Our Little Secret

by Ashelyn Drake

  “Holy crap, Becca. I can’t believe you talk to Toby about me. This totally breaks the best friend code, you know.”

  “And costing me a good friend doesn’t?”

  “You don’t get it. Toby’s…” Her voice trails off.

  “Toby’s what?” What am I missing here? What is it about Toby that bothers her so much, that makes her defenses go up like this? She’s keeping me in the dark and setting rules for me, and I don’t like it.

  “Ugh! Screw this. I’m going to be late.” She hangs up without answering me.

  I’m shaking with anger as I text Toby.

  Becca: Let’s go jump out of a plane.

  Thirty minutes later, I’m sitting in my room with my signed permission slip and still no Toby. Where is he? I try texting him again but get no response. Fed up, I get in the car and drive over there. Tori’s not home anyway and if Toby’s parents are there, I’ll pretend I have a question about trig.

  Toby’s car is in the driveway when I pull up. This boy is so dead. I storm up the front steps and knock on the door. He answers, wearing nothing but his boxers.

  “Oh.” I try to lift my eyes, but they’re glued to his blue-checkered underwear.

  He laughs. “Sorry. I thought you were Jeff.”

  “You’re in your underwear because you thought Jeff was on his way over?”

  He laughs even harder. “No. I was going to get in the shower, but when you knocked I thought it was Jeff coming back because he forgot something.”

  “Okay, that makes a little more sense. But where have you been?”

  “Didn’t you get my text?”

  “No.”

  “That’s weird. I sent it about twenty minutes after we talked this morning.”

  I pull out my cell and check my texts. “Nothing.”

  He flips through his messages. “Crap.”

  “What?”

  “I sent it to Meredith by mistake.”

  I try to stay calm, but my insides are like a volcano about to erupt. “You were texting Meredith?”

  “Only to tell her that there was no chance of us getting back together or whatever we were before.” He runs his hand through his hair. “Of course, texting her, ‘Have to cancel, but we’ll hook up tonight’ might be a little misleading.”

  “You should probably text her again and let her know that was a mistake.”

  His fingers fly across the keys. “Done.” He puts his cell on the table by the door. “So, anyway, Jeff came over this morning because his dog was missing. We were out for hours looking for it. I just got back.”

  “Did you find it?” I still can’t keep my eyes on his, and it’s taking all my control not to reach out and touch his abs.

  “Yeah.” He motions upstairs. “Let me go put some pants on.”

  “It’s okay. I should go.”

  He takes my hands in his. “Please don’t.”

  “Are your parents around?”

  “No, they’re visiting relatives in New Jersey.”

  Alone in his house and all he’s wearing is boxers. I swallow the lump in my throat, but I can’t do anything to calm the pounding in my chest.

  He steps toward me, brushing his fingers across my cheek. “I’ll go put some pants on.”

  I nod and watch him disappear up the stairs. I breathe again and sit down on the couch. I’m not ready for things to move that quickly between us. Sure I’ve known him for years, but we’ve only been hanging out like this for a little while. It still feels new to me.

  He pokes his head around the stairs. “You want to come up?”

  “How long will Tori be out with Ryder?”

  He waves the comment away. “We’ve got hours. Don’t sweat it.”

  I get up and meet him on the stairs. “What did you have in mind?” My voice squeaks.

  He reaches for my hand. “Do you not trust me now that we’re completely alone?”

  “No. I mean yes.” I sigh.

  “Would you rather stay downstairs?”

  “No.” I’m being silly. Toby isn’t going to tear his clothes off the second we’re in his room. He leads me upstairs, and I sit down on his bed like I always do.

  “Music?” He turns on his iPod, and Mumford and Sons comes through the speakers.

  “No way. You like them?”

  “Yeah. Tori can’t stand them.”

  “I know. She never lets me play them when she’s around.”

  He walks over to me and takes my hand, pulling me to my feet. He sways back and forth. I’m not a dancer at all. I never know what to do with my hands, and I end up stepping on the guy’s feet. But dancing with Toby is different. My body responds to his.

  “I can play this on the guitar,” Toby says, his lips brushing my ear.

  “Will you play it for me?”

  “Right now?” He tilts his head back to see me better.

  “Why not?”

  “Um, because we’re listening to the real Mumford and Sons, and they’re way better than I am.”

  “I’ll be the judge of that.”

  We stop dancing, and he gets his guitar from the corner. He sits in his desk chair and closes his eyes. He doesn’t play, just listens to the iPod.

  “Do you want me to turn that off?” I get up and walk toward his dresser.

  “No. It’s easier to play along with it.”

  I stand there, watching him. Finally, his fingers move across the strings, and he’s playing along with the music. I sit back down on the bed, folding my legs under me. In all the time I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him play—only heard it through the door. Toby has never looked so sexy. And then he starts singing. My God, his voice! I melt into the mattress. I could listen to him for hours.

  When the song ends, he opens his eyes and looks at me. “Nothing great, I know, but it’s fun.”

  I get up and walk over to him. “That was amazing. You’re really good.”

  He laughs. “You’re either being nice or you’re easily impressed.”

  “Neither, actually.”

  He puts the guitar down and takes my hands. I want to kiss him so badly, feel his lips on mine. I lean my head down and shrug my hands from his so I can tilt his face toward mine. He follows my lead and kisses me. Before long, I’m on his lap. His fingers work their way through my hair, down my back, and under my shirt. I can’t catch my breath. His kisses trail down my jaw and to my neck. I’m so done for.

  My heart pounds in my ears. I pull his face back to mine before I totally lose control. I refuse to sleep with my best friend’s brother behind her back. That would be crossing a line I can’t come back from. I tilt my head back, separating from him.

  “You okay?” He stares into my eyes. “I wasn’t going to—”

  “I know. I just need a breather.”

  “Okay.” He lets go of me, and I stand up, turning toward the window and wrapping my arms around myself.

  “Are we crazy? For doing this?”

  “She’s out with my best friend right now, doing way more than this.”

  Was that a complaint about how little we’ve done? “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak out on you.”

  He walks over and puts his hands on my arms. “That’s not what I meant.” He turns me around and smiles. “I’m good with this. Better than good.”

  “How can you be?” Most guys our age wouldn’t be.

  “Want to know a secret?”

  “To be honest, I’m getting tired of keeping secrets.”

  “Me too. That’s why I’m going to tell you this.”

  “All right.”

  “I didn’t just start having feelings for you recently.”

  “You didn’t?” Could’ve fooled me.

  “No. It was last year.”

  “You’ve had feelings for me for a year?”

  He nods. “I didn’t want to act on them though. I wasn’t sure how to deal with liking the girl I used to run around in diapers with.”

  We both laugh. “Our situation is a s
trange one. No doubt about that.”

  “But then Tori started talking about Ryder and hanging all over him, so I figured that meant it was okay for me to find out how you felt about me.”

  “I’m glad you did. I’ve liked you for so long, but I would’ve been too scared to ever tell you. I’ve never been the girl to make the first move.”

  “I know. That’s one of the things I like about you. You don’t throw yourself at guys. You let them come to you.”

  “And even then I don’t throw myself at them,” I mutter.

  He runs his hands up and down my arms. “And like I said, I’m okay with that. Want to know another reason why I’m afraid of relationships?”

  Afraid of them? When did he go from not liking titles to being afraid of relationships? “Okay,” I say, even though I’m pretty sure I don’t want to hear this.

  “The best part of being with someone is getting to know them. Wanting to touch them and kiss them every time you see them. After a while, that newness goes away, and it’s not as fun.”

  “And that’s when people break up.”

  “Right.”

  “But we probably know each other better than every couple at school combined.”

  He smiles. “I know.”

  Does that mean he’s decided he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me?

  “Yet you keep surprising me.”

  “How?” I’m not exactly daring or spontaneous.

  “Because no matter what, you are who you are.”

  “I don’t follow.” I wish he’d just spit it out already because I’m not sure my heart can take this.

  “As soon as I asked Meredith out, she changed. She turned into…” I can tell he’s searching for a polite word for slut. “She offered to sleep with me on the first date.”

  “Oh my God! Did you?” I can’t help asking. I don’t want him to be the kind of guy who would do that.

  “No, and that made her try harder.” He raises my chin so I’m looking in his eyes. “It’s hard to want something if it’s thrown in your face.”

  I smile and then lower my lips to his.

  An hour later, he walks me downstairs. It was the perfect day of listening to music, dancing, and kissing. Just kissing. Which is enough. For now.

  “You want to study tonight?”

  “No, better skip it. Tori is going to want to fill me in on every detail of her date. You might want to let Ryder know that I’m going to hear how good a kisser he is and other things that he probably doesn’t want me to know.”

  “I think I’ll spare him that humiliation.” He pulls the front door open and leans down to kiss me again.

  I pull away from the kiss to see Meredith standing on the front porch.

  “Oh my God!” she shrieks.

  Chapter Sixteen

  My heart stops. Just stops. Meredith is staring at us like she’s seen a ghost. Maybe she has because I sure feel like I died.

  “You? How?” Her hand is on her chest like she’s having trouble breathing. I can relate.

  “Um, this isn’t what it looks like.” I look at Toby for help, but he opens the door wider and motions for Meredith to come in.

  “No. I don’t want to step into whatever this is.” She motions between us. Toby reaches for her and pulls her inside. I step out of the way, wanting to sink right into the floor.

  Toby shuts the door, closing us all inside. “Meredith, this is the girl I was telling you about. See? I’m not making her up.”

  “But it’s Becca! Becca Daniels!” She gestures to me as if Toby isn’t sure who I am. “I mean, how could you?”

  It’s the Barbie lunchbox all over again, but this is so much worse.

  Toby steps toward me. “Why not? Becca’s amazing.”

  “She’s—” Meredith turns away and presses her hands to the sides of her head. “I don’t even know what to make of this.”

  “Meredith, please.” I can’t believe I’m about to beg her, of all people, but that’s exactly what’s going to happen. “You can’t mention this to Tori. She doesn’t know.” I’m still pissed at Tori, but that doesn’t mean I want to lose her as a friend.

  She lowers her hands and turns back to us. “No, she doesn’t, does she?” She looks back and forth between us. “Is that why Ryder took her out today? To help you two sneak around?”

  “No!” My God. Why does she think so little of me? “Ryder likes Tori.”

  “Sure. It’s like I stepped into bizarro world. Ryder and Tori, you and Toby. It’s insane. You get that, don’t you? You must or you wouldn’t be sneaking around.” She steps toward Toby. “Why? Why would you leave me for her?”

  He backs away from her. “I didn’t leave you. We were never together.”

  “Oh, so I guess we weren’t sleeping together? I must have imagined that.” She looks at me, making sure I know what happened between them. I cringe. Hearing it from her is too much to take. “You got me to sleep with you and then you tossed me to the curb. You’re no better than―”

  “That’s not what happened and you know it. We hung out for a while, but it didn’t work out. That’s it. I’m sorry if you got hurt, but I don’t know what you want me to say.” Toby’s voice is small, like he realizes for the first time just how much he hurt Meredith. Maybe he’ll see his “no relationship” thing isn’t working for anyone but him.

  “You could say you didn’t give us a fair chance. You always had other girls hanging around. You never committed to just me. Not even after we…” Meredith’s eyes are full of tears, and I can’t help feeling sorry for her.

  “I was honest with you from the start. I’m not sure what else I could’ve done. I don’t feel the same way. I’m sorry, but it’s true.” Toby takes a step toward me. “I like Becca. I have for a year.”

  “For a year?” Meredith practically screams. Oh, Toby, that was so not the right thing to say. “So you were with me and wishing I was her?” She jabs her finger in my direction. At least I can understand her hating me after that revelation.

  “Maybe we should all sit down.” I’m not sure how that will help, but I can’t think of anything else to do.

  “You sit down.” It’s a weak insult for Meredith, but she’s not exactly herself right now, so I throw her a bone and pretend the comment stings.

  “Um, okay.” I sit down in the armchair next to me.

  Meredith moves toward Toby, and at first I think she’s going to shove him or slap him across the face. But she places her hands on his chest. He couldn’t look more uncomfortable. “Why? Why can’t you see that I’m the perfect girl for you? Everyone else does.” She turns her head and looks at me. “What does she have that I don’t?”

  Morals? But then again, I’m sneaking around with my best friend’s brother. My morals aren’t exactly model worthy right now.

  “I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have. I’m really sorry, but I can’t change how I feel, and I don’t see how telling you why I like Becca is going to make you feel any better.”

  “You want me to feel better?” She leans toward him, so close their faces are almost touching. I grip the armrest of the chair and wonder why Toby isn’t pushing her away. “Go out with me tonight. Give me a chance to show you what a big mistake you made.”

  “Why, so you can throw yourself at him again?” Before I can realize what I’m doing, I’m on my feet and tugging her away from Toby. “That worked so well for you last time.”

  She lunges for me, but Toby grabs my waist and pulls me away.

  “This isn’t happening,” he says, positioning himself between us. “Meredith, I’m not dating you. It’s over. I’m with Becca. You’re just going to have to accept that.”

  She’s breathing so heavily her entire body is heaving. “You think so?” Oh, this isn’t going to be good. “Tori has no idea what you two have been doing. But that can change.”

  Toby lets go of me, and we exchange a worried look.

  Meredith scoffs. “That’s what I t
hought. So let me tell you what’s going to happen.”

  “Meredith—”

  “Shut up, Becca. I’m talking. I’ll keep my mouth shut about what I saw here today on one condition.”

  “One really big condition, right?” Toby asks.

  “See, you do know me well.”

  “Just spit it out already.” She’s only prolonging the torture. Just drop the bomb already.

  “Toby and I are getting back together. This”—she points between Toby and me—“is over.”

  Toby crosses his arms. “Forget it. You’re not telling me who I can date.”

  “Fine. Then I’ll have a little talk with my old friend Tori.”

  As much as Tori hates Meredith, I can’t risk Tori believing her. Especially because it’s true. I won’t be able to deny a flat-out accusation from my best friend. It’s going to kill me, but I have to go along with this.

  “Toby, you have to do it,” I say, shocking both him and Meredith.

  Meredith laughs. “Funny, but I never thought you’d be the sensible one, Becca.”

  Toby turns to me. “What are you saying? You want to end this?”

  “No, but if she tells Tori, it’s over anyway.” Looking into his baby blue eyes is painful. This isn’t what I want at all.

  “I’m not giving you up that easily. I’ve waited too long to finally be with you.”

  I want to kiss him so badly, but I know better than to piss off Meredith any more than she already is.

  Toby turns to Meredith. “One date. That’s it. And then you’ll see we aren’t right for each other and it’s over.”

  “Not good enough.” Meredith crosses her arms. “One date isn’t going to cut it, and I’m not going out with you just so you can dump me again.”

  “I’m not kissing you or doing anything else with you. So if that’s what you’re looking for, you can forget it.” I’ve never seen Toby look this agitated. He’s always so together. It breaks my heart more because I can see whatever this is between us means just as much to him as it does to me.

  “Fine, but you will hold my hand and make it look like we’re the perfect, happy couple.”

  “Why would you do that?” I ask. It seems worse than not having Toby at all.