“How are you?” He searched her face in the dim light of the blue flame. She kept her eyes trained to a clump of grass in the distance.
“I dreamt of my mother for so long. She was supposed to be lovely and amazing, and only left me because she was forced to. Now I find she’s cold and heartless and torturing my best friend.”
She gave a little gasp of disbelief as the import of her own words hit.
“How could she leave her own baby? How could she leave me?”
Gwen drew her knees up to her chest and hugged them, rocking a little with the strength of her squeezing. An arm moved across her shoulders as Aidan drew her into his chest. She remained tense for a moment then released her body in a long breath.
“I thought I’d gotten over that years ago.”
He carefully smoothed her hair back from her forehead. She closed her eyes.
“I told myself that the only way she would have left me and not come back was death or kidnapping. I was really starting to think she had been captured and brought here as a slave like Ellie had been. It made so much sense. This doesn’t make any sense.” She paused a moment. “And what the hell did my dad see in her? How could he…” She trailed off, shaking her head in incomprehension.
“She must have been a looker. You said they were together only a week. That’s not very long to get to know someone.”
She gave a little laugh. “I haven’t known you for very long. I feel like I would know if you were into torture and murder.”
He gave her a little squeeze. “We’ve been through a lot. If they were only—having a good time, it was probably easy for her to keep the charm turned on. Or she might have enchanted him, like Corann did to Ellie.”
“I like that idea much better. I don’t care if it’s true or not, I think I’ll believe it anyway.” She adjusted herself against Aidan’s chest. She closed her eyes, comfortable, the cool breeze from outside drifting over her bare legs, contrasting against the warmth of Aidan at her back.
“So why did she do it? Come find your dad, I mean.” Aidan sounded puzzled.
“Hey, don’t make fun of my dad. He’s a good-looking guy.” She reached around to prod Aidan in the stomach. He laughed.
“No offense meant. I can believe Isolde came to our world for—entertainment. What I don’t get is why she stayed pregnant and had you.”
“Well, they’re kind of medieval here. Maybe birth control isn’t a thing.”
“You can’t tell me that with all this magic, they can’t deal with an unwanted pregnancy. It could be against their beliefs or something, I guess. But Bran said Isolde has had other men since, but no other children. I think she wanted to have you.”
Gwen digested this for a moment.
“That doesn’t make any sense. Why would she keep me, but then leave me on my dad’s doorstep? She can’t have wanted me that much.”
Aidan sighed. “I don’t understand. I just think there’s something else going on, that’s all.”
They sat there for a while. Gwen felt sleepy. She was a little cold, but Aidan’s solid warmth behind her compensated.
“Why do you think you could make the barrow portal open?” Aidan’s quiet voice roused her from sleepiness. She pondered his question.
“Well, Queen Kiera’s curse allowed her child to come through. Maybe that’s a loophole for all half-and-halfs.”
“Interesting,” Aidan said. She could feel the vibrations of his voice through his chest, lulling her to sleep. “I wonder why Isolde and Declan can do it too.”
She was too tired to think, too tired to answer. She let the whole exhausting day slide away as she fell into sleep.
Chapter 14
Gwen awoke chilled. She and Aidan must have rolled apart in the night, because she was sprawled on the ground with her cheek pressed into the dirt. She pushed herself upright, arching her back in a stretch, and leaned against the wall rubbing sleep out of her eyes.
The morning sun streamed through their doorway with a vibrant orange glow. It lit the hair of the still-sleeping Aidan so that he looked more on fire than usual. His head was tucked into his folded arm and his legs sprawled out, stomach pressing into the dirt. She felt protective, suddenly. His bare back rising and falling with each breath, his face relaxed into that of a boy—birdsong trilled loudly outside and Gwen fiercely willed it to stop, to not disturb his sleep.
Aidan’s mark was clearly visible stretching across his shoulder and down to his shoulder blade. She studied it, but couldn’t see how Bran was able to read the swirling pattern of dark green vines and leaves. She wondered briefly if perhaps he had made their parentage up, but quickly dismissed the notion. The half-blood observation, the name Isolde—Gwen knew Bran was right.
Thinking of Isolde brought Gwen’s mind around to Ellie, forever dancing. Her stomach clenched with the memory of Ellie’s anguished face and tattered shoes. Gwen felt so inadequate, so unmatched in the face of all the Breenan and their magic, so unprepared to mount a rescue attempt. She needed to learn how to fight fire with fire.
Gwen waited, basking in the warmth of the morning sunbeams, until Aidan blinked himself awake. He brought his hand up to shade his eyes, and looked at the watching Gwen with a sleepy smile.
“Morning,” she said, smiling back.
“Morning,” he replied, pulling himself into a sitting position and yawning widely.
They pulled out leftover food from Bran’s sack for breakfast.
“Aidan,” Gwen said after they had eaten and he was picking through the sack, looking for crumbs.
“Mmm?” He popped an errant grape into his mouth.
“Can you teach me how to use my magic?”
He paused in his search, looking at her.
“Well, sure. But I got the impression you weren’t that interested.”
“I’m just nervous. Every time I’ve used it, it’s been kind of traumatic. It’s usually explosive or startling. But—” She breathed out with determination. “I need to figure this out. Everyone else here uses magic, and I feel very out-gunned.”
“These people have been using magic since birth, I expect, so I doubt we’ll ever be able to compete. But I think it’s a great idea for you to control your magic. You shouldn’t be afraid of it.” He grinned at her. “It can be really fun.” He crossed his legs and sat up straight. “Okay, close your eyes.”
“What? We’re doing this right now?” Panicky sensations fluttered in Gwen’s chest, even though she had asked for this.
“Why not? Eyes closed.”
She shut them obediently.
“Okay, now feel around in your chest with your mind.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she demanded, her eyes popping open.
Aidan clucked his tongue. “Just try it. Imagine it.”
Sighing, she closed her eyes again. She pictured a tiny hand crawling around her lungs and heart. She paused when she felt—imagined?—a warm humming under her imaginary fingers. Her posture or expression must have changed, because Aidan said eagerly, “Do you feel it? Your core?”
“Maybe? It’s all warm and tingly.” She paused. “That sounded really dumb.”
“No, I know what you mean. Okay, now reach into it, and pull some of it through your arm into your hand.”
Gwen flexed her imaginary fingers and tentatively pushed them toward the core. They stopped short as if a wall stood in the way. She prodded, then jabbed. She could have sworn she felt a dull thud on impact.
“I can’t get in. There’s something stopping me.”
“Hmm.” Aidan sounded puzzled. “Try pushing harder.”
Gwen imagined her inner hand jabbing hard at the wall with its index finger. The wall didn’t budge. Frustration built up, mixed with a little fear. What if she pushed too hard, and she couldn’t control it? As her emotions rose the wall yielded, just slightly.
“Hey, I felt it move!” Gwen said, elated.
Aidan said, “Okay, now give it another push.”
Her frustration melting away, she pushed again only to find the wall as firm as before, the warm tingling ensconced on the other side. She opened her eyes.
“It’s back to being a solid wall,” she said glumly. “I did feel it move, though, I swear.”
“That’s really strange,” Aidan said, frowning in confusion. “I don’t understand what’s blocking you.” He cocked his head to one side, looking at her with narrowed eyes. “You said earlier that your magic came out when your emotions were heightened. Do you think after years of suppressing them, you’ve gotten too good at it and can’t let go of your control?”
Gwen raised her shoulders, questioning.
“Maybe? What do I do about it?” How could she stop doing something that she didn’t know she was doing?
“You need to relax a little. It’s okay to feel, to get angry sometimes, to lose control. If you can let go anywhere, it’s in this land of magic. It’s practically expected here.”
Gwen stared at him.
“I don’t know how. I don’t know where to begin. And even if I did, I’m afraid of what I might do.”
Aidan looked at her for a minute.
“You were using magic at Loniel’s bonfire. You were glowing. It wasn’t scary at all. It was beautiful.”
They stared at each other for a long moment until Gwen looked down, her heart pounding.
“I guess I should have grabbed a flask of Loniel’s drink, if it makes me relaxed enough to make magic.” She got up and dusted off her legs.
Aidan got up as well.
“The point remains that you can do it, when you let down your guard. Just don’t let your emotions be your enemy.” Aidan’s voice was cool. She turned to look at him, but he had bent down to pick up his sack and was already heading out the door. “I’ll go get changed outside. Come out when you’re ready.”
Feeling like she had failed a test she didn’t know she was taking, Gwen quickly slipped out of her tunic and into her undergarments and dress. The neckline of the dress was low and wide, leaving most of her new mark exposed. She traced it with her fingertips, exploring this new adornment. It was so large that when she placed her hand over her shoulder, she could only just cover the mark with her fingers and palm. She rubbed it lightly, and then with more vigor. The mark stayed put. As far as Gwen knew the tattoo was permanent. She wondered whether she would have the nerve to show her father.
When she came outside, blinking in the bright morning sun, Aidan was waiting for her.
“Ready for an invigorating morning stroll?” He grinned at her. The awkwardness of a minute ago was forgotten, or else Aidan purposefully ignored it. He exuded his characteristic easy joviality, and Gwen was puzzled but grateful. She wondered if she weren’t the only one with a tight guard on her emotions.
She smiled back tentatively.
“Yeah, we’d better get moving. It’ll take all morning to get to the castle.”
“I figured we could practice magic on the way,” Aidan said, fastening his cape with a theatrical swirl. “That way maybe you’ll be distracted enough to not focus so much on control.”
“Sure,” Gwen said, wanting to be agreeable. She didn’t have high hopes, though. The wall felt very solid.
***
They traced their way back along the forest’s edge, keeping a careful eye out for signs of the others. All was quiet except for birdsong. Gwen pointed at the cluster of willows in the distance when they neared. The fire was cold and dead. No figures stirred near the trees, not even a pacing guard.
“They must have left really early,” Gwen said.
“Do these people ever sleep, or do they just dance?” Aidan said incredulously.
They quickly found the path, a clear opening in the dense forest. Gwen adjusted her dress and prepared herself for the long walk. As they walked, and as the sun rose higher in the sky and created dappled shadows along their way, Gwen practiced magic.
Or at least, she attempted it.
“Try to imagine your core as before, but this time with your eyes open,” Aidan instructed. “We need to keep walking, and having your mind on two things might help with distraction.”
Gwen tried to imagine the hand again. It came more easily this time, and she had little difficulty finding her tingling core. Accessing it, however, proved as fruitless as it had earlier.
“It’s—just—not—working,” she said, jabbing her core with every word. She tried slapping it, grabbing it, and punching it. Her only reward was a faint sense of nausea. Frustration rose in her, fuelled by desperation. She took a deep breath to calm herself.
“No!” Aidan leaped in front and faced her, grabbing both her arms. “Don’t control it! Feel your frustration, let it take over!”
She stared at him, wide-eyed with astonishment. He shook her arms slightly.
“Try it again.” She reached in and met the usual resistance. “Still can’t do it? Is it frustrating? Look how easy it is for me.” He let go with one hand and held up the other in front of her face. Blue flames licked the center of his palm. He extinguished the flames and put his hand back on her arm. “Doesn’t it bother you that you can’t do that? Don’t you want to? Aren’t you so frustrated you could scream?”
Gwen stared into Aidan’s eyes, confusion and uncertainty swiftly replaced by anger and frustration. Why was he saying these things to her? It was cruel of him to be flaunting his magic in her face, taunting her with her inabilities. Her breath became shallower, and she reached inside to poke her core once again, if only to prove Aidan wrong. She met the usual wall. That resistance, along with Aidan’s intense face in hers, combined to make her feel trapped. She sprang away.
“Stop it!” she shouted, hands in fists at her sides, facing Aidan head-on. Her heart pounded and her breath came in shallow gasps. A little burst of heat flared in her chest.
Aidan looked down at her hands.
“There we are,” he said softly.
Gwen looked down. Her fists were covered in orange flames, flickering brightly, crawling over her curled fingers. Her mouth dropped open in astonishment, all anger ebbing away. As it did, the flames flickered and died. She stared for a moment at her fire-free hands, then looked up at Aidan.
He gave her a wry smile.
“I’m sorry, Gwen. I didn’t know how else to break you out of your box.” He looked contrite.
Gwen looked down, flexing her fingers as if looking for the flames.
“Did you see that?” she asked quietly. She looked up again. “I made fire.”
He gave her a real smile then.
“Yeah, you sure did. It wasn’t so bad, was it?”
She tucked her hands under her arms.
“I guess not.” She prodded her core, disappointed yet unsurprised that the resistance was back again. “So I need to Hulk-out every time I want to use magic?”
“Oh, I’m sure it just takes practice.” Aidan turned around and they started walking again. “We’ll get you there eventually. There are other emotions besides anger we can try.”
Gwen looked sharply at Aidan, but he kept his eyes forward and his face bland. Gwen let the comment slide, her face a little hot as she recalled the night of the bonfire.
They walked in silence for a while. The sun warmed up the forest pleasantly and the path was over easy terrain. The light had a warm green glow from filtering through the canopy of leaves above.
“So how do you reckon we’ll get back home after we rescue Ellie?” Aidan spoke into the silence, waking Gwen from her mindless reverie.
“I have no idea. Try to find that doorway again and keep trying to get through, I suppose.” She sighed. “Let’s just get her away from—the queen first.”
“Yeah, about that—” Aidan glanced sidelong at Gwen. “Any thoughts?”
“Well, if Bran doesn’t turn up before we get there, I suggest we clean up, join the crowd, and dance Ellie out the door.”
“Ha, all right.” Aidan looked at Gwen, and frowned. “You’re seriou
s.” She nodded. “Wow. There are so many holes in that plan…” Aidan left the sentence dangling. “Let’s see. I can manage cleaning our clothes again.”
“I could kill for a wash,” Gwen said. “If you spot a lake, let me know.”
“Wouldn’t that be nice. Okay, do you know how to dance? Whatever they’re dancing, I mean?”
“Umm, no,” Gwen admitted. “Ellie’s the award-winning dancer, not me.” She grimaced at Aidan. “First big hole. Can you dance?”
“I’m not the greatest dancer. Luckily for us, I developed an enchantment for bad dancers. It was after a particularly humiliating incident in year nine which we don’t need to get into now.” Gwen giggled. Aidan looked at her from under his eyebrows with mock sternness. “Nothing from the peanut gallery, thank you. Anyway, the spell works by mimicking and mirroring the moves the other dancers do, and sort of suggesting your body does complementary moves. You still have to follow, but at least you know what to do.”
He stopped and faced her.
“Let’s try it.” He reached out and put his fingertips on her forehead, closing his eyes with a concentrated air. A moment later his eyes popped open. “Right, hopefully that worked. I’ve never put that spell on someone else.”
Gwen raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t feel anything. What do I do now?”
“Whatever you feel like doing.” He stepped back, paused, and twirled on the spot. As soon as he began his turn, Gwen felt an urgent need to turn herself. She twisted in a circle and stopped to face Aidan. She stared at him in disbelief.
“Seriously?” She held herself tense, unsure what her body would do next. Aidan grinned and started clapping and flapping his arms like a bird.
“You are not making me do the chicken dance,” Gwen burst out, starting to laugh as her own arms started flapping. With a huge effort she crossed them across her chest and tucked her hands under her arms.
Aidan kept flapping as he backed up. The spell lessened with every step he took.
“It dies off it you move away from people, don’t worry.” He walked back, waving his hand with a twist. “There, spell canceled.” They continued down the path. “And you saw for yourself you can resist it, if you need to.”
Breenan Series Box Set Page 14