by J. S. Lee
“I’m sorry, a meal?” I repeated in disbelief.
“The previous Vice Chairman wasn’t as great,” JongB shrugged. “But at least he didn’t hit us.”
I gaped at him. “He hits them?”
JongB nodded. “I visited Minseok in the hospital while we were on our down time. He said Mo Daesik had thrown a chair at him. He wouldn’t go into the details, but it gave him a concussion. Then his manager turned up and I left.”
“Guys, we’re going way off topic here,” Sungmin said, clearing his throat. “We need to talk to you-”
“No, it’s OK,” I cut him off. “I want to hear about how this idol’s life is over because she’s pregnant.”
No, I didn’t.
That was the last thing I wanted to hear.
But if this was how they were going to take the news about someone else, at least I could gage how they would each react.
“Kate,” Sungmin started in a low, warning tone.
I shook my head. “No, I want to hear it.”
I still didn’t…
Jiwon arched an eyebrow. “I don’t get what you’re getting hung up on. She’s a twenty-two year old idol who is pregnant. How many of them do you see? And before you get all hung up on it being a different standard for guys, if it turns out she got pregnant from another idol, his life is over too.”
“I don’t think-” CX started to jump in, but he was quickly cut off.
“A dating scandal is bad enough. Groups could probably survive it, but a pregnancy?” Youngbin shrugged. “I’m not sure there’s any coming back for Subin. Then again, she’s keeping the baby – she must be if she announced she’s pregnant – so she knows she’s done.”
“I’m not sure saying their life is over is entirely accurate,” CX jumped back in.
“Idol life is more accurate,” MinMin agreed. “Being a mom isn’t a bad thing. But I can’t think of any first-generation girl groups who are still together, so I couldn’t really say if it’s an automatic no-go on performing. Though, she’s definitely not going to want to be keeping up the lifestyle while pregnant.”
“Of course, she’s not,” Jiwon snorted. “And she might not be dead, but if we couldn’t perform, isn’t it almost the same thing?” From beside him, JongB tilted his head, his eyes slowly going wide as he looked from Jiwon to me. Jiwon shrugged. “This isn’t important. What did you want to talk about?”
“No,” JongB said, slowly. “It is important. It might not be the right time to talk about it, but we do need to talk about this; about us and our future. We get so caught up in work, and music, and each other; and we never stop. It’s always about the now. We really need to talk about the future.”
“Do we? Is it really an issue? Kate knows how we feel.”
I wasn’t sure I did.
I knew how I felt…
Sick.
I was regretting starting the conversation and I should have just stayed on track, because I knew, right then, this wasn’t going to end well.
“Kate?”
It was Xiao who spoke. I looked over at him, barely seeing him.
“Are you pregnant?”
“No,” JongB replied, without thinking. “It was a false alarm.”
Youngbin slammed the laptop shut. “You thought you were pregnant? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Kateniss?” MinMin dropped to a crouch in front of me. “You’re crying? Are you OK?”
“You are pregnant, aren’t you?” Xiao asked again.
Miserably, I nodded, hanging my head as tears rolled down my cheeks.
MinMin stood up and wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly. “I think that’s amazing news!” he cried. “I always wanted to be a dad.”
“Is he the dad?” Jiwon demanded.
I pulled back and glowered at him. “Why? Do you need to know if it’s his death sentence or yours that I’ve signed?” I pulled a face. “It’s all the same anyway, isn’t it? That’s what you said; his life’s over.”
“Don’t twist this back on me; you’re the one who’s pregnant!”
I moved MinMin out of the way so I could get up off the arm of the couch and give myself some distance.
“Wait!” Youngbin cried. He rubbed his hand over his mouth. “How is this even possible?”
I was all ready to literally spell it out to him but considering my Korean hadn’t covered the technical points of sex, and I had never needed to use the words ‘ejaculate’ or ‘fertilize’ in a conversation, I went for the only words I could. “One of you fucked me.”
Youngbin held his hands up, although he did roll his eyes. “I know how sex works, Kate, and yes, we all ‘fucked you’, but you’re on birth control. I’ve seen you take it. We may not have discussed this, but you don’t strike me as someone who would keep sleeping with us if you missed one of those tablets.”
“Antibiotics,” I sighed, rubbing my upper arms.
In seconds, Xiao was on his feet, standing behind me. Like he was a blanket, he wrapped me up in his arms, resting his chin on my shoulder. “I’ve got you, my tai hau,” he murmured.
I knew he didn’t mean it literally, although I did sink back into him, a sliver of relief running through me. “They gave me antibiotics after the car crash.” I held my hand up. There was a faint red mark still, showing why I had needed them. “Antibiotics can mess up the effectiveness of birth control.”
“But we didn’t see you after the accident,” Youngbin said.
“They said I’m four weeks pregnant. It falls in the middle of that period where we were all in the house together having a lot of sex. I was also still on the antibiotics.”
“You said it was a false alarm.” Jiwon was now glowering at me.
“I did a test the other day and it came out as negative,” I nodded. “It was only because I went to the hospital yesterday that they took blood and urine samples that I discovered I was pregnant.”
“Does it matter?” JongB asked. He gave me a bright smile. “Marry me.”
I ignored the second part. “Six weeks ago, you were ready to risk it all for me,” I said to Jiwon. “Sneaking over to Holly’s place when you could have been caught, telling me that I wasn’t allow to end things.”
“You weren’t pregnant then,” he said, getting up. “It’s a baby, Katie. A fucking baby.” He shook his head. “I can’t be here right now.”
I could feel my heart shattering.
“You’re not going anywhere,” Sungmin told him, firmly. “The instructions from Atlantis were that no one was to go anywhere by themselves, nor without an escort, and our escorts are with the rest of the team.”
“I’m fairly certain Atlantis also didn’t want us getting anybody pregnant, so fuck that,” Jiwon snapped, marching towards the door.
“So that’s it?” I yelled after him. “That’s your decision? You’re going to walk away.”
Jiwon whirled around. “You’ve just told me I’m going to be a dad!”
“No, I told you I’m pregnant. I don’t know who the dad is.” Xiao’s arms tightened around me.
“There’s no fucking difference, Katie,” he yelled. “We’re all in this, so we’re all that baby’s dad. But this is a baby! It’s not a cat. It changes everything. Everything. Just because I’m not jumping for joy doesn’t mean I’m walking away. I need some air. I need to think. And I have that right, so don’t any of you try to take that away from me. Fuck you, Sungmin, I’m going out.” He fixed a stare at me. “And I’m fucking coming back, OK?!” He stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.
Youngbin let out a long sigh. “I’ll go after him. He’s only going to go buy cigarettes.”
“What?” Sungmin asked, his head whipping around as the door shut behind Youngbin.
“He doesn’t actually smoke them,” JongB shrugged, waving his hand dismissively. “He kept his promise; he quit.” He looked to me. “Jiwon keeps his word.”
“You should sit down,” CX suggested, kindly.
I shook my head, certain that if I did, I was going to crumple into a ball.
“It’s OK, Kateniss,” MinMin told me. “We’re here. We’re all going to be here. You, nor the baby, need to worry about that.” He stopped suddenly, frowning. “Assuming you want to keep the baby?”
“I do,” I said in a small voice.
“Thank goodness,” he said, giving me one of the biggest smiles I’d seen, making his eyes disappear into the thinnest of lines. “I’m going to be a dad.”
“I don’t want to know,” I told him.
The smile slipped. “Huh?”
“Who the father is,” I said, looking at him, before craning my neck to look at Xiao. “I don’t want to know. Unless there’s a medical need for it, I don’t want this child growing up without equal love from everyone.” I closed my eyes. As soon as the words left my mouth I knew that wasn’t going to be possible. “Unless you change your mind. I’m only four weeks pregnant. A lot can change in that time.”
“We’re not going anywhere,” JongB promised me. “I keep telling you to marry me.”
“I’m not marrying you,” I told him. “I’m with all of you. I’m not picking one of you. I’d rather not get married.”
There was a knock at the door and I froze. Sungmin gave me a reassuring nod before heading over to open it. I thought it was going to be the others returning from wherever Sungmin had sent them, but it was Jiwon and Youngbin.
“We didn’t take a key,” Youngbin muttered as Jiwon marched past them both.
I watched him, warily, as he made his way to me, bracing myself. I wasn’t expecting him to hit me, or anything like that; but I was prepared for him to say he was done.
Despite still being wrapped up in Xiao’s arms, Jiwon grabbed my face, firmly cupping my cheeks, and kissed me. My toes curled in pleasure as I sank back against Xiao, with Jiwon pressed up against me.
I nearly cried.
Leaving me breathless, Jiwon stepped back, and then instantly, he was pressing his forehead against mine. “I love you, and I need you. And I am going to need you and love you for a long time to come, and if you think that’s ever going to change, then I’m just going to have to spend the rest of my life telling you that, Katie.”
“That was actually kind of romantic,” JongB muttered, loud enough for Jiwon to hear.
Jiwon pressed his lips against mine before stepping back to flip the bird at JongB. “Just because I have a big dick doesn’t mean I am one.” Out of the corner of his eyes, he caught MinMin tilting his head. “And you can stop thinking about my dick.”
“Actually, I was agreeing with JongB,” MinMin shrugged. Then he grinned. “Now I’m thinking about your dick.”
“What about you, hyung?” It took me a moment to realize CX was talking to Youngbin.
Youngbin let out a long sigh and rubbed at his chin. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m possibly in shock, and I’m not sure my brain is handling things at all anymore, but the idea of Kate holding our child who looks just like her?” A whimsical smile appeared. “I can’t wait for that.”
“It had better be a boy,” Jiwon snorted.
“You run a 16.66 percent chance of that boy turning out like JongB,” CX pointed out.
“Hey!” JongB objected as Jiwon winced.
“Plus, girls are cute!” MinMin declared.
CX burst out laughing. “Now imagine that girl being sixteen and coming home to tell you she has a boyfriend.”
“Or six,” Xiao added from behind me.
And just as the mood was starting to lighten, it shifted again. “Fuck,” I mumbled. “We still have to tell our parents.”
“We still have to work out how to tell the world,” Youngbin added. “Like it or not, this is going to have consequences for us.”
“Not today,” Sungmin suddenly spoke up. “The others will be returning soon and honestly, Kate looks exhausted. We’re not going to tell the world while we’re out here, and we’re certainly not phoning parents. This is something to be done in person. There is no point in worrying about this until we get back to Seoul.”
I looked around the room at my family. Sungmin might have been right and there was nothing that could be done right now, but that didn’t stop me feeling any less terrified.
I had to tell my mom.
I had to tell their moms.
And we still needed to work out what to tell the world.
The only thing keeping me from freaking out was the fact that we were Onyx, and we were united.
We were together.
But the thing that was going to keep me up at night, was whether or not they could stay as Onyx.
I’d had my doubts, especially when Jiwon had walked out of the apartment, but I no longer doubted the fact that Youngbin, Xiao, Jiwon, JongB, MinMin and CX were going to stay right by my side.
But I was terrified that this was what was finally going to cause the end of Onyx the idol group.
I looked at Sungmin and found him watching me with the same look in his eyes that I’d seen earlier. “Get some rest, Kate. We’re not going anywhere,” he promised me.
In my heart, I knew he was right.
To be continued…
… Well, thanks to Jiwon and JongB (hell, the whole of Onyx, let’s be honest!) who like to run amok and take control of the story, there’s more to come…
If you have enjoyed the story so far, please consider leaving a review where you bought this book. Reviews really do help authors out, and I (like Onyx) would be exceptionally grateful for your comments.
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CHAPTER TITLES
The chapters in this book are all named after song titles.
I Won’t Let You Go by Got7
Play It Cool by Monsta X
Ah Yeah by Winner
Home by Seventeen
So Into U by LU: KAS
Safety Zone by DMTN
Let’s Get Loud by We In The Zone
B-Day by iKON
Wedding Dress by Taeyang
Awkward Silence by Stray Kids
Long Flight by Taeyong
Give Me More by VAV
Spark by JBJ95
Boom by NCT Dream
Wave by ATEEZ
Face by Woosung
Turn It Up by Rainz
Pray by FT Island
Baby by The Rose
How’re You Doing? by AFOS
Mamma Mia by SF9
Follow by U-Know
Upside Down by BIGFLO
YouTube Playlist
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
If you’ve ever written a book, then hopefully you’ll understand what I’m about to say next. If you haven’t, and you haven’t heard anyone say this, I understand if you think I’m crazy…
Onyx took over this book.
Yes, I know it sounds crazy – they’re just words in my head, right? Well, kinda. But then somehow JongB became real. (His character inspiration is Daniel Kang. In my head, he now looks like one of those people who look like Daniel Kang, but isn’t Daniel Kang.) JongB took over Love. That’s why we have Unity. Right now, you can all thank Jiwon for there being a fifth book.
Honestly, when I sat down about 18 months ago and told Cheryl I had an idea for two K-Pop trilogies, she laughed. That was Zodiac and H3RO. A month later, Onyx was on the horizon, along with the series I really, really want to write – Sovereign. But I can’t because Onyx won’t let me finish this series. I have them to thank for this being a five book series. So do you.
Man, my acknowledgements seem weird – acknowledging fictional characters (look, they’re real to me, OK!) – and I should really acknowledge real people.
>
So I will start with you. My Atlantian. You rock. Onyx might be driving the plot, but you’re the ones who keep me writing the stories. Actually, you guys (or the guys in my FB group) are the ones helping me write another book (keep laughing, Cheryl), and I’m excited about that one too! I know I go quiet, but that’s because I’m bad at multi-tasking. Not because I’ve had enough of this world. It may take some time, but you’ve got at least 20 or so more K-pop books to come from me.
My betas kick ass. I firstly need to give a HUGE shout out once more, to Adena who, I swear, knows my books better than I do. I swear this girl has the timeline down better than I do. “Ji Soo, they had already debuted at that point, so that doesn’t make sense.” Insert facepalm here. But seriously, you have my eternal gratitude.
Heather, thank you for you long list of typos – seriously. I love you for them. I don’t love the fact I have them, but I do love that you spot them and send me a list. Courtney, Melinda, and Cheryl – I couldn’t do this without you either. Your feedback is invaluable and you help me polish up these crazy Onyx escapades! Thank you so much for being so freaking awesome – and getting stuff back to me so quickly!
Sarah is still my voice of sanity (which is worrying sometimes). She’s an enabler. “Six books, Ji Soo!”… No. Five is the Onyx cut off. But your comments give me life. I’m sorry I sent you a nearly finished book which ended on a nearly finished sentence…
And guys, have you seen the beautiful cover? I mean, of course you have – you bought the book! But isn’t she pretty?! That’s because I have an amazing cover artist. Natasha Snow Designs – you really need to go check her other covers out!