A harsh grip jerked her hands down. She stared at a livid Ulof, who had gotten out of bed. “Don’t you say shit like that. Do you hear me? As far as the virus is concerned, I’m the worst off of this crew, and I’m not blaming you. So shut that garbage up now.”
His fury was terrifying, but Piper knew Ulof wouldn’t harm her. For all his temper, he wasn’t capable of raising a hand to her.
She sat up straight and confronted him. “I got you sick. I withheld the fact that I have a contagious virus, a version of that which decimated your population. Why not blame me?”
“Seriously? Ugh, you seem smart, then you say dumb shit.” His bluster softened, and he surprised her with a kiss to her forehead. “Piper, you did what you had to. You saved Ob. You had information that Kalquor needed, so you came here to warn us. Where did you do anything wrong?”
“I told you! I exposed you and this whole ship to the virus I carry!”
“And how was that not going to happen? Sure, it’s unpleasant, and you should have come clean earlier. But—and correct me if I’m wrong, because we know my recall has more holes than a strainer—I don’t remember hearing that you invited us to board the craft you stole.”
Terig and the rest had boarded the shuttle, leaving themselves open to the virus. Piper had tried to contact the raider beforehand to warn them off, but the com had been knocked out.
Ulof wasn’t finished. “It was a lucky thing you found a rogue raider too, one in need of parts and supplies. Otherwise, a fleet vessel might have blown you to bits rather than investigating why a Bi’isil pleasure shuttle was flying in our space. Then the whole damned empire would have been overwhelmed when the death ship had gotten here. We would have been wiped out from a fatal disease instead of a few getting sick from a lesser illness.”
“I suppose you have a point,” Piper conceded after a few seconds of turning it over in her mind. “I just wish I hadn’t gotten you so sick. Why couldn’t it have been Sesin who suffered the worst?”
“Hey, this has its good points, beyond the unexpected vacation. Terig and Nako have to be nice to me for a little while.” Ulof grinned.
Dr. Zo walked into the room. “Get your ass in bed, Ulof. Ancestors, tell me Matara Piper didn’t have to wake up to your nasty mug looming over her.”
“You make it sound as if I’m not irresistible. I was worried she’d jump up and risk her health by coming over to visit me.” Ulof gave her a lecherous grin. Piper’s face heated.
“She’s in better shape for roaming around than you are.”
“Does that mean she can join me in my bed?”
“If you were in any condition to entertain a woman, I’d have you in the kitchen instead, serving a decent meal instead of the slop they’re dishing out this morning.” Zo pointed at Ulof’s medi-bed. “Go.”
“Come on, Doc. I’m tons improved today. Wait, what slop? What did those idiots cook for breakfast?”
“Don’t force me to slap a stasis field on you, Imdiko.” Zo glared until Ulof plodded to his bed. Muttering under his breath, he climbed in.
With Ulof squared away, Zo turned his attention to the computer readouts on Piper’s medi-bed and examined her head injury. “As I thought, a little bump and nothing worse. I’ll give you some pain inhibitor for the soreness. You’re free to go, but I’d appreciate it if you’d stick around. I have some tests I want to perform.”
“On the virus?” Fresh remorse stabbed her gut.
“Any information I can gather would be of tremendous help to treat the crew’s symptoms. None are as ill as Ulof, but I have placed three other men on bedrest.”
“Sure. Test away. I’m sorry about this.”
Zo smiled, patted her on the shoulder, and went to the other side of the room where he got to work on a computer. The orderly who’d manned Medical overnight left after a few minutes of conversation with his supervisor.
Ulof’s hiss caught her attention. He spoke in a low voice to keep their conversation private. “Look, I’m not going to let this go until you quit with the guilt trip. We’re mere mortal beings. Fucking up is what we do.”
“Some of us do it more than others,” she muttered.
“Give yourself a break, okay? Stop thinking that you’re evil incarnate. That guy over there?” He nodded in Zo’s direction. “That’s the real deal. As we speak, he’s dreaming up horrific experiments to perform on me as soon as he gets the chance.”
Piper’s self-reproach couldn’t stand up to a joking Ulof. She was more defenseless against his attempt to be understanding. His gruff sweetness wasn’t of the flowers-and-candy variety, but it was a gift nonetheless.
She blew him a kiss. “Okay. I’ll try.”
“Good. Sneak over here, climb in bed and warm me up when Dr. Mean isn’t looking.”
“I can hear every word you’re saying, Ulof.” Zo didn’t look up from his computer.
“In that case, fuck off.”
* * * *
Nako hadn’t anticipated having to inform Maf about the virus Piper had unleashed so soon, but the bastard had set his own agenda.
“What do you mean, stay on my destroyer? I’ve called a face-to-face meeting with the leaders of my fleet on Laro, and as Piras’s representative, you should be there too.”
Nako shot a tense look toward the weapons commander’s station. Terig shrugged, unconcerned. In a voice too low to be picked up by Maf’s com connection, the Nobek said, “Do the meeting. Let the lot of them get sick.”
It was tempting, but Maf’s traitors had to be ready to fight the Bi’isils. If a substantial number of them became as ill as Ulof, that would be a difficult proposition. Nothing could be left to chance with the death ship approaching.
Nako braced himself for unavoidable unpleasantness. “We’ve discovered a new problem, Dramok Maf. The Earther we intercepted who warned us about the infected women being sent to the Empire—she’s infected as well.” He hurried on, not wanting to grant Maf time to react before he could recite the whole story. “Piper’s strain of the virus isn’t lethal to us, thank the ancestors. The Bi’isils gave her a far weaker version. But she’s highly contagious. Everyone on my raider and Piras’s squadron carries it, and we’re contagious as well. And since we were on your ship—”
“Are you saying I have that damned illness? Is that what you’re telling me?” Maf’s scream filled the bridge.
“In the interest of keeping the rest of your fleet healthy, you should quarantine your crew, as we have ours.” Nako kept his tone steady, his demeanor casual, trying to communicate how insignificant Maf should regard the situation as.
In the wake of his initial enraged outburst, the man appeared terrified. “What symptoms—how bad does it become?”
“Typical symptoms are coughing, congestion, and stomach upset. We’ve seen slight inflammation of the lungs, intestines, other organs. The worst case had a moderate fever for six hours. Matara Piper told our doctor that those worst affected on the lab station showed no signs of illness after a couple of days.”
Maf was back to anger, his sneer twisting his usually pleasant face. “So she says. A treacherous, lying cunt of an Earther—”
“A brave Earther who risked her life to warn us about the deadlier risk coming to Kalquor. And don’t you fucking forget it!” Now it was Nako roaring, furious at the other man’s insults. “If not for Piper, we’d all be facing death! The entire culture you claim to be saving would be wiped out of existence within months, thanks to your Bi’isil allies. It’s you who have brought us to the brink of ruin. You, you fucking traitor!”
Maf’s seething expression was the last thing Nako saw before the other man broke off the com connection. Nako slammed his fists on the computer keyboard, wishing it was the turncoat’s face instead.
“Stupid fucker! If I see you in person again, I’ll cut your damned head off!”
* * * *
After two hours had passed and he received no further word from Maf, Nako decided to check on his Imdiko.
He and Terig arrived in Medical to see Ulof sitting up in the medi-bed, tapping on a handheld and looking like his usual grouchy self.
Relief loosened some of the tightness of Nako’s chest, though he noted with some disappointment the empty bed Piper had occupied. It was for the best, however. He wasn’t sure what he would have said to her, if anything.
Ulof glanced up at his clanmates’ entrance, and his scowl deepened. Nako was willing to wager that if he wasn’t at full strength, he was damned close to it. He appeared too damned Ulof-y to not be getting well.
“You look good, my Imdiko. Dr. Zo reported that you might be able to return to our quarters as soon as this afternoon.”
“I’d feel great if I weren’t surrounded by assholes. What the fuck is wrong with you, screaming at Piper the way you did yesterday?” Before Nako could react, Ulof moved on to rant at Terig. “And I heard you whispering to her last night. What the fuck are you moping for? Because you didn’t diagnose her as once having a virus? Mother of All, I’m supposed to be the unteachable idiot. You two are determined to give me a run for my money.”
Terig gave him an emotionless stare. “You must be cured. You’re once more a complete waste of skin.”
“Ulof’s right, though. You have been brooding like a sulky child. Is it true? Are you blaming yourself for us being exposed to the virus?” Nako glowered at his Nobek.
“The possibility should have occurred to me. She said right up front, she’d been on board the station, that she had worked for the scientist responsible for the new strain. This is why I don’t deserve my rank. This is why you should have kept me as cannon fodder.”
“Yeah, you’re nice and comfortable in that position, aren’t you?” Ulof snorted.
“What are you talking about?”
Ulof spoke in a falsetto, putting the back of his hand to his forehead, a mock-martyr pose he’d learned from an entertainment vid that featured Earthers. “Oh, such a sad story. Poor Terig, son of two fathers decorated for heroism, having to live up to those expectations. Lauded as a hero, his meteoric rise through the ranks the stuff of legend, pushed to do bigger and better things until he had to fail.” Ulof dropped his hand and glared. “Since then, every time your natural abilities as a leader and warrior come up, you find a new way to fuck up, just to show how worthless you want everyone to think you are.”
Terig’s eyes grew huge. “I do not fuck up on purpose! How dare you make light of what I’ve done. People have lost their lives because of me.”
“You know, my Nobek, I wonder if you weren’t just a little relieved when that attack went so horribly? If, with those huge expectations finally gone, you could breathe for the first time in your life? How crushing was all the responsibility everyone kept heaping on you?”
Nako’s shock mirrored that on Terig’s expression. Had his Nobek devised a battle that had not just halted his rise to glory, but reduced him to an object of contempt?
Terig’s early successes had been astounding. He’d been compared to the greatest fighters in Kalquorian history at a young age. Before that horrific battle in which he’d bet and lost everything, no one had doubted his eventual rise to head up Fleet Command.
Had it been too much for Terig to shoulder so early in his career? Had he set himself up for a fall so visible, so shameful, that he’d avoid bearing such responsibility again?
“You’re full of shit, Ulof. Everyone knows what I did was nothing more than sheer incompetence.” Terig wouldn’t meet their gazes.
“You were damned young to be in command of such a large force. The pressure must have been insane. Unrelenting.” Nako tried to imagine it and found the idea suffocating. How could his Nobek have borne it?
Terig stepped back, as if he would escape unwanted epiphany. “I didn’t plot for my men to die. That was never in my mind. I was drowning, yes, overloaded with what everyone wanted from me. They were always calling for my next victory, always insisting I could do more—but I didn’t go out there with the intention of seeing my men killed.”
“Consciously, no. You wouldn’t have done it knowingly. But if you were overwhelmed, maybe some part of you that had to preserve itself acted against who you were.”
“I was a fraud, and it came out during that battle. That’s the long and short of it. Nothing more.”
“Bullshit. You were—you are—too damned good an officer. You’ve proven that to me, over and over. No past mistakes can discount that. All the hiding in the world hasn’t disguised your abilities.”
“You’re one to talk.” Cornered, with no defenses left, Terig glared at Nako.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Ulof uttered a disparaging noise. “He’s calling you the expert at cutting out and hiding. And he’s right.”
Nako snarled, “I guess you have some impressive insight into me, as well?”
“Hardly impressive. Anyone who knows you has seen you walk away from others the moment they disappoint you. Leaving the fleet, because you felt betrayed, is not the first time you’ve turned your back on something that meant a lot to you.”
“You’ve pissed me off on more occasions than I can count. I haven’t pushed you out of an airlock yet.”
Ulof ignored his rebuttal. “I’m not talking about pissing you off. I’m talking about how you abandon those who shake your trust in them. You’re pulling that same shit on Piper. And don’t tell me she hasn’t come to mean something to you. I know you, Nako. I know when you care about someone.”
Damn straight I’d started to care about her. I’d considered a future with her. I talked with Terig about possibly clanning her someday. Her duplicity hurt, damn her. “She had every opportunity to tell us the truth. She knew she was infected.”
“She made a mistake, the same that any scared woman desperate to protect herself would. It had nothing to do with you personally.”
“She’s got you believing that.”
“Try not to be an asshole, hard as it is for you. She regrets what happened, if you’d give her the chance to apologize. But then, you don’t allow second chances, do you? Not to anyone, no matter who they are and how hard they try to make amends.”
Nako narrowed his eyes at Ulof. “I think you’ve said enough.”
“I haven’t said half of what you need to hear. You get your feelings hurt, and no apology will atone for that. You know the trouble with insisting on being right, my Dramok? It leaves you a bitter, lonely man who creates other bitter, lonely men.”
Nako shook. The urge to punch Ulof in the mouth, to force him to shut up, was overwhelming.
Ulof leaned close, daring him to do it. “That’s right. You know exactly who I’m talking about.”
“That worthless son of a bitch walked out on me.”
“Your Imdiko father walked out on an arranged clanship with your other parents, a union he never wanted and made him miserable. As for leaving you, that’s a lie. He tried to be your father, to spend time with you, to contribute to your upbringing. You were the one who turned on him. You wouldn’t give him a chance.”
Nako shook his head, as if that would keep him from remembering. As if the movement would dodge the unwanted visions of all that had happened years before…
His father by his side when he woke in the hospital. The new lines etched on his face after Nako and his fellow trainees had been lost in the forest for over a month, after being told to plan the memorial rites. The relief, the joy that Nako lived after all. The crash of despair when Nako turned away, refusing to acknowledge him.
And after that, the unreturned com messages in which his Imdiko father voiced his love, his pride, his wish that Nako might someday forgive him and let him share in the smallest part of his life.
“He was wrong. He didn’t give the rest of my parent clan a real chance.”
“So punish him forever, Nako. And while you’re at it, punish yourself, because ancestors forbid you be wrong. Deny yourself that relationship because your pride won’t have it. And do t
he same thing to Piper, because it’s so much more important to be right than to have decent people in your life. You are your Imdiko father’s son in that regard, aren’t you?”
Nako wanted to shout Ulof down, to tell him he was nothing like his father. Yet the man had left his young son in that first act of betrayal, had disappeared from everyday life. Nako spent much of his childhood wondering what he could have done differently to make him stay. Discovering there was nothing Nako could have done to change the past had made him hate his absent father all the more.
How could he face that he might be guilty of doing the same damned thing? That he was still doing it despite knowing the pain it brought?
Or he could pull out Ulof’s tongue. For a self-proclaimed idiot, the man was too damned perceptive for Nako’s liking at that moment.
“Where is Piper?” he asked abruptly. Ancestors help Ulof if he didn’t allow the change of subject.
It was Dr. Zo, stepping into the treatment area, who answered him. “Ulof wouldn’t stay quiet with her around, so I sent her to eat breakfast. She should be back soon, and just at the right time.”
“Why’s that?” Terig looked relieved to have left the subject of their past mistakes behind.
“Is this a good time? I don’t want to interrupt your heartwarming intervention with each other. Listening to you three makes me glad I never took on a Nobek or Imdiko.”
Nako was delighted to take his ire out on someone else. Zo was always a good target. The other Dramok had stayed on the raider to take care of the men who’d “been convinced by their idiot captain to join this asinine break from the fleet,” as he’d so succinctly informed Nako. He’d been the only medic outside of one orderly to do so—a good thing, considering the rate Nobeks enclosed in a small ship beat the hell out of each other and needed medical attention.
“Talk or I’ll pound it out of you,” Nako promised.
Zo snorted in dismissal before excitement pushed his dislike for the captain aside. “It’s only some preliminary findings. I should take more samples and do more tests before I get everyone’s hopes up.”
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