I turned around to the sound of the door closing and him securing the alarm. My heartbeat increased the longer I looked at him. Forcing my eyes to another spot in the room, I shrugged my shoulders, hopefully hiding my inability to think straight.
“I’d…I’d like that. Thank-you.” My whispered words cut through the silence of the room like a scream.
He slowly approached me and I lifted my head so I could look at his handsome face, praying he didn’t see how much his presence affected me. Josh didn’t make me feel nervous. He made me feel desire, want, need, unlike anything I had ever experienced.
He stopped in front of me and his hand gently reached out and caressed the side of my face. I felt my eyes closing and my head leaned into his soft embrace. I willed my eyes to open and found him staring at me, a small smile gracing his handsome face. I found myself getting lost in his eyes, feelings I was unaccustomed to were threatening to pull me under.
I raised myself up on my tiptoes as he leaned down toward me. I placed a small kiss on his full lips, not more than a peck, before I lowered myself from the balls of my feet. This was his chance. I felt a zap, like lightning, crack between us but he didn’t take the moment any further. I cast my eyes downward and felt like a fool. He was being kind, as to not make fun of me.
He took my hands into his and gave them a squeeze before stepping back and grabbing his overnight bag. “I’m going to take a quick shower if that’s okay. I want to get the hospital smell off of me, and I’ll be quick so you can get in after I finish. How about you order us some takeout? Anything you want, my treat.”
“Sounds like a great idea. How do you feel about Mexican?” I asked, suddenly shy and walking toward the take-out binder where all the menus were located. I needed the time alone so I could get the mortification under control and figure out a way to apologize to him for the kiss. He obviously was only here to look out for me like my brother would, and I misread the signals, causing him to be uncomfortable.
Josh dropped his bag and slowly walked up to me as I flipped through looking for my favorite restaurant menu, hoping to take some of the embarrassment out of how I was feeling. I kissed him and he acted like it didn’t faze him while the brief touch of his lips to mine was causing my body to ignite like never before.
I felt him behind me, his large body gently touching mine as he looked over my shoulder and pointed to a number on the menu, reflecting his choice. I expected him to turn and go toward the shower. What I didn’t expect was for him to place his hand around my jaw and gently turn my head so it was turned toward his, my body following until I was facing him. I never expected him to reach out and place a kiss on my lips that rocked the foundation I was standing on.
His strong lips were pressed against mine, the short beard rubbing against my skin as his tongue gently stroked my closed lips, begging for me to open. I parted my lips and he barely entered my mouth with his wet tongue, just enough for the tip to stroke mine, causing a moan to erupt from me.
His hand stayed on my jaw and his thumb caressed my cheek, as we kept the kiss simple and sweet. While my body was in overdrive wanting him, my brain was trying to process my feelings and not allowing the panic to set in. Josh would never…
He broke the kiss and placed his forehead against mine, our breath intermingling. I stared into his dark brown eyes and he stared into mine.
“Don’t get inside of your head, Emily. I want us to talk about a few things before we even begin to discuss how fantastic that kiss was. I saw you backtracking, and I won’t let you think that I don’t want this. That I don’t want you. I just want us to take things really slow and allow them to progress at a comfortable pace for both of us. There are no expectations. Only you and I getting to know each other and spending time together. Everything else, we can figure out later. Okay?”
Blowing out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding, I nodded, “I like the sound of that.”
He placed another gentle kiss on my lips, then reluctantly pulled away as he gathered his bag and headed toward the shower, “Order dinner, woman! I’m starving!” He laughingly ordered as he closed the door, leaving me alone to process what had just happened.
He said he wanted me!
It took everything for me to keep the kiss gentle and walk away from her. I knew her making a move toward me was monumental and I could see that as soon as she turned away, she was feeling defeated and rejected. Her beautiful eyes turned down as she tried to withdraw into herself again. There was no way I was going to allow her to think I didn’t want her and everything she had to offer, now and in the future.
I hadn’t planned on telling her how I felt this soon, but as her lips touched mine, I felt my world shift into place. The electric jolt to my heart let me know I had found The One. Emily was my forever, and if I had to, I would wait an eternity until she was ready for me. I knew I would need to be gentle and patient with her, and I hoped this new development in our dynamic wasn’t going to affect the solution I had made for the housing situation.
When she was talking about living by herself earlier, on the way up to the apartment, I wanted to tell her what Andrew and I had discussed. I prayed would be an amenable outcome to a growing problem between the siblings.
As I stepped into the shower, I willed the blood away from my semi-erection and back to my brain. I needed to get my libido under control before I rejoined her and I didn’t want to take myself in hand. I would wait for her until she was ready for me. Forever, if necessary.
I let my mind wander to the conversation I had with Andrew and Lucas last month. Andrew had let me know what Emily was saying about moving out; and how he and Caroline wanted to have a house, but didn’t want to uproot Emily after she had gotten settled. They knew she was fragile, but I felt like they were hiding their desire from her to protect her, instead of talking it out like adults and giving Emily the chance to make her own choices.
Emily was tougher than she looked. Even though she experienced the worst of humanity at a young age, she still had a positive outlook on life that was infectious. She hid a part of herself away, and I was determined to find out what it was and help her move past it. She deserved all the happiness in the world and I prayed she would allow me to give it to her. The world and so much more.
My oversized house was less than half a mile from Lucas and Maddie and I saw a perfect opportunity to help everyone out, while allowing me the chance to be the protector in Emily’s life. My house was way too big for me and Jake, and I was gone long hours during the day and I felt like my canine friend was being neglected.
Thinking that a home swap might be a good idea, I had my house appraised and sat down to discuss my intentions regarding Emily, first with Maddie and Caroline and then with Andrew. I wanted to be close to her, and if me living with her made anyone uncomfortable, I would buy an apartment in the building so I could be nearby. Caroline and Andrew would be closer to Maddie and Lucas, they would have a large house and yard for Lillian to grow up in and I would be able to have a place closer to the gym and my office for MSJ.
When I spoke with them, I was afraid that I would be dissuaded from a relationship with Emily and I wanted to make sure that they fully understood my intentions where she was concerned. I never want her to feel that she was backed into a corner to live with me. I wanted the decision to be hers and no matter what, I would be there if she needed me.
What if she was scared to live with me? What if she wanted to try and live by herself, either here, or somewhere else?
I liked the thought of living with Emily, but if there was any indication she would be uncomfortable with the arrangement, I would buy the apartment for sale two stories below hers. No matter what, Caroline would sign the apartment over to Emily, much the same way Maddie did with her.
I had this overwhelming need to be close to her. To watch over her. To protect her. I wanted to be the man who took care of her every day and the person who got to see her beautiful smile every morning while she enjoyed her
coffee. I was willing to hide my own feelings for her if it meant she allowed me to look after her.
With that simple kiss, I feared she may not see me as a roommate and would be apprehensive with me living here sharing a home with her. It seemed fast that I wanted to live with her but in reality, I was going to ask her to share an apartment, not a bed. I knew she wasn’t ready for that step and I could control myself where she was concerned… at least I hoped I could.
Us living together would give Emily the chance to really get to know me, and for her to slowly let her guard down. She seemed vibrant and carefree, in reality she is anything but. Her view of life is still positive but, sometimes, I see her lost inside her own mind. On those occasions, I want to hold her until she bypasses her fears and painful memories.
My hope is she will open up to me or someone else, about what is bothering her. I can’t imagine her past is giving her any peace and with her admission of taking medication, and her regular therapy sessions, I knew she was getting the help she needed. We just needed to give her space and time to tell us or accept whatever it is that is weighing on her so heavily.
I finished up with my shower and tossed on a pair of grey sweatpants with a simple black t-shirt, and made my way back into the living room. I walked into the room and she was sitting on the couch with her short legs pulled up on the cushion beside her, as she listened to music on her phone and silently swayed to the rhythmic beat.
I stepped in front of her and broke whatever trance she had allowed herself to get caught in, hoping to bring her mind back to the here and now. I extended my hand out toward her, palm up, silently asking for her to stand. Her small fingers interlocked with mine as she stood and took a small step toward me. I brought my arm around her back and gently tugged her closer, leaving no room between us as we slowly swayed to the tune playing from her phone speaker in our otherwise silent surroundings.
The smell of her perfume was intoxicating and it took extreme willpower to keep the blood from my cock. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel my erection and run or back away from me. Knowing a little about her past makes me more able to control my sexual desire for her and keep from making an ass out of myself.
We swayed together for a few minutes, no words being spoken as the music changed from one song to another. Slowly, she looked up at me with her hypnotic hazel eyes and I uttered the words that had been burning inside my brain since the first time I saw her:
“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”
A blush erupted across her face and she glanced down, breaking eye contact with me. With a single finger under her chin, I guided her head to look back up at me, and stared into her beautiful hazel eyes, no other words spoken.
The knock on the door brought us back to the present and I released her with a sigh as she gathered her phone and turned the music off, breaking the spell we had been under. I signed the slip from the delivery driver as she grabbed some utensils and met me at the coffee table, ready to dig into the delicious food.
“Do you want to watch something on TV?” she asked, the remote poised to tune in a channel.
I needed to show her that she could be comfortable with me. I wanted to experience the daily things that people do when they live in the same space. I had lived alone since I moved out of my parents’ house at 18 and was lucky enough to never have a roommate in college. Living in a dorm was the closest thing to sharing a bedroom I had done since I was adopted and I felt old memories start to creep in of the last bedroom I shared with someone.
Shaking the horrible thoughts off and focusing on the beautiful woman at my side I joked, “Whatever you want to watch is fine. I’m not picky when it comes to television. As long as it’s not the Kardashians, I’m okay with it.” As we began to eat our dinner and she pulled up last week’s Survivor.
“Are you a big Survivor fan?” I inquired as I grabbed a tortilla chip, loaded it with guacamole and offered it to her.
With a bite into the delicious chip, she shook her head. “Not really. I started watching it this season when the police officer from Gainesville joined the cast. He is on a few of the covers of Maddie’s and Caroline’s books and I felt like I should watch it.” Emily answered with a shrug as we watched him find something and shove it in his pants to hide it.
“Did he just shove that, whatever, into his pants?” I laughed as we watched the goings on with the cast and challenges on the show.
“The immunity idol? He sure did. This is the second one he won and they are both floating around his underwear, I imagine.” A giggle broke free from her as we both started to laugh.
“I can’t understand reality TV, but to each their own, I guess,” I explained, and gathered our dinner trash and made my way into the kitchen to dispose of them.
“I’m not a fan of it myself, expect, well…” she mumbled the last part under her breath.
“Except for what?” I made my way back to the couch and pulled a blanket off the back of it and placed it over her lap.
“I love the Curse of Oak Island. Like, really love it! History along with treasure hunting! Yes, please!” Emily admitted to me, a slight blush suffusing her face.
“Your sisters are a huge fan of the show. I have listened to them argue over who buried the ‘treasure’ too many times to count. They are pretty amusing about the whole thing.” Thinking about their antics made me laugh.
“I have seen them a few times and it is pretty funny. Personally, I don’t care who buried it…someone needs to find it. Like, now!” She gestured wildly as she stood up and excused herself to get cleaned up. “I started watching it with them the year before we moved and I kept watching, kind of a connection to them.” She said with a shrug, as she retreated into the bathroom, revealing a little more about herself.
While she was taking a shower, I began looking over my social media accounts and reviewing my schedule for the next few days. I was mostly dealing with paperwork right now, but I knew I had an out of town meeting coming up and I hated the thought of being away from Emily. She returned from showering, smelling fresh and her long hair pulled into a wet bun on top of her head. She sat down next to me and pulled the blanket back over her legs.
We spent the next hour or so flipping through the channels, and I found myself putting my arm around her and gently pulling her into my side. She snuggled in and it wasn’t too long before I glanced down and saw she had fallen asleep next to me. A sense of peace overtook me as I watched the beautiful angel sleeping peacefully, nestled in my arm.
She made me want to be a better man and to provide the world for her but I wanted us to grow whatever it was we had, slowly. I don’t want her to think I have expectations of her, and I will never push her to give more than she is capable.
My sweet angel is broken, and I am determined to put her back together again, stronger than ever. I allowed her to sleep while I texted my parents and let them know I would be home in the morning, before work, to check the progress of the repairs being done to the house. I had painters working on the spare bedroom, and Dad was making sure they childproofed the kitchen and installed the playset in the backyard.
I wanted to give Caroline and Andrew a clean slate when they moved in, and I wanted to provide Lillian a safe and happy play area, even if she was less than 24-hours old. Maddie and Caroline have given me more in the five years I’d known them, than my biological family did in the 12 years I lived with them. Whatever it took to take care of my family, I was going to do.
I had carried Emily to bed and tucked her in, pulling the covers over her tiny body and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before making my way to the doorway and watching her sleep for a few moments. Not wanting to seem like a creepy pervert for watching her sleep, I went into the living room and got my bedding to cover the couch. Luckily, Maddie and Caroline had purchased an oversized couch, so there was plenty of room for me to sleep comfortably.
I settled in as the silence surrounded me and I resisted the urge to im
agine how good she would feel when she finally slept next to me; her small body tucked into my large frame, wrapped up in my arms as I protect her while she sleeps and love her when she wants.
My thoughts drifted to my past, a place I didn’t like to dwell on too often. I hadn’t exaggerated to Emily about my feelings about being in the hospital, I just hate that I didn’t tell her more of the truth. Actually, the only thing I told her that was accurate was the in and out of the hospital, the smell of the wards, and the nurses who looked out for me.
I hated lying to her, but my past requires more time than the simplified and sanitized version I was able to give her earlier. Not telling her about my mother’s mental health issues wasn’t the best idea, and I needed to at least clear that up with her as soon as I could. I never want her to think I would lie or deceive her. My mother did die hooked up to a machine but it was her last boyfriend, who beat her into a coma, that was responsible for her condition.
My biological mother was a mentally troubled woman who allowed men in and out of our life—men who took advantage of her. She attracted men who like to speak with their fists and were quick to “discipline” her when she did anything they saw as an offense to them or their rules. Man after man who all had the same hang-ups. Some were drinkers, some were druggies, and some craved the violence and chaos that she existed in.
None hung around for too long, and that was the only thing that was good about the whole ordeal I had lived through. She would have another psychotic break, or one of the assholes would hurt her, and she would be put into the hospital for some length of time. When I was younger, I was taken to my Granny’s house and left there until my Mom was able to come and get me again.
The Soul That Redeems Me (The Forever Mine Series Book 3) Page 4