by Debra Holt
“That’s true. She follows only her own rules.”
She expected him to leave but he seemed to take his time, as if he would rather not go. She doubted it was because of her.
“I’m glad you’re here for Georgia. She’s missed you more than she probably ever let on to you over these years. It feels right that you’re back in McKenna Springs… even if it’s only for a short time.”
What was she supposed to answer? She hadn’t wanted to be back. She had stayed away for a good reason. Only she was having trouble hanging on to that reason. It had been her shield for so long that she wouldn’t know what to do if it wasn’t in place.
“Thanks.”
“Well,” he said, sliding the cream Stetson onto his head, “I’ll leave you to your daydreams.”
She tried not to watch his departing form but it was like a magnet kept pulling her gaze to his determined strides, the way the material of his brown shirt fit so well across his back and broad shoulders, and the hug of jeans over slender hips and long legs.
“Nice view.”
Kaitlyn’s head whirled to find her grandmother standing at the steps, her gaze moving from Kaitlyn to Clay’s departing figure and back again. A knowing smile lit her blue eyes. It was clear what view the woman meant. Kaitlyn felt like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.
“Are you ready to leave?” Kaitlyn chose to ignore the comment and focus on something else.
“No, I’m not. I want to sit a spell.” Gran moved to join her on the swing. “And, no, I am not feeling unwell as that is probably your next question. It’s just a nice place for us to have a chat.”
“The house seems to be coming together well.”
“Yes, it is. Clay has played a large part in that. When he’s not at work, he’s usually over here. He got some of his friends to come out in their spare time, too. Can’t thank him enough for the hours he’s put in.” The woman shifted a bit beside Kaitlyn to better look at her while she spoke. “I have to say that I’m glad to see that you two can be in the same vicinity to each other and have a civil conversation now. That’s a good improvement. One step at a time, one day at a time.”
“We’re adults. He has been gracious enough to have Angie and I stay in his home so we can be polite. My grandmother did teach me some manners.” She slid a half smile in Gran’s direction.
“Yes, I suppose I did teach you some things. Most of which I am proud of. But there are some things I can’t say I want to own up to but it’s only right I do.”
Kaitlyn’s attention was definitely caught. “What are you talking about?”
“When you came along, after we lost your mom and dad, I was determined that you were going to have every opportunity, every chance to have your dreams come true in life. I was so set on making that happen… well, I might have gone a bit overboard… maybe even fanatical about it sometimes.”
“You gave me a home and love and everything I have is because of you.”
Patting her hand, Gran gave Kaitlyn a soft smile and slight shake of her head. “Not so. You had the drive and talent. They took you far. I just have to ask a question. One that I should have asked many years ago. And I want the absolute truth. I’ll know if you don’t tell me the truth.”
“I remember I couldn’t get away with any tales around you. Dad said you were like a human lie detector. I always remembered that.”
“Your father was a wise man. Twelve years ago, when I was pushing you so hard to go to New York… did you truly want to go? Or did you go because I wanted you to do so?”
Kaitlyn turned her eyes toward the view across from them, but it wasn’t the hills she was seeing. She was seeing a sad young girl, her heart broken into pieces, climbing onto a bus. She blinked the thought away.
“What difference does that make now? The past is done with. Weren’t you the one who always said never look back… it gets you nowhere fast?”
“Don’t go quoting me, young lady. Just answer the question. What was your dream? If we could suddenly go back to that point in time, what would you want the most to do with your life?”
Gran wasn’t going to let go. She was as tenacious as a bull dog when she set her mind to something. And, for whatever reason, this subject was too important to her.
“I was a silly school girl back then. Just like you said. I had this idea of staying here in McKenna Springs, maybe becoming a drama teacher, raising a few kids, and having that happily-ever-after from the fairy tales you used to read to me when I was little. But you knew better and I learned my lesson about those fairy tale endings. So all is well that ends well.”
“You don’t really mean that. At best, you might believe less than half of that. And it pains me that I had a big part in creating that attitude.”
“Why are we having this discussion?”
“When you get to my age and you know that the years left are really a daily gift, you look at your life. I’m not proud of some things. Your grandfather always said that I could be a stubborn mule at times. And maybe I thought I knew better what other people should do than they did. I certainly did with you. It came to me as clear as a bell after our last visit in Florida six months ago. You looked like a smiling doll that someone wound up and set in a certain direction to behave in a certain way. That smile didn’t come from your heart… it didn’t shine from your soul. And I think I know why. I think you tried to tell me a long time ago what you wanted to do with your life. But I wouldn’t listen. I knew better, as usual.” Her wrinkled hand took one of Kaitlyn’s inside it. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. But I want you to realize that it’s not too late to find the happiness you deserve. You can change course and go after what’s missing in your life.”
Kaitlyn had sat speechless, listening to her Gran’s words. Why now, after so long? Why did Gran think Kaitlyn was unhappy? Maybe because I am? Ridiculous. She had a perfectly good life and a career that many envied. She took a deep breath and tried to find the words to assure her grandmother.
“I have a career that is on the fast track. I own a beautiful apartment just a couple of blocks from Central Park. I’ve been able to travel to other countries. Why wouldn’t I be happy?”
“I think your heart never left here. And I think I was wrong to send you away. Perhaps your future was really meant to be with Clay Morgan… and his with you.”
So there it was. It was all about Clay. What spell had the man managed to cast over her grandmother? It seemed that no matter what conversation was started, it always ended up with him in it.
“Gran, you were adamant that he wasn’t good enough for me. He would never be more than a small town sheriff at best, you said. I shouldn’t trust him with my future. I didn’t want to believe you then. But you were right. He never loved me. I don’t know what I was to him but he found someone else quick enough and began his own family before the dust settled behind me. So I would appreciate that whatever this is, we don’t need to discuss it again.” Standing, she picked up her purse and slid the straps over her shoulder. “We need to get back. No more stalling.”
Gran stood slowly. “I was wrong about Clay, and I think there’s more to the story than you know. Only he can decide to share it with you or not. But you need to keep your mind open and give you both a second chance at happiness.”
Kaitlyn didn’t reply. She placed her mind on taking one step at a time and that began with getting Gran to the car and headed toward the ranch. After that, she had no idea.
But she doubted the conversation would be forgotten in her memory any time soon.
*
For the first time that evening, there were no empty chairs around the dining table. Gran sat at the end of the table opposite Clay. Talk was lively, in part due to Joshua’s many questions for Gran about her adventure and about the impending field day at school. Kaitlyn smiled and made monosyllabic replies as warranted but her mind was on other things. The foremost thought involving her conversation with Gran earlier. Her mind woul
dn’t let go of it. She examined it from every angle was still no closer to solving it and putting it away for good.
“Earth to Kaitlyn… come back from wherever you are.” Angie joked, looking across at her friend with a question knitting her brow.
“Excuse me.” Kaitlyn returned to the present moment with a jolt. “Guess I’m in another world… and just tired mostly.” It was a partially correct excuse and one she hoped they bought.
“Joshua was telling us about the festival on the last day of school.” Angie offered, catching Kaitlyn up.
“It’s a lot of fun.” The boy chimed in. “There’s games and races and all kinds of food stuff. It would be really great if you and Miss Angie could stay and come with us. You could, couldn’t you?” The pleading was in his eyes that were fixed on Kaitlyn with such expectation in their blue depths.
She was really on a hot seat. She had hoped to be well on the way to New Mexico and away from Clay and his home and dark memories.
“Joshua.” Clay spoke up. “Miss Russell has plans and obligations elsewhere. I don’t think she planned on staying this long or going to a small school carnival. She has other things to do.”
He made it sound like she couldn’t be expected to be bothered with something so unimportant compared to her schedule and plans. And it was clear the child was very disappointed.
Was she crazy? “You know, I think we can stay for the carnival on Friday. I remember how fun they used to be when I was in school. We can all be there to cheer you on in your races. Angie and I can be on our way on Saturday.” Her gaze met Clay’s while Joshua was grinning with happiness. It was hard to read his expression, and then he turned his attention to something Edie was saying.
“Wonderful plan! I’m very pleased. Very pleased, indeed,” Gran commented with a satisfied grin.
*
For a long while, Clay sat and let his thoughts sort themselves. The quiet of the house was broken only by the ticking of the grandfather clock in the hallway—ticking the minutes and hours until Kaitlyn would be gone. This time, it would be for good. He was running out of time. But what would he do if he had more time?
Clay hoped to find a moment with her earlier in the evening, but Kaitlyn had excused herself from the dinner table just as soon as the meal was done. She had pleaded a headache and went to take something for it. Angie checked on her later and said she was asleep. His time with her was about to be at an end… Saturday she had said they would go. He would have to watch her leave for a second time. Only this time, there was a growing fear wrapping itself around his heart like a cold vine. It had almost killed him the first time she left those many years before. He didn’t know if he could stand by and watch it happen a second time. Clay needed more time alone with her. No interruptions. No way to leave before a conversation could be completed. He had to do something. A thought began to formulate in his mind. Only it was interrupted by the light tapping at his door. His brow creased in puzzlement. The hour was late. Who could be up aside from him?
“Come in.”
Joshua’s small face peeped around the edge of the door. “Hey, Dad. Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Sure. What’s up? Are you feeling sick?” Into Dad mode he went.
The boy walked over and sat on the footstool in front of Clay’s chair. “I’m not sick. I couldn’t sleep very much so I came down to get a glass of milk. I saw you were still awake.”
“What’s on your mind, son? Something going on at school?”
“No, sir. School’s okay. It’s Miss Kaitlyn.”
Two males with the same woman on their minds. Talk about irony. “You mean Miss Russell.”
“No sir, she told me that I could call her Miss Kaitlyn because Miss Russell sounded too formal and we were friends now. It’s okay, right? She gave me permission.”
“Sure, it’s okay since she said so.” He waited for his son to get the problem out in his own time and words.
“I wish she didn’t have to leave. She’s fun. And she’s smart and she doesn’t treat me like I’m a kid all the time. You could maybe ask her to stay and make her visit longer. I bet Gran would like that, too.”
“Joshua, you know that she and her friend have business in New Mexico and they hadn’t counted on even coming here to begin with. They need to get back to their lives.”
The boy’s face said it all. But Clay couldn’t fault him. Joshua was only giving voice to what Clay’s feelings were too. He wanted Kat to stay also. And that was a blatant truth that hit him with renewed strength in that moment. But the odds of such a miracle happening were slim to none.
“Is this about something else?” Clay ventured. “Are you missing not having a mom around here?” Maybe he hadn’t put it as best as he wanted but this subject was one he had little experience in dealing with until now.
He should have expected it… it was bound to happen as the boy got older.
“Maybe. I know why I don’t have a mom. It’s just… well, it’s okay, I guess. It’s just that if I ever had a mom here, it would be cool if she could be like Miss Kaitlyn. That’s all. I guess I’ll go to bed now.”
“’Night, Son.”
Clay was even more conflicted than before after the boy left him. He had thought the two of them; with help from Edie and Seth, and even Georgia… they would all be family enough around Joshua so the empty spot that should belong to a mother would not be that important. He was a lawman, not a therapist. He made a mistake. Seemed he was making a lot of them recently. He certainly was where Kaitlyn was concerned. It felt like he would take two steps forward and then something would happen or be said, and it would send him three steps backward.
He had also been right to be concerned about Joshua and Kaitlyn spending time together. Not because she wasn’t right to be around his son but rather because he was afraid she was too right… and Joshua would become attached too easily. And on that, he had just been proven correct. Life was never what he expected. He thought everything was going okay. Then things changed in an instant when Georgia asked him for a favor. So much had happened since that moment. The most challenging was the fact he found out he wasn’t so smart after all. He hadn’t been able to keep Kaitlyn in a compartment away from his heart. It was hard to do that when all he wanted to do was to turn back the clock and ask her to stay. It would be the biggest gamble of his life to put himself out there again. Was there anything he could do to make this all right again? Was there a chance Kaitlyn could be in their future? Or was he about to make a fool of himself again?
Chapter Fifteen
“This can’t be right.” Kaitlyn lamented, as Edie, Angie, and Gran came to stand beside her at the kitchen cabinet.
Four pairs of eyes looked upon the pan of apple dumplings that had just emerged from the oven. At least, that was what had gone into the oven earlier. What came out looked very much different.
“Are they supposed to be that huge?” Angie ventured. “And they aren’t exactly round.”
“I guess the doughy part might have made them a lot bigger than they were. The apples were the usual size,” Kaitlyn replied, using her shoulder to try and push back some errant strands of hair that worked their way loose from the hair tie. She would have used her fingers except they were coated in flour—as was most of her apron and any nearby surface in the kitchen.
“I’m sure they’ll taste just fine.” Edie spoke up, with a light pat on Kaitlyn’s shoulder. “Let’s spoon up one with the sauce and give it a taste test.” She handed plates and utensils to each of the women.
It took a little bit of work to get the pastry released from the pan. The size appeared even larger once it was ladled onto the plate. Kaitlyn dipped a spoon back inside the pan to get some additional sauce to drizzle over the top…except, something seemed to be wrong with the sauce. It didn’t drip—it clumped—when she finally was able to remove it from the spoon.
“Is it supposed to be that gummy, like glue?” Angie asked, moving back a step or two from the coun
ter, eyeing the plate with evident doubt.
“How should I know?” Kaitlyn’s voice was a bit strained. “I never said I was a cook. I can act like one on stage, but I never claimed to be a real one.” There was a definite sheen of moisture on her forehead. “Taste it.”
Angie’s eyes widened at that imperative. “Me?”
“Yes… you. You wanted this dessert for tonight so who better to be the first one to taste it?”
“On that note, I am going to catch up on some reading. You three are on your own.” Gran made a quick exit.
Angie’s eyes sought Edie’s in a silent plea for help. Edie was about to reply when the backdoor opened and Clay walked into the kitchen. He looked at the three women and at the freshly baked dumpling.
“Something smells very good. What are you surprising us with today, Edie?” He moved closer to look into the pan.
“It’s definitely a surprise.” Angie deadpanned.
“I didn’t cook it.” Edie smiled.
“I did.”
Clay noted the flour-smeared apron and took a quick read of the atmosphere in the kitchen. “Well, they look good enough to eat. When do we get to try them?”
“We were just about to do that. But perhaps you should have the first taste.” Angie quickly handed over the fork.
“Maybe you should wait until this evening.” Kaitlyn spoke up and took the fork out of his hand. No way would she have him tasting what could very well be an epic fail.
Clay stepped closer and took the fork back from her hand. “There’s no time like the present. And we’ll all taste it at the same time.” He opened the drawer beside her and then handed each of them a fork. “Shall we?”
The forks went into the dumpling that very closely resembled a brown bowling ball in size and look. It resembled the ball in another way too, they soon discovered; their forks had a tough time cutting into the crust. After several moments, Edie finally gave up and reached for a knife from the drawer. The slicing soon became hacking at the poor dumpling.