by Anne Fraser
‘It was good to meet you, Katie. I hope to see you again.’ There was no mistaking the speculative look in Kendrick’s eye as he glanced at Fabio. ‘Something tells me I’m going to.’ And with that he threaded his way back into the crowd.
‘What does he mean, some people call it crazy? What kind of surfing needs a jet ski and a helicopter?’ Katie asked Fabio.
‘Pay no attention to Kendrick,’ Fabio said evasively. ‘Let’s go and take our seats.’
As soon as the film started, Katie knew she had made a dreadful mistake. Why hadn’t she thought to look it up? The title, One Saturday in December, hadn’t given any indication that it was a movie about war. She gripped the edge of her seat as images spooled in front of her. Men under fire. Men being shot. Men flying in the air as bombs exploded all around them. She felt sick. Was that how it had been for Richard? The noise, the flying dirt, the relentless fear? Had he been terrified in those last few minutes of his life? Had he been in pain? Calling out for Suzy? Knowing he would never see Ricky or any of his family again? Katie’s heart felt as if it was shattering into tiny pieces.
Unable to bear one more minute, she knew she had to get out of there.
‘Excuse me,’ she whispered to Fabio. ‘I have to get past. I need to go.’
Immediately he was on his feet. Ignoring the impatient sighs of the audience, she shuffled up the row. Her hands were clammy and she felt physically sick. She stumbled outside, taking deep breaths of fresh air, trying to get herself back under control.
‘What is it?’ Fabio was by her side, his steadying hand on her elbow.
She couldn’t speak. She could barely breathe. She had to get away, find some corner where she could be alone.
Fabio hailed a passing taxi and ushered her inside. ‘I’m taking you home.’ Long fingers felt her pulse. ‘Your pulse is racing,’ he said.
‘Not home,’ she whispered. She couldn’t let Suzy see her like this. She couldn’t face her until she got herself under control. Suzy needed her to be strong. Not this falling-apart wreck she was right now.
She was aware of cool fingers on her overheated skin as he touched her forehead.
‘A bit clammy. A touch of flu maybe.’ He frowned. ‘At least, that’s what I would think if you hadn’t been okay before the film started.’
‘It’s not flu,’ Katie said miserably.
‘Driver, take us to Tower Bridge,’ Fabio told the driver.
She was grateful for his silence as the taxi drove towards the river. Katie wanted to be outside. She needed fresh air and the darkness.
By the time the taxi dropped them she knew where she wanted to go. Somewhere she went almost every week since she’d come back to London. On the Thames Riverbus, going up the river and returning without getting off, surrounded by strangers, was the one place she could be alone with her thoughts and memories.
‘You can go back to the movie,’ she said to Fabio. ‘I’m going to take the riverbus. I’ll be fine, I promise you. I just need to be alone. Or at least not with anyone I know.’
‘If you think I’m going to let you go anywhere by yourself, you’re crazy.’ His mouth tipped up at one corner. ‘Anyway, I’ve never been on the riverbus.’
Katie didn’t have the strength to argue with him; besides, she knew she’d be only wasting her time.
They found a seat right at the back where they could be on their own. The tourists were happy to get the best seats near the front. As they passed the Parliament buildings, Fabio leaned back and placed his arms behind his head.
‘This is cool. Why have I never thought of doing this before?’
‘Because it’s not your style?’
‘Hey, how do you know what my style is?’
He was right. She still knew very little about him, even if she felt as if they were connected by a gossamer-fine thread.
He said nothing as the boat continued upriver. She knew she owed him an explanation for her behaviour, otherwise he was going to think his colleague was seriously kooky. But what could she say?
Right now she was grateful for his silence.
Eventually he spoke.
‘I can tell you’re hurting. Porra! A blind man could see it. I think you should tell me.’
The darkness of the night, the sympathy in his voice, this connection she felt with him, whatever it was, at last she knew she was ready to tell him.
‘On the plane to Monaco I told you I didn’t have any brothers or sisters. It wasn’t the truth. I had a brother. A much-loved brother. He died a few months ago.’ Her voice caught on the words. It was still so difficult to say. So difficult to believe. ‘He was a doctor in Afghanistan.’
His hand covered hers and she was grateful for its warmth. ‘It still hurts. When our parents died, it was only me and him. Kind of the two of us against the world. We had no one else to depend on, so we relied on each other. He was older than me, eighteen to my thirteen. Somehow, I don’t know how, he persuaded the authorities that I shouldn’t go into care. That he would look after me. He was about to start med school. He gave up any social life he might have had so he could be there when I came home from school. He was the one who told me about boys,’ She attempted a smile. ‘Not that it did me much good.’ She swallowed the lump in her throat. ‘He was the one who was there when I went through puberty, the one who comforted me when I wanted my mum, the one who dried my tears when my first boyfriend dumped me. He was there. He was always there.’
Fabio’s arm came around her shoulder and as she leaned into him it felt the most natural thing in the world.
‘Our parents left us the house so we had somewhere to stay, but money was tight. When I told Richard that I wanted to be a physio, he agreed to let the army put him through medical school in return for staying with them after he’d graduated.’
Fabio pulled her closer. She closed her eyes, remembering. ‘He said he didn’t mind. He loved being a doctor—he was an A and E specialist, and he knew he was playing his part, helping the troops. He always claimed it didn’t matter whether you believed in war or not, the soldiers deserved the best medical care the country had to offer. And he was one of the best.’
She could feel Fabio’s heart beating through the thin material of his shirt.
‘That’s what Kendrick believes too,’ Fabio said. ‘He hated the fact of war but always said someone had to do it. He was a career soldier, though. He knew the risks. Unlike your brother.’
It was too dark for Katie to read his expression as she continued.
‘It wasn’t just the funding that attracted him to the life. He loved it that he could spend his weekends outdoors learning new sports. I still remember how excited he was about his first jump from a plane.’
They were both silent for a while as Katie struggled to find the words. ‘Before he went to Afghanistan for the first time, he met the woman who was to become his wife. My sister-in-law, Suzy. He was so happy. He promised he’d do a couple of tours and come home. Then, just before his second tour, Suzy told him she was pregnant. He was so excited. We both were. He was going to have his own family, one that he made very clear I’d always be part of. I was going to be an aunty, my brother had found the perfect woman, I had qualified as a physio. Life was good. We never really thought about the possibility he’d be called up to work in a war zone, never mind have to go where the fighting was the fiercest. But of course they need doctors as close to the soldiers as possible. Not that Richard told us that he was expected to go there. He let us believe that he was safely in at base camp. I don’t know if you know it, but it’s well protected and the medical staff there are believed to be pretty safe.’
Her throat was so tight she could barely speak.
Fabio squeezed her hand and waited silently for her to continue.
‘What we didn’t know was that Richard had to do a stint at one of the forward operating bases. That’s in enemy-held territory. You know, with the troops as they go on patrol. It’s a job for doctors who are soldiers too.�
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‘So I’ve heard,’ Fabio said.
‘Knowing Richard, they wouldn’t even have had to ask him. He would have felt it was his duty to go. If soldiers in his regiment were putting their lives at risk, he would have wanted to be there to help them if they needed it.’
Her voice was shaky and she turned away from Fabio, trying to hide the tremble in her hands.
‘To cut a long story short, he was with them when they came under attack. Richard could have stayed safe until it was all over, but, no—’ she couldn’t keep the bitterness from creeping in ‘—he had to go out under fire to pull an injured soldier to safety. Not once, but twice. It was on the second occasion that he got shot. The only good thing is that it was instantaneous, or so they say …’
‘They wouldn’t lie to you about that.’ Fabio pulled her more firmly into the crook of his arm. ‘If they say it was instant, you should believe them.’
Katie tasted the salt of her tears. She hadn’t even realised she was crying.
‘The two soldiers he went to save are going to be okay. One had to have a leg amputated and the other was in hospital for a few months, but they say he’s going to be fine, so at least Richard didn’t die for nothing. We find some comfort in that.’
‘So you’re all alone. Parents dead and now your only brother.’ He let out a low whistle. ‘My poor girl. It’s not fair. How old are you? Twenty-four?’
‘Twenty-six.’ She managed a smile. ‘I’m older than I look. Life isn’t fair,’ she added quietly. ‘I don’t know why we think it should be. Richard wasn’t the only person to be killed that day. There were four others who died along with him. Four other families going through the pain of losing someone. Fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, children.’ Her voice hitched and she drew a shaky breath. ‘At least he died doing something he loved and there was some purpose to his death. I try to take some comfort from that.’
Fabio took his arm from her shoulder and turned her so she was facing him. He took a clean handkerchief from his pocket and gently dabbed the tears away.
‘He must make you very proud,’ he said finally when he’d finished.
‘He does. But that doesn’t make up for the way I feel. Right now, I would give anything to have him back. Anything. And I’m sure the families of the other men who died that day feel the same. As for Suzy—all her dreams are shattered. Instead of bringing up Ricky with Richard, she’s going to have to do it on her own. How can any of that be right?’ She sniffed loudly and took his handkerchief from his hand and blew loudly. ‘What I find difficult to understand is how Amelia can watch Mark race and not be terrified. What if he’s killed? She’ll be just like Suzy. Left with a child to bring up on her own. It’s even worse for her, knowing that she could lose Lucy too. I could never, ever do what she does. Especially not now. One thing is for sure, I will never, ever marry a man who puts himself in danger. I won’t go through what Suzy did and what Amelia does. I’m not strong enough.’
‘I think you’re stronger than you think, Katie. You’ll feel differently in time. The pain will go, I promise. Not completely, I’m told it never does that, but it will get better.’
Suddenly conscious that she was holding his sodden hanky in her hands, Katie was horrified. It was completely inappropriate, never mind unprofessional, to break down in the arms of her colleague, no matter how kind and sympathetic he’d been. She pulled away from his embrace and stepped away.
‘I’m sorry. I don’t know what you must think. Someone you hardly know, and a colleague to boot, crying all over you.’ She dabbed ineffectually at the front of his damp white shirt with his hanky and steadied her breathing. ‘I can assure you, if you can believe me, that it’s not something I usually do.’
‘Don’t worry about it. I’m kind of used to women crying,’ he said.
She stepped away. Of all the insufferable comments. Trying to make out he was used to women breaking their hearts over him. Just as she was beginning to think she’d misjudged him all along.
‘I bet you are,’ she said stiffly.
His eyes were amused. ‘I’m talking about patients,’ he said. ‘What did you think I meant?’
She was always misreading him. After he’d been kind.
‘I think I’m ready to go home now,’ she said.
Fabio dropped Katie at her sister-in-law’s house and sent the taxi away. He would walk the five miles to his flat. It had taken all his willpower back on the riverbus not to take Katie in his arms and kiss the tears away. Instinctively he’d known it wasn’t the time. When he kissed her for the first time, he didn’t want it to be because she was vulnerable.
Deus. How many times did he have to remind himself that kissing Katie would lead to a relationship, which would lead to trouble? He forced the image of her mouth out of his head.
No wonder Katie was guarded. The loss of her brother explained a lot.
At least Richard had died for something he’d believed in. What did he believe in? Nothing. Only living life to the full. The next thrill. The here and now—his sport. Certainly not the future. He didn’t want happy families. Not that he believed happy families truly existed—even if Katie seemed to think her brother’s marriage was different. His parents had torn each other apart even before his father had become dependent on drugs. At least at boarding school he hadn’t had to witness his parents fighting. He remembered hiding in a cupboard once, terrified that his parents’ arguing was about him and that if he disappeared, perhaps they would be happy. At boarding school he’d been lonely at first. He’d thought his parents had sent him away because they didn’t love him. It had hurt, but if it meant the arguments would stop, it was worth the empty feeling inside he had for most of his childhood. But his parents had divorced anyway and no one had come to fetch him back from school. It had taught him one thing. To rely on himself. Not to count on anyone else for happiness.
Fabio let himself into his flat, flinging his car keys onto the coffee table where they landed with a clatter. It was so quiet in here. Why had he never noticed?
Ignoring the red light on his phone that indicated that there were messages waiting for him, he went into the kitchen and poured himself a fruit juice. He never drank alcohol. With his father, he had seen first hand what a reliance on chemical stimulants could do to a person. Not that he was at all concerned if others chose to drink—that was up to them. It was just that he much preferred to get his highs naturally.
Taking his cold drink, he crossed over to the window and looked out at the lights of Westminster blinking below.
Why was he feeling so unsettled? Somehow he had become involved in another person’s life, and that was something he’d sworn he’d never do. But he’d never felt so drawn to a woman before. She was beautiful, there was no doubt about that, but he had dated more beautiful woman than her and he’d never felt the need to make them part of his life. At least, not a permanent one.
When he was with Katie something deep inside him quietened and felt at peace.
Not that he was feeling peaceful right now. She made him think about stuff he didn’t want to think about. Like his childhood. Making him feel that he was missing out somehow. That having someone in your life who cared might be a good thing. That he wanted to be a better man.
The thought scared him more than any cliff or big wave. He valued his independence too much. No, he was attracted to her because she was a lovely, kind woman who needed a friend. It was her vulnerability that was making him feel this way. That was all. He thought the realisation would make him feel better, but it didn’t. Probably because he had the uneasy feeling he was lying to himself.
Later, after Fabio had dropped her off at home, Katie crept up to her room, thankful Suzy was in bed. She would only have to take one look at her face to know she’d been crying.
Katie thought about the evening. Fabio had been kind and understanding, and it had, she admitted, been a relief to finally talk to someone about Richard.
There was so much more t
o Fabio than she’d given him credit for. He was sensitive and thoughtful and easy to talk to. That connection that she’d felt almost as soon as they’d met was growing stronger every time they were together.
That wasn’t all. When she was with him, she felt happy again. As if life had meaning once more. As if there was a future to believe in.
His presence banished the shadows from her life and her world came alight whenever he was around.
She groaned and buried her face in her hands. Despite everything she’d told herself, she was falling in love with him. She could no longer keep pretending to herself.
But that didn’t change the type of man Fabio was or the reasons why she shouldn’t let herself care more deeply about him than she already did. Not only was he a risk-taker, he’d made it very clear that he wasn’t into serious relationships.
Remembering what Kendrick had said about big wave surfing, she logged onto her computer and ran a search. A link to a video clip came up and she clicked the play button. What she saw made her feel as if someone had dropped ice cubes down the back of her neck. A surfer was being towed by a jet ski out to the biggest wave Katie had ever seen. The surfer let go of the tow rope and proceeded to surf down a sea of water that looked the size of a mountain, or a six-storey building. Katie held her breath for the interminable seconds it took the surfer to ride the wave. Were they crazy? Anybody could see that all it would take was one wrong move and the surfer would be buried under a wave from which there was no hope of escape. According to the report, a crazy few extreme surfers went all over the world in search of exceptional waves that could only be reached by helicopter and jet ski. Ireland was one of those places.
As she watched the clip again, Katie’s blood ran cold. Then she typed in ‘BASE jumping', and if anything that made her feel worse. Only a week ago somebody had been killed during a jump. If ever she needed a reason to stay away from Fabio, this was it. No way could she ever trust her heart with someone who risked their life for fun. Why, then, did she feel as if someone had removed her heart and trampled all over it?