by Nikki Chase
I’m used to Jane’s tendency to insert financial jargon into our conversations. But even after years of friendship, I still can’t parse her words sometimes. All I know is, she’s saying that sleeping with Heath is a good thing.
I eye her suspiciously. “If this is a prank, you’ve got me. If you want to tell me you were just kidding and laugh at me, this is the time.”
Jane continues to stare at me with a serious expression. “You. Should. Sleep. With. Heath. Fucking. Anders,” she repeats slowly.
“But how is that different from the people who sleep their way through their career?” I ask. “It just feels so demeaning.”
“No, it’s totally different,” Jane says. “You see, you won’t be sleeping with him to get a promotion or something like that. You’ll be doing it to do the research you need for your work. You're just an artist who's willing to suffer for your art—although, considering we're talking about Heath Anders, I’m not sure ‘suffer’ is the right word to use here.”
I stare blankly at the wall as Jane’s words sink in.
Maybe the alcohol is getting to me, but she’s starting to make sense.
To be perfectly honest…
I’ve never told anyone—not even Jane—but Heath makes my body thrum with a foreign thrill. I’d never felt anything like that before him.
The tingles between my legs. The wetness leaking onto my panties. The spark of desire when his fingers brush against my skin…
Despite my knee-jerk objections to Jane’s idea, and despite my attempts to keep things professional at the workplace… I do find my boss attractive. He’s not just a random person I base my character on. I write about him because he inspires me.
But if this goes wrong and I lose my job, what am I going to do?
Even though this is not my dream job, it pays well enough to cover all my expenses. Late nights are rare, so I have enough time to write, even with my Vera-related obligations. And it’s not physically taxing, so I don’t crash as soon as I get home after work.
But if I were to lose this job, I could end up with a more demanding one. Or a lower-paying one, which could force me to get a second job, which would eat up my writing time.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
This plan is way too crazy… right?
I can’t just sleep with my boss, not even in the name of research, or even a book deal… can I?
…
But damn… a book deal would literally change my life.
“Jane, do you really think what Heath said about helping me with my book… You think he really meant he’d sleep with me?”
I hear no reply.
I twist to look at Jane, expecting to see her grinning at me, mocking my gullibility.
But she’s not even listening. She’s passed out. Her hair covers her face as she slowly slides down the back of the couch.
Of course that was just drunk talk. It didn’t mean anything. Jane didn’t mean any of it.
I’m not actually going to sleep with Heath Anders.
To my surprise, disappointment pangs in my chest.
Obviously, I’m way too drunk to think clearly.
Ugh. I’ll sleep on it and think again in the morning. This will be my challenge for tomorrow. I’ve never failed to complete my challenges, so I’m sure I’ll reach a decision by the end of the day.
Heath
I never cancel meetings with my biggest clients. Never. My clients know they can reach me or one of my top men whenever they need me. That's why I only take on a limited number of clients. My company specializes in high-net-worth individuals who appreciate the personalized customer service we provide.
But when I find out Dad has collapsed and is already in an ambulance, there’s no other option. Mr. Mikhailov can always fly here again if he really needs to see me. I have to rush to the hospital.
When I enter the hospital room, Mom’s crying and Dad’s lying unconscious on the bed. A machine is beeping and a clear IV tube is jabbed into his forearm. While the doctors run their tests, Mom keeps a tight clasp around Dad’s hand, as if she’s trying to guide him back with her touch.
The doctors come back not long after Dad wakes up. They tell us something we already know: the surgery Dad had a few months ago wasn’t successful.
But they tell us something else—something we don’t already know: he only has one year to live.
I leave the room to ask the doctors about drug trials. There’s only a minuscule chance of them working and they cost a fortune, so I’m worried my parents are going to balk at the price if they hear the conversation.
But I have a fortune. And there’s only so much I can spend.
After buying a big penthouse in Manhattan, a few investment properties, and a private jet, I can’t really think of any more expensive toys I want. So why not spend my money on my family?
After a long talk with the doctors about his options, I slip back into Dad’s hospital room.
“How is he?” I take a seat beside my mom and put my arm around her shoulders, which are still shaking.
Mom tears her gaze away from Dad, who’s fallen asleep. “He’s okay. Just tired. He’s resting now,” she says, her cheeks wet with tears.
“Mom, this doesn’t have to be a…” I almost say “death sentence,” but I stop myself before the words come out of my mouth. My direct communication style, which works well in business meetings, doesn’t quite fit this setting. “This doesn’t have to be the end of the road,” I say finally. “Dad has other options.”
“You mean drug trials?” Mom asks softly with wariness in her tired eyes. “I know they’re a last resort, Heath.”
“It’s another chance to fight.”
“I’m tired of fighting. Your dad is tired of fighting,” Mom says.
“We’ll talk to Dad about it and see what he decides.” I know I’ll have a better chance of getting Dad to agree to my plan.
She knows it’s unlikely that Dad would heal, so Mom wants to ease his suffering and let him enjoy his last days. It hasn’t been easy on either one of them, this fight against Dad’s progressing illness.
But I know Dad would fight, knowing how much losing him would hurt Mom. They share a beautiful partnership filled with love and empathy.
I envy them. I once thought I’d grow up to find what they have, but it turns out that kind of love just doesn’t exist in this time, this age, and especially this place.
New York City makes you fall in love with its promise of something even better, just beyond your reach.
Having climbed up to the top, I realize it’s an empty promise, but I can’t stop. It doesn’t make any sense. What use is getting more, when I already have more than enough?
Yet, it’s like a compulsion at this point. The yardstick is no longer just my needs and wants—I have way more money than I’ll ever spend in my lifetime—but how well my peers are doing.
It’s a competition. It’s a dick-measuring contest. And it’s fucking addictive. There’s nothing like the feeling of winning.
That’s great for my success. But at the same time, my success also means that I’m surrounded by women who think like me, who live for the satisfaction of gaining victory over their competitors. Except instead of money, they’re after men with money.
A relationship with a woman like that can get expensive, and I’m speaking from experience.
“How much does it cost, Heath?” Mom asks.
“Huh?” I almost ask her if she’s talking about the women, then I realize she can’t read my thoughts. I should probably get some sleep soon. Just to make sure, I ask, “The drug trial?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t worry about it.” I rub Mom’s shoulder soothingly. “I can afford it.”
Mom is quiet for a few seconds. “You know it probably won’t work, right?”
“I know.”
She lets out a big sigh. If her tear ducts weren’t already overworked, I’m sure she’d still be crying. Her eyes are still
red and puffy, and her wrinkles have dug in deeper into her flesh.
“Thirty-five years,” she says as she rubs the back of Dad’s hand. “Thirty-five years together. We said we were going to grow old together, and I guess we’ve done that.”
“You’ll have a lot more years to spend together, Mom.”
She gives me a look. She knows I’m just saying what she wants to hear.
“I thought we were going to see the world together when he retired,” she says.
“You never told me about that.”
“We were going to travel to Europe,” Mom says with a wry smile. “Maybe buy an RV and travel to the south of France. There’s this winery your dad has always wanted to try.”
I fight the urge to tell her that they’ll get to do that, too. Hell, I’ll gift them a private jet so they won’t have to live in a cramped RV.
“We wanted to move to Florida after doing some traveling. We thought we’d get ourselves a nice little beach house. Somewhere in Daytona Beach would be perfect.”
I can buy that for them, too. And they don’t even have to wait for Dad to retire.
I mean, what the fuck? Dad makes about $90,000 a year as a CPA. It’s not a small salary compared to many people, of course. But I make that much in a slow week. They could’ve retired any time they wanted.
Still, I keep my mouth shut. I don’t want Mom to think about what could’ve been, about how Dad could’ve spent what little time he had traveling, instead of counting beans.
“We thought we’d visit you every few months, and more often once we have grandchildren.” Mom sighs with regret. “Your dad really wanted grandchildren. When you got married and Melanie said she wanted to have kids right away, he was so excited.”
“Melanie said that?” I can’t believe that heartless woman would lie to my parents like that.
She has never wanted a family with me. It was all a lie.
She just wanted to stick around long enough to get the big pay-out. No wonder she insisted on a huge divorce settlement in the pre-nup. I was too blind to see it before the wedding, but I realized later that the pre-nup was her retirement plan.
“Yes.” Mom nods with a small smile on her dry, cracked lips. “Your dad was already talking about taking the kid to Disneyland.”
I had no idea.
“You remember how strict your Grandpa Joe was?” Mom asks.
“Yeah.”
“Well, your dad used to be really close with his Granddad, who always spoiled him. He said he was going to be the world’s best granddad. His goal was to one day get one of those stupid ‘Best Grandpa Ever’ mugs.” Mom laughs softly at her husband’s silliness.
In moments like this, I can’t console Mom with talk of RVs, beach houses, or even early retirements.
But just the thought of having a grandchild makes her laugh.
Maybe that’s something I can give her.
Why not?
I can give her everything else. Why not a grandchild?
Yes, I’m done with women. Thanks to my parents, I have a high standard for a relationship that no woman has ever come close to meeting.
I thought I’d settle with Melanie—everybody settles, right? I thought I could be happy. But I was wrong. So I threw away my dream of a family, along with my dream of a healthy, happy relationship.
But maybe I don’t have to throw the literal baby out with the bathwater. Maybe I can have a baby, without suffering the complications of a relationship.
Again, I have a fortune and nothing to spend it on. Why not use that money to build the family I’ve always wanted?
Kat
The day starts with an unpleasant-but-not-unexpected text message from Vera.
“Milk gone. Shampoo, too. Don't forget to pay the electric bill.”
I groan.
I can rant about how Vera should get up off her ass and find herself a job, but I’m going to rise above all those petty emotions.
I mean, having the money to help out family is a good thing, right? I should be proud of myself for having a well-paying job.
And then I go to work to hear my boss say, “You’re fired.”
My jaw drops. “Huh?” I clear my throat. This is not how I usually talk in the office, especially to my boss. “Did you just say I’m fired?”
“Yes.” Heath smiles, flashing his rows of perfect white teeth without an ounce of sympathy. He seems almost happy about this. What kind of a monster is this man?
“Is this because of my USB stick the other day?” I ask, avoiding any mention of my manuscript.
“No.”
“Did Mr. Mikhailov complain to you?” I ask. “I already explained to his assistant that you had an emergency and it wasn’t a scheduling mistake on my part, but—”
“You haven’t done anything wrong,” Heath says. “If anything, you’re the best personal assistant I’ve had and I don’t know if I’ll be able to replace you.”
I frown. “So, then… Why…” I resist the impulse to scratch my head—that wouldn’t look very professional. But I’ve never been more puzzled in my life.
“I’m not firing you because I don’t like your work. I’m firing you because I want to offer you a different position,” Heath says.
As I let out a big exhale, I realize I’ve been holding my breath. Still, my muscles remain tense. “What do you mean by ‘a different position’?”
“Some other kind of work,” he answers cryptically.
“Are you transferring me to another division?”
If he’s giving me a position with better opportunities to move up, I’m going to say no. Those jobs should go to people who actually want to advance in the corporate world. I’m just here to pay the bills so I can write in my free time. So I’d rather stay here, where the work is light and easy.
“No, you’ll stay right here.” The corners of Heath’s lips curl up suspiciously as he gets up from his chair.
He looks even more intimidating when he stands up to his full height, his body all hard, solid muscles. I don’t know how he finds the time to go to the gym with the kind of schedule that he has, but obviously, he makes the time. That’s a body that has been sculpted by discipline and determination.
“In the executive division?” I ask, my heart beating fast as he makes his way around the table. I don’t care what the job is. Just tell me I still have a job.
“No, right here in my office,” he says from behind me. I can feel the heat emanating from his hands, which are gripping the back of my chair.
“Huh?” Again, I lose my professional poise. I shift in my chair and twist to look up at him. Say what?
“Kat,” he says. “Kat, Kat, Kat. That’s a funny name for a grown woman, isn’t it?”
“Not really,” I say.
Hello? Kat Von D? She’s a grown woman—a kick-ass one at that. But more importantly, why aren’t we talking about my new job?
“Tell me, Kitty Kat, have you always wanted to write a book?” Heath asks, calling me by a pet name that’s not unfamiliar—it’s not exactly original—but way too familiar for him to use, especially in an office setting.
“A romance novel,” I correct him. “It’s my dream to be a romance author.”
“So you only work here for the money?” he asks.
Is that a trick question? The answer is obvious enough.
“Yes,” I say. “But when I got the job I told the HR guy about it, and he said it was okay. He didn’t think I’d last a week.”
Heath chuckles. “My previous assistants have quit pretty quickly. And yet here you are, beating the odds after more than one month.”
“Since you just fired me, I’d say I’m not quite beating the odds,” I remind him to keep the conversation on topic.
“It’s not like I gave them much work at all. I just have my own way of doing things, and they haven’t been able to do things my way. But you…” Heath leans down with his hands still on the back of my chair, bringing his face so close to mine I can feel
his hot breath on my skin. “You’re good at taking directions. You do things my way. I like that.”
“Thank you.”
I change my tactic. Since he’s been ignoring my attempts at getting him to talk about this new job that he’s supposedly offering, I’ll just keep my answers short. Maybe I’ll get my answer sooner if I just let him keep talking about whatever he wants, until he feels like broaching the subject.
“Have you ever published any of your work, Kitty Kat?” Heath asks.
“No,” I admit.
“Why not?”
“I haven’t been able to find a publisher.”
“That’s too bad,” he says, without any surprise in his voice. “I hear it’s hard to break into the scene. Do you know why you haven’t been successful?”
I pause to think about it. This is something that has actually been plaguing me.
“I’m not quite sure,” I say. “Maybe my writing is not good enough. I only work on my manuscript during my free time, so maybe I don’t do it enough to be really good at it. Or maybe it’s not polished enough because I can’t afford to hire an editor.”
“I think your writing is great,” Heath says, “but I don’t really know much about books, especially romance. I mostly read non-fiction.”
“About stocks?” I guess.
Heath seems like the workaholic type, even though according to everyone in the office I’ve talked to, he's already cut down on his hours. I get it, though; the stock market is always moving and there’s always something he can do to optimize his investments.
“Something like that,” he says. Heath circles my chair. Leaning his tasty ass on the desk in front of me, he studies me with his sharp, blue eyes. He looks like an antiques dealer holding a magnifying glass to my face, appraising my value. He asks, “How much do you want to make it as a romance author, kitten?”
I ignore his continuously evolving nickname for me and answer, “I want it more than anything.”
When I was still living with Vera, I used to read a lot of romance novels to escape from my drab reality. I studied all day and did house chores all night, but when it was time to turn off the lights, I took out my e-reader and got lost in fantasy worlds where life was always perfect in the end.