by Sam Crescent
Her back tensed and she paused by the door, turning back to look at him. “I love you too.”
Ryan couldn’t believe her words or at least he knew the love she felt was different to his. After all, there were different kinds of love.
Chapter Three
Over the next few days Ryan moved his meager belongings into the spare bedroom. Billy and Megan finished school for the term and were really excited to have him there. Christmas was in full swing. Snow lay heavy outside and the delicious smells from the kitchen would wake him up as Jemma worked like a mad woman baking cakes, mince pies and tarts getting everything ready in time for the Christmas fair on Christmas Eve. The town’s people would hold a small fair of all the locally cooked food and Jemma had become well known over the years for her baked goods.
Ryan helped her wherever he could, usually rolling out pastry or washing her pans. The kids would go to their grandparents for a couple of hours a day leaving Ryan and Jemma alone with nothing to amuse them but work and tense silence.
He could feel her eyes on him every now and again, whether they were working together in the kitchen or sat watching a movie with the kids. It was the most bizarre feeling in the world. He would turn his head and for a split second his heart would hope as light would dance behind her eyes. But the she would get distracted and turn away.
He still lived in hope. He wasn’t lying when he said he loved her with all of his heart and would never stop no matter what.
Ryan could wait.
* * * *
Jemma couldn’t stand being near Ryan knowing she was breaking his heart. She wished she could give him everything he needed including her love, but her heart was owned by Simon and she couldn’t just give it away.
Billy, Megan and Sean broke the tension and created a magical house to be a part of. Without her three angles she wouldn’t know what to do with her time. She used the Christmas fair as a way to keep her mind and hands busy. Jemma couldn’t deny she wanted Ryan on a physical level. Her body came alive whenever he was near. Even her fantasies featured Ryan, mostly of him taking her on the kitchen table.
Her fantasy would start with her in the kitchen at the stove making something as she always seemed to be doing.
Ryan would enter as he always does only this time he’s not wearing a shirt. All those rippling muscles bare for her to see. She would smile over at him and he’d stalk toward her, his intention clear. Not speaking, he’d turn off the stove and pull her shirt out of her pants, then tear it from her body.
She tugged at his jeans as he kissed and bit from her lips to her neck. His teeth grazed the flesh of her tits before he sucked each nipple into his mouth. Ryan picked her up and dropped her on the counter, pulling her sweatpants and thong from her body. No foreplay, she didn’t even get time to check out his cock, she only knew what it would feel like…
And then she would come out of her fantasy, feeling unfulfilled.
No matter how much she tried to imagine or think about something else nothing would replace her fantasy. Jemma wanted Ryan and she didn’t know what to do about it. Yes, he’d opened up the other night but she couldn’t bring herself to admit or to even go there with her dead husband’s best friend.
As she walked to pick up the kids, she pondered her dilemma. By the time she got to Simon’s parent’s house she still hadn’t come up with a way of talking to Ryan. Jemma knew she should just tell him her feelings but she couldn’t just blurt it out. Or could she?
Sighing in frustration, Jemma knocked on the door, and then rubbed her numb fingers together. She wore gloves but they didn’t stop the chill biting at her.
Julie opened the door, her smile welcoming Jemma into the fold. Considering they had all three children, the house was silent. The unmistakable smell of shortbread lingered in the air.
“Come in sweetie, Grandad is looking after the kids. Let’s have a chat and catch up. It’s been a while.” Julie led them to the kitchen. In no time at all they were seated and drinking hot chocolate and eating Christmas cake.
“So, tell me about Ryan?” Julie broached the subject first, smiling behind her cup.
Jemma should have expected it, after all Ryan had his own room now.
“What do you want to know?”
“Well, Billy said Ryan had moved in recently and he was going to be their new daddy.”
Jemma didn’t know if Julie was having an issue with another man moving into her son’s home or if something else was on her mind
“He’s in the spare room...” she began but Julie put her hand up to stop her.
“I’m not asking. This isn’t an interrogation, more of an intervention. You’re a twenty-five year old widower with three kids. You’re too young to mourn forever.” Julie stopped to take a sip of her chocolate and Jemma wouldn’t dream of interrupting her. “Ryan is a good man. I know he loves you. Let’s face it, it would take a man with some backbone to stick around a woman still grieving the loss of her husband and three children who weren’t even his own. Now, I loved Simon. I still love Simon. He was my only boy and I’ll love him until the day I die but you’ve got to move on.”
“You do realize you’re telling me to move on with my husband’s best friend?”
“Dead husband. Simon didn’t deserve to go out like that, God rest his soul, and you know deep down he’d want you to be happy, even if that meant you’d be with Ryan,” Julie argued.
Jemma sat back thinking about what the older woman said.
“Just promise me you’ll think about it. We want you to be happy. Simon loved you enough to want you to be happy.”
She couldn’t stop the flow of tears gathering. It hurt but felt good to have Julie say this, to have her continued support where her own family had abandoned her.
“Oh honey, we only want the best for you.” She got up out of her chair and moved around to embrace Jemma in a motherly hug.
Later that night Jemma couldn’t take her eyes off Ryan, she didn’t know what to say to him and she blushed every time he looked at her. Her body responded to the heat radiating from him and the power of his touch. She found herself craving the brief contact, the odd caress as he moved past or the hands that circled her waist.
It was a few more days to Christmas and she could wait.
Chapter Four
Jemma was cleaning through her wardrobe looking for more presents to wrap when she found a box hidden behind the wall. She pulled the box toward her and saw the dust she must have missed from cleaning. Jemma didn’t recognize it as hers, as she placed it on the floor. Even though it was marked ‘private’, she opened up the box, her curiosity overcoming her.
She knew by the contents it was Simon’s box. She saw some pictures from his college days and of all three of them together, her, Ryan and Simon. There were some family photos too. Trinkets they’d collected over the years and a bunch of books lay at the bottom. Taking out the first book, she opened the cover.
The diary of Simon Stein.
These will be the words I come to appreciate, the good and the bad. For the future you’ll be where I write my most treasured thoughts and come to basically rant.
Jemma had no clue Simon had kept a diary. Curious, she read further and was shocked by the date of the first entry.
September 27th 2004
Today I met the girl of my dreams. She’s beautiful, charming and makes my cock hard.
Jemma couldn’t help but smile at how crass he’d been back then. She’d been eighteen when they’d met, but he’d been the immature one.
Jemma, blonde hair and beautiful brown eyes. I couldn’t talk to her about the way I feel. I don’t even know what I feel yet but I can tell with the ache in my gut I want her for more than just a tumble.
A few months later had passed with a few pages.
I know how much I love her. When I’m not with her, I think of when I’ll see her next. Jemma is in my every waking thought and I want to be with her forever.
Jemma remembered how hard sh
e’d fallen and thought the exact same thing.
My love comes with a price. I’ve seen the way Ryan looks at her. He loves her as much as I do. I see the signs. What do I do? I love this girl more than life itself and I love my best friend like a brother. I don’t want to hurt him but I couldn’t live my life without her.
She couldn’t recall how Ryan treated her back then, but she remembered he was always there. The only time he hadn’t been around was when Simon and she went on their honeymoon.
I didn’t wear a condom last night. I told Ryan I wanted to get Jemma pregnant and what I’d done. He got pissed. Said all kinds of things about me taking the choice away from Jemma. I love Jemma and want to be with her for the rest of my life. I want her to be the mother of my children, what’s so wrong with bringing it all on sooner. I’m living my dream.
Jemma stopped reading at the last sentence. That had been the first time she’d gotten pregnant. Scared and alone, her family hadn’t approved of her relationship with Simon, let alone their marriage. Jemma loved her children but she hadn’t wanted to be pregnant as young as she was. At twenty she’d been a wife and a mother—two of the most stressful combinations.
Scanning the books, she went to the one marked ‘2010'. The year he’d been killed. She went to the back of the book. The last entry was the day he’d been in the accident with a drunk driver.
I had my first real fight with Jemma today. She’s pregnant with our third child. She wanted to wait for more children. Go to college or get whatever she needs to put her cooking to good use. Instead of waiting, instead of using a condom, I’d gone straight in and knocked her up again. Ryan sees her pain and the problems we’re going through, but doesn’t say anything. He loves her so much and I know that if something was to ever happen to me I would want Jemma to be with him.
He is the only man who could ever love her, Billy and Megan as much as I do. And I think she would be happy. She may not know it but she loves Ryan as well. No matter what happens, or how much I fuck up, I love Jemma with all my heart and I just want her to be happy. Being with Ryan will make her happy.
It was as if Simon was reassuring her about her developing feelings. She didn’t know if she’d always loved Ryan, but she’d always enjoyed his company immensely. Jemma closed the book smoothing the cover. Her wedding band caught her eye. She twirled the simple band around her finger before she pulled it off completely. She knew she’d always love Simon, he owned part of her heart but if it had been the other way around she would’ve wanted Simon to move on.
Billy, Megan and Sean were sleeping over at their grandparents. Christmas Eve was tomorrow and Jemma had everything ready for the fair.
Taking the diary downstairs, she found Ryan in the sitting room placing the wrapped presents under the tree.
“Hey, did you find those other presents?” He turned to her when she didn’t answer and looked at the diary in her hand before looking up at her.
“Do you know what this is?”
He shrugged placing another present under the tree before he got up. “It’s Simon’s diary.”
How could he know about Simon’s diary when I’ve never even known he kept one?
“How do you know?”
“He use to keep one when he was younger and all through college. He didn’t keep them a secret from me, but they were his private thoughts and I respected that,” Ryan explained.
“Do you know what he wrote?” Jemma had no clue as to why she was emotional, the revelations she’d found in the few snippets she’d taken had opened her eyes to something more. A part of Simon she’d never known existed. To other women having him plan a pregnancy for the need to be married would be a loving sentiment. To Jemma, she felt robbed of the option to choose for herself.
“I have a vague idea,” he said.
Jemma couldn’t cope. She threw the diary at him. “Did you know what he did? What he planned from the start? Did you know he already knew you loved me?”
* * * *
Ryan jolted as the accusations kept flying. He knew all too well that Simon had known his true feelings for Jemma. On the day before he’d died, they talked, really talked about what would happen if he were to die. Spooky, now he thought back. The day before he’d died, Simon had already spoken his wishes about what would happen in the event of his death.
“What do you want me to say Jemma? Do you want me to deny my love, to deny my honesty to Simon? I loved him like a brother and he’s gone Jemma. Completely gone and won’t be coming back. You think you were the only one affected by his death? Well you’re wrong.” Ryan slammed the book down and went to stand in front of her.
Picking up her hand where it fisted at her side, he opened it and pressed her palm to his chest. “I’m here, alive and breathing. I love you and I love those three kids as if they were my own. I wouldn’t ask you for anything but your love, some of your time and to know every night you’ll be waiting for me in our bed.” Without any warning, he slammed his lips down on hers taking possession of her mouth as he circled her waist and bent her over his arm to receive him.
“Kiss me back,” he demanded as he came up for air before he went back to taste her. Ryan moaned as her nails sunk into his hair holding him as her tongue thrust inside his mouth. He accepted everything about her. Flaws and perfection, he loved and wanted it all.
“I want you so much,” he growled against her lips as he moved down her lips to her neck biting and sucking hard enough to leave a love bite. He wanted his mark on her body—his stamp of ownership. He heard as she cried out, he didn’t stop. Ryan moved them back until she was pressed against the wall trapped between it and him. Holding her hands above her head, he went in for another kiss.
Ryan moaned as she pushed against him, her belly rubbing his hard, aching dick. He wanted inside her, to feel her cum slide down his shaft as he fucked her hard and fast.
Looking into her eyes, he moved his arms down to her shirt and ripped the fabric in two, leaving her in her track pant and bra. Kneeling at her feet, he divested of the hideous things. She stood before him in a thong and bra.
“Do you want this?” he asked as he stood ready to remove his own clothes. This was her time to stop.
Ryan’s heart soared as she shook her head and stayed where she was. Instead of backing away or covering her body, she leaned forward and undid the back clasp of her bra allowing it to fall away. Ryan needed no more words of encouragement. Within no time his clothes joined hers so all he stood in was a pair of black boxer shorts.
No longer caring or being gentle his hands roamed her body, feeling her skin and touching her. Exploring what she liked and what drove her crazy. Ryan tongued her nipples, lathering the red plump peaks as his hands moved down her stomach to cup her heated mound.
“You’re so fucking hot. You’re burning my hand. I bet you’re dripping wet.” Easing one of his fingers past the fabric of her small thong, he found her desire and swirled his fingers through the juice.
Jemma cried out, her hands going to his arms to hold herself up. She flung her head back and her eyes closed. Ryan watched the intense pleasure pass over her face. Her legs opened wider, giving him better access.
Not bothering removing the thong, it joined the ruined discarded pile of clothing and then she was bare for his touch. Nothing but a small smattering of curls disguised her womanhood, her femininity.
“Fuck me, Ryan,” she begged.
The words sweet to his ears—he never dreamed she would say them to him.
Lifting her to her toes with his hands beneath her ass, he kissed the living hell out of her. Moving one hand down, he cupped his throbbing cock and ran the tip through her cunt, lubricating his dick with her natural essence.
Pressing the large mushroom tip to her entrance, he pressed inside her, slowly, he was large and didn’t want to hurt her. When he was inside her enough so he didn’t have to guide his cock, he moved his arms, wrapping them around her. Pinning her back to the wall, he looked deep into her eyes, h
oping to see more than the heat of their sexual fire, but some inkling of love. What he saw was something shining and new within her dark eyes. He tensed and thrust deep inside her pussy. After the birth of three children she was still tight and he fucking loved it. Her cunt sucked him deep and tightened around him.
“Harder, Ryan,” she panted, her fists forceful as she pulled his hair back, exposing his neck as she bit down branding him the way he’d done to her.
There was no stopping the fire in his blood. He fucked her hard and fast.
* * * *
Jemma didn’t know what came over her. Maybe it was his dominance, or him being the only male around? Or perhaps reading the book and seeing the selfishness in Simon’s actions all those years ago. Whatever it was she didn’t know and didn’t care. All that mattered was being with Ryan—getting her clothes off and being wanted again.
His dick pressed inside her, expanding unused muscles, creating a delightful friction. She wanted to feel all of his hard thick cock inside her, to have him explode and know she caused it.
Jemma tightened her legs around his waist holding on. She thrust her tongue between his lips tasting his morning coffee and his own personal taste. They moaned as their bodies joined together, the fucking brutal but desperate. Ryan braced his hands to either side of her head as he thrust inside her. Holding on, she let her head fall back as his lips moved down to kiss and nibble at her neck.