Permission to Love

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Permission to Love Page 12

by Penny Jordan


  'Lindsay?'

  The sharply compelling tone of Lucas' voice brought her back to the present.

  'I'm sorry. I'm just a little bit tired,' she apologised, aware of Lucas' sharply angry, and Don's concerned glances on her. 'I had a headache when we came out and it seems to be getting worse.'

  'My dear you should have said.' Don was instantly sympathetic. 'We'll leave right away. . . I . . .'

  'No ... no, please ...' Lindsay was anxious to make as little fuss as possible, it isn't that bad.'

  She wasn't entirely surprised when the Rhodes' family stopped by their table on their way out of the restaurant.

  'Lindsay . . .' Mrs Rhodes' manner was aloofly distant, and no attempt was made to introduce her to Amelia's male companion, but Lindsay was left in no doubt that Mrs Rhodes had taken in every detail of her appearance, and that of Lucas, and she suspected that they would he faithfully reported to Jeremy's mother at the first opportunity.

  She waited until they were back home to tell Lucas that she intended to go to London the next day. He had followed her into the kitchen when she had offered to make them all a nightcap, and Lindsay could tell from one look at his set expression that he was not pleased.

  'Why? Frightened that the boyfriend might run off with someone else?'

  What would he say if she told him that she couldn't care less what Jeremy did? Just for a moment Lindsay allowed her imagination full rein, swiftly quelling the impulse to tell him and to tell him exactly why she could no longer marry anyone else Don't be a fool, she warned herself angrily. What does he care what you feel about him. He still loves Gwen.

  'Come back Lindsay.' The soft violence in his voice brought her out of her thoughts, her breath catching in her throat as she looked up into his dark face. 'Why did you go to see Tom this afternoon?' he demanded. 'Why, Lindsay? Was it to ask him to break my trusteeship?'

  Dimly Lindsay remembered threatening to do that, but surely Lucas didn't really think? Astonishment suspended her ability to speak. She could only stare up at him, until some small spark of self-preservation made her say huskily, 'And what if I did? You have no right to try to stop me from marrying Jeremy, Lucas.'

  'No right, but every reason,' she thought she heard him mutter as he turned and swung out of the kitchen, but she couldn't be sure she had heard him accurately, and it was impossible to understand exactly what he meant without questioninghim. Despite Tom's advice she was still a long,

  long way from demanding Lucas' answers to any of her questions. Because she feared them? Very probably she thought tiredly, trying to stroke the tension away from her temples and concentrate instead on what she was doing.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  She woke up with the awareness of something unpleasant hanging over her, although it took two or three seconds for her tired brain to relay to her exactly what it was. She had to go up to London and see Jeremy.

  Her headache had increased rather than abated, and she hadn't slept well. Stop trying to avoid the issue, she warned herself as she showered and dressed. There was no longer even any excuse for her to remain. Don was flying back to New York that afternoon, and Lucas was now well over his bout of fever. She would have had to return to London anyway.

  Breakfast was a sombre meal with Don saying openly that he would miss them both when he returned home. For all his business success, Lindsay got the feeling that he was essentially a lonely man; much as she would be a lonely woman now on. Would Caroline still want to share a flat with her once she had finished with Jeremy, or would loyally to her cousin necessitate her moving out? One thing at a time Lindsay warned herself. One thing at a time.

  After breakfast Don went upstairs to pack. He had arranged for a taxi to pick him up he told Lucas when the latter offered to drive him to Heathrow. Lindsay too had packing to do, and when she had cleared away the breakfast things she went upstairs lo make a start on it. She had

  decided that she would leave after lunch which would give her plenty of time to get to London before the evening rush hour.

  Don left at eleven o'clock. 'You must both come to the States and stay with me,' he insisted, and Lindsay felt terrible agreeing. If only she had corrected his mistake on that first morning. But she had not done so, and what had happened since was entirely her own fault.

  When his taxi had disappeared she went inside to ring the flat to warn Caroline to expect her, but the other girl must have been out because there was no reply.

  Having finished her packing Lindsay decided to have a shower and change before leaving. She had just stepped out of the shower when she heard a car outside. Grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her still damp body she hurried to the window, horrified to see Jeremy, walking purposefully towards the house. One look at his face warned her that Amelia had not been slow to pass on her news, and Lindsay almost ran across her room and downstairs in her haste to intercept Jeremy before Lucas saw him.

  As she hurried downstairs she slipped and fell, bumping into a small table and knocking it over. The noise was worse than her injuries, brought Lucas out of the study, his forehead creased in a frown that deepened when he saw her sprawled on the stairs.

  'What the devil . . .'

  'I fell,' Lindsay interrupted weakly at the same moment as the doorbell pealed, wishing that Lucas would not stand quite so close to her. His fingers closed round her arm, and he half pulled her to her

  feet. She winced as her ankle refused to support her weight properly and the doorbell pealed again.

  'It's Jeremy,' Lindsay told him huskily, 'He must have heard about last night. Amelia's parents are very friendly with his," she explained tiredly, 'In fact I suspect his mother really wanted him to marry Amelia, and I'm sure her mother will have lost no time in informing her that I'm now "married" to you.'

  She saw his mouth compress as he looked from her too pale face to the door, and then abruptly he bent down and picked her up, carrying her back upstairs, pausing only to call over his shoulder, 'The door's open—come in.'

  Jeremy must have heard him because he walked in just in time to see Lucas going upstairs with her. 'My God,' he swore hoarsely, the colour flooding from his face as he stared up at them. 'So it's true...'

  'Jeremy, no ... We're not married. . .. Lucas, put me down please,' Lindsay pleaded. 'Jeremy, I was coming back today to see you ...'

  'Yes, I'm sure you were,' he was sneering up at her now. 'Such a pity Amelia spotted you last otherwise you could have gone on eating your cake and keeping it for ever, couldn't you? How long has it been going on Lindsay?' he demanded bitterly, 'How long have you and Armitage been lovers? Since your father died? No wonder his wife left him. My mother warned me that something was going on, but I wouldn't listen to her. Lindsay isn't like that, I told her . .. And you weren't were you—for me. No wonder you managed play the little innocent so successfully for me . . . you were getting all the sex you wanted elsewhere weren't you?'

  'No ... no ... it wasn't like that. Jeremy, please, you've got to listen.' She was crying now as much with shock as with pain. She had never seen Jeremy like this before; never seen this sarcastic, bitter side of him. 'Lucas, put me down,' she urged. 'Let me speak to Jeremy....'

  Instead of releasing her she felt the muscles in his arms tense as he reinforced his hold of her. 'What's the point in that,' he drawled, shocking her into silence. 'I should think it's self evident how we feel about one another.'

  How they felt . . . Lindsay felt as though all the breath had been knocked out of her body. She! turned in his arms and looked straight into his eyes. They looked mockingly back at her, registering every emotion she was suffering. His fingers traced the line of her arm, disturbing the fine hairs and making them stand on end as a frisson of sexual awareness shivered through her 'There's no point in keeping it secret any more . . .'

  'But you don't ... we're not ...'

  'I suppose you were going to use me as a convenient smoke screen to hide your affair behind,' Jeremy continued still watching 'Ask yours
elf why he doesn't make an honest woman out of you Lindsay. After all he's now, isn't he? And to think I fell for that sob story about him being ill. . . about his wife leaving him. Some fool you took me for. I should have what was going on. You always were such bitch towards me. I couldn't believe it when Amelia rang me up last night and told me she'd seen you and that you'd been passing yourself off as Mrs Armitage. Quite a cozy arrangement as far as you're concerned,' he sneered at Lucas, adding viciously, 'Well you're . . . Well you're welcome to her. I wouldn't marry her if she had three times her father's fortune coming to her after this.'

  'Jeremy please ... Lucas, tell him it isn't true . .' her voice was raw and painful, hot tears slinging her eyes as Jeremy turned and walked through the door. As though he sensed her desire to run after him Lucas tightened his hold of her, Clipping her almost painfully until the sound of i Jeremy's car had died away completely.

  'Why?' she asked dispiritedly into the heavy silence that followed. 'Why did you let him think we were lovers?'

  'Why not. It seemed to be what he wanted to think. Come on Lindsay,' he said roughtly when she didn't speak. 'The man was looking for an escape hatch. Surely even you could see that. He didn't want to marry you,' he told her brutally, 'and he certainly didn't love you.'

  'Love? And just what would you know about that?' Lindsay spat back at him, too angry to care how much she was hurting him. Why hadn't he told Jeremy the truth? Why did he hate her so much that he had had to humiliate her like that? She didn't care really what Jeremy thought of her.

  If he could believe so badly of her so easily then she was well rid of him, but it pained her to know Lucas would let someone speak to her like that, especially when none of it was true.

  'One hell of a lot more than you apparently,' Lucas told her. The softly threatening drawl was back in his voice, and Lindsay felt herself tensing.

  'Well Lindsay,' he probed relentlessly. 'Was it true?'

  'Was what true?' she asked listlessly, wishing he

  would put her down and then she could escape to the privacy of her own room.

  'Jeremy implied that you'd never been lovers. Have you?'

  Anger, hot and corrosive welled up inside her. She wanted to lash out at someone and Lucas was the only person within reach, but nothing she could do would hurt him, only herself.

  'Well?' he demanded.

  What did he want to know for? So that he could taunt her about that as well?

  'No . . . no . . . Jeremy and I have never been lovers! No one has ever been my lover. There now, are you satisfied? Any more questions?'

  She took advantage of his momentary relaxation to thrust herself out of his arms. Thankfully now her ankle supported her, as she hobbled up the remaining stairs, tugging the towel more securely around herself.

  Safely inside her room she slammed the door and then leaned against it breathing deeply. That surely couldn't really have been shock and yes, despair she had seen in Lucas' eyes when she flung the truth at him could it? Well if he felt guilty it served him right. He shouldn't have been so quick to condemn her; to think the worst of her. What would it have mattered to him anyway if she had had lovers, she wondered restlessly. He couldn't care less what she did with her life, or who shared it with. Wrong, an inner voice corrected her. He had cared enough not to want her to marry Jeremy. But why? What could he possibly have against Jeremy?

  Her towel felt damp against her chilled skin, and Lindsay threw it tiredly across the room. She

  would put it in the linen basket later. Right now all she wanted to do was to get dressed and leave. She didn't think her nervous system could stand any more scenes like the one she had just endured. She had never dreamed that Amelia would get in touch with Jeremy direct, or that Jeremy would drive down here to confront her. Perhaps it was I better to leave things as they stood. Telling Jeremy the truth now would not achieve anything, and would he believe her anyway? The faint click of her bedroom door opening barely registered as Lindsay stood deep in thought.

  'Lindsay I . . .'

  She moved away from the protective shadow of her bathroom door at the same moment as Lucas stepped into her room, both of them suddenly tense and silent, Lindsay because she was acutely aware of her nudity, and Lucas, apparently because he was transfixed by the sight of her. She wanted to turn and and run, but pride would not let her. Unconsciously her chin lifted, and Lindsay met his scrutiny determined not to be embarrassed by it.

  'Looking for some physical flaw to justify my virginal state?' she managed to say lightly at last.

  'Flaw?' He lifted his gaze from her body, and the first time since she could remember Lindsay saw that his eyes were not really focusing on hers. He looked dazed almost, his face oddly pale, his body, now that she looked properly at him, tense, braced as though against a blow.

  'Flawed? You?' He came towards her, standing so close to her that she could have touched him if she lifted her hand. 'Lindsay, you're the most perfectly feminine human being I've ever seen.'

  The reverence in his voice stunned her. She

  looked into his eyes expecting to see mockery there, but instead all she could see was a need that made her blink and wonder if she could really believe her own eyes.

  'And you of course are an expert.' She forced herself to inject a mocking note into her voice, willing herself not to betray how shaken and disturbed she was. Her robe lay on the bed, and if she moved away from him she could pick it up and put it on. Half of her badly wanted to, and yet the other half . . . she shivered violently, suppressing a shocked exclamation in her throat as Lucas j reached out and touched her, his hand sliding smoothly over her skin, his fingers exploring the sensitivity of her flesh as he stroked upwards over her hip, following the narrow indentation of her waist, her rib cage and then the outer swell of her breast. Her body shook with reaction, and she had no need to look down to be aware of her body's own open betrayal of her feelings.

  'Lindsay!'

  It was as though both of them were gripped by the same spell, and unable to break free from it. They were the same two people they had always been and yet they were different. This Lucas who touched her and trembled as he did so different Lucas from the one who derided and hurt her with the scathing lash of his tongue, just as this Lindsay who melted and yielded in open supplication of that same touch was a different Lindsay from the one who had so jealously hidden her feelings.

  'Lindsay.' Lucas leaned forward, framing her face with his hands, her name a prayer onhis lips before he touched them gently to her own. His

  mouth explored hers as lightly and delicately as a butterfly touching the fragile petals of a flower. At any time she chose Lindsay knew she could draw back, but that wasn't what she wanted. In wonderment, she let Lucas explore the softness of her mouth, her senses so acutely attuned to his that she knew long before the pressure of his kiss increased what he wanted from her.

  Her arms slid round his neck bringing her body into closer contact with him. The hard wall of his chest crushed her breasts and yet the sensation wasn't unpleasant. Her mouth opened beneath the insistent pressure of his and when his hands moulded her body against his own and she became aware of his male arousal she moaned softly in her throat, pressing herself more closely against him, abandoning herself to the surging tides of desire running swiftly through them both.

  Time and reason were both suspended, reality fading away to be replaced by a world where the senses alone reigned. Later, Lindsay couldn't remember them moving towards the bed, only the erotic delicacy of Lucas' lips exploring the long lenght of her legs, the vulnerable area behind her knee where the warmth of his breath made her body pulse and the blood race through her veins. 'Lucas . . . shivering with pleasure she reached down to touch him, winding her fingers through his hair and then gasping his name in hectic urgency as his body covered hers and his hands cupped and stroked the aching tenderness of her breasts.

  Unable to bear the sexual tension he was arousing inside her, her hand slid inside his shirt,
stroking the hard bones of his shoulders. His

  tongue stroked her nipples and she arched back, panting in short breaths of exquisite delight, her eyes enormous in the pale triangle of her face as she watched his head descend to the proferred enticement of her breasts, his tongue teasing her taut nipples until she cried out his name and clutched at his hair. The slight grate of his teeth against the tender aureole of her breast was shatteringly erotic, stimulating her into arching wildly beneath him, mutely imploring a deeper possession than that offered by the delicate movement of his mouth feathering across her breasts, and her breath seemed to lodge in a painful lump in her throat when Lucas responded to the physical enticement she was helpless to stop, by cupping her breast and drawing her nipple deeply into his mouth sucking rhythmically on her tender flesh until she could feel the fierce thud of his heart as it beat into her skin, and her own teeth were nipping wantonly at the corded strength of his neck, as she sought relief from the desperate need he was arousing inside her.

  'Lindsay . . .' When he finally released her, his skin was as flushed as it had been when he had been in the grip of his fever, his eyes almost black as they scrutinised, possessively, the havoc he had wrought on her body.

  His shirt had come unfastened and Lindsay longed to feel the male heat of his flesh own. She reached out to touch him and then withdrew, suddenly unsure and shy, but Lucas took her hands and placed them on his skin, swiftly unfastening the remaining buttons on his shirt and drawing her hands against him, so that she could feel the moist trembling of his body.

 

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