Needing to get away from the direct heat, I moved to lean against the Jeep next to Daniel, shifting so that my shorts, and not my bare legs, touched the metal. “If not Pennsylvania, then where?”
“Not sure. Somewhere cool.” He smiled and flicked his eyebrows up once at me.
“Coward,” I said. “Summer is almost over. You already made it through most of the worst part. It’ll be cool and even a little chilly in nothing flat.” I snapped my fingers.
Daniel laughed like I’d meant him to, but it only made the hollow in the pit of my stomach grow.
“I was thinking I might head up north.” He told me about some friends he had in Alaska.
“Summer in Arizona and winter in Alaska.” I laughed. “You’re insane.”
“Yeah, well, anywhere I end up after this will seem—”
“Boring?”
“I was going to say easy.”
A coolish breeze blew up from behind me, signaling that summer truly was dying, and tossed my hair forward around my face. Daniel stepped toward me.
“Will you miss me?” he asked with an intensity that made me realize how important my answer was to him.
He’d seen me with Sean, so I thought he understood what I meant when I nodded. I would miss him, if the ache in my heart was any indication. But aches wouldn’t scar, aches wouldn’t shatter, aches would heal and leave something that I could think about, with, if not quite happiness, not sadness either. That’s what Daniel would leave with me.
He was watching my face, waiting for more than a nod. “I already do,” I said. I hugged him and felt his arms hold me just a hair too tightly.
He stepped back when I released him. “Will he mind if I kiss you goodbye?” Daniel nodded toward my house. Toward Sean.
He’d definitely mind. And it was good for me to realize that I wasn’t interested in kissing anyone else but the guy who’d brave heights, five a.m. runs and my paintbrush-wielding friend just to be near me. So when Daniel leaned down, it was an easy decision to shift to the left and brush a kiss on his cheek.
He smiled. “Probably for the best, huh? I am going to call you in a few years,” he said, still smiling but not looking at me. “I’ll be too late, but I’m going to call anyway.”
A part of me couldn’t help thinking that he’d always been too late.
“The stars are supposed to be really beautiful in Alaska,” I said, trying to bring back the lighter feel that had always been better for us. “You’ll get to see the aurora borealis.”
“I’ll never look at the stars without thinking of you.”
I looked away. I couldn’t give him a part of my heart to take with him, and it wasn’t fair for him to leave part of his with me.
“Or a tire jack.”
I smiled; relief and gratitude rolled into a final goodbye. “Be safe.” I wanted so much more for him, but that was all I trusted myself to say. I bit my lip when he opened his door, but then he stopped and in a second had me wrapped in a hug tighter than before. Just as quickly he let me go and climbed into his Jeep. My heart caught along with the engine, and our eyes met one last time before he drove away.
* * *
Sean was sitting on my porch swing when I walked up to my house. The sudden flutter in my heart lifted the corners of my mouth when I looked at him—when I looked at him looking at me. My smile bloomed full when I realized that for the first time, we were looking at each other in the exact same way. The way that told me his heart was fluttering too.
“Just so we’re clear,” he said, when I curled up under the arm he offered me. “I expect you to hit the next guy that tries to kiss you, present company excluded.”
“Deal,” I said. “As long as I’m the only one who gets to call you Sean-y.”
I held my eyes shut for a moment, prompting Sean to ask, “You okay?”
I hesitated for only a heartbeat before nodding. I did feel okay. Moments like this made me feel better than okay.
Daniel was gone, but he was free for the first time in his life. Dad and I weren’t going to lose each other. Ever. And when I thought of Mom—which I did, a lot—I let a few not horrible memories wade into the sludge. The good would never make up for the bad, but knowing everything meant I no longer needed to scream in her face until I went hoarse and then throw things at her until I couldn’t lift my arms anymore. Sean said that was progress. Not that either of us labored under the delusion that she’d be reentering my life in any capacity, but it was better for me not to actively hate her.
Deep breath.
There was nothing special about the afternoon that the three of us spent painting Dad’s bathroom, not in any sort of tangible way that someone watching my life could point to and say, “There!” But it felt important nonetheless because of what it meant to me.
When Dad came in with takeout from Claire’s favorite Greek restaurant, I took another deep breath and filled my lungs to the point of bursting, letting my chest expand until there was no room inside me for anything but air. And Claire. And Sean. And Dad.
* * * * *
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Growing up, I wanted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder and Anne Shirley (also Indiana Jones), so writing stories was always something I aspired to (along with teaching and possibly discovering Atlantis). Like my literary heroines, I had my Pa and Matthew, my Ma and Marilla, my Mary and Diana, and many others who helped me make this book a reality.
My literary agent, Kim Lionetti. You have made every moment of my first foray into publishing better than I ever dreamed possible. I couldn’t have signed with a better agent.
My editor, Natashya Wilson. Thank you for believing in this story and these characters, and pushing me to make them the best they could be (and for all the covers of Coldplay’s Fix You!).
Art director Gigi Lau, who designed this beautiful cover, and my publicist, Siena Koncsol, for making sure readers discovered If I Fix You. And the entire team at Harlequin TEEN, including Bryn Collier, Evan Brown, Ashley McCallan, Rebecca Snoddon, Olivia Gissing, Amy Jones, Shara Alexander, Lauren Smulski, Kristin Errico, Nancy Fischer, Jean Delaney, Katie Gowrie and Peter Cronsberry. I can’t thank you enough.
The best critique partners on the planet, Sarah Guillory and Kate Goodwin. I would not have finished this book or any other without the two of you. You read everything I write and somehow still want to read more. You make my writing better, my characters more alive and my stories stronger. I still save all the best Fresh Prince GIFs for you.
The people who read early versions of this book and offered invaluable feedback, including Nicole Green, Susan Gray Foster, Mónica B. Wagner and Lindsey Sprague.
My best friends and sisters, Mary Groen, Rachel Decker and Jill Johnson. Mary, more than anyone, you have been my sounding board, my brainstorming partner and cheerleader through every single page of this book. Thanks for wall walking with me when we were kids and for using your Muay Thai expertise to choreograph the fight scene for me. Rachel, thanks for encouraging me to make the hard cuts in the beginning of the book (you were right) and for climbing onto roofs in the middle of the night to take pictures for me. I will never stop bugging you to finish your novel. Jill, thanks for letting me use your name and for marrying my brother so I could officially claim you as my sister after being friends since the 7th grade.
My brother, Sam Johnson. Sorry this book isn’t about a vampicorn named Brian.
My uncle, Ken Johnson. Sorry I couldn’t start the book with “‘Ouch!’ cried the badger.”
My aunt and uncle, Rick and Jeri Crawford, thanks for loving and supporting me ALWAYS.
My nephews and nieces, Grady, Rory, Sadie, Gideon, Ainsley, Abigail and Dexter. I
will always tell you stories.
My friend Matt Torpey, who spent countless days with me in a forest green Jetta. I miss you.
And most of all, my parents, Gary and Suzanne Johnson. Every day of my life you made sure I knew you loved me, were proud of me, and believed I could work hard enough and smart enough to do anything. I don’t think better parents will ever exist.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
In If I Fix You, Jill explores fixing cars, fixing relationships and fixing herself. What does the author show about each facet of this theme? What does she show about both forgiveness and letting go? Point to examples in the story.
The morning after Jill’s world falls apart, Sean is waiting on her porch to explain. Where does their communication go wrong? If Jill had understood what happened, do you think she and Sean could have picked up where they left off? Support your answers with details from the book.
Sean and Daniel have contrasting family situations. What does each bring to his relationship with Jill, and what does she learn from the time she spends with them?
In what ways is Claire a good friend to Jill? What impact does their friendship have on choices Jill makes in the story? Are there ways in which Claire could be a better friend?
The author shows several contrasting parent-child relationships in this book, including Jill and her father, Jill and her mother, and Daniel and his mother. How are the relationships different, and how, if at all, are they similar? Do you think Jill would be better off knowing about her parentage, or not?
Cars are important to Jill and her father. What does the Spitfire symbolize in the story, and how does it impact Jill as a character? Point to examples in the book.
Cami has a small but important role in the story. How does her presence impact Jill, and how does it illustrate another facet of the theme of friendship?
Jill gets very sunburned at one point in the book, just before a key scene happens. Why do you think the author added the sunburn? How does Jill being sunburned affect the scene and the story? How might things have gone if Jill had not been sunburned? Discuss.
If you liked IF I FIX YOU, be sure to check out another great YA romance read—THE PROBLEM WITH FOREVER by #1 New York Times bestselling author Jennifer L. Armentrout!
A riveting story about friendship, survival and finding your voice.
Read it now!
THE PROBLEM WITH FOREVER
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If you loved IF I FIX YOU, make sure you check out a brand-new contemporary read by #1 New York Times bestselling author Melissa de la Cruz!
An unforgettable novel about family, friendship and finding out where you belong.
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SOMETHING IN BETWEEN
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If you want even more contemporary YA romance, check out Katie McGarry’s critically acclaimed Thunder Road series!
An unforgettable new series from acclaimed author Katie McGarry about taking risks, opening your heart and ending up in a place you never imagined possible.
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NOWHERE BUT HERE (Book 1)
WALK THE EDGE (Book 2)
LONG WAY HOME (Book 3)
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Be sure to check out all the titles in Katie McGarry’s critically acclaimed Pushing the Limits series!
A hard-hitting, gorgeously written contemporary series about teenagers who become one another’s unlikely port in the storm while navigating the foster system, parents with addiction issues, homelessness and the universal challenges of life on the brink of adulthood. Perfect for reluctant readers; a librarian and educator favorite.
Read them all now!
PUSHING THE LIMITS (Book 1)
CROSSING THE LINE (Novella)
DARE YOU TO (Book 2)
CRASH INTO YOU (Book 3)
TAKE ME ON (Book 4)
BREAKING THE RULES (Book 5)
CHASING IMPOSSIBLE (Novella)
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ISBN-13: 9781460397978
If I Fix You
Copyright © 2016 by Abigail Johnson
All rights reserved. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of publisher, Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental. This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.
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