by J. S. Lee
I could feel my panties getting wet; this was a five-hour flight.
“I hate both of you,” I muttered. “I wasn’t feeling well. Again. And I’m tired of not feeling well. Combined with the lack of sleep, I’ve turned into a raging bitch. I took it out on Sungmin when I shouldn’t have done, and I will apologize when we land.”
Xiao watched me, considering what I was saying with great thought. Or drawing out the maddening frustration… it was definitely the latter. The smug smile confirmed that. “Wear your hair in a high ponytail. Jiwon likes your neck.” Xiao nodded appreciatively. “It is a suckable neck.” He nodded again. “He’s going to give you a bag, and aside from those fuck me heels you own, you’re going to wear everything in that bag and nothing else. Except red lipstick. He was very clear on that.” He leaned back in his seat looking me up and down as though imagining me in whatever Jiwon had picked out.
“Am I going to get arrested for whatever he’s got picked out for me?” I asked, but wary and surprisingly turned on at whatever was in that bag.
Xiao leaned forward again, bringing his mouth to my ear. “No, but I promise I’ll use those handcuffs on you another time, if you do.”
I turned my head a fraction. “Promise?”
Xiao stared at me, and then cursed, loudly, in Chinese. “Fuck, Kate. I’m going to the bathroom.” He rubbed at the erection which had been growing since he had mentioned the butt plug.
“At least you can,” I grumbled.
“You could always join me.”
“And we both know that’s not going to happen.”
“At least you know I’m going to be thinking about you,” he added as he unbuckled his seatbelt and sauntered down the aisle.
“That doesn’t help,” I called after him.
I spent the whole flight trying to get what was in the box out of Xiao. Although my headache was ebbing away with each mile we flew, the nausea had gone nowhere and it was a welcome distraction.
Until we hit the turbulence. I held it together until we landed, and then I had to run to the bathroom before we went through security. I puked. I’d barely eaten anything and I was still in there a while.
I was surprised when I came out and found Sungmin waiting for me. He handed me a bottle of water. I’d kept my toothbrush in my backpack with a travel-sized tube of toothpaste, and I’d already brushed my teeth, but I took the bottle gratefully.
Sungmin didn’t say anything until we reached the line for security. “Taeyoon is taking the others to the hotel.”
“Why does that sound like we’re going somewhere else?” I asked. Despite the fact there was nothing in my stomach, it felt like a rock had dropped in it.
“The hospital.”
I shook my head. “Sungmin, I’m fine. I-”
“You haven’t been well for several days now. You’ve blamed food poisoning, jetlag, a cold, and I suspect that was going to be turbulence. Maybe you are run down, or maybe you have a virus, but I have a responsibility to Onyx and my team to make sure you’re all well.”
It might have been from throwing up, but I didn’t have the strength to argue. He was right: I hadn’t been well and it was time to find out what was wrong with me.
제 21 장
Mamma Mia
The moment we stepped through the security doors head down the corridor to baggage claim, Sungmin turned his phone on. As it burst into life with message notifications, CX appeared out of nowhere.
“What are you doing here?” Sungmin demanded. “You are supposed to be on a minibus with the others.”
“JongB caused a distraction and I slipped back in.”
Sungmin’s phone started ringing and he quickly answered it. “He’s with me.” He looked pointedly at CX. “I will give him a reason to need to visit the hospital… No, go to the hotel. We’ll meet you there later.” He hung up and rubbed his temples. “Are you ill, or are you just here because Kate is going to the hospital?”
“Which answer will put me in less trouble?”
Sungmin glanced up and down the corridor. Despite the fact there was constant, heavy foot traffic, there was no one paying any attention. Regardless, Sungmin grabbed CX’s shoulder and dragged him to one side. “Are you stupid? This is an airport where there are fans waiting for you to get off the plane. Either they noticed you weren’t with the rest of Onyx, or they saw you run back in. Now we’re going to have to come up with some cover story as to why you came to the hospital.”
“I’m sorry, but we all decided-”
“You all decided?” Sungmin repeated. “Yongsik, none of you should be deciding anything. This is unacceptable behavior. I don’t care how beautiful she is.”
“Let’s not do this here,” I suggested, tugging at Sungmin’s jacket. “Let’s just get to the hospital and then we can go to the hotel and you can have that discussion in private.”
Sungmin shot CX one last dark look, before marching away, his limp more pronounced than ever. I looked at CX, silently asking him, what the fuck? He shrugged back at me.
It had been a while since I had seen Sungmin this angry. I couldn’t blame him – he was right and CX’s actions were wrong. We hurried after the manager in silence. I was saving my piece for later when Sungmin would have finished yelling at them.
I wasn’t sure how many fans had been waiting when the others had left, but there was still a small group remaining. Sungmin sucked in a deep breath and turned to me. “Go get a taxi. I’ve sent you a message,” he said as my phone vibrated in my pocket. “Get the driver to send you to this address. Yongsik and I will follow in a separate taxi.”
I wasn’t going to argue. I nodded and then left them, heading unnoticed past the group of fans to get outside, where I did as requested.
By the time I got to the hospital, I was feeling better than I had for a while. I was certain the doctor was going to tell me I had picked up a virus and I would be OK, but I waited for Sungmin and CX to appear, nonetheless.
They were only a few minutes behind me. CX looked like he had already been read the riot act as he got out of the car, but he was still there with him. I had half suspected Sungmin would detour to the hotel to drop him off first.
We were checked in quickly and taken to a private room to wait. I realized why Sungmin had chosen this hospital as soon as the Korean doctor walked in. “She needs a full work up, Dr Kim” Sungmin told her.
I didn’t protest. It wasn’t worth it. Instead, I waited while the doctor ushered the others out of the room and then subjected me to taking my temperature, my blood, making me pee in a cup, and then asking me a lot of questions, all while making extensive notes.
Time ticked away and finally, Sungmin and CX were allowed back in the room. “There are some tests I will run which won’t take very long to get results and will account for about seventy percent of possible causes. I will come back with those when I have them.” She gave Sungmin a polite nod and then walked out.
“How are you feeling?” he asked me.
I was in a bed, thankfully wearing my own pajamas from my hand luggage, but I had a drip in my hand. “She thinks it’s likely I picked up a virus and wants to give me some fluids,” I sighed, lifting my hand.
“You look a bit better,” CX agreed, coming to the far side of the bed and taking a chair.
“You two should head back to the hotel.”
Sungmin snorted. “The others are sight-seeing. Yongsik gave up that privilege when he decided to come to the hospital, so he will be staying here for the duration.”
Although CX’s head was suitably hung, he also didn’t look like that was an issue. I sighed. “Can you give us a moment?” I asked the maknae, before turning to Sungmin. “Assuming it’s OK for him to wait outside?”
Sungmin looked to CX and then nodded his head towards the door.
“I owe you an apology,” I told him as soon as the door had closed behind CX. “I said some awful, mean things to you, and regardless of whether I was ill or not, there was no reason
to say them. I’m sorry, Sungmin.”
Sungmin moved over to the window, staring out of it for the longest time. “The doctor and Atlantis advised me not to do the remainder of this tour,” he admitted quietly. “It has been harder than I thought it would be. I thought I was hiding it well, but you seem to be the only one that noticed.”
“Have you tried calling her?” I asked, softly.
Sungmin turned, leaning back against the window, and frowned. “Holly?”
“Moonhee,” I corrected him. “Letting her know that you miss her.”
“But I don’t,” he said, slowly.
I folded my arms. “Sure,” I said, skeptically. “It has been a couple of weeks.”
“Since the wedding,” he agreed. “It has been a few months since my accident. Looking back, she left me then. She just didn’t say anything about it until our wedding. I should have seen the signs back then. It was obvious.” He waved his hand at his face, but before I could say anything, he shook his head. “The last thing I’ve been thinking about while I’ve been away from home is Ko Moonhee.”
“I know you might think this is a strange thing to say, especially because I know you don’t really like me, but if you need someone to talk to, I’ll listen. You seem lonely, and you spend most of your time alone. I’m not a doctor, I know that, but you seem depressed, Sungmin, and I’m really worried about you. I know it’s not something you talk about much in Korea, especially with men, but it’s OK to not be OK. We can do things to help.”
Sungmin stared at me in silence, and I sighed. I had tried to word it so I wouldn’t offend him, but somehow, I had achieved the opposite.
“Is that what you think?” he asked eventually.
There was a knock at the door and Dr Kim poked her head in. “I’m sorry to disturb you, but I have some results back and I thought you would want to know.”
“Come on in,” I said, fixing a smile on my face even though I wanted to curse her out. I was sure I had been about to make a small breakthrough with Sungmin then.
“Perhaps you would like to wait outside,” she said to Sungmin.
I waved my hand, dismissing that idea. “It’s fine. I’m only going to tell him I have a virus as soon as you walk out of the room.”
“Are you sure,” she said, looking confused.
A knot of nervousness appeared in my stomach. “Unless this is where you tell me I have cancer or something,” I asked, suddenly feeling terrified, even more so because I’d asked the question in English because I didn’t know the Korean for it, and the doctor only spoke Korean and Spanish.
“Cancer?” CX repeated, stepping into the room.
At least they understood the English, repeating the word in Korean for the doctor.
“It’s not cancer,” Doctor Kim quickly told us. “Are you sure you want these men in here with you?” she asked again.
I nodded. Yes, because she still hadn’t told me what was wrong, and now I was beginning to panic, and even if they couldn’t translate everything, they would be able to at least type it into an app to help me out and holy crap, I was going to throw up.
“You’re pregnant.”
The three of us stared at the doctor like she had started speaking in Spanish.
“No, I’m not.”
“Kate?” Sungmin turned to me, mortified.
I shook my head at him. “Sungmin, I’m not pregnant. I’m on the pill.”
“The pill is not one hundred percent reliable,” the doctor decided to point out.
“I took a pregnancy test two days ago, and it was negative.”
Both Sungmin and CX’s eyes bulged out of their head at that, but the doctor merely nodded. “They can also be unreliable. You are four weeks pregnant.”
“It’s not possible,” I told her, before turning to Sungmin. “I’m not pregnant.”
“The fact that you took the test shows that you thought your body was acting differently to normal. You should trust your body.” Doctor Kim looked between Sungmin and CX. “Who is the father?”
I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or cry at the question she had asked so innocently.
“I need to get out of here.” I started pulling at the tape holding the needle in the back of my hand in place.
“I would advise you stay here and finish that bag,” the doctor told me, hurrying over to try to stop me from pulling it out.
“Get this thing out of me and let me get out of here,” I snapped, suddenly feeling like I couldn’t breathe. “Get it out!”
“Miss West-”
“GET IT OUT!” I screamed at her.
So help me, she did.
Not caring that I was still in my pajamas, I ran out of the room, ignoring CX and Sungmin.
I didn’t make it outside. I got halfway down the corridor before CX wrapped his hand around my wrist. The force had me whirling back into him, crashing into his arms, which he proceeded to wrap around me. I wasn’t sure if it was to keep me there, or to give me a hug, but I clung to him.
“I can’t be pregnant,” I whispered.
“Let’s go back to your room,” he suggested, a hand rubbing my back.
I felt numb as I let him lead me back to my room. The doctor had gone, but Sungmin was in there, looking like he had seen a ghost.
Way to add to his stress levels, Kate.
I sank into a chair, my head dropping into my hands.
When I’d bought the pregnancy test, I’d done it on a whim. When Sungmin had said it was food poisoning, I’d allowed myself to think that was the case. The pregnancy test had confirmed it, in my eyes. Aside from a brief conversation with JongB, I’d never really allowed myself to think about pregnancy or babies.
Holy fuck, I had a life inside of me.
And I had no idea who the father was.
I’d taken being on the pill for granted and not used any other form of protection with my guys.
How could I be so stupid?!
This was… this could…
If this got out – and how could it not, because how could you hide a pregnant belly… how could you hide a baby?? If this got out, Onyx would be over. Or one of them would have to leave the group. And who would that be, because I was sure the world would know I was pregnant long before I could do a paternity test.
“What are you thinking, Kate?” CX asked, crouching down in front of me.
I looked up, sucking in a deep breath and exhaling slowly. “I don’t know. I don’t know how to tell everyone-”
“No, what are you thinking?” He reached for my hand. “You’re pregnant, Kate.”
“Surprised. Shocked. Confused. Scared.” I sat back in the chair chewing at my lip. Finally, I dared to look at CX. He didn’t seem angry or upset. In fact, he looked like he had been crying. “You…?”
“I’m surprised, but I’m happy.”
Those five words were like a warm blanket. I breathed in another shaky breath. “Really?”
He nodded, smiling.
“But you’re twenty-two and just starting over in your second idol group which is exceedingly popular,” I pointed out.
“I want kids. I always have. It might be earlier than I thought, but I could be a dad, and that makes me happy. I feel like my heart could burst right now.”
“But it’s a could be,” I whispered, the panic setting in again. “There are six possible people who could be this baby’s dad. Oh lord…”
“We’re all in this, Kate. It’s our baby.”
That was the problem. We weren’t all in this. We were in a relationship, but none of us had ever discussed kids together. It was one thing for it to be something that could happen in the future, but this was something that was going to happen – was happening – now.
I looked over to Sungmin. “What do you think about this?”
“I’m not sure I have a right to think anything about this, but I would suggest you take a day to think about what you want before you speak to the others.” His expression was unreadable. I expected
him to be angry or disappointed, but there was nothing.
“It’s not a bad idea,” CX agreed. “I won’t say anything: it’s your body. You need to work out what you want and what you need.” He squeezed my hand. “But I’m not going anywhere. I love you.”
I was in agreement with both of them: what did I want?
제 22 장
Follow
It was late when we left the hospital. Doctor Kim eventually came back and told me they had done another test to confirm, but I was pregnant. She’d also given me some tablets for the morning sickness. After some math had taken place in my head, I had worked out that I’d gotten pregnant within a few weeks of getting out of hospital after the car accident, where I’d been prescribed antibiotics.
What the Korean doctors had never told me was that antibiotics are known to screw up birth control and I should have been extra careful. What she couldn’t tell me, was whether it was Youngbin, Xiao, Jiwon, JongB, MinMin or CX who was the father.
Sungmin and CX had promised not to say anything, nor would they bring it up with me until I was ready to speak to everyone together. But Sungmin’s poker face was starting to crack: he was disappointed. CX… he was… oh lord, he was happy.
That should have made me happy, but it scared me.
What if the others didn’t feel that way?
After telling the others that I was fine, but I needed a good night’s sleep, alone, I had gone to my room and locked the door. Given that nobody knocked on it and the group chat was silent, I was absolutely sure Sungmin had forbidden anyone from talking to me for the night.
I was grateful.
But I never felt more alone.
I got up from the bed and paced my room. Despite the instruction to get some rest – fun fact, pregnancy makes you tired – I couldn’t sleep. I grabbed my phone and moved to the window, staring out at the streets of Buenos Aires as I waited for Holly to answer my call.