"Okay now, that hurts," he emphasized. " 'Mr. Brenner'? I thought we were already on a first-name basis, you and me. And if you think I'm cut from a mold just because I wear a department-issued helmet and carry a big tank to work, you're wrong."
"Am I?" Alex was busy prepping his morphine dose, and Landon had the sudden impression he wasn't being listened to. "I have an insight into this sort of thing that might surprise you."
"Surprise me."
"Lie back now, please, Landon."
How could he resist when that soothing voice said his name? Landon did as instructed and let her ease him back down fully into his pillow. "Kinda nice, knowing someone's looking out for me," he murmured as the drugs began to flood his system.
He hated riding the sudden feeling of inebriation, fighting it until he was too doped to hate anything, anymore. He gazed up into Alex's face, and she gazed back. He could spend forever counting every silky lash that fringed those baby-blue eyes of hers, before moving on to number those little silver flecks in each iris.
"I'll stay right here," she promised, and he believed her. He watched the way her ruby-red lips moved sensuously and knew no morphine dream could compare to his new reality.
The wildfire can wait, he thought as he sank down into utter bliss. I've got a new fixation, and something tells me she's even more feisty and unpredictable.
He looked forward to seeing her when he woke up.
* * *
"Where's Alex?" was the immediate question out of his mouth when he was wakened from sound sleep a few days later. Up until now, she’d always been the one to wake him, taking his vitals this time of day.
"Who wants to know?" This new night nurse, Cherise, sounded like a total ballbuster.
Landon grimaced as she laid her ice-cold hands on him. Cherise was practically old enough to be his grandmother, but her strength was formidable—and her bedside manner, at least with him, left something to be desired.
"Her favorite patient wants to know."
"Even Alex needs a day off every once in a while,” she rasped, in a voice that would have done justice to a pack-a-day habit. “You can't expect her to be here every day."
"You're making me feel like a needy asshole, Cherise."
"Well, if the boot fits," Cherise clucked as she pivoted away to write his latest vitals on the white board near the head of his bed.
Landon hated how petulant he sounded. Maybe it was just because of Cherise's more mature age that he suddenly felt like a kid again.
He had gotten so used to seeing Alex every day, making her laugh while she treated his burns and wrapped his arms, that even a single lonely night spent without her felt like the first time they’d unhooked him from the morphine drip all over again. "Listen—between you and me—is Alex single?" He pitched his voice low and raised a conspiratory eyebrow.
When Cherise turned back from her writing and fixed him with a look of disbelief, Landon reached for her hand and took it. "Please, Cherise. This is a matter of life or death."
"Is it, now?" She sounded understandably unconvinced.
"Nobody understands matters of life or death better than I do."
"I bet you do, Mr. Brenner. Wouldn't be here sittin' with me now if you didn't!"
"So come on," he pleaded. "What's the harm in telling me? Help a poor man who’s been downed in the line of duty, will you?
"She's single, all right," Cherise said as she reclaimed her hand from him. Landon lay back and refrained from pumping his fist in victory. "But she'll want nothing to do with you, make no mistake about it."
"I've made plenty of mistakes before."
"Again, wouldn't be here sittin' with me now if you didn't," Cherise noted as she snugged the bandages around his arm. "You're a patient at our hospital, Mr. Brenner. It would do you good to remember that."
Well, he wouldn't be a patient forever. The pain in his body, and the drugs administered to numb it, dwindled by the day. Any smarting shifts or sharp aches were to be taken as good signs. He was getting stronger by the day, and his recovery was progressing faster than Cherise and the others had anticipated. He knew it was only a matter of time before they discharged him . . . which meant his time to win Alex over was running out.
Cherise left soon after, abandoning Landon to his thoughts. Five minutes later, he craned himself forward to try and get a good look at a nurse passing outside his window, then dropped back down onto the hospital bed with a disappointed sigh. Every pair of pink scrubs made him think of her; hell, even his room by itself was a stark reminder of Alex. The boredom he felt when she wasn’t hovering by his instrument panel, or by his bedside as she touched him teasingly, was excruciating. Landon couldn't think of a more effective torture.
So he thought about something else. He stared so hard at the door that he practically went cross-eyed . . . and watched it open slowly in his mind's eye. Alex slipped in through the crack, darting a quick glance back over her shoulder into the hallway, before closing it softly behind her. Her hair was down, and she wore . . . wait for it . . . Landon hadn't seen her outside of her scrubs, so it took him a moment to conjure up what he wanted. A . . . sundress?
Yeah, that worked. It had a tight flowered bodice, and a flared skirt that swished several inches above her bare knees as she turned back to him. Her lush red lips were pursed, and her eyes caught the light from the hallway and twinkled wickedly.
"Hey, big guy. I know it's my night off, but I thought I'd come visit you anyway," she said as she came closer. "I think it's time for your sponge bath, don't you?"
"I didn't know a sponge bath was on the schedule for tonight," Landon murmured, allowing her to ease him back against the headboard. He watched her hand travel down his chest, skimming between his pecs and stirring the thin material of his gown.
Alex's hand alighted on the erection swelling between his legs, and he groaned. "Did you to bring the sponge?"
"No." Alex gripped him between his legs, and Landon bucked in her hand. When he reached for her, she pushed away his arms gently, maddeningly. "Lie back," she instructed.
Landon did as he was told. She climbed up onto the bed, throwing one leg over him and straddling his waist. When she sank down onto his chest, Landon swore—she didn't push his hands away a second time when he grabbed hold of her thighs.
His fingers dug into her skin, bunching the fabric of her dress, and he watched as the hem climbed a few inches higher. Even through the gown, he could feel the hidden heat between Alex's legs. All he had to do was push that skirt up a bit more to see if he was confirmed in his guess that she wasn't wearing underwear—
"Good evening."
Landon started up out of his fantasy. He hadn't even noticed the door to his room open, and the real Alex enter.
She had her hair tied back from the elegant curve of her neck, and her rose-pink scrubs looked freshly laundered. Fantasy Alex dissipated, scurrying away in a million motes like a dandelion before a strong wind.
He let his hands fall back down to the bed and suppressed a groan.
"Sorry, am I interrupting something?" Alex didn't sound apologetic. Hell, she didn't even sound suspicious of his strange response to her sudden entry. She was obviously just making conversation.
Landon shook his head. "They told me you had the night off," he muttered.
She shrugged one thin shoulder. "One of the other nurses called in with a sick kid. I told the hospital I could cover for her."
She moved to check his vitals, and Landon shifted a bit to hide the beginnings of an all-too-real erection. He shouldn't have let himself get carried away, but it had been a long hospital stay, and he was in desperate need of release.
He watched Alex's movements, taking in her natural sensuality, her grace—and he wet suddenly dry lips. An idea was forming in his head— he just wasn't sure which head he was thinking with at the moment. Maybe his lurid thoughts didn't have to live in his imagination.
He was going to go for it, he decided. Just as soon as Alex t
urned around—
She turned, and the words caught in Landon's throat. He stared uncomprehending. He knew it was Alex, but for a moment he barely recognized her. He hadn't gotten a good look at her face since she’d entered the room, but . . .
Her complexion was pale, almost ashen, and her eyes were glassy, bloodshot and red-rimmed. Had she been crying? He didn't see any evidence of dried tears on her face, but still . . .
"You sure you weren't just looking for an excuse to see me?" he asked her. He couldn't stand seeing her like this, but he didn't know what was wrong; worse, he didn't know how to ask. Her all-too-evident sorrow threw him, and considering that he had been just about to hit on her for real, he felt deeply ashamed of himself.
No hitch in her shoulders to betray a laugh, no nothing. Usually Alex was game for his flirting, or at least weathered it with gentle exasperation.
Had he crossed a line somewhere? He racked his brains for a moment when he might have come on too strong but came up short. If anything, he had held himself back in her presence up until this point.
Alex gazed at him for a long moment. "How am I supposed to answer that?"
"Honestly," he said. "Unless the answer is 'no.' Then I'd prefer it if you lied."
"Why do you try so hard?" she demanded. She had dropped her voice to a vehement whisper, but her eyes were round and tracking back and forth between his. She wanted a real answer; no more games.
Landon tried to push himself up to meet her, but she held her hand out and pressed against his chest to keep him immobile. Even in the moment, she was looking out for him.
"I mean it, Landon. You're always cracking jokes, but it seems like you're putting in a special effort tonight. Why?"
"Because I love the sound of your laugh. And the look you're wearing now makes me think I'll never hear it again. That's all." He realized, in the aftermath of saying it, that it was the most painfully honest he had been with her.
Alex seemed to sense it, too. She glanced up, pale blue eyes wide, and seemed to really study him for the first time that evening.
If embarrassing himself was how he would cut through the bleak cloud hovering over her, then so be it.
"You . . ." she started to say, but the door opened, and they both glanced quickly at the intruder.
Cherise poked her head in. "Am I interrupting something?" the night nurse inquired.
"You nurses are always afraid you're interrupting something," Landon said. He glanced sidelong at Alex and saw the tail end of a decidedly guilty expression leave her face.
"Not at all, Cherise. I'll be right out."
Cherise withdrew, and Alex rose from his bedside.
Before he could stop himself, Landon reached out and seized hold of her wrist.
Alex stopped, arrested for the moment, and trained her startled expression on him.
"Sorry," he said. "I—sorry." He let his hand fall from her arm. "Don't know what came over me."
Alex's mouth twisted in soft sympathy. The sadness in her eyes was back, dimming their natural brightness. It was almost enough to make him want to look away. Whatever ghost haunted her, they were both eyewitnesses to it. He just wished he knew how to exorcise it.
"Get some sleep. You've had a long day."
"You too," he said. "When you can."
Again, he watched the sad curve of her mouth flex a little. Then she was gone.
Landon sank back into his bed and stared at the fissures in the ceiling panels he had mapped over and over again this past week.
Chapter 4
Alex
Today, Landon was sitting upright when she entered his room.
Alex didn't know why the sight startled her as much as it did. He was set to be discharged soon, after all, and completely off anything stronger than a palmful of ibuprofen. He should be up and at 'em. If he were to sleep any more, he might as well enter into hibernation and rouse himself in time for next summer's fire.
Still, there was something almost . . . formal about the way he had positioned himself today.
"Good morning," Alex said as she crossed to his bedside. She pretended like she hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary. Maybe the feeling was the product of an overworked mind playing tricks on her. She pulled up her usual chair beside his bed and sat down. "How are you feeling today?"
"Better now," was his automatic response. "And you?"
"Better now," she replied with a twist of a smile. Shouldn't have said that, a voice inside her warned, but Alex ignored it. It was the truth. Seeing Landon had become the highlight of her rounds in recent days, and if the man didn't know it already, he deserved to.
She busied herself organizing the supplies in her lap. His eyes were still on her, but she pretended not to notice. Noticing Landon too closely inspired fluttery feelings in her stomach to take wing.
She wondered what Gabby would have to say about this. Actually, she knew what Gabby would say about it, considering the receptionist had laid it all out for her ten minutes ago in the hallway.
"Watch out for Mr. Brenner," Gabby had warned her in passing.
"Why?" Alex had asked curiously. Usually the front desk staff only told the nurses to 'watch out' when a patient was in a bad mood. She couldn't imagine Landon acting any way that wasn't completely gentlemanly and genial—and if he was in a temper, well. That would be something she'd be interested in seeing.
Gabby's eyes had twinkled. The woman had a way of winking without batting a lash. "I think he has a little crush on you."
It was hard to consider anything about Landon as 'little' when she was sitting beside him now. She unwound his old bandages carefully, thinking that they had gone through twice the usual amount of medical tape since he and his firefighter buddies had started getting themselves into trouble on the outskirts of town. She had never seen so much collective male muscle mass in her entire career as a nurse. Landon's bicep alone required twice as much tape and twice as much gauze to cover.
She recalled her response to Gabby's claim now: She had rolled her eyes. You were always in danger if you immediately protested something like that outright. "I wouldn't even dream of it," she’d dismissed. "Men in uniform are off limits, and that goes double for a firefighter like Landon. Besides, a guy with that face—and that body? He has to know he looks good. I bet he goes through women faster than Usain Bolt tackling the four-hundred-meter sprint."
Gabby had cackled at this, but the receptionist's laughter couldn't save Alex from repeating the other woman's sentiment to herself now. Crush. Crush. Crush.
"You all right there, nurse?"
Alex glanced up again, and found Landon had yet to look away. A feeling deep inside her stomach stirred to life beneath his gaze, an inert magma flow heating up just below the surface. "Fine. Why?"
"You seem preoccupied recently."
"Well, if I'm preoccupied, it's because you're a handful." She laughed as he flexed beneath her touch. "Anyway, looks like you'll be out of my hands soon. Your burns are healing nicely, and they should be treatable with ointment from here on out. We could use the spare room, actually, so the sooner the doctor signs off on your release, the better. I'd say that's good news all around."
"Great news for me. I can finally ask Cherise out."
Alex giggled despite herself. Cherise was the night nurse, and well into her sixties—not to mention, she had been married to the same man for the past forty years. "Good luck with that. Really. I wish the two of you every happiness."
"She's wild, that one. I can tell."
"She'd be too much woman for you," Alex remarked as she turned away again to assess his chart. "Cherise is into all sorts of crazy stuff. She was a child of the seventies, you know. Big disco queen, back in the day."
"That's what I'm aiming for. I thought it was high time I dated a queen." Landon sighed dramatically. When Alex peeked at him over her shoulder, she saw that he was even rolling his eyes in exaggerated defeat. "But you're right, Cherise is totally out of my league. Oh, well. In t
hat case, I'd love to ask you out on a date, instead. Keeping in mind that you were my second choice."
Alex had turned fully around to face him without realizing. Her heart fluttered wildly in her chest. Landon's eyes were on her, still kindling that spark of humor in the aftermath of his proposal—but the spark extinguished when he saw her expression.
Oh, God. She had even gone along with his banter. How on earth had she not seen this coming?
"Take you by surprise?" he asked quietly.
Alex wondered whether her face flamed in that moment or bleached of color altogether. She couldn't tell which way her blood was racing when Landon looked at her that way. There was enough circulating to her head, though, to enable her to answer him.
"I'm sorry, Landon. I'm not dating right now."
She watched his expression lift in surprise. She assumed he wasn't a man used to being rejected, but he must have guessed she might shoot him down on principle, considering she was a nurse and he was her patient. Clearly it was her specific answer that startled him.
She could have lied . . . she could have told him she was already seeing somebody. She had done it before, on the rare occasion she’d left the house or hospital long enough to be pursued. She even wore her wedding ring sometimes as a deterrent.
But she didn't want to lie to Landon. Hell, she was lying to herself if she ignored the stab of guilt, the feeling that she had been this close to parting her lips and saying yes.
She wanted to go out with Landon, but she couldn't, and it wasn’t the fact that he was her patient that was holding her back—it was the fact that even thinking about taking him up on his offer made her unfaithful to Henry.
Alex turned away again, ending their conversation abruptly, drawing a swift curtain across her shame. A part of her knew it was ridiculous to think of herself as emotionally cheating on Henry with Landon, which only made things worse. She was a tangle of contradictions, none of them logical, and she couldn't let anyone inside to see until she had it all sorted out.
Californian Wildfire Fighters: The Complete Series Page 15