by Quinn Loftis
“You could have just led and finished with that one sentence,” he informed her through tight lips.
“Flamboyant descriptions are my specialty. I try not to hinder my talents by accommodating other people. Bad habit to get into.”
Dalton was tiring of the female before him and just wanted her to take her opinions elsewhere so that he could go spend time with Jewel. He was just about to say something to that extent but Peri beat him to it.
“Just consider for a minute what she needs and not what makes you comfortable or uncomfortable. None of the males other than Dalton and Costin have entered the room since they found out that she was your true mate. If you’re going to be hard up about it, I can strip the scents from the room.”
A single brow rose on his face as he looked at her.
“Oh, good grief,” she groaned. “Why did I even offer? Fine, give me three minutes and consider this your Christmas present for like the rest of your life.”
Dalton watched as Peri disappeared and then reappeared in Jewel’s room. He heard her whispering words with her arms outstretched and saw a soft glow emit from her form. True to her word, three minutes later she gave him a slight nod and then left Jewel’s room. Dalton didn’t hesitate to hop through the window. His nose tickled at the lack of smell. It was as if nothing existed in the room at all. Though he was glad he couldn’t smell the males, it disturbed him to be able to see Jewel across the room but not pick up her sent. She smelled like the ripest pear, sweet and edible. His wolf wanted him to phase so that he could rub against her bed, covering her in his scent. Dalton voted against that, thinking that to a human that would probably be a little disturbing. His wolf told him he didn’t care. He wanted their mate to smell of them so others would know she was theirs.
The sun was beginning to set and the room grew dim as he took a seat next to her. He leaned forward and pressed his nose against her neck breathing deep. Suddenly everything was right in his world as her scent filled his lungs. It was driving him mad not to be able to look into her eyes, to hear what her voice sounded like, to know what she tasted like. For the first time in his life he actually craved the touch of another. He had watched other wolves, mated pairs and pack members, be openly affectionate and had never had any desire to join in. He didn’t hug his pack mates as some males did in brotherly affection. He didn’t shake hands or pat others on the back. He kept his distance at all times, and others seems to sense that because everyone who knew him, or came near him, instinctively gave him a wide berth. It didn’t hurt his feelings; it was the way he wanted it, until now, but only with her. The thought of anyone else touching him, even in the lightest of touches, made his skin crawl.
He took her small hand in his larger one and threaded their fingers together. Her skin was soft as silk, and though it was no longer smooth or without blemish because of the horror she had endured, she was still utterly beautiful. His thumb brushed across her hand reverently as he treasured the gift of being able to touch her.
“Peri told me that Sally can feel your anxiety when I leave. I hate that you feel that way, but honestly I’m a little relieved to know that though you are not conscious, perhaps you need me as badly as I need you,” he admitted to her. “Every time I get up to leave you I have to force my legs to move. Everything in me screams at me to stay, to never leave your side, and yet I still hear that voice that tells me you deserve so much better than me. But if you want me to stay, if that truly is what you want and need, I won’t leave you. I will stay for as long as you will have me.” Dalton watched her face carefully as he spoke to her. He knew he shouldn’t expect a reaction, but he couldn’t help but hope for something, anything that told him she could hear him. But there was nothing.
He let out a deep sigh and leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees still holding her hand in one of his. “Only a week until your birthday. I know that I can’t wait any longer. I have to tell you the rest of my story.” Dalton had just promised her that he wouldn’t leave her, and yet he had no idea how he was going to sit in that chair after he shared all of his secrets with her. How could he stay in her presence after he poured out all of his filth? He felt like his mere presence would taint her.
“I wandered the forests for over a month in my wolf form after breaking free from Gwen and her demented friends,” he began and steeled himself for the emotions that he knew would crash into him like a hurricane against the shore. As the words poured from him he found himself pulled into the memories, reliving them whether he wanted to or not.
~
Dalton wasn’t sure how much distance he had put between himself and the hell hole in which he had been held captive. His wolf had taken over, and when he had burst forth into the fresh night air, he had phased and started running and only stopping when he had to drink water or risk collapsing. A few times he had picked up the scent of other Canis lupis, but he didn’t stay in their territory long enough to warrant alerting them of his presence.
As he traveled alone he found his thoughts swirling inside his head, mixing with the thoughts of the wolf. He was angry, but that was nothing compared to what his wolf felt. His wolf was enraged at having been so easily subdued and at the mercy of mere humans. He was a predator, and not just any predator. He was the best of two species and yet he found himself despising his human half. He didn’t want to be linked in any way to people who could do such horrible things to someone else just because they were different. The more he thought about it, the angrier he became and the more he succumbed to the darkness that lived inside every Canis lupis male.
When he finally allowed himself to rejoin civilization, there was nothing civilized left in him. Violence reigned in his heart, and chaos filled his mind. There was no peace anywhere inside of him, not even when he slept, which was only a few hours a night and only in fits and starts. His wolf paced restlessly, craving blood and carnal pleasure to sate the anguish and growing emptiness inside of him. He sought out the companionship of women, something that Canis lupis males, at least honorable ones, never did. An honorable wolf saved himself for his true mate not only because she was the only one who deserved to share such intimacy with him but because the males of his species knew how painful it would be if their true mate had lain with another. But there was no honor left in him. He never forced a woman and was never physically violent with them, but neither did he care for them or treat them kindly or with respect. He took what he wanted and left them feeling used and discarded. They were only human after all; they didn’t deserve his compassion or care.
Dalton never stayed in one place too long—one because he didn’t like being around people, and two he usually wound up killing one or two people in every town he came across. They were never innocent men, but even though they were guilty of some atrocity or crime, the violent death they met at his hands was probably too extreme of a punishment. But just as with the human women, he didn’t care because they were just human men. They were nothing to him but judgmental, evil people who preyed on anyone weaker than them. He figured he was just giving them a taste of their own medicine. Only slightly different because when he killed them, it was always in his partially phased form. He enjoyed the terror he saw in their eyes when they realized that there was no way they would survive against one such as him. Dalton was a big human, but he was an ever bigger wolf. He lived that way for decades and decades. Destroying evil men, seducing easy women, regardless of their single status or lack thereof, and ignoring the laws of his own kind. He traveled from territory to territory, avoiding packs and slipping through the hands of Alphas who had heard of his violent ways.
~
Drawing himself out of the memories he had plunged into as he told Jewel about his past, he let out a deep breath. “A month ago when Dillon allowed the males from the other packs to see you, I don’t know if you heard the wolf named Kale accuse me of raping a woman. I need you to know that though I did terrible things, I was never capable of something so disgusting and vile. I would take no ple
asure in taking what a woman would not give freely.” He didn’t add that he had no problem finding woman more than willing to give him whatever he wanted. He was extremely attractive like all the males of his species and women were drawn to his dominance. “I was traveling in Colorado at the time; the pack there was and still is under the rule of an Alpha named Dillon Jacobs—my Alpha. I didn’t know that he was aware of me being in his territory, and he made sure his wolves didn’t alert me to the fact that he knew. Dillon is a patient hunter and he wanted to learn all that he could about me. As I found out later, Dillon had a habit of taking in damaged wolves and sheltering them, rehabilitating them. I don’t think he realized that there was no rehabilitating me.
“I was at a brothel, one that a lot of supernaturals frequented—though not usually wolves. It was my usual place to be if I wasn’t hunting. I met a woman there and she was alluring, more so than any I had come across. There was something familiar about her, but I couldn’t place it. I chose her as my companion for the night,” Dalton paused. He was dreading going into details, but he didn’t want any secrets between them.
“Once we were alone and things began to progress, she whispered something in my ear, something I had heard so many times before many, many years ago. Her voice changed to one I recognized and when I pulled back to look at her, I saw that it was Gwen who was lying on top of me. I would like to say that I stayed calm, but my wolf took over. I called her some choice names and pushed her off of me rather violently. When she realized that she once again would not have me, she pulled out a knife from her stockings and cut a shallow line on her throat. I was dumbfounded by what she was doing. I just stood there, unsure of what was happening. She then tore the front of her dress exposing herself and mused her hair. Then to my surprise she started shrieking and screaming like a mad woman. I just realized what she was saying when the door flew open and a large male who smelled of wolf filled the doorway. Gwen was screaming that I raped her, tears were streaming down her face, and she was attempting to hold her dress together as if she hadn’t been the one to tear it in the first place. The wolf, who I learned was Kale, the Beta of the Irish pack, started after me, and I phased and jumped through the window before he could get his hands on me. I knew I had to get out of there before the Alpha found out. Violence against women in our culture is punishable by death. So I ran again. This time I stayed in the wild, once again avoiding human towns. I had once again been shown just how conniving humans could be, and I wanted nothing to do with them.” He paused to collect himself as the anger he felt so many years ago resurfaced. He didn’t want to feel those emotions, especially since his mate was human. He never wanted her to feel that he couldn’t care for her because of her species. He knew now that he could not judge an entire race by a few that chose to give in to evil.
“A year past. But because the Fates have a sick sense of humor, I ran into Gwen again. By then I had deduced why I had not been able to recognize her. She herself was practicing witchcraft, probably drafted into service by one of Volcan’s people. The night that I found her I just happened to be near a town and had heard the cries of a woman saying someone had taken her baby. I don’t know why I felt the need to help her, but my wolf and I couldn’t imagine anyone hurting a child, something so innocent and helpless. When I picked up the unmistakable stench of black magic, I followed it and found Gwen clutching the child with one hand and a knife in the other. She was going to sacrifice the child as an initiation into a coven. I couldn’t believe the depth of her depravity. I made myself known to her. As usual, her desire to possess me overcame her. She practically dropped the poor child on the ground. I told her that I realized that I did indeed love her and had just been too scared to admit it. I asked her to come to me, to take me. It took everything in me not to choke on the words. I would rather have my heart carved from my chest with a rusty saw blade than touch her. But it got her away from the baby. As soon as she was close to me I struck, and I killed her, quickly. I killed a woman, but I didn’t know what else to do. There was no coming back for her. Once she sacrificed that child she would have been lost to the darkness, if she hadn’t been already.
“What I didn’t know was the mother and some other townspeople had witnessed the encounter. Soon, news of what I had done had spread throughout the region. I was still on the edge of the Colorado border at that time. Naturally, as local Alpha, Dillon learned of my actions. He sought me out and confronted me. He basically told me that he would no longer allow my behavior to continue in his territory, or in any other. But if I was willing to save a child then there must still be something worth saving in me. He gave me a choice—he would either destroy me or I could become a member of his pack. He didn’t want to know of my past. He didn’t want to hear about why I had become who I was. He simply wanted me to choose from then on to no longer be that man. I asked him to give me a few days to think about it and he said, 'No'.” Dalton chuckled at the memory. Dillon was a true Alpha. He did not bend when it came to the health and safety of the ones he cared for. “He said if you have to think about it, then I might as well destroy you now. So, I went with him. It was hard joining a pack again. I was continually challenged by the other males at first, each attempting to assert his own dominance. Eventually I fell into my place in the hierarchy. Up until recently I was Dillon’s third, but our Beta was killed in the battle against Volcan and that evil female fae. So now I am his Beta.”
“And now you know.” He realized how tight he was clutching her hand, like a life line to the present to keep him from falling into the depths of his dark past, and relaxed his grip.
“I hope that you can forgive me. I have disrespected you so many times. I disrespected all of those females and I became judge and executioner of men that should have faced the law not my beast. I will never be the man I was before my parents were murdered, and I was tortured and molested at the hands of a mad woman. I don’t know if I can be the male you need, but I want to try. If you will give me a chance, I will do everything in my power to keep you safe, protected, cherished, and loved. I don’t know if those emotions even exist in me anymore, but I honestly don’t think I can survive any longer without you.”
“Before I saw you my future was nothing but a black hole that I was forever falling toward. I had nothing to live for. I have been carrying my guilt and shame on my own, by choice. I was unable to allow anyone in for so long and I was ready for it to be over. I never dreamed the Great Luna would give me a true mate, not after all I had done. But apparently, like Dillon, she sees something in me worth saving.” Dalton knew that was the most words he had said in his entire life and suddenly he was just out of steam. He felt exhausted, as if he had been once again running through the forest without stopping. He felt raw and bare before Jewel even though she was not awake. It was worse than being naked and vulnerable. He wanted so bad to get up and escape her judgment, but he had promised her that he wouldn’t go.
“I wish I knew that after all of that you still wanted me here,” he told her honestly. Dalton wasn’t good at being vulnerable. He didn’t like the helpless feelings it brought on, but for the first time in his life, he needed the approval of another. “I will be honest, little dove. If you chose me, if you give yourself to me, then I will never let you go. I’ve told you my past, I’ve shared with you things I would never and have never told another soul, and I could understand if you wanted to walk away. But if you don’t, if you declare me yours, and accept my claim on you, I will never be able to walk away, even if you changed your mind and decided you made a mistake. Can you accept that? Can you handle a male who has never had anything to call his own, has never had another love him, and if he is given those things, will hold onto them with every fiber of his being?”
He didn’t want to scare her, but just as he needed to be honest with her about his past, she deserved to know the depth to which he would go to keep her if she made herself his. She needed to know that all males of his species were possessive and protective. He didn�
��t know if he could control those instincts toward her. He was honestly afraid he would smother her, and she would grow to hate him. At least if that happened, she won’t be able to say she wasn’t warned.
Dalton stood and moved until he sat next to her on her bed. He still held her hand in his and with the other arm he leaned across her and braced himself above her. Leaning down until his lips were nearly touching her ear he whispered to her. “Choose me, Little Dove. I don’t deserve you, but I want you, I need you.” Dalton swallowed hard when he felt her hand tighten on his. He pulled back quickly and looked down at their entwined hands. She was squeezing his so tight that her knuckles were white. He could hear her heartbeat increasing and her breaths growing shallow, and his heart nearly broke when he saw tears fall from her closed eyes and streak down her white cheeks. He wiped them away gently with his free hand whispering to her softly. “Shhh, I hear you. Relax my precious, Jewel, I won’t leave your side. I’m taking that as your surrender. The Great Luna help you because you are stuck with me now.” Dalton pressed a firm but gentle kiss to her forehead and smiled when he heard a sigh escape her and her hand loosened on his. He sat there for several more minutes with his eyes closed, breathing in her scent, absorbing the feel of her soft skin in his hand, and reveling in having the right to touch her. The world could be burning down around them, Volcan might have taken over and unleashed his evil, but all Dalton could focus on was the most precious thing he had ever seen. He had come to help, to protect their race and the humans from Volcan, but he knew that nothing would come before Jewel. He would protect her and destroy the world if need be in order to keep her safe with him.