boy. She’d been foolish to believe in the fairytale. Pro baseball player falls for his physical therapist. It sounded like one of those cheesy movies on the Tearjerker channel.
How was she going to walk through life as if her heart hadn’t been shattered? She couldn’t imagine waking up tomorrow morning and carrying on as if her world hadn’t come to a screeching halt. The dreams she’d been nurturing for herself and Wyatt had just gone up in a puff of smoke. And even though she still loved Wyatt, she hated him for lashing out at her and tossing their relationship in the trash.
“Sometimes we have to chase down our own happy endings. You can’t just sit around and wait for happiness to find you. You have to give it a serious nudge.”
Blue Donahue
Chapter Eleven
When morning came, signaled by the buzzing of his alarm clock, Wyatt dragged himself out of bed. Even though he had a splitting headache and he wanted to hide under his comforter all day, he staggered out of bed and went through the motions of his morning routine.
Every time he wanted to reach for the phone and call Kaitlyn, he remembered that he’d broken up with her. She was out of his life for good. And ever since she’d walked away from him last night, he’d felt nothing but emptiness. And a piercing sensation in the region near his heart.
There was no reason for him to feel badly about anything. He was mad at her. For what reason he wasn’t too sure about anymore. It wasn’t her fault he hadn’t cleared the physical. But she’d made him believe he could get back on the team roster this year. She’d led him down the garden path and allowed him to hope. Kaitlyn had made him look like a sucker.
A little voice inside his head jabbed at him. Yeah, that’s really a crime, isn’t it? Helping a person believe in themselves. Standing by your side and helping you get back on your feet. Loving you.
Hadn’t that been the biggest problem of all? She had fallen in love with him, and ever since he found himself falling hopelessly in love with her he’d been planning his escape route. Wyatt Donahue didn’t do feelings! The truth was, he’d done Kaitlyn a favor. Now she could find a man who wanted the same things as she did. Home. Heart. Happiness. He scratched his head. Wasn’t that what he wanted? He shook off the feeling, knowing that he was giving in to sentimentality rather than reality.
He wasn’t the type of guy who would make a good husband. That was his f
ear!
Ever since he’d been a little boy he’d known he wouldn’t ever get married. Wouldn’t. Shouldn’t. Couldn’t. His early life had left too many scars. And even though he’d been blessed to have been adopted into the Donahue clan, he still couldn’t erase those early years. When things came crashing down around him, he always felt like Wyatt McCarthy.
Just as he was cleaning up his lunch dishes the doorbell pealed. His pulse skittered. Was it Kaitlyn? Just the thought of her being at his door caused excitement to thrum inside him. The truth was, he missed her. And he was starting to feel like a colossal fool for ending things between them.
His pride had been bruised and he’d taken it out on the one person who’d been his personal cheerleader these past few months. She had burrowed herself so deeply inside his heart that it had made him uncomfortable. Loving meant risk. And rejection. And loss. Those things terrified him.
He yanked the front door open, a feeling of disappointment flooding him as his father’s green eyes stared back at him.
“Hey! Pops. What are you doing here?”
Alec’s arms were folded across his chest. “Whass this I hear about y-you quitting?”
He let out a groan and raked his hand through his uncombed hair. “Good news travels fast. Come on in.” He ushered his father into his house with a wave of his hand.
“Let’s go to the kitchen. We might as well have some iced tea while you rake me over the coals. Remind me to thank whichever of my brothers sent you over here.”
He ambled down the hallway, followed by his father. Alec Donahue was muttering loudly behind him. Wyatt knew he was in for it. He let out a sigh, mentally preparing himself for the onslaught.
Wyatt yanked open his fridge and pulled out a glass pitcher of iced tea. “It wasn’t your brothers. It was K-Kaitlyn.”
Wyatt fumbled with the pitcher, then set it down on the counter. He frowned at his father, who’d taken a seat at the counter. “Kaitlyn? You talked to her?”
“S-settle down. We happened to run into each other at the hospital this morning. I had a check-up.”
Wyatt grabbed two glasses and poured iced tea into both. He pushed a glass in front of his father. “How did your check-up go? Did everything go well?”
“No s-sw-switching the subject, Donahue,” Alec barked. “My health is fine. I’m making great progress. Now tell me what’s going on with you.” He pointed a finger at him. “You can’t throw it all away. S-so much work, Wyatt.”
“Pops, the team docs didn’t clear me. They don’t think I’m in good enough shape to come back for Spring Training. It’s iffy if I could return this year at all, which puts a big red x across my name. Not many players are out for back to back seasons then come back successfully the following year.” He hung his head down. It still felt like someone was jabbing him with a hot poker. He felt like a colossal failure. Without the baseball uniform, what was he?
“So, you’ve beaten the odds before. You get back to your physical therapy training and you k-kick some serious butt next season.”
Wyatt shook his head. “There are no guarantees about that. I’d rather just hang up my uniform now without going back and maybe falling on my face.” He stroked the side of his face. “This face is way too pretty to mess up.” He let out a hollow laugh. His father didn’t laugh along with him. He was staring at Wyatt, studying him from across the counter.
“Is-s that why you ended things with K-Kaitlyn? Because you were afraid of messing things up?”
“She told you that too, did she? That I broke things off?” Wyatt asked. It suddenly felt as if everything was closing in on him. And he felt as if he was suffocating.
“I knew it before she said a s-single word. I saw it all over her face. She looked as if s-someone died.”
Wyatt winced at the idea that Kaitlyn was suffering because of him. Sweet, wonderful Kaitlyn. She deserved so much better.
“Thanks. Are you trying to make me feel badly?” he spit out. “Because I do. I never wanted to hurt Kaitlyn. It’s just…things got complicated. She was getting too close.”
Getting too close. Had those words just slipped out of his mouth? His father’s eyes widened. Silence loomed between them as they both absorbed what he’d just let slip.
“I see you, son. I s-see past all the jokes and the laughter. All the things you try to hide from everyone.” His voice was husky with emotion. Alec’s expression softened.
“What do you see?”
“Y-you…are afraid of being left. So y-you’ve always been the one to leave first. All the women you’ve dated…you’ve always kept them at a distance. Because you never wanted to give any of them power over your heart.”
He sucked in a breath. Wyatt looked down at the floor, overwhelmed by how well his father knew him. He’d put all of his doubts and fears into words. He’d hit the nail squarely on the head.
“And n-now…s-someone has that power. K-Kaitlyn.”
“You got me,” he mumbled. “That’s Wyatt Donahue in a nutshell.”
“Not by a long shot!” Alec ground out. “There’s s-so much more. Heart. Soul. Passion. Devotion. L-loyalty. Bravery.”
Wyatt scoffed. “Bravery? I’m too afraid to even try to get back to the Bombers this year. That’s not brave. That’s cowardice. I’d rather walk away then suffer another setback, another rejection.”
Alec sputtered. “Don’t s-say that. The first time I s-saw you…a nine year old child who had been left by his family. Tossed aside like garbage. You had s-so much light and charm and spirit. We fell in love with you at first s-sight. That’s who you are, Wyatt. Y-your light shines no matter w-where you are. That is your strength.”
His father’s words washed over him like a healing balm. It served as proof that he was better than he believed himself to be. If Alec Donahue thought the world of him, he must not be a total failure.
“You’re my father. You have to think the best of me,” Wyatt said with a chuckle. “And in case you’re wondering, I fell in love with all of you at first sight too. You saved me. In every possible way that a person can be saved. I’ve always been so proud to be a Donahue. I’ve always been so honored that you chose me.”
“I know, son. You’ve done the family name proud.” He reached across the counter and patted Wyatt’s hand. “When I had the s-stroke, I saw my life flash before my eyes. I saw it all, Wyatt. All the moments with your mother. Watching you boys grow up. Precious memories all right before my eyes. And I had a s-strange feeling of peace because I knew my life had been full of the things people only dare to dream about. But I was s-spared. I lived. Many don’t make it. I know that now. And I know with a deep certainty why I’m still here.”
He locked gazes with Wyatt. He knew even before his father continued to speak what he was going to say. The same thought had gone through his own mind dozens of times over the few months.
“I needed to be here to watch over your mother. God wants me here on earth so I can s-support her throughout her journey. I’ve always had a purpose. Now it just s-seems more focused than ever. We pledged our love through sickness and health all those years ago. W-well, we had health, now we have s-sickness.”
“I had a purpose when I was playing. Now I’m not so sure,” Wyatt admitted.
“Baseball isn’t a p-purpose. It’s not what God put you on this earth to do. He put us here to love and be loved. Son, you need to put aside your fears and get right down to the things that matter most. Answer t-this qu-question. Do you love K-Kaitlyn?”
Love? That elusive emotion he’d been running from for most of his life. He’d allowed himself to love his Donahue clan. They’d burrowed themselves into his heart and soul. His forever family. But he’d never allowed himself to love a woman. Like Pops had said, he’d been too afraid of being left or rejected or tossed aside. But the truth was that Kaitlyn, with her humor and heart and generosity of spirit, had nestled herself into his heart. And no matter what he said or did or how he tried to push her away, she was stil
l there.
Being without her wasn’t an option.
He nodded at his father. “Yes, I do. I love her very much.”
There! He’d said it out loud to someone and the world hadn’t come crashing to a halt. He loved Kaitlyn O’Malley. He was over the moon, can’t stop thinking about her in love. And he knew that without her, he would be a broken man.
A huge grin broke out on Alec’s face, one that threatened to crack his face wide open. He let out a holler. “Yes! I knew it! S-she’s a wonderful woman. What are you doing s-sitting around here? Go to her. Tell her what’s r-resting on that heart of yours before it’s too l-late.”
Wyatt shrugged. It was one thing to tell his father that he loved Kaitlyn, but it was a completely different matter to go find her and say those three little words. His throat suddenly felt tight. Other than his family members he’d never told anyone he loved them before. And even though he was known as a Romeo, he wasn’t quite sure he knew how.
**
Kaitlyn looked impatiently at her watch. This day was dragging by with no signs of ending. Running into Alec Donahue had been a humiliating experience. She let out a sigh. Even though he was the sweetest man in the world she hated the fact that she’d broken down in a torrent of tears while talking to him. She prayed he wouldn’t tell Wyatt. It was bad enough that she was nursing a broken heart. She wanted to maintain at least a shred of pride.
She tossed her Asian salad into the trash can. Her appetite had disappeared the moment Wyatt had booted her out of his life. A surge of anger roared through her. He wasn’t the man she’d believed him to be! He was short-sighted, fickle and afraid of loving her.
Humph! Any fool could see that. But she wasn’t giving him a pass because of his messed up childhood. Tears pricked her eyes. He’d wounded her. Broken up with her. Blamed her. And yet she still missed him like crazy. She still loved him.
Baby It's You (Seven Brides Seven Brothers Book 6) Page 14