by P. Jameson
She grinned at the memory.
Brave man. Her rekkr.
The night wore on, and the longer she watched him sitting there alone, the more he seemed to deflate. Where was Mansen, anyway? They were friends. Shouldn’t he be here to answer Jase’s questions. Surely, he had some after touching the mating mark.
But Mansen never showed and eventually, Jase stood to leave. His expression was dark. Like a cloudy day. No swirling mischievous labradorite eyes tonight.
Vada chewed her lip to keep from whispering to herself the word that kept rolling through her mind. Mine, mine, mine.
She gripped the edge of the snow cone cart, the wood biting into her palms, to keep from running across the street to meet him at the door. She wanted to touch him so badly. Just her palm to his cheek. Just for a moment to feel that connection again.
Too short. It had been too short.
If only she hadn’t learned the truth. If only she hadn’t gone snooping through his mail.
She watched as he doubled back to the bar to receive a phone call. Watched him pinch the bridge of his nose, seeming frustrated, and wondered if that was a habit of his.
She wanted to learn all his habits. She wanted to love him.
No. It won’t work.
You’ve already harmed him.
She hadn’t given two thoughts to Carthaigh’s family when she watched the serpent swallow him up. It had taken years to understand the impact his disappearance had on his son, his wife… and now his grandson.
How could she be his match if she was already responsible for so much pain?
The gods were cruel, cruel fuckers.
Jase left The Saucy Wench and headed away from her. She remembered the way to his home. He was probably going there.
There was nothing left for her to do here.
She could go to the lake and risk the serpent pushing her ashore again. Or she could go to the cabin she kept rented for her normal land excursions.
She decided on the cabin. It was late, and the office would be closed, but she could check in with Huran in the morning.
Her eyes stayed on Jase until he rounded the next corner and got into his truck. She even waited for him to drive off. And finally, when he was gone, she set out for the cabin.
Chapter Nine
The next two days were a whirlwind of bullshit that drove Jase to his wit’s end.
No one could find Vada.
Not her own people and not the sheriff, who was working some twisted amnesia case that Mansen was all mixed up in. The Mer had found his mate and saved her from drowning in the lake, but the woman couldn’t remember who she was. Add that to the fact that Sheriff Holmes suspected she was a wanted criminal, and yeah, he didn’t have a lot of extra time to look into a missing Mer report.
Especially since no one believed Vada was really missing.
Jase walked another frustrated circuit around Huran’s cramped office, waiting for him to return with the news. He had Mer in the water, looking for her, but as of this morning, there was no sign of her.
A storm had kicked up over the lake and Mansen suspected Doe was in some trouble there. Doe. That’s what they were calling his mate until she could remember her name. He took off before anyone could ask if he needed help, so Huran and the Sheriff had gone after him while Jase stayed back to keep looking for Vada. But only after agreeing to meet Huran here later for an update.
He had to know if she was in the lake or he was going to lose his mind. Needed to know if she was safe. That was number one.
Number two was, he had to talk to her. Find out why she didn’t give him a chance. Why she didn’t meet him as soon as the moon allowed her to leave the water.
Her denial stung. Her avoidance stung. She’d wanted him as much as he had wanted her. Until he touched the mark. He’d take it all back if he could, if it meant she would fucking talk to him. He didn’t need to know the past all at once like that. It was a stupid fucking thing, really.
The door to the office rattled. Huran.
Jase stomped across the room to throw it open, and stopped short at what he saw.
“Vada.”
Her stunned expression hardly registered to him. Neither did the set of keys that fell from her hand to land with a thunk just outside the door.
“I… I…” Her mouth worked but words didn’t seem to come.
She backed away, looking like a scared kitten, ducking and weaving as she lengthened the distance between them.
She was going to run.
“No,” he warned.
But her face crumpled at the same time she twisted away.
And then she was running for the trees, uncaring about the thunder and lightning and the rain pelting the ground.
Jase ran after her.
“Wait!” he called, but she didn’t listen. He followed her, ducking under low hanging branches and jumping over stumps, barely missing a boulder in the path. “Shit. Vada, wait.”
They were heading in the direction of the lake. If he didn’t stop her before she got there, he might never have another chance.
The panic of that thought pushed him forward, his long stride overtaking her shorter one in a matter of minutes.
Snagging her arm, he pulled her to a stop, dragging her close to keep her from running.
“Wait. Wait, just… wait. Wait,” he breathed, staring at her beautiful face, taking it all in. He missed it. How could he miss her so much when they’d had such a short time together?
It was in the magic, wasn’t it?
The same magic that kept her alive for centuries, that turned her into a mermaid, it linked their souls in some inexplicable way. Undeniable way.
What if, in the next second, she slipped his hold and was gone? What if he never saw her again. “Don’t go anywhere. Don’t leave.” His tone was loud even with the thunder overhead.
“Jase…” her voice broke off, and the rain didn’t cover up the tears forming in her eyes.
“I’m your mate,” he pushed out. Maybe she didn’t know. Maybe this was all just a mistake.
“I know.”
With those two words, any hope that her denial was an accident vanished.
“You know?”
She nodded, her expression so hurt that it could have been a mirror image to his heart.
“We can’t be together. We just can’t.”
“Why?” The word left his mouth but he didn’t remember consciously saying it.
She shook her head, eyes going everywhere all at once. He recognized the fear, the panic. He pressed her back against a thick tree until his body covered hers, thinking only to comfort her. To remind her that she wasn’t alone anymore. Even if she’d run before. They could work through it.
“Rekkr,” she whispered, her trembling hands sliding up his chest. Through his soaked shirt, he could feel her warm touch and for a moment, it was enough.
“Come with me, out of the rain. We’ll talk. Whatever it is, we will find a way.”
He was giving her everything right now. He would move mountains for her. Whatever it took for them to have a future. If she couldn’t accept him now…
He swallowed hard, waiting for her answer.
“We can’t,” she sobbed. “You can’t change the past. No magic can turn back time.”
The past. What did the past have to do with it?
“Is this about your time on the battlefield? The curse? Whatever is in the past is done. We get to start over new.” That was the best damn part of this mating deal. She’d be free from hers, and he’d be free from his. No more living under a shadow, and for her, no more living under the water.
But Vada shook her head, soaked blond locks slinging water. “It’s none of that. It’s you,” she said. “It’s… it’s because of who you are.”
Jase went still as her words hammered into his skull, engraving shame on him.
No.
That couldn’t be right. It just couldn’t.
“Because… of… who am I, V
ada? I’m a human. I’m a man. I’m honest, I work hard. I’m a good man.” He’d spent his entire life working to be able to say that. And it was damn true. “I found a beautiful thing one night and then lost her before I even had a chance to know her. And now you tell me it’s because of who I am.”
“Yes.” She dashed tears from her cheeks, looking angrily at her hand as she flung them away.
“No.”
“What?”
“That can’t be the reason,” he argued, voice hard. “Come up with something else.”
She shook her head, staring at him like this was a sad goodbye. Fuck that. There would never be a goodbye between them. He’d see to it. Might take him an eternity but he would prove himself to her. He’d done it with the townsfolk, he would do it a million times more for her. But fuck, it shouldn’t be this way.
With new tears streaming down her cheeks, she pulled him down for a kiss so soft he almost forgot the pain her words caused him. Her lips were sweet and they tasted like love. But she didn’t love him.
He felt himself crumbling. Just like an old brick wearing away to nothing. Crumbling, falling apart. Unrepairable. Breaking, breaking…
And when he was nothing more than dust, she shoved him backward and ran for the water.
He didn’t chase her this time. He just watched her go. Watched her run away.
With his fucking heart.
His mate was a goddamn thief.
***
Vada charged the water not bothering to strip her clothes first. As soon as she hit the choppy waves, her legs twisted together to form her silvery tail, the clothes ripping away, and she dove for the bottom of the deep. Her cave was one of the farthest down and she needed to be alone.
She hadn’t expected to see Jase at Huran’s office. She hadn’t expected to see anyone. That was the whole point of dropping her keys off at night. She didn’t want to explain to anyone why she wouldn’t need her cabin anymore.
The plan was to go into hibernation. It was the easiest way to live out your years mateless. Many chose to sleep instead of constantly going to land to search. It wasn’t uncommon. Sometimes they came out of it a few decades later with renewed hope. Others just slept on into immortal eternity.
She had planned to do the latter.
But seeing Jase changed everything.
The hurt in his eyes. The shadows beneath them from what she supposed were sleepless nights. Her mate was hurting from their distance as much as she was.
Seeing him confirmed one thing she’d been wondering about. The vision hadn’t shown him what happened to his grandfather. He didn’t know that he descended from their people. He didn’t know that the male had hurt her. And he didn’t know that she was responsible for his death.
Which meant, he might never understand their dilemma. He would just think she didn’t want him. And the worst part was, she couldn’t decide if that was preferable or not. Which would hurt him less?
She didn’t know. But one thing was for certain. She couldn’t hibernate until she had the answer.
Because she was determined to leave him as unscathed as possible.
But it felt like no matter what, she was on track to fail.
Chapter Ten
Jase did a lot of stalking and pacing these days, and he was doing it again in Mansen’s kitchen while he tried to keep his frustration in check.
Vada had been back in the water for two days.
Two days since he chased her down in the rain.
Two days since she kissed him.
Two days since she told him he was the problem.
And it had been the longest two days of his life.
Mansen’s mate was safe and now had her memory back, but they still called her Doe. Jase didn’t ask why. She was nice enough, and seemed like a good match for his friend, but he couldn’t help feeling the unfairness of it all.
It had been so easy for them.
One land-cycle and they were together for life.
Meanwhile, Jase was going on the second month without his girl.
But Doe had some special powers, Mansen said, and she was going to try and help find Vada. It seemed unlikely, but Jase wouldn’t turn away any help.
“So how does this work?” he asked, watching as she laid the small collection of Vada’s things on the countertop. There was the set of keys she dropped outside of Huran’s office. The necklace she’d left at his place. And a small pillow from the cabin she rented.
It was all he had, and he hoped it would be enough.
“I don’t exactly know,” Doe admitted. “I get a feel for things. Sense things. Sometimes it’s by touching them. Sometimes just looking at them. Hopefully, I can sense something about Vada that will help you.”
Jase looked at Mansen who stood protectively close to his mate. He was the same but different. As if his world rotated around her now.
Jase knew the feeling except instead of a steady rotation, his world was on some sort of chaotic axis that couldn’t settle.
Doe went piece by piece, touching each item. Rearranging them in different orders. Curling the stone of the necklace into her palm. Hugging the pillow against her chest. It was as if she was getting to know the things. Jase didn’t understand it, but if it worked, he’d owe the woman a lot.
“She feels safe in the water,” Doe murmured. Jase had to strain to hear her so maybe she was talking to herself, but he catalogued the information anyway. “The serpent protects her.”
“The serpent protects all the Mer,” Mansen added.
“Yes, but…” Doe frowned. “She is different. He’s very protective of her.”
Jase knew of the serpent. In the vision, he saw it come alive, peeling off of the bow of the warrior ship to grow into an enormous dragon-like thing. Huran had filled him in on the details he didn’t know. Like that it was given by the Old Gods for protection.
Doe continued touching the items.
“She…” Looking to Mansen, her face fell.
“What?” Jase asked. “What is it?”
“She doesn’t want to be found. It’s why she’s hiding from the other Mer as well. And why she returned her keys to Huran. She doesn’t plan on anyone finding her.”
“But can you tell me where she is?”
Doe pressed her lips together, looking worried. “I can. But I won’t.”
Jase stopped pacing and leaned over the counter in front of her. He settled his palms on the counter to keep himself steady. Because he felt like he was going to lose it. “What do you mean you won’t?”
“I spent a lot of my life running from someone who wanted to find me, when I didn’t want to be found. I won’t put Vada in the same situation by using my gift to usurp her wishes.”
Well, shit.
Doe was right.
But he couldn’t just give up on Vada. She was his.
“Why, why,” he muttered to himself. “Why is she doing this?”
He turned to Mansen.
“I can't find her. She's disappeared as if discovering the key to freeing her from the lake means nothing. As if I mean nothing. Tell me why that is.”
“I don't know."
“Will she come back up?"
“I don't know.”
“How can I find her?”
“I don't—”
“Give me something, damn it.”
“Your mate was a shieldmaiden in some of the most brutal battles I've ever seen. She's taken heads galore. Cleaved whole men in half. Bore her share of mortal wounds and survived it all." He shook his head as though it was hopeless. Like the idea of a lone human hunting down an immortal warrior mermaid was an impossibility. "Trust this, Jase. You won't find your mate unless she wants to be found.”
Fine. It was fine.
He'd just have to make her want it.
Doe cut in. “There’s something about your family that’s keeping her away.”
Jase felt his cheeks go with shame. “I know,” grated.
Doe shook her head.
“No. Something you don’t know. Specifically something you don’t know. What can you tell me about your grandfather.”
“Nothing. Just that he was a grade A asshole who—” Jase stopped short as he remembered what Huran told him in the beginning. “Huran said he knew him as a boy.”
Mansen scowled. “Impossible. Huran wasn’t a boy when we journeyed here. He was the age he is now. None of us aged after the curse.”
“Then how…”
“Who was your grandfather?”
“Mich McCarthy.”
“What happened to him?”
“No one knows. He was a drunk, treated the family like shit. Disappeared one night, and no one cried when he was gone.”
“Disappeared,” Doe murmured, touching the necklace again.
“McCarthy…” Mansen looked thoughtful. “You never talk about him. Just your father.”
“They were two of a kind. I only wish my old man had disappeared the same way. Done the world a favor.”
“Brigantes,” Doe whispered. Jase didn’t know what it meant but it froze Manson to his spot.
“What did you say, elska?”
She turned to stare at him. “Brigantes. Does it mean something to you?”
Instead of answering, he snapped his gaze to Jase. “McCarthy,” he whispered. “No wonder you’ve always felt like a bror.”
What did that mean?
“Brother,” Mansen said as if he’d read his mind. “You are one of us.”
Well, shit. Maybe mating had done something to Mansen’s head. Because Jase sure as hell wasn’t a merman. Never had been. He was human as fuck.
He shook his head, giving his friend a half smile. “Nah, man. I’m not even a good swimmer. My father hated the lake.”
“Why?” Doe asked.
But Jase had to think about it. “I don’t know.”
“Because his father before him hated it,” Mansen said. “Your grandfather.”
“My grandfather?”
Mansen nodded solemnly. “Carthaigh of Brigantes. A warrior from days long past. He endured the curse and mated, but I never knew what became of him.”
Jase stepped backward, his head spinning. “This can’t be. I’m descended from an ancient warrior?” Huran would find that laughable for sure.