Inferno (A Hotter Than Hell Novel Book 7)

by Holly S. Roberts

  Moon doesn’t sit with us. “Mr. Loche and I are working on a new garden and clearing some land. I’ll be next door if you need me.” He leans down and places his lips on mine for a short kiss. It actually embarrasses me because Father Andrews is watching. Moon taps me under the chin in understanding because of the heat traveling up my neck and into my face. He shakes Father Andrews’s hand and walks outside.

  We sit in silence while Father Andrews finishes his sandwich and devours three cookies. He wears a collar and I still have trouble picturing him as an actual priest. Moon said I could tell this man anything and it would be in the confidence of a confessional. I’m not so sure, though. I ask the first question. “How do you know my husband?”

  He takes a sip of his water and then rests the glass on a coaster. “Your husband saved me in Mexico when I got myself into a bit of a scrape with one of the cartels.”

  “Was it Frontera?”

  He nods. “Yes, that would be the one.”

  “Is your church in Mexico?”

  He scratches his chin. “Yes, but I travel back and forth across the border several times a week.”

  “You know about my husband’s activities?”

  “Yes.” He smiles gently. “I know.”

  Here goes nothing. “I was raped by a very bad man. My husband put a bullet through that man’s head before I could kill him myself.”

  He doesn’t blink. “That sounds like Xavier.”

  I’m stumped by how accepting this priest is. “You don’t have a problem with my husband taking a life?” I ask incredulously.

  “He took a life to save mine. It would be hypocritical of me to condemn him without knowing the facts. Did the man he killed deserve to die?”

  I can’t believe I’m having this conversation. “Yes, he deserved to die and much more painfully than he did.”

  “Is that what has you so upset?”

  “No.” I stand up and walk a few feet away, aware of Father Andrews’s eyes following me. “I was a cop,” I say and begin pacing. This is actually more energy than I’ve put out since my walk three days ago. “I wanted that man dead. He tortured my friend. Disfigured her for life and we were both raped.” I stop and look into Father Andrews’s eyes. “I wanted him dead and prayed for the chance to do it myself.”

  No sympathy shows in his gaze and that helps. “Are you angry Xavier took that away from you?”

  I walk two steps and plop back down on the couch. “Yes… no… I don’t know.” I bury my face in my palms.

  “Xavier protects his own. It’s who he is.”

  I want to hit something. “Maybe it’s not who I am,” I say angrily. “Or maybe I’m not the person I thought I was.”

  “Would that be a good person?”

  Would it? I thought of myself as a good person. I went to work, paid my taxes, and even donated to charity. I was a cop for God’s sake. Then my entire world changed. I fell in love and became a different person. Hell, even after the rape, I wanted to sit at Moon’s side and be his queen in crime. I actually still want that…maybe. This doesn’t make me a good person.

  “That good person no longer exists,” I answer because I fear she’s gone forever.

  “You were raped. That wasn’t your fault—”

  I speak before he can add to that statement. “It was entirely my fault. I went into my relationship with Moon knowing exactly what he was involved in. I was raped because of the world I chose.” I lift my chin prepared to battle against whatever he says next.

  “Maybe you don’t know your husband as well as you think you do.” He lets that hang before continuing. “Xavier helps his people. Those people aren’t just here in the US, they’re on the other side of the border too. I’ve seen a lot when it comes to drugs, drug trafficking, and manufacturing. People die every day due to drugs. Your husband takes volatile situations and saves lives by taking over and controlling the drug trade. It wasn’t easy. He lost good people and he takes each death personally. He also works to end human trafficking. He rehabilitates the women and children and provides for them until they can provide for themselves.”

  I’m aware of Moon’s help with human trafficking, but I don’t interrupt.

  “Xavier is a modern day Robin Hood in the eyes of many.”

  This time I can’t keep quiet. “Not to the police.”

  “No,” he says with a smile. “Not to the police.” He waits a heartbeat before continuing. “Is it guilt that’s eating at you, my child?”

  He’s too young to say things like “my child,” and I say so. “Does the ‘my child’ routine score you points when you’re talking to a parishioner?”

  He laughs without taking offense. “Would you like me to call you Mrs. Moon?”

  “God no,” I say and then cover my mouth at blasphemy in front of a priest.

  He releases another loud chuckle. “Believe me, I’ve heard worse.”

  “Please call me Mak.” I don’t usually give people an explanation, but I do this time. “It stands for Madison Abigail Kinlock.”

  “Mak it is.” He turns his legs slightly so we’re facing each other. “I think you’ve been through a lot. I would like to understand where you’re coming from and why you feel such guilt for loving a man who deserves your love.”

  Tears form and I don’t stop them from falling. “I do love him,” I say. “I feel adrift. I feel guilt. What bothers me the most is the lust I have for blood. I wanted to kill Fernandez and I would have. Moon knew it and he put that death on his hands.”

  “Isn’t that what you do for someone you love?”

  “Yes.” I shake my head. “You do. I was a cop and gave my life up for love. Well, not being a cop. I was a private investigator because of a shoulder injury when I first met Moon. Back then I had a line that divided right from wrong.”

  “I had the same line and maybe I’m sitting here talking to you because I was a police officer too.”

  That shocks me and I don’t have an immediate reply. Father Andrews doesn’t say anything while I work through what he just revealed. “Why did you give it up?” I ask because I really want to know what changed him.

  “I was in over my head working undercover. I became addicted to the same drugs I was trying to fight. I also discovered I could do more good in my current role. I work on both sides of the law now.” He waves his hand before I can ask him exactly what he does that’s against the law. “I transport people in need into this country or get them out of this country when it’s called for. I help find homes for victims of sex trafficking when they need it. I look the other way when needed too.”

  “I look the other way too,” I whisper.

  He slowly places his hand on mine and gives me time to pull back if I wish. The warmth settles on my skin and I take a deep breath. “I don’t know who I am anymore.” I look down at my lap and allow more tears to fall.

  “The man who raped you and tortured your friend...do you have guilt over his death?”

  I shake my head. “No.”

  “Do you feel guilty because you couldn’t stop him from raping you?”

  “I feel so much guilt and shame. I hate the fact that Moon saw what happened. I hate that I didn’t fight back even after I knew Fernandez liked it. I hate that Moon didn’t see me fighting. I hate that the Madison from years ago would hate the new me. I hate that I’m conflicted and most of all I hate that my husband is suffering because of me. I just can’t stop all these damn feelings from raging through me.” I bend forward and place my other hand on top of the one holding mine. I cry into our hands and allow the sobs to take over.

  Father Andrews waits, allowing me to cry. When only a few sniffles are left, he speaks. “I could say all the things about cleaving unto thy husband and him cleaving unto you, but that would be bullshit. In this day and age it’s a rarity. The cop part of our life is over and we made that decision with our eyes open. Things might have been forced upon you when you hurt your shoulder, but you continued to see black and white
like you were trained to do. It isn’t the world we live in. It actually never was.” He pauses and I absorb his words. “You will have so many decisions to make in your lifetime and many will be hard. You can absolve your sins and go forward with a pure mind. Xavier would let you go even though it would kill him to do so. He loves you that much.”

  I inhale and exhale slowly. “I love him that much too.”

  “Something was taken from you when you were raped. No one can give that back. Someone who loves you can give you more, though.”

  Moon would give me everything.

  “Talk to your husband and tell him everything you’ve told me. He’ll understand.”

  “It will hurt him so much.”

  “He’s smart and he already knows.”

  Father Andrews might seem too young to be a priest, but he has the wisdom of the Pope. “I’ll try,” I answer honestly. “Would you like to meet Fred?”

  “I would love to meet Fred,” he says having no idea Fred is my goat.

  He follows me out the back door and I walk him to the pen and allow Fred outside after he calms down. “Where did this gorgeous fellow come from?” he asks when Fred is calm enough to receive a quick pat.

  “I rescued him from the shelter. Or I should say my husband did. Fred belonged to a homeless woman I was friends with. She died and Fred didn’t have long to live either.”

  “It’s hard to be a cop with a heart. Even when we start out that way, it doesn’t last. We see too much. We’re unable to do the hard things that need doing because the law doesn’t allow it. Sometimes it takes a very bad man to fight evil. I’m glad you found that man.”

  Moon in a nutshell.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Moon

  I stayed with Mr. Loche for two hours. When I came back to the cabin, Father Andrews and Madison were cooking dinner together in the kitchen. She was laughing and he was telling her that anyone can learn to cook, it just takes practice. I don’t add my two cents that the meal Mrs. Loche prepared would have been safer. I word it a little more carefully, “Please don’t encourage her. Gabriella will throw a fit if Madison moves in on her territory.” They stop what they’re doing and I receive my first genuine smile from Madison that I’ve seen in weeks.

  “It’s a simple lasagna. Mak can make it when you’re here at the cabin. Even I wouldn’t do anything to piss off Gabriella.” He cringes with great exaggeration and Madison laughs.

  She looks at him with a huge smile. “You didn’t tell me you know Gabriella.”

  “I know her daughter. I’ve heard all the stories from her and I’m terrified of her mother.”

  I walk to my wife and wrap my arms around her from behind. She leans into me and places her hands on mine. “He’s doing most of the work, so it will probably be edible.”

  “I’ll eat every bite even if it isn’t,” I whisper. Father Andrews places the delicious-looking meal in the oven and sets the timer.

  “It’s time for me to go. I have a long drive and I really need to be home before tomorrow.”

  “No,” Madison says. “You need to at least enjoy the meal you cooked.”

  He looks over and gives her a smile. “I’ll need your help on this, Xavier. I really need to get home.”

  “Thank you,” I say. Even if Madison isn’t miraculously cured, seeing her mood lightened has helped.

  Madison walks out of my arms and wraps hers around Father Andrews. “Thank you. I’ll think about everything you said.”

  “That’s all I can ask, my child,” he says and winks. After giving me a firm handshake, he walks out the front door, gets in his car, and drives away.

  “You okay?” I ask.

  “No, but I think I will be.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too. Sit down and talk to me.”

  We walk to the couch and take a seat. Madison moves to the loveseat so our knees are touching and we can see each other without twisting our necks. I don’t like it because I want her closer, but this is her show and I’ll follow whatever lead she gives me.

  “You’ve never asked me outright about the rape and I need to tell you exactly what happened and how I feel about it.” The words are rushed and I can tell she’s nervous.

  She talks for an hour and every word stabs me in the gut. I knew exactly why she stopped fighting the bastard, but she needs to say it. She ends her story with, “Thank you for killing him for me.”

  “It’s not who you are. You might kill because you have no choice, but that’s the only reason.”

  “I think I understand that now.” She shrugs. “What happened made me doubt who I really am. I wasn’t sure if the world you live in is one I want to be part of.”

  It’s nearly impossible to hear the words. I love her so damn much and I knew how conflicted she was. I felt her pain deep in my bones and there was nothing I could do. I take her hand and squeeze it gently. “I would walk away today. I have enough money to give us a good life away from here. Away from the drugs and weapons and men trying to kill us.”

  “Father Andrews was a cop. Did you know that?”

  “Yes, I know.”

  “He’s not a bad man.”

  I smile because he’s the exact opposite. “No, he isn’t.”

  “You’re not a bad man either.”

  We’ve been through this. I’ve done horrible things and I can’t take them back. Most I wouldn’t take back. I can’t say what comes next with the distance between us. I move from the couch to my knees in front of her and take her hands.

  “You see me through rose colored glasses. I’m not just a killer, I’m a mass murderer.” She just stares at me so I continue, “Before I met you I felt myself sliding into a dark hole that was filled with death and destruction. It pulled me further in with every drop of blood I took. The day I first saw you, in that bed, you became my light. When I was around you, I wanted to be a good man.” I lift my hand from hers and wipe tears from her cheek. “Without you, I’m lost to the darkness.”

  “No, Moon.” She squeezes my hand. “I love you and you are filled with good. I want to help you do good in a bad world. I need to feel useful and I need to take some of the burden you carry off your shoulders. We’re in this together.”

  A strange feeling twists inside me. Part of me knows she should walk away and I’m not sure if that’s what she’s saying. “What exactly are we in together?”

  “You need my help. I said before I wanted to be more involved in what you do and I meant it. I just had a lack of confidence in myself and my values. The only way I’ll ever be whole again is if I can take control and be by your side without guilt mixing up my head. I love you. I would kill for you and you for me. There are things we can do to make this world better for people who don’t have that opportunity and that’s what I want to be part of. Maybe while we do that I can rediscover myself.”

  I lift her hands and kiss them. “Whoever you become will be the best you can be.”

  “That’s what I’m praying for.” She looks to the kitchen and then back to me. “I need a nap. I didn’t sleep well. Will you wake me when dinner is ready?”

  “Promise.” I didn’t ask if she would consider having a child with me one day because this isn’t the time. I walk her upstairs and watch her curl into the tight ball like she’s done these past few days. And I worry as I walk back downstairs.

  When the smell of lasagna fills the room and the timer goes off, I climb the stairs to wake her. She’s no longer curled into a ball with the covers practically over her head. She’s splayed with the sheet half off her body and a long leg stretched out on my side of the bed. Her breathing is deep and untroubled. When I touch her shoulder, she doesn’t move. Quietly, I head back downstairs, put the casserole in the refrigerator, feed the cat, and then join my wife in bed for needed rest.

  ∞∞∞

  A warm body pressed against my back and a hand on my lengthening cock wakes me. Sunshine pours through the windows. Madison wiggles closer t
o me and kisses my neck. The fingers of her other hand run over my shoulder, down my bare chest, and then over my ass. She pinches me. “I know you’re awake,” she whispers.

  “Not awake. It’s a porn dream and I’m not ready to open my eyes.” My voice is gruff from sleep. My dick is hard from Madison.

  “How about you lie there and let me do the work so I don’t interrupt your porn dream,” is her husky reply. The nails of her free hand skim over my back and head around to join her other. I groan when she cups my balls and slides her other hand up and down my hard length. She kisses my back and her tongue comes out and she licks me.

  I growl and roll over, pulling her on top of me. Her eyes have their sparkle back. Her tangled hair surrounds her beautiful face. This is the woman I fell in love with.

  She lifts up her chest and positions the vee of her thighs over my cock. Her breasts fill my hands as she slides down in slow increments. I tweak her nipples and her head goes back, her hair brushing my thighs and her long neck arched.

  Exquisite.

  Slowly she begins a slow sensual rhythm sliding up and down my swollen cock. We watch each other until her eyes close and she shudders above me. I roll us again and slide just as slowly in and out until my balls clench and I convulse and lose myself inside my beautiful wife.

  “I love you,” she whispers, and our world falls back into alignment.

  ∞∞∞

  A short time later, we eat breakfast together in the kitchen. I manage eggs, but burn the bacon. It makes us laugh and it won’t be the last burned food we eat when it comes to either of us cooking.

  “Have you heard from Cori?” I ask Madison.

  “Funny you ask that. I was just going to send Celina a text and see what’s up with Cori and how she’s doing.”

  I place a folded sheet of paper in front of her. I pulled it out from my pants pocket last night before I added them to the laundry basket for Mrs. Loche. “Dax gave me this before we left Fernandez’s place. I stuck it in my pocket and forgot about it.”