by Anne Fraser
She felt him come and stand behind her. His warm breath caressed the nape of her neck and he murmured something she couldn’t understand in Portuguese. His hands untied the belt of her robe and she leaned against him as her robe fell open. Strangely she no longer felt shy. She felt nothing except longing and wonder that he was there with her. She felt no shame, no embarrassment. Just lust.
His hands were on her breasts and her breath caught in her throat.
She turned around in his arms and looked into his dark eyes.
‘Take me to bed,’ she whispered.
Lying in his arms felt so right. Everything about being with Fabio felt right. But she knew deep inside that for him, at least, this meant little. Why of all people did she have to go and fall for him? He’d made no secret of the fact that he intended to stay single.
She was getting ahead of herself. They both needed more time to get to know each other. Not that it would make any difference to the way she felt.
Outside the water was lapping gently, almost mimicking the rhythm of Fabio’s heartbeat.
Katie squinted at her watch, which was illuminated by the harbour lights outside. Nine-thirty. Lucy could return any minute.
‘Fabio, wake up,’ Katie whispered.
He moaned in his sleep and his arm pulled her closer. Katie would have liked nothing better than to stay exactly where she was, possibly for the rest of her life, but she didn’t want Lucy to look for her or Fabio and find them. Some things were better left private.
Propping herself on her elbow, she looked down at his face. In sleep he was more severe looking, but there was a vulnerability about him she’d seen once before. ‘You need to get up, Fabio,’ she whispered again.
His eyes flickered open, and as he came to and saw her he smiled and pulled her towards him.
‘You’re pretty special—you know that, don’t you?’
His words should have given her a glow, but they didn’t. She wanted to be more than pretty special. She wanted him to love her, the way she loved him. Nothing less would ever be enough.
‘You’re not bad yourself,’ she replied lightly. She leaped out of bed and tossed him her robe. ‘Now, scoot. I’m going to shower before Lucy arrives back.’
Katie sat by the side of Lucy’s bed and brushed away a lock of hair that had fallen over the sleeping child’s face. As she’d expected, Lucy had rushed into her room as soon as she’d returned, wanting to tell her all about the evening. It had taken Katie all her persuasive powers to coax the excited girl into bed after more than an hour had passed and Lucy had begun to look exhausted.
Katie was surprised at how fond she’d become of Lucy over the last few weeks. For a while after Richard’s death she had thought she would never be able to feel anything ever again. That she would never let herself get close to anyone again, in case she lost them too. Yet here she was, and despite herself she’d allowed two people into her heart. How had she let that happen?
Fabio wasn’t in it for the long term. He’d never pretended otherwise. But she was sure she meant more to him than just an affair. Sighing, she stood and looked out of the window. She didn’t really know for sure, did she? She’d never met anyone like him before. He was used to having relationships that weren’t serious. She wasn’t. She thought back to what he’d told her about his family. It couldn’t have been easy for him as a child. Shunted between two arguing parents who had put their own lives ahead of their child. No wonder he had such a downer on marriage and no wonder he didn’t want children.
But marriage didn’t have to be like that. Her parents had been deeply in love until the day they’d died. And take Suzy and Richard. If Richard had lived … she swallowed the familiar lump in her throat … there was no way those two would have ever separated. Fabio shouldn’t let his own experiences cloud his view of marriage. As she turned away and tiptoed out of Lucy’s room, a thought crept into her head. Could she change his mind?
CHAPTER TWELVE
THE next day, they set off to where Mark’s race was due to start at two. Fabio had left with Mark before Amelia and Lucy had been up.
As Katie had known he would, Fabio had come to her when everyone was asleep. They had made love again, before she’d fallen asleep in his arms. When she woke up he’d gone. She hugged the memory of their night together, praying she hadn’t given herself away to Mark by blushing furiously when she’d seen Fabio at breakfast.
Lucy could hardly sit still at the thought of seeing her father race.
‘Mum says there’s a special place for families to watch from. We can have ice cream—anything we want.’ Katie and Amelia shared a smile. Despite being mature for her age, Lucy was still, at the end of the day, a little girl.
‘And if he wins, he will be the champion!’ Lucy bounced on her seat. ‘And he’ll be able to come home with us, won’t he, Mum?’
‘He’ll be able to come home whether he becomes champion or not,’ Amelia agreed with a smile. ‘But let’s hope he wins.’
The race track was already crowded with spectators by the time they arrived. Someone met them at the entrance and escorted them upstairs to a small room with a balcony overlooking the race track. The sound of cars tuning up filtered through the window. A large flat-screen television rotated different views of the pits, where the crews and drivers were making last-minute preparations, as well of the track where the race would take place.
‘At least it’s not as loud up here,’ Amelia said.
They were offered drinks and snacks and, to Lucy’s delight, ice cream. They settled down to watch the TV screen. Not that it was very interesting. Just shots of helmeted and jumpsuited men working over sleek racing cars. But eventually the cars were lined up at the start of the race.
‘That’s my dad!’ Lucy said excitedly, pointing to a blue car near the front.
‘How do you know?’ Katie asked. Apart from the colours, they all looked the same to her.
‘’Cos it has his number, silly.’
‘The other blue one is his teammate,’ Amelia said. ‘I have to agree with you, Katie, they all look the same to me. I rely on the commentators to tell me where Mark is.’
‘How many laps?’ Katie asked.
‘Fifty-eight. Do you want to watch the start from the balcony?’
Katie wondered what was keeping Fabio. He would miss the start of the race. Just then the images on the TV panned to the pit where Mark’s crew were and Katie saw Fabio’s dark head as he leaned in to hear what one of the pit team was saying. The sight of him sent her pulse thrumming as memories from the night before rushed back into her head. Not that she’d been able to stop thinking about him all day.
‘Fabio’s back. He must have decided to watch from down there,’ she said, hoping she wasn’t blushing again.
The cars started with a roar and after a warm up lap began to race in earnest, each one jostling for position. Katie caught her breath as a car passed the one in front seeming to miss it only by a whisker.
‘It’s hot. I think I’ll go back inside,’ Amelia said.
Katie stayed outside where she could enjoy the warmth.
Every few minutes a stream of cars would rush past. Having had enough of the sun, she was about to go back inside when the screech of a car in trouble caught her attention. Smoke was billowing from its engine as it careered across the track, forcing cars behind to swerve in order to miss it. Her breath caught as she noticed the colour. Blue. Was it Mark?
The driver fought hard to get the car under control, but as if it were all happening in slow motion, the car flipped several times before coming to rest the right way up against the barrier.
Feeling sick, Katie watched as men started to run towards the car. She felt even sicker as she recognised that Fabio was one of them. Was he crazy? Judging by the smoke coming from the engine, the car could explode anytime.
She was only dimly aware of Amelia and Lucy standing next to her. Amelia had turned a ghastly white and looked as if she might faint.
‘It’s all right, Mummy,’ Lucy was shouting, pulling at her mother’s arm. ‘It’s not Daddy.’
Amelia sank into one of the armchairs. ‘Thank God.’
Katie shared her relief, but Fabio! He was putting his life at risk. Feeling increasingly nauseous, she couldn’t tear her eyes away as he ran to the injured driver and leaned right into the wrecked car. Right behind him were men running, carrying fire extinguishers. What if Fabio couldn’t get the injured driver out before the car was engulfed in flames? She knew he would never leave the man to die.
He was tugging and gesticulating. The other men were beside him now, helping him. With the sheer numbers they managed to extract the driver and were running away from the car, carrying the injured driver between them.
Run, God damn it, Fabio. Run!
Then with a blinding flash the wrecked car exploded into a sheet of flame.
Smoke billowed into the air, obscuring Katie’s vision. She was only dimly aware that the race had been stopped. Her heart was crashing against her ribs so violently she thought she would be sick.
Please. Not again. Don’t do this to me again.
Then out of the smoke the four men appeared, still carrying their patient, and Katie recognised Fabio’s dark head. He was all right! He was alive. Katie sank back onto the chair behind her, placed her head in her hands and sobbed.
‘What am I going to do?’ Katie wailed.
Suzy put her arm around Katie’s shoulder. They had returned home the day after the race. Mark had gone on to win, and the injured driver was doing well in hospital with surprisingly few injuries, but Katie couldn’t bring herself to join in the celebrations. She’d excused herself and, apart from doing Lucy’s physio, had remained in her cabin all evening. She didn’t want to see Fabio, not until she knew what she was going to do. He’d knocked on her cabin door late the night of the race, but she’d feigned sleep. She’d felt relieved when the next morning she’d heard that Fabio had been called away to see another patient somewhere in Europe and had left already.
‘Oh, sweetie, you do have it bad, don’t you?’ Suzy said sympathetically. ‘But what do you mean, what are you going to do?’
‘I love him, and I wish I didn’t.’
‘You can’t help who you fall in love with,’ Suzy said. ‘Why don’t you see where it takes you? From what you tell me, he isn’t immune to you either.’
Katie sniffed. ‘He doesn’t love me. Even if he did, he’s wrong for me, wrong, wrong, wrong.’
‘You don’t know that. Men like him do change their ways. When they meet the right person.’
Katie blew her nose. ‘It’s not just that. He reminds me so much of Richard. Fabio doesn’t seem to care whether he lives or dies, and I can’t bear the thought of something happening to him.’
Suzy stiffened.
‘I didn’t mean that. Oh, Suzy, I’m sorry. Of course Richard wanted to live. He had you and Ricky. He wasn’t like Fabio at all. Fabio puts his life at risk for fun. And Richard, he put his life at risk because he had no choice.’
‘Let me get this straight. You love Fabio, but you think he doesn’t love you. You’re scared he’s going to break your heart. You’re also scared he’s going to kill himself in some mad adventure, leaving you all alone.’
‘That’s about it. Pathetic, huh?’
‘I don’t think there’s anything pathetic about loving someone so much you can’t bear to live without them.’ Suzy’s eyes grew moist. ‘But if I had my time all over again—even if I’d known when I met Richard that our time together would be limited—I would have still wanted to be with him. There would never have been a choice.’ Suzy blew her nose. ‘Fabio didn’t go after the racing driver out of some idea that it would be fun, Katie. He did it because he felt he had no choice. Would you rather he was the kind of man who stood back and let others take the risks?’
‘No—I mean yes.’ Katie shook her head, feeling miserable. ‘I don’t know. All I do know is that I couldn’t bear it if someone close to me died again. I’m not strong enough.’
‘I think you are,’ Suzy said quietly, and Katie was reminded of Fabio saying the same thing to her that night on the yacht.
‘Anyway …’ she attempted a smile ‘… I guess I’ll get over him. I have no choice. I’ve no reason to think I’m anything more than a passing whim as far as he’s concerned.’
‘Maybe he cares for you more than you think.’ At the sound of cries coming from the nursery Suzy got to her feet. ‘Baby calling. Katie, why don’t you talk to him? Tell him how you feel. I can’t imagine that Fabio will put his life in danger to save people from burning cars every day of the week.’
‘I know he won’t. But there’s all this other stuff he does. One way or another. it looks like he’s determined to kill himself.’ Katie followed Suzy into the nursery. ‘When he hurt his ankle it was because he was BASE jumping. The article I read said someone had died recently doing exactly the kind of thing he does. This recklessness of his—it’s in him and it’s never going to go away.’
Suzy picked Ricky up from his cot. ‘The item you read could be exaggerating.’ She placed her small son down on his changing mat and peeled off his wet nappy. Once he was changed and redressed in his sleepsuit, Suzy sat down and started breastfeeding.
‘And even if it isn’t, Katie, you have to accept that’s who Fabio is and you have to decide whether it is better to live with him in your life, knowing that you will always worry about him, or whether it is better to live without him and all the joy and yes, pain, that love can bring. Unfortunately, loving someone comes at a price. I for one think that price is worth paying.’ Suzy’s voice hitched as she looked down at her suckling child.
As Katie watched mother and son her heart squeezed. One day she would like to have children. But please, God, she would have the children’s father safe at home beside her. And right now all of it seemed like no more than a far-fetched dream.
‘Anyone fancy going to Ascot?’ Jenny asked, waving tickets in the air as if she’d just won the Lottery. ‘Give us all a chance to dress up.’
Katie was getting used to the fact that their patients would drop off tickets for almost any event that she could imagine. Most of the time she declined.
Fabio had gone from his patient in Europe to Brazil for a couple of weeks and so she hadn’t seen him. She didn’t know whether she was dismayed or relieved by his absence. She only knew she missed seeing him every day.
‘I don’t think I’ll bother,’ Rose said, patting her ever-increasing girth. ‘All I want to do these days after work is change into my pyjamas and have an early night. I went last year, though, and it was fun. You should go, Katie. Take your sister-in-law if she would like to go.’
Katie took the tickets from Jenny. ‘I wouldn’t want to stop anyone else from going,’ she said.
‘They wouldn’t let me in probably,’ Jenny grinned. ‘I don’t do dresses. Anyway, horses bore me.’
‘What about you, Vicki?’ Katie asked the nurse who was writing up her notes at the desk. They weren’t expecting any more patients and would be closing up soon.
‘Can’t. My husband is on duty that day. I’ve already checked. But he says if no one wants the tickets for the football game next Saturday, could he please have them?’
‘They’re his.’ Jenny scrabbled around in a drawer before finding a bunch of tickets. ‘And if anyone else wants to go, there’s more where these came from.’
The footballers who Katie had been treating regularly dropped off tickets for their home matches. One of them kept asking her to go out with him, but she always refused. Maybe she should reconsider. The worst danger a footballer got themselves into was usually a sprained ankle or a torn Achilles’ tendon. But she knew she never would go out with the footballer. The simple fact was he wasn’t Fabio.
‘I’ll ask my sister-in-law if she fancies Ascot,’ Katie said. ‘Would it be okay if I let you know tomorrow?’
Jenny nodded. ‘Take your tim
e. Hey, does anyone know when Fabio is due back? Some of his patients have been phoning for appointments. Most are happy to see Jonathan if it’s an emergency, but one or two are pretty adamant that only Fabio will do.’
Vicki looked up from her note-writing. ‘Let me guess. The women.’
Jenny feigned innocence. ‘Now, why would you say that?’
Katie forced a smile, even though it hurt her to think of Fabio with other women. He could have phoned her or texted her. Something. But he hadn’t. Was he regretting sleeping with her? Even worse, now that he had, had he lost interest? Was she just another notch in his bedpost?
‘He’s due back tonight, so he’ll be in tomorrow. I’m surprised he didn’t let you know, Jenny. It’s not like him.’ Rose puckered her brow.
‘Maybe he can’t get a signal in Brazil.’ Jenny sighed.
‘Don’t be a goose, Jenny,’ Vicki said. ‘Brazil isn’t exactly Third World.’
Katie closed her ears to the rest of the chat. Her stomach was churning at the thought of seeing Fabio again and knowing that whatever had between them was over.
But wasn’t that what she wanted? Hadn’t she told herself that she would tell him that a relationship was impossible? She felt bruised and hurt that he hadn’t given her the chance. It seemed that her fears had come true. It was one thing for her to decide she couldn’t risk loving him, quite another for him to treat her as if she meant nothing. Could she bear to continue to work at the practice knowing she would see him almost every day for the foreseeable future and having to hear about his conquests, pretending she didn’t love him?
Her heart slammed against her ribs. How could she have been so stupid as to fall in love with him? Now she knew that he didn’t need to die to break her heart.
She was putting Ricky down for the night when the doorbell rang. Leaving Suzy to answer it, she carried on tucking her nephew in. He was growing so quickly. Before they knew it, he’d be toddling around.