by K. Webster
I laughed, finally pulling myself from my anger some, and headed out the door with the guys in tow.
After eating some of the best chicken fried steak known to man at the diner, we were shooting the shit when a group of guys walked in. When one of them looked over at me and I realized it was Markwayne, I was climbing out of the booth and storming over to him before anyone knew what was happening.
“You,” I growled, sprinting over to him.
His stance became defensive as I charged. I hit his linebacker chest with as much force as I could muster, slamming him into the gumball machines by the door. I was able to get two good punches in on him before Manny and Donnie had pulled me away.
“I should fucking kill you!” I spewed at him. Blood was trickling from his nose, and I wanted nothing more than to make him bleed some more.
“Ah, so you got the bitch pregnant and now you’re pissed. Poor little rock star is a baby daddy now. Y’all are both white trash and belong together,” he taunted and flipped me off. Thankfully, the guys were still holding me because I seriously wanted to rip his head from his body.
Before we could argue more, the guys had dragged me out the front door and to the car. I was stuffed into the back seat with Manny, who was giving me the ‘don’t even fucking think about it’ glare when I glanced at the door handle. Defeated, I slumped in my seat. Chaz started to drive off when Donnie turned around in his seat to look at me.
“Who the fuck was that, man? Do you just lose your shit with everyone?” he asked, astonished at my recent behavior.
“That asshole was her ex-husband. The ex-husband I had to stop from raping her. The same one who told her she had the fertility problems. The asshole who punched her in the fucking face!”
Donnie’s eyes darkened, and he swiveled around in his seat. “Stop the fucking car!” he ordered Chaz. He was fidgeting in the car now, also ready to beat Markwayne’s ass.
“No,” Chaz answered. “You two hotheads need to cool it before someone gets arrested. We’re lucky that we’re in the middle of nowhere and we don’t have fans from these parts. If this was happening in Vegas right now, we’d have a publicity problem on our hands. Now cut the crap and cool off—both of you.”
We drove the rest of the way in utter silence, everyone stewing in their own anger.
Since today was the funeral, I got up extra early to get the food ready for the reception that would be afterwards. Once Momma and I got everything cooked, we went back to our rooms to get ready. After my shower, I took my time fixing my hair with loose curls. I went light on the eye makeup, knowing that I’d be crying a whole lot from the funeral.
I found my only black dress and slipped it on along with a pair of heels. When I looked in the mirror, I smiled. Maybe Bobby would notice how pretty I looked. As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I forced it back out. I’d already made up my mind that I wouldn’t think about him today and would avoid him at all costs.
“You ready?” Momma asked, peeking her head in my door. I nodded and grabbed my purse on the way out.
We loaded the car with the food so that we could take it by the church on the way to the funeral home. After we’d delivered the food and were on the way to the service, I decided to tell her the news.
“Momma?”
“Yes, darlin’?”
“I need to tell you something. Momma, I’m pregnant.”
The car swerved a little while she squealed, much to my surprise. “June, this is the best news ever! How could this be? I thought you were unable to have children.”
“Well, Markwayne lied to me about the results. He was actually the one who had the issues. I’m pregnant with Bobby’s baby, but he won’t have anything to do with me. Momma, I don’t think he’ll come around. I’m afraid it’s over for us.” A choked sob escaped my lips as tears dampened my face.
“Baby girl, you don’t worry about a thing. He’ll come around if he knows what’s good for him. If he doesn’t, we’ll take good care of this baby. Let me just tell you, I am super excited to be a grandma!”
I finally allowed myself some happiness with someone over the baby. Momma would be a wonderful grandma. Butterflies danced in my belly as I got excited, chatting with her about nursery themes and baby names. My heart might have been aching because of everything else, but the joy of being pregnant most definitely was beginning to overshadow things.
When we pulled up to the funeral home, I nervously looked around for Bobby. I didn’t see him anywhere, so I hesitantly walked into the building. Donnie had promised to run interference, so if I found him, at least I would feel somewhat better.
“June,” a masculine voice called out from behind. I tensed for a moment but relaxed once I realized it was Donnie. He pulled me in for a hug.
“Hey, Donnie,” I whispered against his chest.
“Just wanted to warn you that Bobby has been on the warpath since we got here. I want you to stay out of that path, okay?”
“Most definitely. I can’t handle any more stress. Thank you for warning me.”
He let go of me and walked away. I looked around the funeral home for someone I knew. There were many familiar faces but nobody I wanted to go out of my way to speak to. When my eyes latched on to some familiar ones, my breath hitched and my knees went weak.
I saw the familiar loving look as he perused my body with his eyes and landed back on my own. My heart pounded as I took in his appearance. His normal look was gone as he was dressed to the nines in a black suit and thin, sleek black tie. I wanted to run my hands through his styled hair and mess it up like I was used to seeing it. A smile curved on my lips when I saw his red Chucks, such a contrast to his expensive suit.
When our eyes met again, I saw him play with his tongue ring, and my pussy clenched as I remembered how lovely it felt for him to touch me with it. Just thinking about it had me flushing and I could feel my neck and cheeks burn with embarrassment. Noticing my burning cheeks and knowing what it meant, he furrowed his brows as he regarded me hungrily.
I broke our gaze that was making me feel dizzy and sat down in a nearby chair, fanning myself. My eyes looked for him again, but he was gone, and I fought back tears. It was so hard seeing him and not being able to touch or kiss him. Sitting in the chair, I noticed that my dress had ridden up, and I became fixated on the bruising that still colored my thighs. A tear fell, splashing my bare skin as I remembered our beautiful and crazy lovemaking.
When a large hand with a black beetle tattoo on the thumb wiped away the tear on my thigh, I fought back a shudder of pleasure. He left his hand there and stroked the yellowing bruises gently. I kept my head bowed and my eyes on my lap as I watched his perfect hand caress me. I was a selfish woman and didn’t want to break the spell by looking at him.
His left arm slipped around me and pulled me to him while his right hand continued its rubbing. My tears fell uncontrollably, and I fought to keep my hysterics at bay. The hand on my shoulder rubbed me in a comforting way while the hand on my leg rubbed me in a needful way. Between the two conflicting feelings, I was about to hyperventilate.
“I don’t feel so well,” I whispered as the room spun. I felt flushed and lightheaded, my body beginning to shiver.
“I’ve got you, June Bug,” he said softly as he picked me up from the chair. I could hear the murmurs of shock while he carried me to a backroom.
He found a breakroom of sorts and gently laid me on the couch before disappearing. Moments later, he returned with a Sprite and some crackers.
“Sit up, pretty girl,” he coaxed while pulling me to a sitting position.
The room was spinning, and I felt nauseated. I squeezed my eyes shut to keep from vomiting. He opened the can and held it to my lips. I greedily gulped some down, and it instantly started to cool me off. When I felt it was safe to open my eyes again, I took the cracker he was holding for me and nibbled on it.
“Did you not eat anything today?” he asked, brushing the hair from my face so he could see my eyes.<
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“I got so wrapped up in making the food for after the service that I must have forgotten to.”
“Baby, you can’t do that. You need to take care of our baby by eating right and staying healthy.” His eyes were so tender as he spoke to me, and tears rolled from my eyes once again. The fact that he’d called the baby “ours” had my heart soaring with hope.
“I’ll try harder. Today was just difficult. How are you doing?” I asked, wanting to know how he was holding up.
He stroked my cheek as I ate some more of the cracker and sipped on the Sprite. “Today is going better than I thought. I had a hard time until you got here. Now all I can think about is making sure you’re okay.”
I nodded at his words, because all I cared about was making sure that he was okay. My eyes found their way back to my lap as he swept the hair from my neck. I felt his lips on my neck and I gasped. He gently kissed my neck from my collarbone to my earlobe. My pants were ragged and hungry, a telltale sign of my desire for him.
“June Bug, I love you. Please say we can fix this,” he begged sadly, almost with conviction that I would deny him.
The hand stroking my thigh slid under my dress, and his thumb found my clit through my panties. My head dropped back as he lazily stroked me. I came suddenly, surprising us both. It seemed as though my body craved his touch as much as my mind did.
“Baby, I want nothing more than to make love to you right here. To show you how much I love you. How much I want your forgiveness. But you know we need to get back in there. Will you stay with me? Will you let me love you?”
I turned to him and caressed his cheek, smiling. “I love you, Bobby, more than anything I’ve ever loved before. There’s no way I could ever stop—no matter how much you push me away. All I ever wanted was for you to love me back.”
“God, June, I never stopped.” His lips were on mine in a gentle but passionate way. We kissed until we were gasping for breath. Finally, he pulled away and smirked. “We better get out of here or I’m about to get us both in trouble. I can promise you though—when this is over, I’ll love you all night long.”
I giggled as he dragged me out of the breakroom and back into the chapel.
I finally got over my stupid ways and won her back. She had come back easily to me, and I was beyond thankful. I loved her more than life itself. Now she had a growing part of our love inside her, and my heart swelled with pride.
“Bobby, have you no morals?” Donnie teased, wagging his eyebrows at us when we emerged from the breakroom. I squeezed June’s hand, making sure it was real and I still had her.
“Donnie, don’t act like you haven’t done worse,” I joked back, swatting him away. He jumped back and strode back over to Chaz and Manny, chuckling along the way. “Come on. I want you to see Dad,” I told her, leading her to the front of the chapel.
The mortician had done a good job making Dad look healthy and like himself. On the way to the front, we passed the slideshow that was playing on the wall. Manny had surprised me with it this morning. He’d found the camera with all the pictures from the last two months of Dad, June, and me and made a slideshow. While I had been a big dick to my friends and loved ones, they had still been loving and supporting me. I was truly blessed.
June stopped for a moment and grinned as she watched the photos flash by.
“Bobby, it’s beautiful. This is wonderful.”
We watched it for a few minutes more, chuckling over some of the memories we’d had with him in those last moments. Finally, when it recycled again, I pulled her to the front. When we reached the casket, she tentatively reached over and stroked his hair.
“I miss him so much,” she whispered mostly to herself.
I squeezed her free hand again showing my support. “Me too, babe.”
The reverend did an excellent job of talking about my dad’s life and how many people’s lives he’d touched. When it was time for Dottie to give the eulogy, I was surprised when June pulled a notebook from her purse and stood up to walk to the podium. She winked at me and hurried up there.
“My mother was going to give the eulogy, but it made more sense for me to do it. Mr. Acer, or Sutton as he insisted I call him, was a great man—the best. He loved his son more than life itself. We spent the better part of fifteen years developing a relationship on our mutual loss of Bobby. Every day when I saw him in the diner, we chatted about life, but we also discussed Bobby. Every single time. Not a day went by where that man didn’t express the love he had for his son. So even if his son wasn’t with him, he went about each day never forgetting to mention him.”
My eyes were streaming with tears when she looked over and smiled at me. She continued as I remained speechless and crying.
“When Bobby came back, something changed in Mr. Acer. Gone was the longing and sadness. He came alive with joy. For a man who knew he was dying, he embraced every single day with one agenda—to enjoy his son. It was hard to watch him die a slow, agonizing death. But the truly wonderful thing was to watch their relationship grow. Those two fast became the best of friends. Most people will never experience the unconditional love those two expressed to one another. Mr. Acer, having been a large man, could have been too proud to have his son help him shower and use the bathroom. Not him. No, he just used the opportunity to become amazingly close with his son.
“I watched those two for nearly two months. Bobby looked at his dad like he’d hung the moon. Mr. Acer looked at his boy with such adoration and pride that it was a joy to watch. It was my privilege to witness the beauty of it. As the pain grew more intense, Mr. Acer refused to let it get in the way of his last moments with his son. Whereas most people in his condition would have long succumbed to extremely heavy doses of pain medication, Mr. Acer wore a mask of a pain-free death. When he was hospitalized, we realized just how much pain he was in, but still, he refused to cloud time with Bobby.
“I bestowed Mr. Acer with the gift of a journal. Because of our relationship throughout the years, I knew that he was a closet writer. He shared many short stories, poems, and letters to his son with me. The man was incredibly gifted in this area, so there is no surprise as to how his son became such a creative songwriter. After his passing, I located the journal to read an excerpt to you all today. It was written for Bobby, as they all were.”
She looked up at me and blinked back her tears. My chin was quivering so much as I forced the sobs to stay at bay. I nodded for her to continue.
“Okay, so here it goes, Bobby. Bobby, my dear son. If you are reading this, I’ve finally moved on. Discovering I had cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me. Most people go through life wishing for health. My life was unhealthy and empty without you. I was already dead. But when I discovered I had cancer and you showed up on my doorstep, I started to heal. I know you’re probably thinking my thoughts on this are downright insane, but you are sadly mistaken.
“The moment you walked back into that house, my heart started shedding the black loneliness and light shone through. Bobby, you were that light. My sweet son came back, a tattooed, badass angel. With each touch, word, and song, you took my heart and nursed it back to life. You turned the black, corroded mess into a beautiful, shining, full-of-life star. At a time when most people would be in despair and hating the inevitable, I was grinning like a loon because I had the only thing that had ever mattered to me. Bobby, you are an amazing man and I am incredibly proud of who you’ve become. I know that you will continue to grab life by its horns and do things that most people only dream of. So, yeah, I thank God for giving me cancer, because without it, I would have never gotten my boy back.
“Bobby, don’t let my death eat away at you with guilt from what you didn’t know or anger toward your mother. All that matters is that we were able to reunite like we’d never spent a moment apart. I feel like I can leave this world with a full heart. Full of life, love, and memories. Those people in heaven are going to get real sick of me when I get up there and tell them all about you. Y
ou, son, are my everything. Even in the afterlife. I love you.”
By the time she finished, I was sobbing with a very concerned Mom and Chaz hugging me. Even though the words had been coming from June’s mouth, they had been every bit my father speaking loud and clear to me. June thanked everyone for listening and came back over to me. I pulled her into my lap. She nuzzled into me.
“Thank you, June. Thank you for everything,” I whispered tearfully into her neck.
When Bobby finally composed himself, he located his guitar, dragged a chair to face the coffin, and sat down. Chaz went over to the podium and cleared his throat.
“Hi there, everyone. Bobby wrote a song that he wants to play today. It is beautiful, and I hope I can make it through without losing my shit—er, stuff. The song is about both June and his dad. The song is called I Want To Stay Like This Forever. Yeah, uh¸ let’s get to it,” Chaz sputtered. It was crazy to see a natural performer get so nervous.
The haunting sounds of Bobby’s guitar suddenly filled the room, and I became enchanted with the song as Chaz began to sing.
“I ask you what you want.
You say that you don’t know.
How can you go through life
Always putting on a show?
Don’t you ever want more?
To see life in a different light?
The only answer you have for me
Is, ‘Baby, I don’t know what’s right.’
I want to stay like this forever.
There’s nowhere I’d rather be.
I want to stay like this forever.
With you here with me.
I wish things had been different,