“Have you seen what my life has become since he decided I wasn’t good enough for him?” Her face is red with rage.
“That’s not what happened,” Toby says.
“Just shut up. I don’t want to hear it. I want my old life back. I want my old friends back. But everyone is too busy looking at me like I’m Toby’s latest castoff. They either look down on me or pity me. I can’t stand it. I’m going to rise to the top again, and you’re going to help me do it.”
“So this is about your reputation at school?” Why am I not surprised? I was stupid to think that she really loved Toby. Of course she doesn’t. All she cares about is her social status.
“Word of caution, Becca.” Meredith lowers her arms and steps right in front of me. “Toby doesn’t exactly live up to the hype.” She looks him up and down and laughs. “Which is why after a few weeks, once my reputation is fully restored, I’ll be dumping you—rather publicly.” She smiles. “Then you can see what it feels like to plummet down the social ladder. I’m sure Becca will be waiting for you at the bottom.”
“Get out,” Toby says. “I’m not going along with this, so just leave.”
“Fine.” Meredith starts for the door. “So, Ryder and Tori went to the movies, right? I’m sure I’ll be able to find them.”
“Wait!” I rush toward her and grab her arm. She eyes my fingers and shrugs them off. I turn back to Toby. “Please, just do what she wants. It’s only for appearance’s sake.” I look to Meredith for confirmation. “Right? That’s all this is?”
She nods. “He’ll have to kiss me in public. For appearance’s sake, of course.”
God, I want to smack her so hard! “Give us a minute.” I take Toby’s hand and lead him into the dining room.
“You can’t be serious about this, Bec.”
“I don’t know what else to do.” I squeeze his hand, not wanting to ever let go. I just got him. I can’t lose him already. “Are you ready for Tori to find out about us? Because I’m not. I don’t want to lose her. Or you.”
“You don’t think the longer we hang out behind her back the worse it will be?”
“I can’t imagine spending time with you could ever be a bad thing.”
He smiles and brushes my cheek with his thumb. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
The only way I could see Tori accepting me and Toby was if we were in love, but it’s way too soon for that. I’m in “great like,” but that won’t be enough for Tori. She’ll assume I’m just like every other girl who falls all over herself for Toby.
“This could buy us some time to figure things out.”
“And you’re okay with me pretending to be Meredith’s boyfriend?” The word boyfriend is like a curse coming off his lips.
“No, but I’ll deal with it.”
He lets out a long breath. “I don’t know if I can deal with it.”
“I know it sucks, but it’s only for a few weeks.”
“That’s longer than most of my relationships.” He forces a laugh.
“You don’t get in relationships, remember?” It’s stupid to push him at a time like this, but I can’t help it. I need to know all this is worth it.
“I was hoping to change that.” His face reddens a little. I’ve never seen him look so nervous.
The pain in my gut is overwhelming, but I force a smile and say, “Good. That should make it easier to get through the next few weeks then.”
“If you say so, but you’re not the one pretending to date Meredith.”
I laugh. “I would have if she asked.”
He cracks a smile. “You’d pretend to be a lesbian just to avoid telling my sister we’re dating?”
I shrug. “What can I say? I’m desperate.”
“We both must be.” He pulls me in for a hug. “This is all so crazy. Why does my sister have to be a possessive control freak?”
“That’s your twin and my best friend you’re talking about.”
“Okay, why does my twin and your best friend have to be a possessive control freak?”
He knows that’s not what I meant, but I laugh anyway. We’re both screwed and we know it. We have to take whatever little humor there is in the situation and milk it for all it’s worth.
“So I guess we’ll have to stick to our tutoring sessions and not plan any other get-togethers until this is over, huh?”
“Looks like it.” He lets go of me. “One last kiss before I go make a deal with the devil?”
I reach up on my toes, and he meets me halfway. The kiss is soft at first, but neither of us can control ourselves for long, and we soon end up a tangle of limbs. We don’t pull apart until we hear the front door slam shut.
“Do you think she left?” I ask, licking my lips and tasting Toby’s minty gum.
“I don’t know. Only one way to find out.”
But before we can even leave the dining room, we hear Tori’s voice. “What the hell are you doing in my house?”
Oh God! Why is she home? She’s supposed to be on her date with Ryder.
“What do we do?” I ask Toby.
He shrugs.
“We can’t stay here. Meredith might rat us out.” I wave him on and head to the living room. “Hey, Tor.” I try to act normally, but my insides are on fire. Ryder is with her. “Cutting the date short?”
She looks back and forth between me, Meredith, and Toby, who’s standing behind me. “What the hell is going on? You three are the last people I’d expect to find in my house together.”
Meredith turns toward Toby and me and smiles. “Toby, care to tell your sister what’s going on here?”
Chapter Seventeen
I swallow hard and wait for Toby to explain, but he looks between Meredith and me like he’s trying to decide what to do. He can’t possibly be thinking about telling Tori the truth. Not now. Not with Meredith and Ryder here. Tori will flip out and they’ll be witnesses.
“What’s up, man? You lose your voice or something?” Ryder walks over and claps Toby on the back.
Toby shakes his head and clears his throat. “No, I’m fine.” He meets Tori’s eyes. “Becca and I were studying, and then Meredith came over.”
“Why?” Tori narrows her eyes at him.
“Yeah, Toby.” Meredith gives him a great big smile. “Tell her why I’m here.” Her voice is sickeningly sweet.
Toby takes a deep breath. “I asked Meredith to come over because I realized I made a mistake breaking up with her. She agreed to give me another chance.”
Tori pushes Toby into the dining room for privacy, but she’s practically screaming, so it’s pointless. “What the hell? Meredith is a mega bitch! Why would you get back together with her? My God, you have the worst taste in girls!” She storms out of the dining room, not even giving him a chance to explain, and takes Ryder’s hand, pulling him upstairs.
“That went well,” Meredith says.
“Get out.” I’ve had enough. I’m having a hard enough time dealing with my feelings for Toby and what that will mean for my friendship with Tori. I don’t need Meredith’s crap right now.
Toby steps out of the dining room and shrugs at me.
“I don’t think so, Becca. Toby and I have a date tonight. Isn’t that right, Toby?”
He shakes his head. “I’ll keep up appearances at school, but I’m not hanging out with you on weekends.”
“And how would that look? Weekends are for dating. So. Let’s. Go.” She says the words slowly, making sure Toby hears them loud and clear.
I look at Toby. I get that he wants to take a stand against Meredith¸ but I can’t lose him like this—even if it’s going to tear me apart inside to watch him pretend to be Meredith’s boyfriend. “Go to a movie. You won’t even have to talk to her.”
“What about—?”
I hold my hand up to stop him. Our date today is already ruined. “The sooner you start dating her again, the sooner this can all end.” I grab my jacket and walk to the door because my heart can’t handle an
y more today.
“Becca,” Toby calls after me.
I open the door and turn back to him, which is a huge mistake because the look in his eyes makes my insides ache.
“I know this is all Hollywood movie cliché, but will you wait for me?”
I manage a small smile and nod. I’ve waited for him for three years. What’s a few more weeks?
***
I don’t get out of bed for the rest of the weekend. Mom asks if I’m sick again. Yeah, sick of lying, sick of sneaking around, sick of not being able to tell the world that I like Toby Michaels. I’m not looking forward to school on Monday and the big reunion between Toby and Meredith. Even though I know it’s not real, it’s still going to be painful to watch. With how popular they are, it will be all anyone is talking about. It’s not fair that a bitch like Meredith is getting exactly what she wants.
Monday morning my alarm goes off for the third time and Mom walks in.
“What’s going on? You never hit the snooze button.” She sits down on my bed and puts her hand on my forehead. “You don’t feel warm.”
“I’m fine. Just tired.”
“Didn’t sleep well?”
“Not really.” It’s hard to sleep when I picture Meredith draped over Toby every time I close my eyes.
“You want to stay home today?”
So tempting, but I can’t stay home for weeks, and that’s how long Toby is going to have to pretend to date Meredith. I might as well get used to it now. Drive the knife straight through my heart rather than ease it in inch by inch. “No. I’m getting up.” I take a quick shower because it’s all I have time for and grab a granola bar to eat on the way to school. Tori isn’t at my locker waiting for me. Guess she’s at Ryder’s locker, or he’s at hers. She finally got the guy she was pining over. I guess things do work out for some people. Apparently I’m just not one of them.
The crowd is gathering at the other end of the hall, and Meredith’s shrieky voice carries to me. I slam my locker shut and turn away before I have to witness the reunion. I hope Toby can get through this, but I also hope he’s miserable doing it. I don’t want him to enjoy any part of being with Meredith. I know it’s selfish and I should want these next few weeks to be as painless as possible for him, but he’s supposed to be with me. I don’t want him to forget that.
I barely see Tori all day, and that sucks because we really need to talk about the crappy way she cut Allison out of my life. She and Ryder even sit together at lunch, which is weird since Ryder sits with Toby—and Meredith. They’re an awkward foursome, but I can’t help thinking that Tori is enjoying being in the popular crowd for once. Maybe she and Toby will actually start getting along and sharing friends. That might make her more open to Toby and me dating…when this is all over.
Mr. Rollar passes out a quiz in trig, and I’m surprised when I actually know all the answers. I’d be happy, but my heart is too crushed to feel anything but hurt. No, that’s not true. I also feel jealousy and self-pity. I hand in my quiz when the bell rings. Mr. Rollar scans it and smiles at me.
“Nice work, Miss Daniels. I see the extra tutoring sessions with Mr. Michaels are paying off. Seems like you two make a good pair.”
If only he knew.
The rest of my week is more of the same torture. I can’t avoid Meredith and Toby all the time, so I’m forced to watch them hold hands and walk to every class together. I even catch a few kisses in the halls. Even though Toby is always tight-lipped, my heart tears. Our evening study sessions are few and far between because Meredith is filling Toby’s schedule. She doesn’t want people to know he’s tutoring me, so whenever they get invited to a movie or after-school meal, she makes Toby take her.
By Friday, I’m officially done. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t do anything about the Toby-Meredith situation but I can do something about Tori. She owes me an explanation for the Allison thing. I show up at her house unannounced and find her in her room.
“Tell me why you thought it was okay to end my friendship with Allison without even talking to me about it,” I demand, stepping into her room and crossing my arms.
She raises a brow at me. “Are you seriously still mad about that?”
“Yes!” Why doesn’t she see it’s totally crappy of her to pick my friends for me? “It wasn’t your decision—”
“I know.” Her voice softens, and she suddenly looks on the verge of tears. “I thought I was doing you a favor, protecting you from someone who’d toss you aside for a guy. Why would you want to be friends with someone like that anyway?”
“That’s not the point. Maybe I wouldn’t have wanted to be friends with Allison anymore, but it was my decision to make, not yours.”
She nods. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just got so mad that she chose Toby over me, you know? A real friend wouldn’t have done that.”
Crap. This was supposed to make her see that she was wrong. Instead, I feel awful because I’m sneaking around behind her back. I’m no better than Allison. All I can do is nod, which she takes as an acceptance of her apology.
“So are you and Toby finished planning my surprise party?” she asks, spinning in her desk chair as if we never fought.
“Sort of.” Her birthday is next Saturday, and I don’t even know where this party is taking place. I haven’t gotten her a gift yet or sent out invites.
“I haven’t seen you two study much. Did you grow out of your tutor?”
I shrug and keep my eyes down so she can’t see the tears forming in them. “He’s busy with Meredith. Can we talk about something else?”
“Sure. I know Toby isn’t exactly an interesting topic. Sorry to bore you.”
Up until last weekend, he was my favorite topic. I take a deep breath and blink back my tears. “How are things with Ryder?”
She stops spinning and gives me a huge smile. “So good.” She drags the words out.
I force a smile. “That’s great. And you guys are spending a lot of time with Toby and Meredith.” Damn it. Why can’t I stop thinking about them?
“I know. It was totally weird at first, but Meredith isn’t all bad.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
She picks up a pen from her desk and chucks it at me. “Yes! She’s awful. But Ryder likes her and Toby, so I get through it.”
“You really like him, huh?”
She nods. “More than I thought I would.”
“I’m really happy for you, Tori.”
“I know you are, because you’re my best friend.” She’s right. So maybe she would’ve been happy for me if I was honest with her about my feelings for Toby. Maybe I created this mess for no reason. Tori and I are better friends than she and Allison were, aren’t we?
Toby knocks on the door. “Becca, you want to hit the books tonight?”
“But it’s Friday night,” Tori says. “Why aren’t you going to Jeff’s party?”
He shrugs. “Meredith wasn’t feeling well.”
“Let me guess. She has cramps. She was extra bitchy today.” Tori laughs.
“Maybe,” Toby says.
“Ooh, trouble in paradise already?” Tori asks.
Toby ignores her. “So, Becca, what do you say?” He looks hopeful. We haven’t hung out since Saturday. I’m dying to be alone with him, but after the week I’ve had, I don’t know if I can handle it. Even though he was only pretending, he still spent the week kissing Meredith instead of me. I can’t just pretend that didn’t happen.
“Go study. I have to get ready. Ryder’s picking me up in an hour.” Tori grabs her towel and ushers me out the door. I guess I don’t have a choice. I follow Toby to his room.
“I don’t even have my trig book, you know,” I say, stepping into his room.
He shuts the door and whirls around to face me. “Good.” He pulls me into him and presses his lips against mine. Everything I’ve felt for the past week comes crashing down on me. I can’t keep it in anymore. Tears stream down my cheeks, and he pulls away.
> “Whoa, that wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for.”
I shake my head and wipe my face with my fingers. “I’m sorry. I just can’t do this.” I sit down on his bed and pull my knees to my chest. The ache inside me is overwhelming. “It was actually better when you didn’t even know I liked you. When I didn’t know you liked me.”
“Don’t say that.” He sits next to me and rubs my back.
I raise my head to look at him. “You have no idea what it’s like to watch you be with her.”
“But you know it’s just an act. I don’t care about her. All I want to do is be with you. I’ve been dying to kiss you all week. I even went to the stage every day during fifth period, hoping you’d show up.”
Part of me knew he would, which is why I avoided it. The fact that this is all an act doesn’t erase that it’s happening. “I can’t kiss you. I can’t stand the thought of kissing you after I know you’ve been kissing her.”
“When I kiss her, I feel nothing. It’s just a quick peck. Nothing.”
“Put yourself in my shoes. Would you be able to watch me kiss another guy?”
He turns away, curling his hand into a fist. “No.”
“Look. I think until this thing with Meredith is over, we need to stop whatever this is.”
“Don’t say that.” He puts his hand on my knee.
“Toby, I can’t. It’s just too hard. Once she breaks up with you, we can see if we still feel the same way about each other, but until then…” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I can’t be around you.”
“Wait.” He stands up. “I was objecting to you calling our relationship ‘whatever this is,’ but you don’t want to even be around each other?”
“You think we’re in a relationship?” When did that happen?
“I was hoping we were.” He sits down again. “I’m really new to being someone’s boyfriend, but I definitely didn’t want my first attempt to be with Meredith. I hate this just as much as you do.”
I believe him. I really do, but it doesn’t change our situation. “How much longer do you think Meredith is going to make you go through with this?”
He shrugs. “I was thinking I’d start acting like a tool and hope she ends it sooner.”
Our Little Secret Page 12