by Anne Fraser
Kendrick was grinning at her. ‘I’ll make a deal with you. You let me look after my side and I’ll let you look after yours.’ He placed a hand on her shoulder. ‘Don’t worry, Lizzie, we make the stunts as safe as possible. It’s my job to look out for Josh and make sure he stays in one piece. He used to drive rally cars for a living. He’s the best there is, you have my word for it. We only need you there as insurance.’
It took another hour before the trucks were loaded and ready to go. Philip had explained that it would be a chase across the desert, culminating in a crash of the car Josh was driving, as Jack’s double, into a lorry that would be parked on the side of the road. None of that reassured Elizabeth. What if something went badly wrong? They had the helicopter standing by with a pilot to airlift Josh to hospital should the need arise. She hoped it wouldn’t be. She’d inspected the helicopter thoroughly when she’d first arrived. It had a defibrillator as well as monitoring equipment and oxygen. She had to admit it was as well equipped as anything she’d encountered when she’d worked as a member of the BASICs team. But that had been different. There she had been part of a team. Here she was on her own. Here she was expected to look after people who, for all her determination to keep her distance from them, she was beginning to think of as her friends. And that was without whatever it was she felt for Kendrick.
Nevertheless, she knew she could handle most eventualities. And hadn’t Kendrick promised her that he was safety conscious? Apart from the odd cut and bruise, so far he had shown himself pretty adept at minimising any damage to himself.
One of the crew, a woman called Julie who was one of the sound recordists, came to stand next to her. Elizabeth offered her a drink of water and Julie took it gratefully.
‘Some heat, huh? The weathermen keep promising it’s going to get cooler.’
Elizabeth wiped her brow. ‘Can’t come soon enough for me.’
They watched together as Kendrick strapped Josh in the driver’s seat of the car.
‘Have you worked with Kendrick and Josh before?’ Elizabeth asked.
‘Kendrick, about five times. He’s one of the best at what he does so the directors like to use him. Josh, I think I might have worked with once before. The stuntmen tend to keep themselves to themselves on a set as a rule. Kendrick is a bit unusual in that he mixes more.’ She sighed. ‘He’s so gorgeous. I keep hoping he’ll ask me out, but so far no luck. Perhaps he’s got an eye on Tara. He usually goes for the female lead.’
A shock ran through Elizabeth’s body that felt uncomfortably like jealousy. Why was she surprised? Kendrick had made no secret of the fact he liked female company.
‘He and Tara had a fling a couple of years ago. It lasted the whole of the time we were filming, but then it seemed to peter out. I guess Kendrick isn’t in it for the long term. Do you know stuntmen are just as likely to get divorced as stars?’ Julie took a final swig of her water. ‘Oh, well, I suppose I’d better get back to work.’
The nausea had returned. Was Julie trying to send her a not-so-subtle warning? Had people noticed that there was something between Kendrick and herself?
It was one thing thinking she knew about Kendrick, quite another hearing that she was no more than another notch in his bedpost. Anxiety and anger coiled in her stomach. She’d been an idiot to let him get under her guard. On the other hand, it wasn’t as if he’d forced her. In fact, hadn’t it been his lack of commitment that had attracted her in the first place? Why, then, did she feel so bereft?
CHAPTER SEVEN
BY THE next day, the camp was crowded with cast and crew once more. Jack still hadn’t returned but everyone was in good spirits after their short break and there was a buzz of excitement.
‘Okay, folks, gather round.’ Philip’s megaphone was back in action and even the usually surly director appeared in good form. Once everyone was assembled he lowered his megaphone.
‘I think we have only a couple of weeks left before it’s a wrap.’
A cheer went up at his words, but Elizabeth felt a sinking sensation in her chest. Soon Kendrick would be out of her life for good. She still hadn’t decided what to do when filming finished, although she had sent a letter to her former employers to ask whether there was a vacancy for her.
Once filming was under way, Elizabeth strolled across to her medical trailer.
This morning there were more than the usual one or two patients waiting. She dealt with a sprained ankle, a mild chest infection and a bad rash. When the last patient had left, she heard a tap on the door. It was Tara. They hadn’t spoken much but when they had, Elizabeth had found the actress self-deprecating and witty.
‘Hi, Elizabeth, I had a few moments free so I thought I’d come and find you,’ Tara said.
‘Is there anything wrong?’ Elizabeth asked.
‘Not really,’ Tara said evasively. ‘I just wondered if you had a pregnancy test.’
‘Of course,’ Elizabeth said. ‘How sure are you?’
‘Pretty sure. I’ve been pregnant twice before so I know the symptoms. I’m two weeks late, and I’m never late.’
Elizabeth reached into a drawer and handed Tara a couple of tests.
‘I didn’t know you had children.’
‘I have a son. He stays with his dad when I’m filming. I miscarried my last pregnancy.’
Tara’s eyes filled and Elizabeth reached for her hand. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘It happens, or so they tell me. I just hope nothing happens to this one. If the test is positive.’
‘There is no reason at all if you’ve had one healthy baby why you shouldn’t have another. And I’ll be here to keep an eye on you. Why don’t you nip into my bathroom and do the test and then I can check your blood pressure? Unless, of course, you’d rather be on your own when you do it. I suspect your husband might want to be the first to hear.’
‘I don’t want to tell him. I don’t want him to know. If I am pregnant I want to get beyond the first twelve weeks before I get his hopes up.’
‘That’s a big thing to ask of yourself, not to have anyone to share your anxiety with. Look, go do the test and if it’s positive we can chat some more.’
While Tara was in the bathroom, Elizabeth closed her eyes and remembered. The dizzy excitement when she’d thought she was pregnant. Doing the test and seeing the blue line. Stopping herself from phoning Simon at work, but instead getting off work early, wanting the moment to be perfect when she told him. They had been trying for a couple of years and were just about to embark on a course of IVF when she’d fallen pregnant naturally. Since then she’d thought of Charlie as her miracle baby.
On the way home from work, she’d been unable to stop herself going into a toyshop and buying a snowy-white, baby-soft Jemima Puddleduck with her jaunty blue hat and scarf. The books of Beatrix Potter had been her favourite when she’d been a child.
At home, she had done everything she’d always read about. Cooked a meal. Set the table with candles. Placed Mrs Puddleduck on the bedside table, not wanting to give the game away too soon.
She had hardly contained herself until Simon had come home. One look at her face had been enough. He had danced her around the room and later, after they had eaten, they had sat in front of the fire wrapped in each other’s arms, dreaming about the future. Discussing how this time next year there would be three of them. And maybe in another couple of years another child. Her life had seemed so perfect back then.
Tara emerged from the bathroom, a nervous smile on her face.
‘Positive. It says positive. But I think I should do another one, just to be sure.’
The second one was also positive, as Elizabeth knew it would be. She spoke to Tara, established she had been taking folic acid and that during her first successful pregnancy she hadn’t any problems.
‘From your dates I think you must be about six weeks,’ Elizabeth said. ‘There’s no point in having a scan until you’re a bit further on, but I can arrange that for you if you like. Or you can s
ee your own ob/gyn when you’re next in town. Come to think of it, that might be best. He or she knows your obstetric history.’
‘But you can look after me while I’m here?’ Tara said. ‘That would be okay, won’t it? My ob/gyn is a friend of my husband.’
‘He won’t be able to tell your husband anything without your express permission,’ Elizabeth said.
‘I know, but I’d rather not take the chance that he wouldn’t let it slip.’
Elizabeth took one of Tara’s hands in hers. ‘I think you should reconsider telling your husband, you know. That’s what they’re there for.’
As she said the words she knew that in her case, at least, it had been a lie. Simon had been totally unable to support her when she’d needed him most. She would never make the mistake on counting on anyone else ever again. Not that she planned ever to need anyone’s support. Her life, with just her in it, was her business and how she lived it was up to her and her alone.
‘I’ll think about it,’ Tara said. ‘I promise.’
She laughed as the sound of Philip on his megaphone blasted though the walls of the trailer. ‘I think we’re being summoned.’
Back on set, Kendrick and the rest of his team were in a huddle, setting up the next stunt.
‘He’s cute, don’t you think?’ Tara said, watching Elizabeth from the corner of her heavily made-up eyes. ‘He and I were together a few years ago, before I met my husband. It didn’t last long but while it did, it was fun.’
Elizabeth felt something uncomfortably like jealousy coil in her chest.
‘I need to get to Make-up,’ Tara excused herself. ‘I’ll see you later.’
As Tara walked away, Elizabeth watched Kendrick do the stunt they had been setting up. Now she knew what the practising with the trampoline had been about. Kendrick used it to gain enough height to do a somersault just as Josh and some of the other members of the crew let off a mock explosion. From where she was standing it all looked very real. As if Kendrick really had been blown up and had been sent flying by the force of the explosion.
After the third take, Kendrick caught her looking at him and for one long moment their eyes locked.
She thought she saw something in his eyes but then the shutters came down and he turned away. A chill ran up her spine. Had Tara been right to warn her? Now Kendrick had slept with her, was he regretting it? Preparing to move on to his next conquest? A wave of anger washed over her. That was up to him. Neither of them had made any promises, but she was damned if she was going to be fobbed off like some unwelcome guest at a party. She made up her mind. She would speak to him, make it clear he had nothing to fear on that score. She was grown up and was perfectly able to deal with what had happened like an adult, and she would make damn sure he gave her the same courtesy.
Kendrick was sitting outside his trailer, carving a piece of wood and whistling under his breath. He jumped to his feet when he saw her coming towards him.
‘Lizzie. How’re you doing?’
‘I’m fine.’ She sucked in a breath. ‘Kendrick, can we talk?’
‘Sure,’ he said, drawing up a chair for her to sit. The wary look was back in his eyes.
Elizabeth looked around. The set was teaming with people visiting one another, walking around or playing a board game under the outside lights of their trailers. Others were sharing a beer at the makeshift bar.
‘Not here,’ she said. ‘Let’s take a walk.’
Kendrick got to his feet without saying anything and they walked into the desert in silence until they had left the camp behind.
Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth turned to face him. ‘You’ve been avoiding me. Do you want to tell me why?’
Kendrick looked at her with cool blue eyes. There was no trace of his usual grin.
‘Lizzie …’ he started to say, then stopped. ‘No, you’re right. I have been avoiding you,’ he said at last. ‘I refuse to play games with you.’
Elizabeth propped her hands on her hips.
‘Have you decided that sleeping with me was a mistake? Because I have to tell you, Kendrick, I’m a big girl.’
For a moment the smile was back. ‘No, sleeping with you wasn’t a mistake,’ he said. ‘It’s just … Look, Lizzie, I wanted to make love to you, I thought we could, you know, have something going for a while. We’re both adults. We knew what we were doing.’
‘So?’
‘But that was before I knew about Charlie.’
‘And just what does Charlie have to do with it?’
‘You’re vulnerable. Lizzie, your child died only a few months ago. I would never have slept with you had I known.’
Anger flooded Elizabeth’s body. ‘When do you get to decide what is right for me and what isn’t? Where do you get off deciding whether I’m too vulnerable to sleep with you? Who gives you the right to decide? Kendrick, if you want to end it, at least have the decency to be truthful.’
‘I wanted to make love to you, Lizzie. Not feel responsible.’
For a moment she wanted to take a swing at him. ‘Feel responsible for me?’ She almost spat the words. ‘What the hell makes you think I want anyone to feel responsible for me? I told you about Charlie because you asked. Would you have preferred me to keep her a secret? Would that have made you feel better?’
‘Lizzie …’ He reached for her but she stepped back. She was so angry she could feel the blood pumping in her veins.
‘You caught me at a vulnerable moment, I’ll give you that. But I slept with you because I wanted to. I slept with you because it helped me blot out the pain, even if it was only for a short while. Do you have any idea how much I ache inside?’
‘Lizzie …’ Even in the moonlight she could see that he had paled. He stepped towards her again, but she didn’t want him near her.
‘You think that wanting comfort means I want you in my life permanently? You couldn’t be more wrong. I will never marry again. I will never love again. I will never have another child. So don’t you dare tell me what I want.’ She was breathing hard. The tightness in her chest was getting stronger.
‘I can look after myself. I want to look after myself. I will never rely on another man again. Least of all you.’ She took a deep, steadying breath. ‘We had sex, Kendrick. That was all. Don’t make it into something it wasn’t.’
She turned on her heel, knowing that if she didn’t get back to the safety of her trailer, she would break down in front of him, and that was the last thing she wanted. It would just confirm to Kendrick everything he thought. That she was vulnerable. The word made her temper rise all over again and she whirled back to face him.
‘And stop calling me Lizzie.’
Kendrick watched her furious figure stomp away. That hadn’t gone well. Despite being taken aback by her anger, he felt a smile tug at his lips. Why had he ever thought she was an ice maiden? She was a tiger when she got going.
He stared out into the desert. What he’d told Elizabeth hadn’t been exactly the truth, but he could hardly have told her the real reason he was keeping his distance from her. When she’d told him about her daughter Charlie, he’d wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and protect her from ever being hurt again. He prided himself in not being afraid of anything—but that kind of emotion scared him witless. He didn’t want anyone to rely on him. He didn’t want anyone to expect anything of him. He had no illusions. He wasn’t the kind of man a woman should marry. He didn’t want children, he’d be a lousy father and he wasn’t going to subject a child to that. Look at how things had turned out between him and his father. All his father had ever wanted was a carbon copy of himself. Someone to follow in his footsteps. Someone to make him proud. And Kendrick had failed on all counts. He was done with failing people. And the best way to do that was by not making promises he couldn’t keep.
He rubbed his chin.
But Elizabeth was different. She no more wanted a relationship, a future, than he did. Then he felt a moment’s chagrin. She had slept with him for
comfort? That didn’t sit well either. He wanted her to have slept with him for the same reasons he had wanted her. Because of overwhelming lust.
He kicked at a stone with the tip of his boot. He believed every word that she’d said. She didn’t want a long-term relationship. After all, she’d said she could look after herself. That was abundantly clear. Why, then, did he feel this strange sense of disappointment?
CHAPTER EIGHT
HEARING raised voices, Elizabeth looked across to the other side of the camp. A woman with long black hair was standing in front of Kendrick with her hands on her hips, shouting something Elizabeth couldn’t quite make out while gesticulating to a Jeep parked behind her. Even from this distance Elizabeth could tell that whatever she was saying wasn’t making Kendrick very happy. Intrigued, Elizabeth wandered over to them.
‘He’s your flesh and blood too,’ the dark-haired woman was shouting. ‘Don’t you think it’s time you helped out?’
‘I’m working.’ Kendrick folded his arms.
The woman reached into the back of the car, reappearing a few moments later with a child in her arms. Judging by its size, it couldn’t have been more than eighteen months old.
‘It’s just for today. You can take him to the ranch tomorrow and I’ll collect him from there. C’mon, Kendrick, you owe me.’
Elizabeth’s mouth was dry. It looked as if the woman doing the shouting was an ex-lover of Kendrick’s. Dropping off the child with his father. And from what she was saying it seemed Kendrick hadn’t taken much responsibility. The realisation made her feel ill. If ever she needed proof that Kendrick was just like Simon, here it was.