by Dean, Ali
“I can’t believe these pillows are still in here,” I commented. “I’m surprised an animal hasn’t made a nest out of them.”
“They did. We had to trash those ones, and the blankets we’d left. These are new ones.” Cruz settled back on one of the pillows. “We should get a mattress up here.”
I leaned back next to him. “You’ve been here recently?” I wondered.
“Yeah. I’m over at Gramps’s a lot when I’m not at the Spot or school.”
I wanted to ask him about his dad. But I also knew I couldn’t handle more heavy stuff today. I was barely holding on as it was. So I didn’t ask. I just took his hand beside mine and held it, then nuzzled my head against his shoulder as we stared at the roof. A lantern hung from it.
“So how many kids do you want, Hazel?” Cruz asked again, and this time his voice was lighter. Teasing. But he still wanted an answer.
“Five.”
“No, for real. We’re both only children. I thought you might say one or two. I’d take either, especially if we were near the guys and they had plenty of cousins and friends around to grow up with.”
My heart fluttered; yep, it actually fluttered. I knew that eighteen-year-old boys didn’t sit in tree houses talking about their someday kids with their girlfriend. Okay, Kai totally would have done that if I’d given him any indication I wouldn’t have run screaming at the suggestion.
Cruz though, he wasn’t a dreamer, talking nonsense and imagining up ideas for the fun of it. No, he was as real as they came. He’d just been forced to grow up fast. Really fast. He was basically ten years older in maturity than most guys, though… still a virgin. Yeah, that thought kept popping into my head unbidden.
“No, I was serious. I want a lot of kids. I guess four would be cool too. Whatever.”
Cruz moved his leg to tangle with mine.
“Is it lonely, just you and your dad?” Cruz asked.
My chest squeezed at his question.
“Sometimes,” I answered truthfully. There was a pang in my gut, and with it I couldn’t help myself. I took a little stab at Cruz. “It didn’t used to be. Until high school started, it always felt like I had a big family. The past three years, I could pretend still, at family dinners with Mimi and Pops and the twins. But it wasn’t the same.” There were always things that were off the table for discussion with the twins. I hadn’t known then it was secrets that kept them tight-lipped. “I always thought the twins were quiet about you and the guys because they didn’t want me to be a part of it. They were loyal to you, and you didn’t want me anymore. I had to stay an outsider. I mean, I guess that was true, but not for the reasons I thought.”
Cruz turned, and pulled his hand out of mine only to put his arm around me.
I felt him looking at me, waiting for me to look at him too. I couldn’t. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “It’s going to take time to get over that.” It wasn’t fair to lash out randomly whenever I was reminded of how much it had hurt. We’d never get past it if I did that. And I did want to get past it.
“Hazel.” Cruz said my name in such a way I had to turn to face him. “Why didn’t you fight for us? For me?”
His voice cracked, and I understood then. The pang that had prompted this exchange blossomed. It was a knife twisting inside me now. Cruz had broken up with me. He’d done it because he felt he had to after learning about why his mother died. That she’d been killed. That my dad was the key to saving Braven, and getting vengeance for his mom. But he hadn’t wanted to do it. He’d wanted to do the right thing, but it hurt him bad. If I’d fought it, if I’d demanded answers from him, from the rest of the guys, things might have been different. I hadn’t given the permission he needed to do the wrong thing. Until his eighteenth birthday party.
Was that all it took? Showing up?
“I was confident, Cruz, but not that confident.” This was honesty. “It sounds juvenile, trivial, stupid, now that I know your reasons. Your reasons are honorable. Mine are silly, I guess.”
Cruz tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “They aren’t silly, Hazel. You thought I didn’t want to be tied down going into high school. That I was too busy with soccer. That I wasn’t totally into you, maybe even a little obsessed.” Cruz smirked.
I nodded. “Then high school started and it was a new dynamic, different class schedules. The guys didn’t come around or invite me to hang. I ignored it. It hurt but I pretended it was normal, natural. I couldn’t expect to stay best friends with a group of guys in high school, especially if one was my ex-boyfriend.”
“You went all in on soccer. School. You put your head down and came out stronger.”
“Yeah, I did. But it was lonely, Cruz. It took work to rebuild my confidence, figure out who I was without you guys.”
His eyes searched mine, and his voice was a little hoarse when he asked me, “What about when I asked you to wait? I sometimes wondered if you were doing that. Even when I saw you living your own life, dating guys, I thought, maybe… I hoped you were waiting for me, for us. That they were just a distraction, like the girls for me.”
I shook my head. “When you broke up with me, I didn’t hear much else. I remember you said that, but I guess I assumed you were trying to soften the blow. Like, hey we’re young let’s have fun in high school for a while and maybe try again someday. Or just being a manipulative asshole,” I added. “The truth is, I tried not to think about any of it. I even tried to forget, like it never happened. But I didn’t forget. Not a single thing.”
We let that fill the space between us. This was all so painful, like ripping open a wound that hadn’t healed properly so that it could start over and get it right this time. We breathed in and out, exchanging each other’s hurt and trying to soothe it. His hand ran up and down my arm and I closed my eyes. The twisting in my gut began to settle, little by little.
After a while, Cruz asked, “So, five kids, huh?”
I traced his lips with my index finger. “We better get cracking on those extra-large condoms I saw you smuggle out of Pops and Mimi’s laundry room. I know how much you like to practice to get ready for game time.”
Cruz bit his lip in an attempt to hold in laughter but it ripped from him. It was my favorite sound, and it went a long way toward healing that wound.
Chapter 11
Cruz
We didn’t start practicing that day. No, we spent the rest of the afternoon behind computer screens in Gramps’s living room. Jeremy and Moody attempted to give us a Hacking for Dummies class so we would be in a better position to control the information flow, should it come to that. It was clear we were only scratching the surface of the coding puzzles at work, but within a few hours, we had a manual to follow for various scenarios. Mainly we just had to remember a few passwords and websites and which ones triggered what.
By the time that wrapped up, Jeremy had been awake for three days, and he went home to crash. Tomorrow, he’d meet with Seamus Malone.
Hazel was fading fast too. In three days, she’d gone from being kidnapped to taking in years’ worth of information and strategy. A world the rest of us had had years to adjust to, wrap our minds around.
Gramps ordered pizza and we all sat around the living room, alternating between staring off into space and asking questions that popped into our heads about the plan.
Hazel and I had one couch to ourselves, and she was half asleep on my chest. Her phone kept beeping from the coffee table and I finally reached over to get it for her.
I read the screen:
Hanna Kebber: “Hello? Can you please come over?” That was her co-captain on the girls’ varsity soccer team.
I scrolled up through the earlier messages and saw that Hanna and another senior on the team, Shantal, had been trying to reach her. Earlier, they’d invited her to a get-together at Hanna’s house. The recent texts mentioned a trio of girls on the JV team who had shown up uninvited. It seemed the younger girls were causing trouble.
“What? Is it
important?” Hazel asked, her voice groggy.
“Probably not. Some soccer drama going down.” Hazel steered clear of that stuff whenever possible.
I handed her the phone and she scrolled through it. I watched her, expecting to see her toss the phone aside and curl back into me.
“It’s those same girls again. Kylie, Melissa, Afua. I should go deal with it,” she said, but she still snuggled back into my chest like she had no plans to move.
“Really? It’ll probably have blown over by the time you get there.”
She let out a long sigh. “Yeah, but I’m the captain. Those girls approached me the other day and I should’ve realized they were riled up about not making varsity. I need to put it to rest. They’re clearly on some sort of mission and if they’ve been drinking, I don’t want to feel guilty for not stepping in if shit goes down.”
This was not where I was hoping the night would go. But this was Hazel. A reluctant leader.
“You know she actually lives five minutes from here.”
“Really? Doesn’t it take five minutes just to get to the end of the driveway?”
I chuckled. “Yeah, but she’s actually Gramps’s neighbor. Walking would take the same time as driving.”
“Let’s drive, I don’t want everyone knowing we’re here.”
I didn’t either.
Spike perked up from another couch. “We goin’ somewhere?”
“Hanna Kebber’s place.”
“Oh yeah, I’ve been getting texts she’s having a party. Her parents are out of town, dropping her brother at college in Texas or somewhere far away.”
The guys started rousing and I decided maybe this was good for us. It’d been one hell of an intense day. Scratch that, the last few days had been brutal. Last night at the Lake had not been a chance to unwind for any of us. Nothing had been resolved, and more shit had gone down. We could use a few hours to chill, pretend nothing was weighing on us and deal with silly high school drama.
We had made a decision today, everything was set, and Jeremy would sit down with Seamus Malone tomorrow. We had nothing to do except sit around worrying.
The guys piled into Moody’s 4Runner and Hazel and I took off on my bike. The party wasn’t huge, at least not yet.
We could hear the shouting before we got to the front door. It was high-pitched and it was escalating fast.
I opened the door and took in the scene in the expansive open floor plan.
Most of the girls’ varsity soccer team was on the far end by the kitchen. On another side of the room stood Kylie, Afua and Melissa. They were the ones shouting. There were others scattered about. A handful of guys, the usual suspects who were the first to arrive at the sound of a party. Polly Tutino, volleyball captain, leaned against a wall in what appeared to be neutral territory. Her arms were crossed and she was looking amused. That’s when I noticed who the girls were shouting at.
Louise Janik.
Hazel must have spotted her too. I heard her mutter, “What is she doing here?” from beside me.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her out at a party before. Not even when she was with Branden Malone,” I muttered back, and cringed when his name slipped out. If it made my blood boil just by uttering it, I couldn’t imagine what the sound of it ignited in my girl.
I put an arm around her as I noted her fists clenching and unclenching. Then it registered what, or who, the girls were shouting about.
“Don’t act so high and mighty. Everyone knows Defiance Falls wouldn’t have had a shot at state without Hazel. Same with New England Elite. You never would have made it to nationals without her.”
I glanced at Hazel. We were partially blocked by a plant, but any minute they’d notice us. I could feel the guys shifting behind us, ready to make our presence known.
Afua stepped up. “You’ve ridden her coattails for years. Especially you,” she spat at Louise.
Kylie said, “It’s our turn now. Our last chance to play with Hazel Ross. We need this. Let us on the team. Make room, or let your weak links go.” She flicked a hand at Louise and looked pointedly at a few others hovering around.
I felt Hazel shaking and when I looked at her again she had a hand over her mouth. She was laughing. She raised her eyebrows at me like, “Can you believe this?”
I had to fight my own laughter then.
The varsity girls in the kitchen weren’t laughing though. The shouting had died down now. Everyone else was silent, watching in rapt attention. They didn’t have to yell to be heard anymore.
Hanna spoke up, and I could tell by the shake in her voice she wished it wasn’t so silent so that she had an excuse to scream. “You really think we’ll listen to you? Why would we do that? We can call the cops and have you out of here and with a juvie record in a few minutes if we want.”
The girl beside her held up her phone and waved it around. Like we didn’t know already that everyone carried a cell phone with 911 dialing abilities.
I had to admit, I was wondering the same thing. I got why these girls were so desperate to get on varsity. They would win state with Hazel on the team, and it would look good for them, open doors. Getting accepted to top colleges was a big deal to most in Defiance Falls, and winning state would help with that. I didn’t get why they wouldn’t let it go though. Teams had been chosen last week. That ship had sailed. What made them think they’d get special treatment?
“Don’t bother, we’re out. It’s Hazel we came to talk to, and she’s not here,” Kylie said.
I stiffened my hold on Hazel but it didn’t surprise me when she stepped around the plant just as the three girls attempted to make a dramatic exit.
I heard a collective intake of breath from the onlookers and fought an eyeroll.
Hazel’s voice sounded off to my ears, but to everyone else I was guessing she sounded relaxed, and only slightly annoyed. “Come on then, let’s talk outside.”
She made a gesture for them to follow and when she spun to get back through the front door, the twins, Moody and Spike moved to the side to let her through. Of course, we all followed. It was a little twisted, but this spectacle was just the distraction we needed right now.
Enough to keep us from stressing about what had gone down and what was yet to come.
I figured it was Hazel they wanted to talk to because they thought she had the most influence over the team members. When all three girls appeared scared shitless at the sight of the five of us surrounding Hazel, something told me it was more than that. They’d gone from false bravado to nervous uncertainty in the span of sixty seconds, and that had me on edge.
Hazel had walked a little ways from the house until she was leaning on the hood of Moody’s 4Runner.
“Well?” she asked. I knew Hazel wasn’t exactly projecting friendly vibes, but no one at that party had been all that welcoming to the girls either. That couldn’t be the reason each of them shifted on their feet. Afua wouldn’t stop staring at the ground. Melissa was looking frantically between her two friends. Kylie was the only one even attempting to make eye contact with any of us, but I caught her lower lip trembling.
None of the guys said a word as Hazel waited, unmoving.
Finally, Melissa grabbed Afua’s hand and mumbled, “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
I almost blocked them, wanting to resolve this bullshit here and now, but Hazel was quick to stop them with her words. “I don’t think so. Tell me why you think you can demand a spot on varsity. And why I’m the one you think will make it happen for you.”
I saw Kylie roll back her shoulders and straighten her spine before she faced Hazel, asking in that snobby voice from earlier, “Do they have to be here? What are they, your bodyguards?”
Bodhi snickered. Hazel shrugged. “Why? Are you planning to attack me?”
The girls exchanged glances with each other, uncertain if Hazel was trying to make a joke.
Finally, Afua said, “No, we just want to talk to you. Alone.”
“Well,
too bad. The guys stay.”
Kylie opened and closed her mouth a few times. I could tell she wanted to protest. I could also tell she knew it would be pointless. We weren’t going anywhere.
“Fine,” Kylie bit out. She looked at me and swallowed. There was sweat beading on her forehead and she wiped it with the back of her hand. “We know what you did. What all of you did.” Her gaze moved to the others.
We waited, wondering which misdeed she was referring to. None of us could have prepared for the words that came out of her mouth next.
“We saw you that night. Leaving Flynn Malone’s house. It wasn’t a suicide. You killed him.”
Chapter 12
Hazel
I laughed. What else could I do? My body immediately went into acting-mode. I was surprised at how easily it happened. I didn’t have a whole lot of practice at being fake, but I suppose I was capable of it when desperate.
“Is this a practical joke?” I asked. “Did the Malones put you up to this?”
Spike moved closer to me. “It wasn’t enough to get Cruz arrested, they had to keep the farce going with people from our own school?”
Emmett stepped up to my other side. “How much did they pay you? Or did they threaten you?”
“What?” Kylie shrieked. My eyes shot to the front of the house, confirming no one else was around. “No. We saw you! It was at two in the morning. Melissa lives in his neighborhood and we were sneaking back to her house after being out at Landon’s party.”
“Let me get this straight.” I continued leaning against the hood, but I had to cross my arms to hide my shaking hands. “You’re dying to be on the varsity soccer team. You went to Cruz’s birthday party on Monday night and stayed out late, then another party the following night and didn’t come home until the middle of the night. You did all this during tryouts for the team you are so desperate to be on. So desperate, you decide to single me out, make up a story that you think will scare me, and then use it to somehow blackmail your way into getting me to do something to get you on the team. The team you didn’t bother trying very hard to get onto on your own merit, because you stayed up all night during tryouts.”